HDTV volume muted, AM radio on

Today at 4pm it begins anew …

Mike:
Playoff baseball is the most awsometastic time of the year with one glaring exception: Having to enduah the dipwads in the national TV broadcast booth.

 

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Susan/Circle:
Oh, no! Today's game is on ESPN. Does that mean Joe Morgan? Joe frickin' Morgan! Please. I am a good person. Why does God hate me?

 

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Mike:
Er, actually, you are neithah a good person nor a theist.

 

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Susan:
Well, while both of your claims may be objectively true, my point still stands.

 

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Mike:
Absolutely. Joe Morgan is so shockingly dumb that by his very presence in the booth he numbs the entire country.

 

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Susan/Circle:
It's not just that he says something stupid any time his lips move … I was out of town this weekend and was forced to listen to Morgan during Sunday's game. Morgan could hahdly contain his hatred for Red Sox fans.

 

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Mike:
Morgan can't even be original or profound in that regahd, since we are universally hated. You know for being so condescending and literary.

 

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Susan/Circle:
Ah, right, the other monstah, the green-eyed one which doth mock the meat it feeds on.

 

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Mike:
Meanwhile, I love how we're supposed to feel sorry for White Sox fans because they're overshadowed by the Cubs and admire them for their Midwestern values of "suffering in silence."

 

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Susan/Circle:
They remind me of eunuchs in a harem. They know how it's done. They've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

 

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Author's Notes:

Today I dipped into an old standby, Tom Steele's The Book of Classic Insults. The "so shockingly dumb … Mike uses comes from Gore Vidal speaking of Ronald Reagan ( p. 147). And the "eunuchs in a harem" insult from Susan is lifted from Brendan Behan's description of critics (p. 50).

And the early exchange between Mike and Susan about being neither a good person nor a theist is lifted from the always entertaining Rita of the Nobody Sasses a Girl in Glasses blog.

Comments

[Jack]

"Well, the White Sox haven't won a World Series since 1917, which is also a long time. Plus, it's been pretty dry since then overall, including 1919, when they had the best team but the breaks didn't go their way."

Ok, so I realize that the couch sloth is in LA, where it's actually against the law to remember anything before talkies were introduced, but 'the breaks didn't go their way' in 1919?!?

Sorry Southsiders, throw a world series and I have no sympathy for your team never winning a play off series again. Sometimes the sins of the (grand)fathers must be paid by the sons.

[spd rdr]

An opening salvo by the Red Sox of, say, 8 or 9 runs in the first inning would help calm my nerves. A lot.

[Sheena]

The worst part about the nationally televised games is the how the announcers refer to an individual Boston player as a Red Sock. Idiots they may well be, but they all have two frickin' feet.

[Brian]

Thanks for the link to the FireJoeMorgan blog--I've become a big fan of that one too. Watched Sunday's game with a few buddies at home, and fortunately for them, they'd never been exposed to Joe's particular brand of stupidity. Needless to say, they were flabbergasted by the end at home a man that dumb could even figure out how to remember to breathe, much less be given a job. My favorite nugget of the game might have been when Joe explained that the Red Sox wanted to score some early runs because that would discourage the Indians, whereas if they got down early, that would probably give heart to the Indians and cause them to be encouraged and win. How about the Red Sox want to score some early runs because, um, they want to win the game? And what the hell are the Indians doing watching the scoreboard for encouragement, you don't think they're trying to win their own game? I honestly need to hide all sharp objects and potential weapons when Morgan's announcing, just to keep from burning my eardrums off with a q-tip.

And it could be worse--we could be stuck with the Ken Harrelson broadcast.

My gut says the Pale Hose win tonight, and then the BoSox run off three straight.

[beth]

hatin' on red sox fans is the new black.

[michael]

Actually I read somewhere (I think MLB.com) that it will be Mike Piazza and Chris Berman, the only thing worse than putting a player who didn't make it into the playoffs in the booth, is to put an announcer who can't stop making Football references.

[h.b.]

I read somewhere (I think MLB.com) that it will be Mike Piazza and Chris Berman

I'll take it. Can't be worse, can it? Probably can. Argh.

[pudge]

ESPN is worlds better than Fox. Please sign the petition that perhaps MLB will come to their senses and never show another baseball game on Fox. Ever.

[pawsoxpop]

"George Will wannabe's???" "Don't get me started about Bill Buckner???" The Red Sox fans in L.A. must be real space cadets. I wonder why?

As for White Sox fans, it's hard to feel sympathy for "fans" who don't even fill the ballpark when their team is in first place wire to wire. I wonder if they'll even sell out for the playoffs. Probably, since tons of Red Sox fans will find that plane tickets to Chicago are way cheaper than playoff tickets to Fenway.

