The Schill and the Schmiss

The Red Sox win big but so do the Yankees. At this point there isn't much that can be said. It's win or else …

Doug:
So Schilling has gone from making 55000 New Yorkahs shut up to only getting 6 Central Floridians to stop talking on their cell phones during a game, but I'll take it.

 

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Mike:
Seems the Schill has made himself shut up, too,despite pitching a great game, as he wasn't heard from after the game, only seen, walking out a back doah to the clubhouse before it opened to the media.

 

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Doug:
Maybe Jesus told him, "Look Curt, Daddy and I gave you the gift to pitch and not the gift to gab. Stop running your mouth off and pitch like I know you're capable of. You're bringing down the whole 'made in my image' vibe when you suck ass on the mound. Don't make me come down there and smite you, dude, OK?"

 

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Mike:
You know you just can't overemphasize the good that can result from a solid, personally delivahed, deific smiting.

 

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Doug:
Truly, what the world needs now is more smites. I mean look around. There is a most obvious dearth of the smotted.

 

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Mike:
If I were starhting a new pro sports franchise, I'd call the team "The Smite"

 

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Doug:
Fucking A right. But what would the logo be?

 

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Mike:
I was thinking of a fist clenching lightening bolts or something.

 

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Doug:
Dude, that is awesome! Put me on the mailing list and shit.

 

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Author's Notes

Regardingthe title of this strip, "The Schill and the Schmiss," schmiss is the German word for smite. If you're into fencing (and really, who isn't?), you'll recognize the term as the scar that results from a hit.

Comments

[El Jefe]

How 'bout the Strategic Air Command as a stahting point?

[Bob]

The current is SAC patch is cool, but what's with the olive branch? I prefer the older patch, that shows an atomic mushroom cloud. I'm quite smitten with that smite.

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

shouldn't "smoted" in panel 5 be "smitten"? I thought that was the past participle of "smite".

Big Papi: "bartender! jack!" It's just getting ridiculous now. He's going to hit 50.

[h.b.]

I'd forgotten about the SAC symbol/logo! That must have been where the idea originated. (Recall my mentioning recently my love of Cold War movies from the 50s 60s, two of my faves just happen to be "Strategic Air Command" and "Bombers B-52.")

As for the tenses of smite,

"v. smote, smit·ten, or smote smit·ing, smites"

So "smote" is a correct form that can be used rather than "smitten" but "smotted" isn't. However it sounds better/funnier, so I'm leaving it.

[d56]

great strip hb - nothing makes me giggle like some good god jokes . . .

. . . especially after seeing Papi's back get a little lighter, with the rest of the team hopping off to contribute. 50 hr, 150 rbi - god bless mango salsa . . .

[Philly Patri0t]

// 50 hr, 150 rbi - god bless mango salsa //

LMAO! I'm stealing that line and saying it to everyone I talk to today... they won't get it at all, but that will make it more funny.

On a darker note... I have to get my tonsils taken out at age 22. Is this bad? I think it is. :-/

Yeah but anyway, go Sox!! :-P

[Bob]

Man-go sal-sa (clap-clap-clap)! Ma-go sal-sa (clap-clap clap)! I'll see if I can get it going at Fenway Monday.

[NV in SD]

Ortiz boosted his major league-leading RBI total to 140 and is batting .447 with eight homers, 18 RBI and 13 runs scored during a 10-game hitting streak.

"Those guys are pretty good. ... It's a tough lineup to pitch to," McClung said, searching for words. "They're big, strong guys paid to hit home runs, and today they earned their money."

'nuff said.

[Follower of Tito]

Philly, you are correct on both counts.

1) Only NESN and Comcast customers will get the Mango Salsa bit

2) Adults that have tonsillectomies have a harder time than children. Children do better because they don't know any better...and are really a lot tougher than adults. Remember wiping out on your bike or falling out of a tree? You got up, dusted yourself off and kept playing. As an adult, a hang-nail prompts a conversation on a possible trip to an ER (I used to run one) and perhaps needing a day off to recuperate.

