Stale as it ever was

A lack of items of interest related to the Red Sox has left The Soxaholix cranky and irritable as they go through withdrawal …

Bill:
Man, if I'm a Houston fan, I'd be ready to light myself on fiah right now.

 

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Mike:
Are you kidding me? As I've said before, nobody lights themselves on fiah anymore. Self-immolation went out of style yeahs ago.

 

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Bill:
Ah, Christ, you're so right. Original courage is so dead these days.

 

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Mike:
Absolutely. Look at Cindy Sheehan. Does she opt for the human torch thingy? No effin way. It's all "I'll tie myself to the White House and, you know, get arrested. W00T!" Hell right, that'll teach "da Man."

 

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Bill:
Can't even get a good ol' hungah strike these days.

 

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Mike:
Ours is a culchah gone soft, lightweights one and all.

 

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Bill:
In ten million places in America it is the same — stale lives propped against each other and no place to go.

 

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Mike:
Average people eating average food at average prices manifesting average civil protest in hopes of being seen on average TV news by millions of other average Americans who sit in their average living rooms waiting for Christmas or Labah Day or Sunday or something.

 

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Author's Notes

Bill's reference to "original courage" is from the Bukowski poem "On the fire suicides of Buddhists." And the line "In ten million places in America it is the same …" is from Bukowski's "The Screw Game." Both poems are available in the collection The Days Run Away Like Wild Horses over the Hills

Comments

[matt]

Has anyone told the Red Sox ownership that self-immolation is passe? At least we have the bonfire that is Larry Luccino's arrogance to keep us warm this winter.

[Jason O.]

The last 1/2 of that strip needs a reminder of human possibilities.....Nurse, Georg Solti and the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, Beethoven's 5th, STAT!!!

BTW, Aaron Neville's God Bless America last evening was excellent and memorable. A unique vocal talent.

[Babe Silverstein]

Self-immolation has gone the way of "mood rings" and "lava lamps" -- but Spontaneous Human Combustion never goes out of style.

Over the past 300 years there have been more than 200 reports of people burning to a crisp for no apparent reason.

Of course the largest "suspected case" of SHC occurred at Yankee Stadium 'bout this time last year.

I was one of the lucky Yankee fans who survived Game 7 of the ALCS with my toro in tact. Surprisingly, there was no sensation of heat and I didn't see any flames. I just saw the smoke of my "lucky" Yankee shirt beginning to smolder. I doused it with my dollar-an-ounce 16 oz. Becks beer, exited the stadium, and headed home for the long winter.

Even if the Ash'tros are swept out of the Series, the good baseball fans of Houston will probably not suffer as we did inside the Burning House That Ruth Built (that Damon torched!)

All "confirmed cases" of SHC occurred indoors.

So, as long as the roof of the Houston dome remains open, there will be survivors.

[Bob]

//Has anyone told the Red Sox ownership that self-immolation is passe? At least we have the bonfire that is Larry Luccino's arrogance to keep us warm this winter.//

I won't argue that Larry L. is an arrogant SOB. But what about Theo? He just turned down 1.2 million smackers for three years. Kid, you've been a GM for all of three years, had a horrible performance this year, and incidentally "stud," you're going bald at a rapid rate. Take the money and invest in plugs.

Babe Silverstein: nice comment. Very funny. Keep it up, and maybe the horrible thought of Big Lie will be erased from our collective memories.

[Pond]

I sure have enjoyed the Babe's postings over the last couple days. They have been living proof that there is a kinder and gentler evil empire out there. Any time you need a beer, I'm up for it. But let's try to do better than a buck an ounce.

As for the World Series, I've just been enjoying the games to this point without really pulling for either team. But now that the not-Sox have a 3-0 lead, they had better finish off the 'stros. I'm not ready to lose our majestic title of the only team to come back from that far down.

[pawsoxpop]

HB, once again your use of Bukowski in a baseball blog is inspired.

Babe, I must commend your recent posts for their hilarity.

HB, if things get slow in the offseason, it might be funny to have one of the Soxaholix sit down to compose an essay similar to the "View from the Cube" that they run in the Globe. Of course, the Soxaholix ones would be better because they'd be discussing what's really important in everyone's work life: the Sox.

http://bostonworks.boston.com/globe/view_cube/archive.shtml

[RonF]

Chicago started work a little late this morning. The morning DJ's were reminding people to drive defensively in the morning commute, as the guy in front of you may not be all that awake.