While I'm worried about Clement tonight, I think our lineup will put a hurting on Contreras. If not, then I agree with Brian: win games 2, 3 and 4. Like I said yesterday, make them regret their lame slogan: "Win. Or Die Trying." We'll take door number one and they can have door number two.

[pawsoxpop]

Wait a minute. Doesn't Bill Simmons the Sports Guy live in L.A. now? I don't think he's started wearing horn-rims and writing trite, worshipful paens to Condoleeza Rice and Tony LaRussa, has he? Who's the George Will Wannabe? Why would any Red Sox fan wanna be George Will if they could wanna be Stephen King or Bill Simmons or the Farrelly Brothers or Hart Brachen? Makes no sense.

[pudge]

Oh and while you are hating Fox and signing the petition thereof, also visit shutuptimmccarver.com.

[lowie]

amen... its about time someone bashed morgan... the guy gives me a migrane whenever its on... in which case I mute the TV and turn on weei

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

Pudge,

Your petition and mine should be merged. Now that it's playoff time again, that means more of his moronic yankeelingus, and it's high time someone put a stop to it.

[COD]

Even better, Fox TV means we get to endure Scooter, the assine animated baseball, explaining to us that knuckleballs don't actually involve the use of the knuckles.

Even my 11 year old son can't stand Joe Morgan. He always asks how somebody that clueless about baseball could have been a good player.

The Angels scare me far more than the Sox of White do this year.

[COD]

Also - don't try to watch the game and listen via the WEEI feed on MLB.com. There is about a 60 second delay on the Internet feeds. Not sure if its done to discourage that behavior, or just a side effect of the audio being compressed and bounced around several server farms before getting to my computer and being decompressed.

[pudge]

Dewey's Bastard: Yeah, I wanted mine to be more of an anti-Fox thing though. Everything they do is bad. Last Saturday they showed a whole inning of the Sox game in a small window, instead showing the Indians game, because -- gasp -- SOMEONE WAS IN SCORING POSITION.

[pudge]

COD: I have had some success with my TiVo and the audio feed on MLB.com. I play the MLB.com feed, and then sync my TiVo with it. Works pretty well ... at least until the MLB.com feed inevitably hiccups, and then I need to re-sync.

Also, it means I can't pause the game, but have to watch it essentially live (modulo the delay for the audio feed).

It might be worth it for the Fox broadcasts though.

[NV in SD]

"Actually I read somewhere (I think MLB.com) that it will be Mike Piazza and Chris Berman, "

I heard Berman, but nothing about Piazza, who would probably go off comparing how if he came to the AL and became a DH next year he could match Papi's numbers. Anything, ANYTHING is better than Buck and McCarver. I would listen to the Spanish broadcast over them, and the only language I've ever taken is French. Those two pole smoking jackbags are the bottom of the barrell. Tim McCarver is close to the top of my list "100 Famous People I Would Punch in the Face if I Saw Them". At least they won't be accompanied by Leiter this year (well, hopefully by the ALCS they will).

I also agree with the idea of a 4 game series starting with a Palehose win this afternoon, ending with a sweep in the Fens. I will still hold out some optimism that Matty rounds back into his pre-All Star break form and dominates tonight, coupled with us doing to Contreras what we usually do.

[Aaron]

Amen, Pudge and Dewey's Bastaard. McCarver is the Antichrist. We all know Morgan's an idiot, but at least he's a relatively neutral idiot. His inane blathering is only tangentially related to the events taking place on the field in front of him, so it can be safely ignored. McCarver is, to my mind, much worse. Not only is he an utter moron, but you also have to put up with his non-stop Yankee Knobslobbin' from the first pitch to the last.

I suspect that McCarver's existence on a national broadcast network is proof of Rupert Murdoch's continuing plot to lower the IQ of every American by 50 points. I can feel my synapses fusing together every time I accidentally switch on to either his "News" network or his "Sports" network.

[h.b.]

I actually can take McCarver more than Morgan. McCarver's just a goof, whereas Morgan thinks he's the smartest guy in the world and won't even face the facts when he's wrong, e.g., Moneyball was writting by Billy Beane.

I also think Morgan would be a lot happier if there were no fans, just the players. That's my own theory for why he's especially inamical toward Red Sox fans, i.e., as a former play, he hates that the fans in Boston can effect a player's performance and/or that to be successful in Boston you usually have to hit it off with the fans. Many athletes hate that aspect to the game, and I suspect Morgan is one of them.

Interestingly, a lot of Yankees fans think McCarver is biased towards the Red Sox.

