The meek inherit crap

Bill:
Dang, I really wanted to sweep the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of California of the United States of America of Planet Earth of Globular Cluster 15 of the Known Universe, but 2 of 3 from a potential postseason foe in Septembah ain't bad at all.

 

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Mike:
Yeah, there's a real positive vibe in the air … even the off field stuff gets me warm and fuzzy, like what Ortiz is doing to help Katrina victims.

 

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Bill:
Probably no bettah time to walk into the dahk alleys of the Bronx, although nobody outside of Boston and New York gives a shit, or so we are told.

 

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Mike:
Ah, fercrissakes, I know these syndicated columnists get paid to write bullshit content aimed solely at trying to push people's buttons and should be ignored at all costs …

 

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Bill:
Still, you feel duty bound to fisk it?

 

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Mike:
Absolutely. I mean first of all, where is the evidence that anyone outside of Red Sox and Yankees fans evah stopped, dropped, and rolled during the regular season when the two clubs meet?

 

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Bill:
Right, during the playoffs is different story, but if you're a Cubs or Astros or White Sox or whomevah fan you are compelled, unless you're a total wankah, to devote all your attention to your own club's 162.

 

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Mike:
Meanwhile, Caple tells us the rivalry is now invalid because the Red Sox finally clobbahed the Yanks, but just last year the syndicated sports pudnuts were telling us there was no rivalry because the Sox always lost to the Yankees? Jeez, talk about moving the effin' goal posts.

 

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Bill:
Yeah, and what's all this new found fascination with the Red Sox payroll? Has Caple been living under a rock for the past decade when the Red Sox have consistently been in the top of the heap on salary? Only thing that's different now is the management stopped spending money like dumb asses.

 

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Mike:
I just don't get this "you're just like the Yankees" shit anyway. I mean I challenge Caple to find me one baseball fan, just a single fan in the whole world, who wakes up during the hot stove season and says, "You know, this season I hope management does a serious slash and burn and cuts payroll by 50%. I want my club to be cheapskates. I want to root for a team in the bottom 5 of payroll expenditures. Fucking A right."

 

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Bill:
Yeah, seriously, it's like saying, "I hope to have a dead end, no skills required minimum wage job because, you know, I don't need to afford an iPod Nano when I can buy this cheap ass looking Wal-Mart imitation."

 

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Mike:
And while I'm at, I want a sexual partner who is not only ugly but frigid, too.

 

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Bill:
Because I'm an underdog, baby! Roof Roof!

 

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Comments

[buckner was framed]

Whoo hoo! yeah, baby! give me those 'surging' 13 games under .500 Giants waiting for Barry Bondnisone ovah the upcoming Bloodbath in the Bronx any day!! what an f*ing moron.....

[carlos quintana]

Whaddya expect from a guy that tries to draw a comparison between a baseball rivalry and some fictional couple on an NBC sitcom. Douche bag.

[You got the bread]

"Who cares whether either the Red Sox or the Yankees win the AL East anymore? It's like choosing whether you want Halliburton or Bechtel to get the latest war contract."

- I agree to the extent that the big story isn't whether the Sox or the Yankees win the East... it's that there are 5 teams vying for the 3 spots to have a go at the Chisox and there's a serious chance that the Sox with a good showing this weekend can knock the Yanks out of the playoffs. That's not David defeating Goliath, but it is Goliath in danger of falling on his own sword. It is a big f'ing scandal. It's whether Bechtel takes $230MM of YES money and blows it on drugs and kickbacks with no dead insurgents to show for it.

Just because the first chapter of the rivalry is over, doesn't mean the story can't be any good. It's the same moaning as our friend Aristotle - the perpetual underdog getting crushed by the evil empire story was so good! Well it's Return of The Jedi time baby, except this time there wont tbe any ewoks, just jabba the hut and Leah in a metal bikini and Lando handing out ice cold Colt 45.

[RonF]

"Dink of Dinks"! Great - now I've got to hover over all the links or I'll miss the best lines!

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

"Baseball's supposed best rivalry no longer matters to anyone outside New York and New England." Yeah, that's why it's being broadcast nationally on ESPN. Caple's bosses in Bristol obviously know a little more about it than he does. It's a shame he can't keep his trap shut too.

I cannot STAND the idiots who point to a large payroll as if you're tainting the game with it. Would the Red Sox world championship be somehow more noble if the whole team suddenly took an NHL-caliber pay cut? Would the team's performance be somehow heightened?

Ever notice how the people who carp the most about money are the ones who pay the most attention to it?

All I can say to that is, when Big Papi jolts another shot deep into an October New England night, I'm not going to be thinking about how much he's being paid. I'm not going to think about what it will take to re-sign the savior of centerfield. And maybe Caple should too; you know, focus on the game, instead of the payroll.

[Bergs]

"the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of California of the United States of America of Planet Earth of Globular Cluster 15 of the Known Universe"

Awesome, HB...great strip today.

[Jason O.]

As Hunter Thompson used to write: Ho, ho, ho....

The Sox start getting a little scrutiny and this fine site chafes like a 6 month old...you guys are in the big leagues now after '04. As Joe Paterno once said: Act like you've been there before.

