Summer loving
Susan:
Bronson Arroyo, I am so in love I grow a new hymen.
Tara:
12 and 9 with a just completed team-leading 17th quality start, what's not to love?
Susan:
Bronson brings out the Boston in me. The Great Molasses Flood of 1919 in me. The one if by land two if by sea in me. The salt cod and brown bread in me …
Tara:
Captain Fenway says he thinks Bronson is a better pitcher than a year ago and he's going to get better. Can you imagine?
Susan:
Ah, beanpole Bronson, blond tipped Arroyo, won't you at least pretend you want me? My nipples are lonely, my beads drip your name …
Tara:
Whoa, girlfriend, I think I should let you go so you can have some "alone time."
Susan:
Smashing idea but I'm late for work already. But I do need something to get wanting to 69 numbah 61 off my mind.
Tara:
Oh, I've got just the thing, I give you Jose Cansefug in a see-through thingy pimping for the paparazzi.
Susan:
Eew.
Author's Notes:
Susan's speeches today are straight lifts or rewordings of lines from poems by hottie poets Lyn Lifshin, Sandra Cisneros, and Edna St. Vincent Millay.
Instant Classic, H.B. The orange juice shooting out my nose confirms it.
Posted by: Bob | 2005.09.08 at 08:47 AM
wow, phwoooaar!
kinda takes yer breath away
Posted by: Summer Romance | 2005.09.08 at 09:00 AM
Thanks for the warning tag on the Canseco link, so I didn't go though to it and spoil my breakfast!
Posted by: RonF | 2005.09.08 at 09:50 AM
Freakin' Arroyo always gets the hot clip-art chicks! Damn!
Posted by: spd_rdr | 2005.09.08 at 10:10 AM
h.b. - You always come through just in time with the gals point of view. Nicely done. I never did heed the call a month or so back for favorite lines, but it does remind me that "Ooh, I just felt the baby kick" in response to Schilling the Savior is comedy of Biblical proportions.
Posted by: birthofasoxfan97 | 2005.09.08 at 10:25 AM
Sure, they like the skinny pitchers, but what about us guys that look more like Babe Ruth (as played by John Goodman)?
Posted by: Kaz | 2005.09.08 at 11:46 AM
Ooh yeah! Back on the Right Coast baby!
Great strip today hb- I was staying with my sis in Boston the past few days, and that definitely seems to be the pervading attitude among the ladies when it comes to Mr. Saturn-nuts.
FInally found my way to an internet hookup at the 'rents house in (amazingly warm sunny and beautiful) Maine. COuldn't have asked for a better three game stand- well I guess Moday's game was kind of a hiccup, but what can you do. Never did I expect to see two complete games, but sign me up for a second helping of the outings by the Fat Man and Wake, please. Bleacher seats for all three games, and it was fucking sweet- Papi's moon shot sailed almost directly over my head and sent me up the coast with a smile on my face that is still lingering after last night's awesomeness.
Papi's blast was the highlight, but the infield defense has been amazingly sweet also. I do find myself increasingly concerned about Tek and Miller's mini-slumps (anyone else see Tek FLAILING at the ball last night?), and more than a little worried about Manny. Seems he's taking his struggles at the plate into the outfiled with him which can't help the state of affairs out there. Anyways, sorry to ramble, but it's been a very exciting long weekend for me .
Gawd, I love being home...
Posted by: NV in ME | 2005.09.08 at 12:40 PM
h.b., masterful channeling of your feminine side. That eastern philosophy class in school must of been great. While I don't see why females (my girlfriend including) find young Bronson sooo hot (probably that 'artist-musician' thing). Although I am secure enough in my manhood to admit I have man-crushes; I tend to have them for the more 'manly' members of Sox: Tek, Papi, Wake. I am even warming to Boomer. I don't think there is anyone who can stomach Jose, though. Thanks for ruining my lunch hour, h.b.
Posted by: Follower of Tito | 2005.09.08 at 12:41 PM
sorry- that should've read Tek and Mueller's mini-slumps. Millar seems to be waking up from a 3/4 season hibernation. Keep it up Kevie!
Posted by: NV in ME | 2005.09.08 at 12:43 PM
I think it's that leg kick that they really go for. Any guy who can kick his leg up that high 115 times a night without falling over will have them eating out of his glove, even if he does insist on singing Pearl Jam and Stone Temple Pilot songs.