I don't see that myself, but it does make me wonder if we all don't see the worst in him depending on whom we root for.

[Brian]

I had to watch Saturday's game in a bar in VA that only received the feed from on one television from Argentinean TV--the game was completely blacked out in the DC metro area because of the Nationals and the Fox exclusive rights garbage (although, the best part of the day was having my Yankee fan roommate call me to ask where I was watching and then refusing to clue him in, telling him to "enjoy following the box score, we don't need more Yankee fans here"). The only consolation was that it was far easier on the ears listening to a Spanish broadcast that I couldn't understand than it was listening to Tim McCarver slowly make me dumber.

[Devine]

I actually have a good feeling about today's game. I'm "watching" from work, so I hope to see many "In play, run-scoring plays" when the good Sox are up. And I think Clement holds them to...2 runs over 6 (with one more walk than strikeouts).

McCarver is bad, but Morgan is awful.

Tear it up, boys.

[Yazbread]

I had a dream last night that the Sox were up
10-1 after the first inning. You heard it here first. If the Sox beat Contreras today, the series is over before it even begins.

[pawsoxpop]

McCarver is WAY worse than Morgan, for my money. Of course that's like saying chemotherapy is WAY worse than a root canal.

For any of you Soxaholix who may have missed this while griping about awful announcers, boston.com has a splendiferous article about Papi today, in which the Greatest Clutch Hitter in Red Sox History shares his thinking during several key at-bats and gives us the inside scoop on how the lineup was put in proper order this year, with him batting third and MAN-NY, MAN-NY batting cleanup where he belongs:

http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/redsox/articles/2005/10/04/head_banger/

[Kaz]

While I don't have HDTV, I definitely watch any game not on NESN with the sound off and WEEI on.

There's a delay in the video though that I can't solve so I try to be surprised when it happens on the TV after hearing the radio play-by-play already get exciting.

Go Red Sox!

[pudge]

h.b.: well, I think McCarver is worse, mostly because I can stand bias more than sheer stupidity.

I almost threw up in my own mouth when McCarver said, with all seriousness, that Manny's HR "was hit so hard it didn't have a chance to go foul."

(Although that was not as bad as several years ago in an NHL All-Star skills competition when an announcer remarked that a shot was actually hit harder than the radar gun showed, because you have to add in how fast the player was skating. A little knowledge, dangerous thing, etc.)

But let's just agree they BOTH suck.

OTOH, I like Jon Miller, and Joe Buck alternates between being an empty shell and an annoying shill for whatever McCarver and Fox want to be selling us. Plus, you add in ESPN's superior direction and production and graphics and camera work, and its respect for the game, and it's no contest which I prefer. Even with the sound off, ESPN is a far superior product.

[JimmyZ]

XM radio saves me out here in CA on the FOX/ESPN dilemma.
I don't know h.b. - I swear those MFY nob-gobblers at ESPN/FOX are falling all over each other to say how 'brilliant' Jeter plays *slurp*, or how 'far and above' Slappy is *slobber*... It makes me sick listening to them.
Defend the Castle! Godspeed You Red Emperor!

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

I still do think McCarver is heavily yankee-biased, but I don't think the idea of Sox bias is too bizarre. I remember watching the Series games last year and every now and again thinking, "am I nuts, or did he just say some Red Sox player made a great play without criticizing his other skills?" I think there were a few baldfaced compliments for the Sox here and there. Maybe it was watching the Choke(tm) that changed his point of view. That doesn't change the fact that nobody should ever forgive him for his pronunciation of Garciaparra.

[pudge]

YAY! I am watching Padres/Cards, and it is Miller/Morgan, so no Morgan for the Sox fans. And no Buck/McCarver. This is too good to be true! I almost don't want the Sox to advance to the ALCS, it would be ruined. ;-)

[michael]

"Chris Berman, Rick Sutcliffe, and Mike Piazza are scheduled to work the first three games of the Red Sox-White Sox series."

There it is, I got this off of Boston.com. I agree that the Fox announcers are horrible and ESPN's coverage is better, but I don't know what it is about Chris Berman, is it the stupid names he makes up for everyone, is it the "Back, Back, Back, Back (ad infinitum)," or is it that every play made on the field is put in football-ese. And what made it worse was the last Red Sox game he did he was boasting how he wrote on the wall inside the Green Monster and predicted that the curse would end before the end of the AL Playoffs. Didn't football season start already.

