The sacred and profane

Big Papi does it yet again, but the win is not without a grave loss …

Mike:
Jeez, seeing Gabe Kaplah go down like that was wicked eerie.

 

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Doug:
Yeah, and it was so nice of the Toronto fans to boo when Machado came in as pinch to finish out G-Unit's homah … Guess they thought Kaplah was faking it, because, you know, that would make so much fucking sense and all. Bunch of leaf loving fucktahds.

 

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Mike:
It totally amazes me that baseball already had a rule on the books to covah something so bizarre. Talk about thinking outside the flippin' box.

 

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Doug:
Absolutely. It's like the rule they dug up covering ambidextrous pitchahs back when Greg Harris was around. The baseball framahs thought of everything.

 

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Mike:
If only we had dudes like that these days doing, I dunno, disaster planning and shit …

 

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Doug:
So, like me, you've bought every Red Sox commemorative World Series DVD and box set, now the question is are you going to add Melissa Goes to Boston to your collection?

 

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Mike:
I dunno, dude, I'm OK with the concept in general, but the flashing your titties during a tour of Fenway is pure blasphemy.

 

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Doug:
Aw, c'mon, it's in high def and the chick is bonah popping hot … you can just fast forwahd through those pahts.

 

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Mike:
Doesn't work like that. Protecting our heritage and culcha is a full time job … it's like that Broken Window Theory … You start allowing soft porn at Fenway and the next thing you know Fenway is rubble and the Sox are playing in some McPark on turf with a Hahd Rock Cafe and a Gap on the outfield concourse. I'll have none of it.

 

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Doug:
Ah, Christ, as much as the titty loving technophile in me is aroused by Miss Harrington's HD exploits, in the end you're right. The chick is a fiah hot, though.

 

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Mike:
Yeah, but remember what Rilke said, "A webcam exhibitionist hottie is only the first touch of a terror we can still bear."

 

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Author's Notes

Rilke actually said, "beauty is only the first touch of a terror we can still bear," but I'm pretty sure he'd agree with Mike's version.

Comments

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

Damn, I remember Greg Harris - but I was too young to be aware of the ambidextrousness (is that a word?).

The term 'rupture' used in conjunction with connective tissue always makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Kapler's a good man too, a dogger. And is it just me or was he working on his arm in Japan? I remember one game the Sox blew a few weeks back where he scooped a line drive in mid right, and seeing a guy getting the green light around third, put everything he had on it to try the guy. He did a somersault in midair after he let go and the ball sailed five feet over Tek's head to the backstop. It reminded me of one of those old Bo Jackson ads "I heard Bo once threw a guy out at the plate from the warning track - underhanded." Anyway, I hope we get him back soon, but it's probably safe to say his season's done, which sucks.

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

p.s. not that I'm complaining, h.b., but what's with all the softcore lately?

[h.b.]

p.s. not that I'm complaining, h.b., but what's with all the softcore lately?

I'm pretty sure it has something to do with global warming.

[Bob]

Illegitimate Son Of Dwight Evans -- according to The Globe, Kapler's done for this season AND next season. Truly a shame. I'm assuming he'll at least be a great locker room presence for the team the rest of the year.

[RonF]

I saw that play when Bo Jackson threw out that runner from the warning track. It wasn't underhanded, and it was a strike. The runner said, "I thought I'd be safe, easy, but then I saw eyes get bigger and bigger ..."

[SawxSince67]

Kap's year has been long and strange...World Series glory...the Yomiuri experience...back to the Fens...and now, an injury that will shelve him for up to 18 months.

He didn't seem to be in excruciating pain (?), but he was clearly hobbled. (sigh).

Unfortunately, there is business to address--"the team will summon veteran Adam Hyzdu"

"You know what? We're the Red Sox, we're going to do it together. That's how we approach it. I believe it. They believe it." - Tito/Boston.com

Oh yeah, how 'bout that Ortiz guy?

[Kaz]

I miss Gabe already.

My mini-season ticket is in the right field bleachers about 20 rows up from the bullpens. I remember yelling out to Gabe a year ago tomorrow: "Happy Rosh Hashanah, Gabe!" and he turned back before the first pitch of the inning and gave me a wave.

This year Rosh Hashanah is October 3-5th...but it doesn't look like a very happy new year for Kapler this year.