Although I admit a certain ironic satisfaction seeing loyal Sox fans defending their team from the same idiotic payroll criticisms that many of them employed against the Yankees in years past.

Caple is an example of the mediocrity employed by espn.com, i.e., the "joke" about Halliburton and Bechtel contracts...who the fuck else is the Army going to hire to rebuild Fallujah or create a temporary city for 50,000 soldiers? A coalition of contractors from Southie and Queens?

Good luck this weekend.

[buckner was framed]

Jason-
at least if the guys from Southie were contracting it, you'd have a place to drown your sorrows come 4PM Sunday....

[h.b.]

The Sox start getting a little scrutiny and this fine site chafes like
a 6 month old...

Apologies for singling out Jason O, but as the man behind the curtain here, I have to confess that of all the different types of comments left on the site, nothing bums me out more than reading something like that because, to me, it means that the commenter is missing out what I'm trying to do here.

The Soxaholix love to bitch and moan or "chafe" in general. Indeed, such is the case with many a New Englander about most subjects be it the Red Sox, the weather, or the quality of fried clam batter.

It's fun. And one shouldn't read too much into it.

And not to overly deconstruct the creative process here, but sometimes the theme of any given strip is built entirely upon being able to dish out one line I like and that has been stuck in my head. The impetus, i.e., the Caple piece in this instance, is just a vehicle to that end.

[Devine]

Great strip, h.b. Really funny today.

[pudge]

So when the two teams are evenly matches and keep trading positions -- first the Sox win the seasons series and lose division, and the ALCS, now the Yankees do -- and there is a lot of bad blood, and a lot of history ... that is NOT a rivalry?

I can understand how people would be tired of it. I know many who are, just because it is the "same old story." And yes, winning the World Series took a big piece out of that story, but to say the rivalry is no longer compelling is retarded. That's like saying the Thrilla in Manila was not compelling because, you know, Ali had already finally beaten Frazier.

[pudge]

Don't forget that if the Sox don't win the division none of this matters anyway.

But even if they do, they will have to win the season series, else, you know, it doesn't really count.

Also, win the World Series again.

And, cure cancer. If you REALLY want to beat the Yankees.

[Kaz]

Just out of curiosity to the Caples of the world:

What would stifle the payroll comments? Do the Red Sox and Yankees have to strike their payroll so that they're not tops any more? If so, who's next on the chopping block? Is the only team safe from payroll criticism the Royals?

What if *every* team suddenly started paying 180-215 million for their team? Is it suddenly *right* because everyone's payroll is the same? Or do you start to whine about the Royals paying the same as the Yankees and not getting the same talented players?

The simple fact is that good players get paid more. That sets up teams full of good players to be the upper-right hand of the money v. talent graph. They become easy pickings as you can complain that they've somehow distorted the graph, but really...the graph is just fine. Look at all the teams in the middle and they're right in line, just lower on the graph (and yet still higher than the Royals!! How dare they spend 2x more and perform 2x better!)

The only payroll arguments that mean anything are the ones where Red Sox fans tell Yankees fans to stfu about being highly-paid...and vice versa.

[SawxSince67]

"Although I admit a certain ironic satisfaction seeing loyal Sox fans defending their team from the same idiotic payroll criticisms that many of them employed against the Yankees in years past."

Laughable and indefensible.

121,311,945 v. 205,938,439

Q.
What do the above numbers represent and do you believe that they are comparable?

A.

Red Sox v NYY 2005 Salary Commitments. The $84, 000,000+ difference will pay the TEAM salaries of MIL and CLE with a year of Kevin Millar left over.

Given the current status of the NYY, there are no more idiotic criticisms necessary. Mockery will do just fine.

Caple? Why bother...he's the Murray Chass of ESPN.com

[pawsoxpop]

All the hype surrounding a Sox-Yankee series has always been crazy enough, but now we have hype about the hype. It's truly ridiculous. I mean, if you're a Red Sox fan or a Yankee fan this is the biggest rivalry in sports; if you're a Giants or a Dodgers fan that is the biggest rivalry in sports, or Cubs-St. Louis or Packers-Vikings or whatever. Arguing about who has the biggest rivalry in sports is truly insane. Just play the games and watch it or don't watch it. What possesses somebody to devote so many words to dissecting whether somebody outside New England or New York cares about a Sox-Yankees series? If the Red Sox had to lose to keep them interested, then I'm glad they don't care any more.
As for the payroll issue, we all know baseball would be more competitive with a salary cap but good luck getting one. The Sox do have a huge payroll but they have to compete in the same division with a team that has an even bigger one. They have also lost many really good players to free agency who they would like to have kept. There is only one team in baseball that could afford to pay whatever they wanted to get whatever player they wanted and has never lost any of its great players to free agency, and we all know who that team is.

Hopefully when this weekend's over we will be the ones talking about the games and the other side will be talking about the auxilliary issues of whether or not this is a rivalry or whether or not they should fire their manager or whether or not the Jets will make the playoffs or whatever.