[NV in SD]

One last bullet for the Fox team (from boston.com):

"When Joe Buck got to Fenway Park last Saturday, he found producer Pete Macheska ''on the phone with someone from MLB, going over and over the playoff possibilities. Then he told me that if the Indians lose, the Sox-Yankees winner goes to the playoffs. If it's the Yankees, they'll be the division winners. There was no greater relief to me than when the Yankees came out and celebrated on the field.''"

You said what? How's that for some unbiased commentary.

[JimmyZ]

ew

[birthofasoxfan97]

I have come to hate it when the games are nationally televised. I'd rather watch mlb tv on my tiny computer monitor instead of ESPN or Fox on the giant widescreen. When I get so distracted by the announcers that the game becomes secondary, it's time to mute and put on some music in the background. Of course then you don't get to hear the crowd and that's a pisser too.

Anybody else ever notice that Morgan always looks stoned?

[pudge]

Yeah, Berman is bad, but he is also like family after all these years. I've learned to tolerate and ignore.

[Bob]

//I had a dream last night that the Sox were up
10-1 after the first inning.//

I'd be careful relying too much on dreams. If they were accurate, I'd be sleeping with Elle MacPherson every night.

[michael]

Hey, don't get me wrong, I've been watching Berman since ESPN started, but he's just not a baseball announcer, and I guess it just part of the frustration of national announcer having no idea about the team they are now covering, other than cliches that are way too old. What about Sean McDonough, I just read he was doing some stuff for ESPN now, why don't they get him involved?

[NYSoxfan]

Watching Sunday's season finale in Boston, we headed to Legal Seafoods for chowdah once the game turned to garbage time. Who is sitting at the end of the bar? TIM MCCARVER. Now my buddy & I had been screaming at the TV on Sat. afternoon listening to McCarver diss Big Papi on the MVP (he picked Mr. Rod) and cackle like Foghorn Leghorn as they played that smarmy R.E.M. song while showing the faces of dejected Sox fans. Needless to say, we found it hard to contain ourselves. Visions of taking the shucking knife to that ring finger and screaming "This one's for Jim Lonborg!" hoisting the digit high... but us being all literary and shit, that wouldn't do. As the game ended and they began to celebrate in the locker room, NESN showed Big Papi being doused with champagne. We cheered wildly. "There's your MVP right theah! Yessir!" The bartender got edgy as McCarver craned his neck to get a look at us, all agitated, muttering something about "Bob Gibson..." He's still seething about the Cards getting swept...

[Rita]

What am I doing on a baseball blog? I am so confused.

[Bob]

//Watching Sunday's season finale in Boston, we headed to Legal Seafoods for chowdah once the game turned to garbage time. Who is sitting at the end of the bar? TIM MCCARVER.//

I bet he had the New York Clam Chowder.

[pawsoxpop]

Yeah and after all the lame excuses McCarver gave about the Cards' "injuries" being responsible for last year's SWEEP, I hope you told him he should give his lousy 1967 ring to Jack Fisher, because Tony C. would have won us at least one game in that SEVEN-GAME series.

[d56]

My GOD I hate McCarver's 'comparisons' . . .

"That was a great barehanded scoop at third by Mueller - the best I've ever seen at that play was former Yankees great, Scott Bro-shee-us . . . "

Thanks Tim.

Picking between McCarver and Morgan is more like picking between getting nailed in the ass by Bob Dole (no reach around) or the Pope (just bad karma, regardless of political affiliation) . . .

[d56]

(The above should obviously say 'religious' and not 'political' - this is the kind of frothing these two work me into . . . stupid Joe Morgan, the QUINTESSENTIAL "MoneyBall" player in his prime, going nuts on Beane and his peers . . . puke)

[tessie]

Whenever I complain about Joe Morgan-which is every time I see him- to my National League lovin' husband, he'll say something about his being such a great player. I inevitably respond with something about that all being well and good but he is a commentator now and is NOT good at all. Then hubby brings up the DH rule and we don't speak for hours.

That cross between Mr.Potatohead and one of those dried apple headed dolls trying to pass himself off as a baseball commentator is known as "the bad Joe Morgan" in my world.

[Sammy]

McCarver has an excuse for his brain deteriorating significantly over the past 10 years. Tainted Grecian Formula. He gets it on the black market in bulk. Really Tim, let it go.

[pawsoxpop]

Tessie I think I might work with your husband. Either that or his brother. A lot of NL fans treat the DH like it's the avian flu or something. I told the guy I work with that if nothing else, the DH rule gives AL fans a chance to see some great hitters before they retire. I'll never forget seeing Hammerin' Hank Aaron hit a monster home run over the monster at Fenway when he was playing his curtain call with the Milwaukee Brewers...