[Jason O.]

I think Kapler would have made a fine Maccabean.

Re: The softcore, I tend to take a more libertarian view, i.e.: "A man with no vices rarely possesses virtue." -Lincoln

[Bob]

"A man with no vices rarely possesses virtue."

I guess I'm one of the most virtuous people on earth then.

[pudge]

The Red Sox box set is such a piece of shit. I bought it, and am watching it, but it totally sucks. No widescreen, tons of compression artifacts, no surround sound -- not even the simple Dolby Pro Logic stuff on the broadcast -- and more. It really is a terrible production.

It's better than not having it at all, of course, but not for the price. For $100 I want it to be, you know, actually good quality.

[NV in SD]

I am simply amazed as to where and how you come up with this stuff, hb. Does your "real" job require hours of searching the internet? REgardless- well done sir.

I can't say any more about Papi. I have the biggest man-crush on him in the history of humanity. I absolutely love his post game comments re:MVP

"I'm just trying to break the rules," Ortiz said. "As soon as they bring my name up they said. `Oh, he's a DH. I don't think he deserves it because he's a DH." That's fine with me. I never saw anybody win the MVP because they won the Gold Glove and hit .230. You win the MVP because you help your ballclub, you win games whenever your team needs it and because you put up some numbers."

Couldn't have said it better myself. Just give the man his f-ing trophy.

[Jason O.]

I'm willing to make a deal:

"Manny Ortez" wins the AL MVP this year (and next), in exchange for the Yankees winning the AL East this year.

Any interest?

[Eric Hanson]

I liked Papi's comments on why he keeps coming up huge the way he does, despite the pressure:

"It's not like I like it," Ortiz said. "I've got no choice. I face the situation over and over and over. I've got to do something. It's not as easy as it looks."

In my book, the MVP is the guy who does anything (legal, got that, Gumbi?) it takes to makes sure his team gets the win, no matter how difficult or how much pressure it puts on him. Ortiz would get my vote all the way.

[Jason O.]

Bob, (sorry HB this is way off topic):

Lincoln was defending Ulysses Grant from Washington DC political snipers with that quote. Grant enjoyed whiskey. (a lot) When he gained notoriety for the Union victory at Shiloh, reportedly Edwin Stanton dissaprovingly told Lincoln that Grant was a drunk. Lincoln said: "Find out what he drinks and give it to every Union officer."

[Ice Princess]

Great one today H.B. - Very well done in all aspects (although I didn't check out Melissa, I did make sure a die hard fan & male friend of mine did.)

[h.b.]

Excellent Civil War reference, Jason O.

Yesterday you showed most excellent Cold War cred and today the Civil War. Jeez, if all Yankees fans were like you...

[Brian]

2 things:
1) What was the rule they dug up about Harris? Was it just that pitching with both arms was permitted, or did it get more in-depth?

2)Can we just get Kapler installed as the new 3B coach? Solves the problem of keeping him around the team, and we could just roll him out there in a wheelchair. Gets rid of Sveum. And I don't care if Kapler's got no experience at base-coaching, there's no way he could be worse than Sveum's Nightly Festival of Suck.

[Kaz]

http://www.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/mlb/news/mlb_news_story.jsp?article_id=mlb_20000303_holtzman_cols&team_id=mlb

A pitcher must pitch with one hand through an entire batter's time at the plate. He must indicate prior to the plate appearance which hand he chooses to pitch with for that batter. He's allowed no warmups between hands. If he's switching hands due to injury, he must alert the ump which arm is injured and it can no longer be used to pitch for the rest of the game.

[Aaron]

What's the deal with the Devil Rays? They've been helping us all year by beating the Yanks; why stop now? One would think that, if Piniella has heard all the rumors about him replacing Torre after they miss the playoffs, he would be doing his damnedest to beat them.

Unless, of course, he doesn't actually WANT to get sucked back into Steinbrenner's House of Horrors...

[Bob]

"Lincoln was defending Ulysses Grant from Washington DC political snipers with that quote. Grant enjoyed whiskey. (a lot) When he gained notoriety for the Union victory at Shiloh, reportedly Edwin Stanton dissaprovingly told Lincoln that Grant was a drunk. Lincoln said: "Find out what he drinks and give it to every Union officer."