This was one of those games where it was decided on the basis of whether my 8th guy off the bench is better than your 6th guy out of the bullpen. It's official; the Chicago White Sox have the deepest pitching staff in baseball. And the guy who hit the 14th inning home run used to be on the Astros.

Chicago is conscious of the 2004 ALCS and has no interest in becoming a footnote to history. They may well blow today's game, but I doubt that this series will come back to Chicago.

[RonF]

As far as Cindy Sheehan goes, I've got an idea; let her hang herself up on the White House fence. But don't arrest her. Establish a 50 foot perimeter and don't let anyone get near her with anything but a pair of scissors (or whatever is necessary) for her to get down. No food, no water. See how long she lasts.

[Babe Silverstein]

Sorry about the typo up there (meant to say "torso intact") but thanks for the kind words, Soxaholix.

Posting/trolling here, and reading the comments of Red Sox fans is an important part of my post-Spontaneous Human Combustion therapy.

I mean, Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS,(Independence Day to you) was like the Waco inferno of "spontaneous human combustion" for us Yankee fans (aka crispy Branch Davidian cultists).

The Bronx "Compound That Koresh Built" went up fast. Oh the humanity!

While we're on the happy subject of SHC, you BoSox fans might want to keep an eye on Boomer Wells this winter.

Many Spontaneous Human Combustion victims have been heavy drinkers. Boomer's flesh is so impregnated with alcohol he could go up any minute - not to mention the deposits of flammable body fat that even his loose fitting jerseys can not conceal - and the explosive combination of barbeque and fluffernutter chemicals in his digestive system.

Is that why we call him Boomer?

[Aaron]

Babe,

Luckily, the dire situation involving Wells may soon resolve itself; after all, he has asked for a trade back to the west coast. The increased amount of sun to which he would be exposed in LA or San Diego would no doubt increase the likelihood of his spontaneous combustion, but 3,000 miles should be enough distance to keep Boston out of the blast radius. I repeat: should.

As for Cindy: I long ago lost any amount of faith that acts of public protest make any difference in this country. We've simply become too used to the images for it to have any visceral effect on us. Cindy Sheehan is wasting her time. However, with Fitz-mas just around the corner, I at least have the fond hope that some of the people responsible for this war will be carted off to jail. Small consolation, perhaps, but it's better than nothing.

[birthofasoxfan97]

Yeah, I was wondering about the intact toro...thinking it was perhaps a new body part reference I was not privvy to. Still could be. Babe - you are darn funny - bbq and fluffernutter? Good lord, that's rich!

Here's something quite unexpected: recently moved and have been without internet or cable tv for over a week now, thanks to the monopolistic slothness of time warner. This has turned out to be excellent off season therapy. Now I'm thinking of buying a used volvo and slapping on a Kill Your Television bumper sticker on one side and a Jesus Loves You But Everyone Else Thinks You're An Asshole sticker on the other.

[h.b.]

Kill Your Television

Oh, what a horrible thought.

I continually admonish myself for not watching enough TV/DVDs.

Just got the collector's edition of The Wizard of Oz in the mail yesterday. Hell yeah. Those Lollipop Guild guys rock the mofo house.

[Devine]

Time-Warner Cable actually is no longer my problem as of yesterday. I called about them charging me for a month of cable and internet I did not receive. There have been technical difficulties--I called at one point a little over a month ago to see if they could fix it from their office (they couldn't) and I couldn't let them in to fix the problem because I've been working 14-16 hour days on the weekdays, and most of the weekends too. The woman on the other end informed me that I was in the wrong and she couldn't do anything about it (despite the fact that when I last called them, I told them it would be impossible to let them in for many weeks until my schedule lightened). Actually, she said, "I don't know what you expect me to do about it." Well, thanks to her insolence, I'm no longer their customer. I enjoy watching TV on DVD more anyway (Veronica Mars has been the recent obsession). Now I just have to get DSL or some similar internet thingy.

Poor Astros. How 'bout you win tonight and snap that 7-game winning streak the White Sox have going, huh?

Babe, that shit is funny. Thank you for having a sense of humor about it (I hope that I'll be as cheerful after the next time the Yankees beat the Sox in such a meaningful game).

