The dead are talking...and she is listening

Bill:
Ah, can somebody call that Ghost Whispahrah chick because I've got a new case for her.

 

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Doug:
No kidding. Fahget the kid hit by a train who doesn't know he's dead yet. Ovah heah I've got a 25 guys run ovah by the Yankee Express a month ago but who insist they're still alive.

 

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Bill:
And aftah that I've got anothah spooky script for Ms Love Hewitt to read. It's called "I Still, Still, Still, er, Still, Know What You Did Last Summah! (And it wasn't 'Wins the AL East')"

 

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Doug:
Seriously. It's the perfect slashah/horrah film sequel set up. The evil nemesis is finally killed in 2004 and everybody can rest easy, laughing and splashing on the beach, nubile chicks in bikinis and all, it's a year latah and not a care in the world …

 

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Bill:
And then the overly serious and ominous voice ovah says: "Some secrets will haunt you forevah." Cue sounds of screaming.

 

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Doug:
Of course, in memory of last season, we should be more optimistic. Rationally there is no need to panic. And yet …

 

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Bill:
Happiness is founded on forgetting -- only wisdom, poor wisdom relies on memory.

 

---

Author's Notes

Bill's final speech is a reworking of a line that appears in the Richard Howard poem "For David Kalstone, 1932–86"

Comments

[spd_rdr]

There's plenty of beer in the fridge.
So I'm stickin'.

[Kaz]

It ain't over yet.

I just paid the DJ for another hour. I'll do it again if I have to. I'm staying for the last dance.

Just win.

[Jason O.]

"We know what the Boston Red Sox are all about. We saw what they did last year." -Alex Rodriguez, 9/28/05

"Fortuna caeca est." (Fortune is blind)
-Cicero, approx. 59-55 B.C.

[COD]

No title?

[Aaron]

Kids, we've got them in Fenway for three. And since he's pitching tonight, we won't be facing Aaron Small, who apparently sold his soul to the Devil. And Cleveland lost (if they make the postseason, every member of the Sox should send thank you cards to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, who made it all possible. First the Yanks and now Cleveland.) Take a deep breath. Exhale. Now take another. See how easy that is?

Of course, if I never see the goddamn Toronto Blue Jays again, it'll be too soon. WTF??!?!?

[h.b.]

No title?

Stupid TypePad. I know I put the title in. No idea why it vanished.

[h.b.]

FYI...

A reporter for a major newspaper who may be doing a story on The Soxaholix may be contacting some of you who are "regulars" in the comments here and who have used a valid email.

You have been warned. :)

[Ric]

hopefully BigBri gets a call..... that'd be a great story.

[pawsoxpop]

How come Ted Lilly is Cy Young against the Sox and Cat Dung against the rest of the league?

The boys can still do it though. And they don't need any help from the Baltimore Oreos either. All they got to do is sweep the GBY (Gap-toothed Bint) out of our house this weekend and all will be well.

They better find their hitting shoes fast though, because the pitching (other than Wakefield) doesn't look like it will pull us through...

[allan]

Seriously, how can Small keep pitching so well?

Isn't it time for Satan to call in the debt on that pact?

Where is that pitch-fork-holding Mo-Fo? Is he stuck in traffic?

Grrr .....

[pawsoxpop]

Seriously, the other teams should bring up their AAA guys to play whenever Small pitches. Those minor league guys had no trouble hitting him when he was in Columbus.

Time for Mistah Millah to shut his mouth, drink up his Jack Daniels, and staht hitting that ball wicked hahd...

[Bob]

//hopefully BigBri gets a call..... that'd be a great story.//

Ha! That would be a hilarious story. Except they'd put it in the Medical section of the paper. Something about "Grown men who won't leave their mother's basement and live in Spiderman pajamas."

[d56]

The 'rational thread' on SoSH honestly is the only thread I've read in 2 weeks - as much as I'm a part of The Nation, I can't do the Masshole posturing right now.

As much as I run the SABR angle on here, last night I almost puked - Boomer, we need your corpulence tonight baby, especially in shutting down Frank "I do to the Sox what Bone Buhner used to do to the Yankees" Catalanotto . . .