Too funny -- I once wrote an ad campaign for a boutique whiskey that played off of this exact incident. I only wish my boss would defend my love of (Irish) whiskey like that. By the way Jason, I personally decline your Papi=MVP for Skankees=AL east champs offer. I'm a huge Patriots fan, and follow their philosophy: let the other guys pile up Pro Bowl appearances, we'll settle for the Super Bowl.

[pawsoxpop]

Yeah, I bet Yaz would have traded his MVP award in 1967 for a World Series ring. Ditto for Freddie Lynn in 1975, and Jim Ed Rice in 1978. We'll let A-Rod have the MVP and Papi can wave the World Series trophy off the back of a duck boat again.

Brian, I'm with you. Kapler for third-base coach. And until his ankle is healed enough to do the job, we could go with Stevie Wonder, who would be a big upgrade over Dale "I'll get you nailed" Sveum.

[SawxSince67]

Tullamore Dew, Bob. How about you?

All of the MVP discussion is reminiscent of when Nomar won the batting title, but the Red Sox won nothing. Kind of hollow for me.

However, since David seems to want the MVP, I will make sure I vote for him. He deserves at least that much effort from me.

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."

-Oscar Wilde

[Bob]

SawxSince67 -- Connemara.

http://www.connemarawhiskey.com/

[Jason O.]

Alright, fuck it: This seems like the right group to start another tangent, so has anyone seen Rome? (HBO)

It's wicked awesome, as they say in Reveah.

Stays remarkably faithful to contemporary historical accounts (although I was a little pissed that Caesar did not say "The die is cast" as he crosses the Rubicon) with good subplots and character development plus the perfect amount of HBO signature gratuitous sex...that's entertainment!!

[h.b.]

Initially, I had every intention of watching Rome, but, for whatever reason, I've yet to see an episode.

I figure I'll catch up via DVD. Tends to work that way for me and HBO. I was a late arrival to both Sopranos and Sex and the City. And HBO spends so damn long between seasons, that it's easy to catch up.

Glad to hear it's good though. I never got hooked on Carnaval or Deadwood, so I was hoping Rome would do it for me.

[Bob]

I haven't watched (yet), but I did see the "making of" film on HBO. The set building artistry looks amazing, as do many of those comely Roman women.

[Jason O.]

Three words, HB and Bob:

Comcast on demand: you can see the first three eps. at your leisure. I recommend catching up soon, because we're getting into the heat of the civil war.

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

That's a good quote from Lincoln, Jason. Like a few people around here, I'm a pretty virtuous man, by that logic.

Yeah, the only HBO series I ever really enjoyed was Entourage, and mainly for the supporting cast - they get some brilliant lines and subplots. The Sopranos was a good miniseries turned bad soap opera, Six Feet Under was done better as a TLC reality show (sorry guys, not EVERY character can be an antihero), and Carnavale was weak writing wrapped in sepia gels and filters.

[h.b.]

Six Feet Under was done better as a TLC reality show (sorry guys, not EVERY character can be an antihero)

I'd argue that 6FU did just that and did it well. But the show was an acquired taste. I often watched out of the pure enjoyment of hating the characters and hoping bad things would happen to them.

I think it was the most ground breaking show to come along in a long, long time.

[Ric]

Deadwood is great as well.... great characters as well as the frequent use of the word "cocksucker"... also, while undoubtedly not accurate, conversation sounds like something out of Old eEst Shakespeare....

[Ric]

old west

[h.b.]

I suspect Deadwood is one I'll circle back to one day and really like.

Quite often the reason a show doesn't hook me in isn't a lack of quality, but rather other circumstances, e.g., There is a cap to how many shows I can devote to in any given week. If a new series comes online while I'm already maxed out with other shows, I usually have to let it go. If I hear enough good about it, I'll cycle back via DVD or repeats/Tivo.

Plus my moods for particular TV vary with time of year. HBO, in particular, really screws with me when they do stuff like start a new series in March or April, as that is when my mind is winding down on fictional TV and winding up on baseball and just craving to be out of doors.

[buckner was framed]

OK, but what about '24' on Fox? the whole end of the world/conspiracy theory/life-altering event every hour ties in nicely with the average Sox discussion... plus, some nights I'd swear Kiefer is a young Curt....