[Aaron]

Yeah, it would be great if the 'Stros could win Game 4 and could keep the White Sox from tying our postseason winning streak. Of course, now that they're down 3-0, I would have to root against them in any potential Game 7, if they somehow came back to tie the series 3-3. Eventually, somebody will match the Sox' feat from last year, but it would be nice if they could bask in the glow of being alone in the record books for a few years, at least.

[pawsoxpop]

Every cable TV company is run by Dilbert's boss. As Buk said: "she got up and lit a cigarette, she was trembling all over. she paced up and down, wild and crazy. ... and when she screamed and started beating me I held her wrists and then I got it through the eyes: hatred, centuries deep and true. ... there was no living creature as foul as the CEO of the Cable TV Company..."

[Bob]

Funny, I watched the game at Bukowski's last night (after getting a flu shot at Shaw's). It's kinda weird getting a flu shot in a supermarket. Didn't feel real sanitary hearing "cleanup in aisle 5" while getting hypo-ed.

[Jason O.]

Smart thinking, Bob, but I decided to wait until the H5N1 vaccine hits the market, so I don't have to double up.

Plus, I shop at Whole Foods where they will have the "organic" vaccine that guarantees no avian flu cells were harmed in its production, and therefore it doesn't work.

[COD]

My wife gets her flu shot at the grocery store every year - so far with no issues.

I refuse to get the shot. I've never had the flu, so I see no reason to introduce the virus to my system.

And yes, 9/10 medical professionals, and 1/1 wives, disagree with me on this. Yet every year they tell me I'm going to end up dog sick with the flu, and every year I breeze through flu season with nothing worse than the occasional cold.

[h.b.]

I refuse to get the shot. I've never had the flu, so I see no reason to introduce the virus to my system.

I feel the same. Though every year I do make some overtures that, yes, I'm going to get get one, but I never rush right out and do it and before you know it's March and I figure, ah well, maybe next year I guess.

[Kaz]

If you're not really old, really young, or really immune deficient, do yourself a favor and don't get a flu shot.

In the meantime, here's some Sox news worth discussing: Theo's holding out for better than $1.2 million over 3 years.

Maybe I'm clouded as a fan of the team, but if given the opportunity to work for this organization for a reasonable sum of money (compared to others doing the same job) I'd gladly take what's offered and not be some sort of penny-pinching greedmonger.

Even if I'm "worth" more because I'm good, I'd get it in incentives or possible ramping-up bonuses as the contract ran and my performance was good. Maybe it's because I personally like to have that carrot on a stick or because I'm a little humble about these things...but I just don't see fit to grab at everything up front. That being said, they lowballed him a few weeks ago and that was wrong too...pay him an above-avg salary for his position because he's done an above-avg job.

[da kine]

I hope this isn't a double comment, but I experienced technical difficulties earlier. Here goes:

I find that I get a near-flu from the vaccine, which means I feel like shit for 3-4 days, as opposed to the real flu which the vaccine prevents, which makes me feel like shit for 5-10 days. So I am assured of getting ill regortless. It doesn't make sense to me, but my Uncle tells me I have to get it every year.

[Bob]

Other than last year (when there was a shortage of vaccine), I've had a flu shot every year for the past 12 years. Haven't gotten the flu once in that time (knock on wood), nor have I had any "near flu" experiences from the vaccine. It's just that in my office, people come in so sick sometimes, you'd swear they had the plague. Then they cough and sneeze all over, insist on shaking hands with everyone, basically infecting the entire office. So, I get a flu shot.

[scott12xu]

Hate to take you all away from discussing flu shots and politics but just thought you'd like to know, Ca$hman re-signed to Satan's Team, I mean the Yankees, for a cool $2.2 million/year, making him the highest paid GM in MLB (whatta surprise, huh?)

http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/articles/2005/10/26/cashman_decides_to_return_to_yankees/

So how do you think this will affect Theo's negotiations, if at all?

[vancouversoxfan]

The Theo negotiations are eerily reminiscent of the CEO/GM negotiations that occurred with my other favourite team the Canucks just before the lockout. GM Brian Burke had put people in the seats and had put together a team that was talented and entertaining. The only negative was a lack of playoff success. When Burke's contract was up it wasn't the money but rather the Canuck's CEO's ego. He appears to be everything that Luccino is described as. So guess who won? Burkie is now in Anaheim and his assistant took over as Canucks GM. The CEO Stan McCammon resigned a year later. The team is still successful and still entertaining, but then again it is still Burkie's team (same personnel).
I fear that should Theo leave a lot of the personnel may go as well...and we could end up with someone like Duquette or worse...or is there a worse?