[pawsoxpop]

Great McCarver quote d56:

'That was a great barehanded scoop at third by Mueller - the best I've ever seen at that play was former Yankees great, Scott Bro-shee-us . . . "

That Grecian formula MUST be getting to his brain, Sammy. Because he sounds like he never saw Brooks Robinson

[NYSoxfan]

alright, can anyone tell me why Millar is batting 7th in this lineup against the righty? He'd better own Contreras to be in this lineup -- the lefty starts tomorrow Francona! WTF?!?

[d56]

NYSox -

Millar has a STRONG reverse split - he doesn't hit lefties as well as he hits righties. Additionally, numbers suggest he hits 'power' pitchers considerably better than 'finesse' pitchers - and he's 5/10 with 2hr lifetime against Contreras.

So yeah. Millar today, not tomorrow.

[h.b.]

Gosh, just saw the pic of Contreras at MLB.com and it looks like the guy is 70 years old. Freaky.

(Here's to hoping he pitches like a geriatric as well.)

[Aaron]

Clement's managed to hit two of the first three batters he's faced. Grrrrr.

[pawsoxpop]

Better get Bronson warmed up. This reminds me of Clement's 6-walk game against Baltimore. He won that one, but I don't think the White Sox will be as cooperative with the one-out grounders...

[COD]

//I had a dream last night that the Sox were up
10-1 after the first inning.//

Unfortuntely, you failed to specify which Sox...and you were almost right. I'll go give up 5 runs in the first for the major league minimum, then Theo can use the found money to shore up the bullpen.

[pawsoxpop]

Well now it's too late for Bronson. Let's hope Clement settles down and the "lit-up" Contreras we know and love replaces the "lights-out" Contreras everybody's been talking about ...

[NYSoxfan]

I take it back, Kev. I take almost all of it back... c'mon Sox, show these boys how it's done! do it for the Kapler!!

[Devine]

Ugggggghhhhhhhh...I was wroooooooooooooonnnnnggggggg!

[pawsoxpop]

OK folks, don't panic. Now it's a battle of the bullpen. If we can average two runs an inning and hold them right here, we'll win. Hey, the Padres almost did it, and they don't have Manny and Papi...

[pawsoxpop]

Battle of the bullpen...we need to get them out here and score a crooked number next inning to make it a battle of the bullpenS ... then we've got 'em...

[NV in SD]

Fuck Matt Clement, and fuck Tito for not pulling him in the third. He was throwing horseshit meatballs from Pitch One. Anything that wasn't over the heart of the plate was in the hitter's legs. I guess that's what I get for taking a late lunch to watch the first few innings...

Must. Contain. Rage.

[NV in SD]

OK- I just punched my boss and now I feel a lot better.

If there is one encouraging factor here, it's what pawsoxpop said, and they're the Padres. If we can stop pressing so much and actually get this fucker to throw some pitches, maybe we can get to their bullpen and ours will hold up.

[pudge]

My brother told me we shoulda left Bradford in. Nah, I want him strong for tomorrow. But I do agree with him that Clement never shoulda been left in. He's not watching, but I am, and TiVo assures me that Clement is simply not hitting his spots. Period. And that means he should have been pulled earlier.

Really, it's a simple rule: not hitting your spots, giving up runs, get pulled.

[pawsoxpop]

If I'm Tito, I put Mr. Clement in the bullpen and give Bronson or Papelbon his next start.

[RichardG]

Morgan is noticeably OK when he talks about hitting or about infield glovework. Anything else, and he's useless.

Listen to him talk about setting your feet to throw, or about how to hold off on a pitch and you'll hear the HOF 2Ber.

[Ice Princess]

Yazbread you jinxed 'em!

[Ice Princess]

Let's Go LAAOA!

[pawsoxpop]

Well if you're only going to score two runs, you might as well give up 14 as give up 3. I believe the White Sox will wish they could have a few of those runs tomorrow when they get a double thumpin' from Boomer on the mound and the Booming Bats of Boston...

[2 tix 4 sale]

sorry for doing this, but i figured someone might want these tix:

mention you saw this on soxaholix, and get free shipping

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=6567317298

[Kaz]

Re: tix4sale

I hope Fenway busts you for scalping.

[Kaz]

OMG...tix4sale is josh blue from Surviving Grady's comments?? Un-freakin-believable that you'd try and drum up sales by spamming in the blog comments and for 500+% mark up...

Please turn in your Red Sox Nation card at the door on the way out.

[dj]

you gotta see this dvd--city of champs best of boston sports. it has all our local teams with great music mixed in. didn't think they made things like this.

[Dr. J.M. Fay]

White Sox fans deserve better than McCarver and Buck. C'mon Eddie, what's up?