But then again, thank God we still have something to root for (other than, say, waiting every 5 days to root for King Felix)

[NV in SD]

So Bronson picked the worst possible night for his shittiest start and first loss of Sept. Great. Can't say I was expecting too much, but 3 hr in four innings? If I were to find out he was up late last night serenading his wife with some tracks for his new CD my head would explode. Regardless, all hope for the Division is not lost. I spent a good part of last night going over all the possible scenarios for our entrance to the playoffs, and I gotta say (again) I like our chances. The O's have seen Small recently, so hopefully they'll be smacking the shit out of his AAA sinkerball. That and they have their "ace" on the hill tonight... who knows what could happen? I do like the fact that both Gordon and Rivera pitched last night.

Our bats are due for a serious wake-up call. Besides Rent and Mueller, there hasn't been too much going on. If however, they're saving up for an offensive explosion this weekend, that's fine by me.

(In through the nose, out through the mouth...)

Just win baby.

[Devine]

I believe Clement pitches tonight, d56. Which would make this weekend Wells, Wakefield, Schilling (*vomits*).

The only consolation I can think of is that David Ortiz has been quiet recently...TOO quiet. If he fizzles out without any break-out before the season is over, I'll be very surprised. I don't want to say he can turn it on when he wants, but I'll be surprised if he doesn't hit at least two home runs between now and Sunday (and probably more like three). He strikes me as a rumbling, smoky volcano, ready to burst. Whether these ominous rumblings will actually lead to the fire and music I hope to see, I don't know. But I still hope.

[NYSoxfan]

last year, people asked would you trade a Kerry election win for a Red Sox championship? I said no. The Sox win it all in historic fashion. Fast forward to 2005 -- the Shrub is getting mauled, Tom DeLay is indicted and Rove is next but Sox can't put away the GOP-luvvin $teinbrenner's MFYs who have come from back and beyond to lead the pennant race. Are the gods of baseball and politics just toying with me? What gives?!?

[tessie]

Ding dong, the witch is not really most sincerely dead.

http://browns247.com/index.php?s=2ca8c410fb39f1bc3a380045711d91e8&automodule=blog&blogid=10&cmd=showentry&eid=48

[Jason O.]

There's no toying going on, NYSoxFan, you're just an asshole, i.e., the kind of person who would lamely attempt to conflate issues like baseball and politics in a failed attempt at humor.

Listen to how stupid this sounds: Woo-hoo!!! John Roberts was confirmed with 78 votes!! That augurs well for the Yankees!!!

The above is how your post reads.

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

trade a kerry election for a Red Sox championship? Gee there's a tough one. I'm not fan of the Shrub, but a bumper sticker I saw a while back says it all: "If Kerry is the answer, it must have been a really stupid question." I just hope they don't stop with DeLay and indict that whole sorry mess of scumbags on Capitol Hill.

Clement goes tonight. Unless Small gets shelled (I too am toeing the "WTF?" party-line in regards to Small) and the Sox club the Jays (as well they should), we definitely have an uphill battle this weekend. Another WTF-er is the Jays mastery of the Sox this year - I mean seriously. I'm actually more worried about facing them than spanks.

[NV in SD]

Wow. A MFY fan calling a Sox fan an asshole in enemy territory. Did I miss something here? Granted, Jason, that your comments in this space have been a breath of fresh ir compared to the typical trolling we usually see from your kind, but put a sock in it. I'd rather not see political commentary of any kind from anybody at this point in the BASEBALL season, and you're only fanning the fire. Please continue with the Latin catchphrasing, etc. but lay off the insults.

[pawsoxpop]

Yeah, and you know this weekend you'll regret that John Roberts is on the Supreme Court, because that means he won't be available in the Crankee Bullpen when they're down 15-2 and their arms are all falling off! Go Sox!

[Jason O.]

NV....That was the whole point of my post, mixing pure partisan politics directly with sports or any other kind of entertainment is at best condescending.

All Red Sox fans are Democrats and the Steinbrenner evil empire blah blah is in league with the GOP?? That would be more insulting if it wasn't so stupid....even if it is a joke.

The insult bothers you? If you don't like the peaches, don't shake the tree.

[da kine]

Not to be the dick of the year, but even when our boys make the postseason, how well are they going to perform? They're being held together with paper clips and jesus juice.

I still think they're going, but then they have to face the Angels, probably Spankees, and then Cards to win it all again. The pitching will have to lock it down tight and the offense will have to make it a blowout early in every game, since Timlin can't pitch 3-4 innings every day. How's that for optimism mixed with old-school negativism?

[birthofasoxfan97]

My beloved husband calmly and quietly insisted until the last out that last night's game was winnable. I love the optimism but quietly feel the angst. This where it gets good. If we weren't going down to the wire, it just wouldn't be quite as much fun...but I frickin' hate all the birds.