There is one good track on the Bronson CD, though. Bronson's singing on "Dirty Water" is great; there's a kickin' guitar solo, and a bunch of funny one-liners in between the verses by Damon, DiNardo and Youklis -- they mention Johnny Nitro's naked pullups and Nelson, Pedro's little friend.
In other news, Bronson's quality start after Wakefield's complete game and Wells's complete game on Sunday mean the bullpen should be in great shape heading into the Bronx. As long as Clement does his job tonight, which I expect he will.
I predict Manny's hitting woes will vanish in Yankee Stadium and he'll have a huge weekend against the MFY batting tees, I mean, pitching staff. And Papi will cement his second 40-home-run season in a row (only the second Sox to do it besides Yaz) before they get done derailing the Tankee wild-card hopes.
Posted by: pawsoxpop | 2005.09.08 at 12:50 PM
Yeah, the recent run of quality starts by the staff is the most encouraging sign I've seen so far this season. More innings for the rotation means more protection for that godawful bullpen, and fewer 8-7 nailbiting slugfests.
In other words: Playoff Baseball.
Posted by: Aaron | 2005.09.08 at 01:40 PM
Well hopefully the bullpen won't be so godawful now that they've had some time off. And if Foulke can give them some quality innings ahead of Timlin, maybe they'll be in decent shape. I'm feeling confident about Wells and Wake this weekend in the Bronx, but Schilling's start is the big ? ... I'm hoping he can keep it close for at least five innings. But I'm confident that our guys will have their hitting shoes on, especially against the flotsam and jetsam Torre will be throwing out there.
Hey NV in ME, you saw some great baseball this weekend; I'm jealous. I think they might have won on Monday too if the game had started around 1 instead of noon. Maybe you should have brought a thermos of coffee for the bats...
Posted by: pawsoxpop | 2005.09.08 at 01:51 PM
Anyone read the latest batch of bellyaching form the national sporting press?
Apparently, the rest of the baseball-watching world found the yearly sight of the Sox playing Elmer Fudd to the Yankees' Bugs Bunny to be endlessly fascinating, and the Sox let everyone down by going off script and winning it all last year. Now, outside the Northeast cares any longer about the Sox-MFY rivalry, and is far more interested in that riveting NL wildcard race.
Yeah, right.
Posted by: Aaron | 2005.09.08 at 02:24 PM
Whoops, that should read "NO ONE outside the Northeast cares any longer." Damn mittens...
Posted by: Aaron | 2005.09.08 at 02:25 PM
Just fine with me if people outside New England don't care about the Sox. That means I might be able to get a ticket to a game if I want to travel a little bit. Let them get their jollies watching some other team roll a boulder up a mountain only to have it come tumbling down on them. But calling the Sox "the New Yankees" is a very low blow and most unfair. Everyone knows that the New Yankees are in SECOND place and falling out of the wild card race as we speak.
Posted by: pawsoxpop | 2005.09.08 at 03:48 PM
don't most fans care primarily about their home teams? dont you think the only real fans of the NL wild card race are those fans with teams involved? what the crap so i care about that? what a dumb-assed article. these hyprcrite writers say nobody cares and then go out and write a story about it. if the NL wild card race is so exciting, write a 5000 word piece on it and see how many fans are captivated...
Posted by: Ric | 2005.09.08 at 04:14 PM
I still think Jose's is hot...
Posted by: Ice Princess | 2005.09.08 at 04:28 PM
Good Lord! My sister just typed that! I'm really a Bronson/Barry Zito type adorer!
Posted by: Ice Princess | 2005.09.08 at 04:29 PM
Hey sis, I did NOT just type that!!! And I DON'T still think Jose's is hot!!!
Posted by: Madonna | 2005.09.08 at 05:20 PM
awesome piece. reminds me of the one which still makes me roll on floor... when in the Spring, the girl was talking about Tek... as the "man with the ass of my dildo dreams".. or something like that.... dude... you have a gift. keep up the good work
Posted by: pmcfly | 2005.09.08 at 06:33 PM
And now, a little bit of good karma leading up to the battle in the bronx this weekend:
Down 3-1 with the bases loaded and two out in the bottom of the ninth inning, Chad Spann hit a grand slam to lift the Portland Sea Dogs to a 5-3 win over the rival Trenton Thunder in Game 1 of the Eastern League's Northern Division Championship Series at Hadlock Field.
Posted by: pawsoxpop | 2005.09.08 at 06:53 PM
This is one of the best strips ever done here... thanks for the memory...
:-)
Posted by: SoxSweepAgain | 2007.02.11 at 01:13 AM