[pawsoxpop]

Well the Yankee payroll was $203 million and the Red Sox payroll was about $127 million. That's a $76 million difference, which rounds out to about 60 percent of $127 million, so the Yankee payroll is about 60 percent higher than the Sox payroll, right? So logically, Theo should make about $1.3 million or $1.4 million right? Go wild and make it $1.5 million for the aggravation factor of working with Larry Luchino, although I can't imagine that's any more aggravating than working with $teinbrenner and the Tampa Bay megaBuckaneers.
But none of this is ever logical. And I'm sure someone will correct my math if I got it wrong.

[scott12xu]

Get ready for Ozzie's close-up on The Today Show.

Well, wait a minute... if they played a World Series and no one was watching on TV, does it still count?

I have this feeling this Chi Sox World Series champions thingy won't be as talked about for years to come like you know who from 2004... I mean, Time magazine won't do a "The Joy of Sox Pt. II" cover, right?

[Blade87]

Nearly 50,000 Americans die of influenza every year.
Getting influenza is horrible; it lasts for weeks, can lead to bacterial resistant pneumonia and no, not only old people drop dead from it. One of my friends died at the ripe old age of 33- from thr fucking FLU. I have yet to hear a good reason not to pay 10 bucks at the Y and get a shot.

You say 'I've never had it'. Never say never; besides you probably did, thinking it was the worst cold ever. The other is 'it made me sick'. Since it takes about 4 weeks to kick in and this illness happened in 2 days, it was NOT the flu.

Ebola? No risk. Avian Flu? About as dangerous as SARS- which killed, world wide, 800 people. But influenza every thinks will never happen to them. It will, and and guess what? You may not die, but you'll wish you had.
my kid gets one too, she never even gets a cold.

[Blade87]

Okay that last post was preachy- I apologize.
But Jesus Christ, every year I end up pissed off- especially working at CNN, where we get FREE shots- all we had to do is show up. Seemed like a good deal, so I'd indulge; but everyone around me were so stupid about it, giving usual BS excuses.

Of course, like all unlogical reactions, flu season would hit and BAM! It was like the Black Plague had run amok through the damn newsroom. We who stayed healthy, got to work like slaves because of those who cliam 'they never get the flu'. One guy- creepy boy- caused me so many extra shifts (usually 10a-8a) was always bragging how HE didn't need no stinkin flu shot.Tehn, within A few months, he'd drag his sorry ass into work, infect as many people as he possibly could until we made him leave. He made the boss really sick A few months later, he comes in sick; and an edict came down. He was never to come to work sick. He still would, Spreading influenza joy far and wide, so all who refused a damn shot could feel his pain.

Our own Typhoid Marty: spreading illness on phones, computers, headsets.

I gotta say the 'no flu shot for me' Because (some dumbass excuse) crowd is one- just one- of many bete noires. It is dumb as a bag of hammers to claim 'I never get the flu' As if a virus has a list it checks twice and gives only to those bad, evil people. Viruses don't give a damn who lives or who dies, who gets sick and who doesn't.

It'll be like being called to play in the big game. You'll grab a bat, then you feel like you're being hit by a freight train. Next thing you know, you are eating dirt and gasping for breath. If you can get home, you'll stay in bed because moving is misery. Then you'll start coughing up crap from the 1970's. Guess what? You've got a really nasty case of influenza. Go to the hospital if you can't breathe; but, it's a virus so ride it out pal. A mere shot could have kept this virus at bay, but you don't get the flu.

Death is possible; it happens to thousands of Americans every year. They never get the flu either; they just die of it. Damn shot.

[h.b.]

I hear you. Truth is, though, last year there wasn't enough vaccine and even this year we (i.e. me and they guys in my office) are being told we can't get a shot because we're not in the group considered at risk.

Imagine a lot of other readers are in a similar situation.

Fortunately, I work in a situation where I never really have to work in close proximity to anyone else. And nobody touches my computer. And, like Donald Trump, I don't shake hands.