Pawsoxpop - arms falling off - har har. Indeed. Everytime I see Giambi I think of that SNL skit where the eastern european weightlifters arms snap off.

[h.b.]

I should remember to save this reminder so I can just paste it in because I seem to have to do this, oh, every couple of weeks.

Red Sox Nation (and I'm sure the same is true of the Yankees' fans etc.) includes ALL TYPES of people of every political persuasion and otherwise.

There are Red Sox fan vegetarians and those who think hunting moose and deer is a requirement to being human. There are the pro-choice and the pro-life. The atheist, the agnostic, the Christian (in all the various flavors), the Jewish, the Wiccan, the Muslim, the Buddhist.

There are Bush supporters and "anybody but Bush" supporters. There are those who marched in DC last weekend in the anti-war protest and there are those who are right now serving the country in places like Iraq and Afghanistan and all over the globe.

Being fans of the the Red Sox is what unites us!

Jeez.

Even among the 4 main characters here on the strip we get different flavors of fan types.

OK. Rant over.

[Ice Princess]

Great one again today HB - I hate that I'm a West Coaster that always gets here so late! The evil that are the Yankees remind me of that new movie The Fog, as they're creeping in so creepily.

[Kaz]

Usually level-headed, you seem to have dove into the shallow end, JO. GOP-luvvin is a modifier of Steinbrenner (and he has given tons to Repubs lately). It wasn't a characterization of all fans as Democrats, just one (NYSoxFan). In fact, he didn't say he was a Democrat either, just wanted Kerry to win the election over Bush.

The question is how Ye Political and Baseball Gods collude so that NYSoxFan can only have 1 thing that he wants from either world at a time (either the Sox win...and so does Bush OR Bush takes a nosedive without the help of pretzel or Segway and so do the Sox).

That's one man's way of viewing the world. I don't see where he was trying to "conflate" anything just ponder the coincidence.

It's one thing to say "Yankee fans are anal GOP clown-monkeys". It's another to question if the Fates conspire to keep you from being happy in multiple arenas of your life at once.

[Jason O.]

Ice princess, if you look like Adrienne Barbeau in "The Fog," I'll be all too happy to creepily creep in, if you know what I mean.

[Follower of Tito]

Allan maybe be right about these MFY AAA/journeyman pitchers and their Faustian deals, but I am wondering what the Jays did?

Theory: The city of Toronto has a lot of folks from places where they practice Zoodoo,i.e, the DR, Jamaica. Perhaps Jays' management got a lock of Bronson's or Johnny's hair from the visitors' locker room, one of their personal belongings,...I'm just say..

I don't know if we will be playing tonight in the Fens. Out here in the western part of the Commonwealth, it is raining pretty hard. I don't know if postponing until tomorrow and having a twin bill with the MFYs works to our advantage. Maybe it lets our bullpen rest, put it lets theirs do the same.

Time for the anti-rain dance!

[NV in SD]

Well, Jay, I wasn't shaking your proverbial tree. I was just saying that by responding to political comments, which I agree are ill- placed and timed, by calling someone an asshole is not appreciated, especially when you already have the MFY fan stigma. But fuck it, I'm dragging myself into a conversation I wanted no part in anyway. Continue with the slander! (you're on your own NYSoxFan).

[Devine]

Not to mention the buggin'-the-women-of-this-great-nation-with-the-"creepily-creep-in" stigma. If I were a girl, I'd be downright offended by a MFY fan doing that to me here.

[pawsoxpop]

Talk about Zoodoo, FoT,
I just noticed this morning that the picture of my son and myself at the Duck Boat Parade last year (holding the ubiquitous 2004 World Series Champion placards they were passing out) is missing from my desk at work. No doubt the work of the same anonymous MFY fan who plastered A-Rot photos all over my cubicle the day he signed with the GBY (Going Balco? Golddigging Baboons? Who knows)...
But Earl Weaver tried that voodoo ploy in 1975 and it didn't work then either. Just win baby. And Mr. Clement better go deep tonight because Tito must not waste Pape and Timlin against the Jays tonight.

[Aaron]

Speaking as someone who enjoys frequenting political blogs and getting in politics-based arguments there, I rather enjoy this site precisely because it is normally so non-political. A bit of a break from the action, as it were, where Right and Left can come together in their mutual hatred of Pure Evil.