[Philly Patri0t]

In addition to donating to the Red Cross, I feel as if I should have donated some money to get the Sox batters some coffee last night. How could Byrd strike out three batters on the same exact pitch (That crazy fastball that cut into the outside part of the plate)? Anyway... Let's move on to the New York series. GO SOX!!

I'll be watching the games on TV for the first two nights (thank goodness it's on cable nationally for once!) and then my poor Philadelphia ass has to watch it on MLB.TV the last night.. lol. I hope the online video feed doesn't lag as much as with the Angels of blahblahblahblah Anaheim series. That would suck.

[Philly Patri0t]

BTW, I watched the Patriots game last night, because it was miraculously on TV here somehow. GO PATS!! :-D

[two sheds]

At the risk of sounding too much like an astronomy major, i feel i must mention that globular clusters are actually dense, 'globular,' swarms of stars and that neither we, nor the LA Angels (unfortunately) are located in one.

[two sheds]

At the risk of sounding too much like an astronomy major, i feel i must mention that globular clusters are actually dense, 'globular,' swarms of stars and that neither we, nor the LA Angels (unfortunately) are located in one.

[h.b.]

Yep, but you can't beat the sound of "globular cluster" for its humor value in the opening line. :)

If you're looking for accurate science, or even accurate baseball observations, this isn't the place more often than not.

[NYSoxfan]

isn't it bad enough that my MLB Access NESN feed is blacked out in NY, forcing me to suffer the insufferable Michael Kay on Friday night but follow that with a Tim McCarver special and I'm going SAP on these mofos. If he says Brandon Arroyo one more time... and that pop fly by Graffanino to right? It dinked off the chalk line before hopping into the crowd. Lousy replays by FAUX Sports missed it.

[Brian]

Looks like that's 55,000 more New Yorkers that Curt's made shut up. 55,001 if you count BigBitch.

[anon]

**55,001 if you count BigBitch.**

That's if you're under the impression that he-who-cannot-be-named is a "person" capable of human emotions other than negative ones. Besides, isn't HWCBN from MO anyway? So technically he's not a NooYawker that Curt (fine performance today too, Curt) shut up, just another barnacle we scraped off the underside of the boat.

You may be interested to know that BigBri decided to make his usual morale-killing statements on Survivinggrady.com early Saturday morning, crowing about the Yank$ victory. He must be losing it, no less than twice did he refer to two members of the Sox as "pussies." Yup, real intelligent debate from Bigbri, as usual. I thought calling someone a "pussy" in the negative meaning ended when you were 16. Can't wait for his next post when he calls (insert bloggers and/or Sox players here) "fags" and "homos."

Anyone else see the irony of Schilling, the teacher, being followed by Papelbon, the student? Ooooooo.

Of course, I couldn't see the game here in GA because MLB.TV blacked it because FOX (ugh) made it the game of the week... except down here where they decided to show the Braves/Nationals game. Then when that was over, they shows only the 8th inning of the Sox/MFY game; THEN Jeannie Z and that slug to her left said that "due to contractual obligations, we can't show you they 9th inning." I'm like, WTF???!? Christ, FOX are tools; I cannot believe the bullshit that network shovels out. The fact that it's Bush/Rove's mouthpiece and propaganda machine makes me even sicker to my stomach. I am surprised they didn't blame Hurricane Katrina on the Democrats and "liberals" (liberals being anyone who disagrees with FOX's point of view, of course).

May God bless Tim Wakefield and every pitch he throws. Go get 'em Timmy!

[h.b.]

Not to defend BigBri, but if you search the Soxaholix past posts, you'll see the term "pussy" appears with some regularity.

Worth noting, too, re your Fox "Bush/Rove's mouthpiece" rant, that Red Sox Nation is a so called "big tent" with fans representing both ends of the political spectrum and everything in between.

I try to represent the cross section of fan types a bit here on the strip.

There is no one "correct" Red Sox fan type. There are Bush supporters and Kerry supporters. There are those who are fighting in Iraq and those who march in the anti-war protests. There are the God fearing and the hard core atheists. So and so forth.

What unites us is our communal rooting for the Boston Red Sox.

[me]

**Not to defend BigBri, but if you search the Soxaholix past posts, you'll see the term "pussy" appears with some regularity.**

Well, it's not like I try to remember the vomiting wordage that creep coughed up here. I was just annoyed he made his presence known on another blog. Finding a Bigbri post is like finding bubblegum on the bottom of your shoe.

And the FOX diatribe should have been aimed more at the programmers who couldn't/wouldn't show the final inning of the BOS/MFY game in the non-northeast area. Why it wasn't shown is beyond me. It's just as soon as I see the words "FOX Network," I know who's behind it. Just wanted another opportunity to yell at them, that's all.

[h.b.]

"Finding a Bigbri post is like finding bubblegum on the bottom of your shoe"

Well said. And was just busting your nuts on the other stuff. Though I do like to remind myself as much as anyone else of the fact that there are all types of Red Sox fans, for better and for worse.

I'm tired too of all the blackout crap. It's difficult to believe that in the 21st Century we just can't pick and choose any game we want, especially when we are willing to pay extra for the service. Blackouts are antiquated thinking.