WARNING: Lay off the tortilla chips with your mango salsa on post-op day 7. That is the day that the scabs fall off your tonsils and lots of patients come in spitting up gobs of blood. The main culprit: Chips

As for the tight pennant race, all I can keep hearing in my head is the Raiders' owner Al Davis saying, "Just Win, Baby!"

[pawsoxpop]

The tables are turning. Wakefield will twirl a gem tonight (well, as much of a gem as one can twirl in Tampa Bay) while our lineup smites the D-Rays again, giving our bullpen yet another day of rest. Meanwhile, Brand X had to use Gordon AND Rivera during a game in which their lineup scored 10 runs. No day off for them on Thursday; instead their bullpen will be busy, busy, busy after Moose gets smitten for six runs in 2-2/3 innings.

Philly, I had my tonsils out when I was three and i remember two things that made it much easier: a toy train set, and all the ice cream I could eat. Good luck.

[COD]

//The sport at the time was very different from modern fencing. The men used heavy sabres, and took turns chopping at each other five times a piece, repeated over and over. While padding was worn, the goal was to be injured//

Doesn't sound like any game I want to play! My son fences - it's a great sport for kids. Agility, speed, strength, and he gets to own his own foil at age 11. What's not to love?

Philly - good luck. My wife had her tonsils removed as an adult - she was down and out for almost a week. The worst part I think was the thrush - sort of a yeast infection of the mouth.

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

I had one of my tonsils explode once. No joke. And my otolaryngologist (I really have one of those now) said "next time this happens, I'm taking them out".

[Jason O.]

An awesome smiting: (Of an army that was retreating from the Isrealites)

"But the rest fled to Aphek, into the city; and there a wall fell upon twenty and seven thousand of the men that were left. And Benhadad fled, and came into the city, into an inner chamber."
-1 Kings 20:30

27,000 guys wiped out by a falling walls?...Sweet.....

[Deepsub]

Awesome post h.b. Yes, it is hard to put all that smiting into perspective. From what I've learned from playing the game Diablo 2, smiting can best be done using a shield. Of course, I don't have a shield (except the occasional shit shield at work) so I haven't tried to smite anyone. If anyone has tried please let me know.

[JimmyZ]

//1) Only NESN and Comcast customers will get the Mango Salsa bit//

We left coast transplants with MLB.TV love the line as well.

David is Goliath

[pawsoxpop]

The verb smite is also the only one I can think of where at least one definition for the passive tense of the very is completely different from the active tense. For instance you can google "smitten with" and find thousands of references to love: "Apparently Ben Affleck is so smitten with J-Lo that he's dropped $105000 on a toilet seat cover for her encrusted with rubies, sapphires, ..."
But if you type in "smite" you won't find anything about J-Lo "smiting" Ben Affleck.
I'm just sayin' ...

[NewtonNephew]

So wait, is Mike violating his office's "No Smoting" policy? And is Marty going to call Mayor Menino to report it?

[Bob]

//"Apparently Ben Affleck is so smitten with J-Lo that he's dropped $105000 on a toilet seat cover for her encrusted with rubies, sapphires, ..."//

LMFAO. I actually own (but have never used, honestly) a novelty item called the Savvy Bachelor. It's a leopard print toilet seat cover (the actual seating part of the crapper) that "savvy bachelors" are supposed to use when a woman comes over. I guess it's for savvy bachelors who have a tendency to leave shiat stains after a batch of spoiled mango salsa.

[Jennifer]

"...i remember two things that made it much easier: a toy train set, and all the ice cream I could eat.."

I think the toy train set is the most important part here. :) Philly good luck with the tonsils.

Awesome strip today hb. I've been busy lately, so I've been trying to catch up on the strips I've missed. Today I think everyone at work was looking at me bc I was laughing so hard. I can really hear a conversation like this going on. I love this city!

GO RED SOX!!!

[Kaz]

"Twenty and seven thousand..."

7020..or 27,000...you be the judge.

[pawsoxpop]

Bob,
That "Savvy Bachelor" cover is hilarious. Apparently people are still smitten with them:

http://www.merch-bot.com/product_info.php?products_id=419

Only a savvy bachelor could have a cool item like this one, because a savvy husband knows he would get flushed down it if he ever tried to install one...