To further illustrate the point:

While those of us on the Left side of the aisle may find Steinbrenner's GOP-lovin' ways repugnant, is certainly can't make us hate him any more than we already do. Why? Because we're Sox fans, and he's George Steinbrenner, spawn of Satan.

Conversely, the many GOP-leaning Sox fans out there might agree with much of Steinbrenner's politics, but that agreement won't make them like him any more. Why? Because they're Sox fans, and he's George Steinbrenner, spawn of Satan.

I imagine that something similar is true for Yankee fans, given that Democrats outnumber Republicans roughly 5-1 in NYC. They hate his politics, but root for his team anyway.

[buckner was framed]

great- so now it's come down to Mike Stanton vs Juicin Giambi... how's that for a scenario no one dreamed of??

And, psp, I submit that it's time for Mistah Millah to not only shut up and drink up but also sit the f*ck down.....

God I love baseball.....

[buckner was framed]

and am I the only JL Hewitt fan here?? thanks for the eye candy link, hb....

[h.b.]

I like to cast stones at King George as much as the next Red Sox fan, but we should always remember that our Olde Towne Team for years was owned by, let's see, a redneck, racist, alcoholic, to just a few pejoratives that come to mind... And the World Series drought has as much to do with that as anything.

[COD]

That's got to be weird for Stanton. He is coming in for a 4 day stint. The ultimate mercenary, he has no vested interest beyond upping his value to somebody next year.

He isn't eligible for post season, but were he to do something important like strike out Juicin' Giambi with 2 outs, the bases loaded in the top of the 8th on Sunday with the Sox clinging to a 3-2 lead...he'll go down in Sox lore forever.

[pawsoxpop]

Hey Buck -- I'd be inclinded to sit Millar down too, but it ain't gonna happen, so he better drink down that Jackie D. and start smackin' the ball around. Of course, it would be just like him to go 0 for everything but then hit a three-run homer to open the floodgates against the Big Unfit on Saturday.

Yeah HB thanks for the JL Hewitt link. I think there was a really funny sports guy column awhile ago where it said if you want to get your wife/girlfriend mad at you, tell her you think Andie MacDowell is overrated and not really that pretty; and then tell her that you think Jennifer Love Hewitt is a really good actress. That's an experiment that yields hilarious results, but if you try it make sure you have room to duck.

[NewtonNephew]

Not that I personally care, but since Steinbrenner's politics were raised, just for the record, he's a New York-type Republican, not a right-winger. I realize that Steinbrenner-haters (including me) will loathe him just as much whether he's a Nazi, a member of the Shining Path, or a secret donor to Earth First!, so long as he owns the GBY (Gobs o' Bucks Yankees).

[Billy Mahty]

I'm impressed that this is the first place I'm hearing some of this news (Stanton, possible double header?). I always liked Stanton, and will hate to see him in the Sox uniform. Hopefully I'm not as repulsed as I am by Olerud. (Wells is still ok in my book, but kinda washed up. Ah, who am I kidding? He's always been washed up, even when he's hot.)

I'm wondering if it wouldn't make more sense to skip the game tonight (assuming it's rained out), and only play it on Monday if necessary. Maybe that's against the rules.

On the political note, I've been glad this site doesn't have a slant. I hated seeing the GBYs used in Bush's pump-up video at the RNC last year. I also hated Schilling's comments and stumping last year (the ace from the hometown team disses Kerry?). But I'm obviously biased... the opposite wouldn't bother me, but I ought to appreciate that it would bother a GOPer.

Man, I can't wait to settle down at the bah tomorrow night!

[NYSoxfan]

Sheesh, turn my back for a minute and all hell breaks loose. Jason O., if you think politics and baseball aren't intertwined, you've got a lot to learn. I've lived in NYC 10 years now so your bombast is really nothing new. I'll be at Phebe's on the Bowery this weekend wearing my colors rain or shine. Go Sox.

[JurassicCarl]

And now that the White Sox have clinched the AL West, you dinosaurs are lookin' at the next World Series MVP.

[pawsoxpop]

Actually, I think it's politics and FOOTBALL that are intertwined. Wait a minute, no, it's ECONOMICS and FOOTBALL that are entertwined. Like, when an AFL team wins the Superbowl, the Dow Jones Average goes one way, and when an NFL team wins it goes the other way. I can never remember this stuff, which is why I don't own a Major League baseball team I guess...

[d56]

Ah yes - in my moping, I misread the rotation - Clement tonight, and let's see the fastball sinking (and missing the middle of the plate), Matty . . .

. . . and as a registered Republican, I still hate Steinbrenner, but even though we hate the guy, it's the kind of hate that is bred from understanding that though he might be the Douche of the Universe (apologies to Parker & Stone, et al), he puts his all into winning and won't put up with less. That's a great attitude . . . that leads to the Bronx Zoo when it gets out of hand (and perhaps a new one now that Cashman's gone), but still.

I'm glad that HB is able to spout whatever views he feels his characters would have, and that he comes from all those (sometimes) disparate angles. That's why I'm here every day.

[Follower of Tito]

Maybe my weather report was too premature. Since things tend to move eastward from here, it is clear in Hampshire County now. Have to check NECN for weather, then NESN for the game. Now that the Sox have clinched, how much of a fight will they offer the Indians? It starts looking more and more like our destiny is in our own hands. It's better that way. If the boys win, they did it on their own. No backing into the playoffs. It's like last year when some of my friends said I was crazy for saying the WS won't mean as much if we didn't have to go through the MFY. Same is true for this year. Time to leave it all out on the field (like last year) and see what happens.

Just(insert explictive here)Win, Baby!

[Follower of Tito]

The "other" Sox have clinched. Freudian slip...wishful thinking.

[NYSoxfan]

sorry but Steinbrenner not a right-winger? He's a failed shipbuilder from Cleveland, not a New Yorker. And illegal campaign contributions to Richard M. Nixon (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/george1.html) -- how low can you go?!? If Ronald Reagan hadn't pardoned the slimebag, the Boss would be a convicted felon instead of just a prick...

[Billy Martin's Ghost]

HE IS CONVICTED!! REGGIE JACKSON IS THE BORN LIAR!!! HE'S CONVICTED!!!

[Howie Spira]

Mr. Steinbrenner is a man among men.

[CharlieHustle]

George Steinbrenner better not ever get into the Hall of Fame before I do. That's all I can say.

[pawsoxpop]

Actually, there was one connection between baseball and politics that I read about yesterday in the excellent feature about Yaz on boston.com. Ironically, it involved Steinbrenner and a DEMOCRAT, not a Republican. Yaz says that as his career was winding down, Steinbrenner asked Tip O'Neill if he could get Yaz to play one last year as a Yankee. God Bless him, Tip told Steinbrenner where to stick it. Of course, I'm sure he was doing it for not only the right reason (Tip was a big-time Sox fan) but also for the smart reason (he would have had BIG-TIME trouble at the ballot box if he had ever convinced Captain Carl to go the MFY).

[spd_rdr]

An hour 'till game time.
Beer me.

[Kaz]

As a note, because I keep hearing about the ChiSox and AAA and oh no, they'll hand the Indians wins:

The Chicago White Sox are not yet assured home field advantage for the ALCS. Let's just assume that they lose the next three to Cleveland. The Yankees could still win 3 of 4 and tie the White Sox record and their season series is tied at 3-3. I don't know who gets home field then, but it'd be easier for Chicago to win at least two this weekend and clinch home-field through the playoffs.

Am I doing this right? I don't understand why this isn't expressed in any of the "White Sox Clinch" articles that I can find.

[Kaz]

PS - The Red Sox will make all of that moot anyways by taking all 3 games this weekend and leaving the Yankees to figure out their WC chances against the Indians.

[pawsoxpop]

That's what I'm talkin' about Kaz! Forget the Indians. Just sweep the Yankees out of town. Get the brooms out people, let's go!!!

[Billy Mahty]

Another thing to think about.. if I'm the White Sox, do I want to get spanked around by the Indians this weekend and then have to face them a few days later? Probably not.

[Devine]

Oh please...not again.

Graffanino double...turn this around, PLEASE!

[NV in SD]

Just wanted to posit this before the Millah Lite made me forget:

Fuck Jerry Trupiano. If you're auditioning for your national broadcasting job, do it somewhere else besides 'EEI. Comments like "And its on a hop to Hinskie- and he may have SAVED THE GAME on that one..."

fuck you Trup- it's called you're a local brodacaster. Act like it.

AS wrote this Papi hit the game tying HR. ANyone else wanna bitch about Trup- I think it might be good luck

[Devine]

DAVID FUCKING ORTIZ!!! GAME-TYING HOMER, GAME-WINNING SINGLE!!!

WHO'S YOUR FUCKING DADDY?

*breathes*

Okay, thank you. I can breathe. Warm-up act, I can only hope.