[Bob]

Pawsoxpop -- That's the Savvy Bachelor alright

[pawsoxpop]

Oh man, some of this savvy bachelor stuff is too far out for words. The cocktail shaker is a MUST HAVE... and maybe we should get the Sox these savvy bachelor "Mop Slippers" this weekend so they can sweep the floor with Baltimore...

http://www.prankplace.com/slippers.htm

[Bob]

Maybe we can get A-Rod a pair of those Big Mamma Undies, because he's gonna be Big Papi's biatch next weekend.

"These 100% polyester, size 98-100 Big Momma Undies are sure to get a hilarious reaction at any party. Bright red, and trimmed in black lace. Caution Stay Back, Wide Load! Big Momma undies."

[Bob]

BTW, here's the complete Savvy Bachelor collection:

http://www.mcphee.com/cgi-bin/mcphee/archie-search.cgi

The entire Archie McPhee site is pretty amazing (if you're into things like bandages that look like bacon, etc.).

[Jason O.]

Man, you guys must have really wanted Alex to still be following the Lucchino strategy of we-didn't-get-him-so-hammer-him-relentlessly.

Re: A-Rod's role as Ortiz's bitch: If the Yankees were 6-6 in the last 12 and clinging to a .5 game lead, I might think twice before making any "bitch" predictions, m'kay???.....that's just me.

[Bob]

Come on, man, it's harmless fan-speak. And this IS a Red Sox blog, incidentally, not the United Nations. No, A-Rod isn't actually female, I think we all know that. And when the Sox are at Yankee Stadium, Papi doesn't magically transform into an asshole either, despite the what the chants say.

[pawsoxpop]

No way we wanted A-Rod. I was so relieved when they did not trade Manny "World Series MVP" Ramiriez for Alex "AL MVP on a last-place team" Rodriguez that I actually laughed in the face of the Yankee fan who plastered my cubicle with photocopies of the Daily News and Post front and back pages on the day Soon-to-be-Slappy signed with the MFY.

But don't worry, Jason. A-Rod will get the MVP again this year ... as has become the tradition every year that his team watches the playoffs on TV.

[pawsoxpop]

Actually I couldn't laugh in his face because to this day I don't know which cowardly MFY-lover in my office did the deed. But I did throw the pictures away and announce loudly to all the MFY fans in earshot that I was glad we did not trade Manny and Nomar just to get that $25 million loser.

[soxinthecity]

Jason O,

Believe me, we would hate A-Rod *just as much* if the Manny/Nomar/Magglio clusterfuck never occurred. We'd hate him because he's blue-lipped, slaps like a 13-year old girl in a catfight, hits much better in blowout and bases-empty situations, speaks like a robot, and plays for the YANKEES. Damn dude, I hate Wayne Tolleson because he played for you schmucks, and we didn't ever try to get that clown.

[Oliver Stone]

Not to mention that a-Pod or his agent convinced a MFY-lovin' p.r. exec from Manhattan to hurl his 11-year-old son in front of a car on Newberry Street just so Slappy could "save" the boy and get some good press for a couple of days...

[Alfonso Soriano]

If A-Rod was MVP in 2003, and the Rangers won 18 more games with me on the team in 2004, how come I wasn't MVP last year?

[Devine]

Bob...maybe not in New York...but Anaheim's a different story...

[scott12xu]

Not to mention that a-Pod or his agent convinced a MFY-lovin' p.r. exec from Manhattan to hurl his 11-year-old son in front of a car on Newberry Street just so Slappy could "save" the boy and get some good press for a couple of days...

So that whole thing from earlier this year was nothing more than a PR stunt? Did the "saving" actually occur or was it an exec's fantasy script? I thought it was weird when they said A-Fraud was shopping at Tower Records in Boston - most people therfe would have booed him, yelled and spat at him, etc. into shame and humiliation if he actually DID shop there.

Besides, how many Peter Allen and Judy Garland albums ARE there anyway? Doesn't Slappy have them all?