You've got the look

Steve:
OK. I confess. I don't think I ever heard of Bobby Abreu until last night.

 

---

Bill:
Don't sweat it. I can't name the teams in the other league, let alone the playahs.

 

---

Steve:
Yeah, and not everyone can be known by 75 percent of the world like Johnny Damon.

 

---

Bill:
Who knew that Johnny Jesus Damon is more populah than the other one, what's his name, the messiah, son of God healah of lepahs …?

 

---

Steve:
If this keeps up they'll need to start calling the other guy Jesus Johnny Christ.

 

---

Bill:
Get Mel Gibson's people on the phone, it's time for the sequel.

 

---

Steve:
Blessed are the center fielders with meek throwing arms for they shall inherit the earth.

 

---

Bill:
The similarities are uncanny. I mean Jesus the Christ saved a prostitute from a public stoning and Jesus the Damon saved Michelle Mangum from a life of …

 

---

Steve:
Hey, careful, now, you don't want any legal action brought down on your freckled Irish ass.

 

---

Bill:
What? What? I was going to say "saved from a life toiling for a talent scouting agency," you know? Jeez, The last thing I want to do is give credence to any of those libelous "former stripper" rumors running rampant. Despicable.

 

---

Steve:
Absolutely. I mean it's not like talent scouting agencies rip people off by preying upon an individual's desire for attention or anything.

 

---

Bill:
You know I've been scouted by a couple modeling talent agencies.

 

---

Steve:
Jumpin' Johnny on a stick, no way, dude!

 

---

Bill:
Yah-way. They said I have the perfect look to model a desktop publishing clip-aht charactah aftah.

 

---

Steve:
Shit, man, you outta go for it. I mean the deposit is totally refundable and all …

 

---

Comments

[El Guapo's Ghost]

Great post for a slow day. Seriously, what are Mrs. Damon’s journalism qualifications?

[GaryGeiger]

Soxaholics: Take a moment to read the NYBOAST's Kevin Kieran article w/ "Fiddy" Sheffield. The thug declares that he and the Yanks won't allow the Sox to disrespect A-Fraud this upcoming series, and he'll be protected "at any cost"

I hope Arroyo drills both of these punk-ass-bitches...

[Sheff's got my back, too]

Mrs. Damon's journalism credentials are unfortunately the same as Sam Horn's. They each have some vague connection with the team.
At least Hazel Mae made on looks alone.

[Follower of Tito]

All I can hear when I see Shef-fraud or even hear a quote from him is tacky porn flick music..."Boom, chick-a boom, boom boom.." It's that freakin' Ron Jeremy moustache. All I hear when the rest of the Stinkees talk is that Charlie Browne adult sound.."Wah wah wah, wah wah!" Since last year, it's all so much noise with a health dose of desperation.

The Stinkees all know that they have had their "Aces" (The Big Eunuch and Mike "The mouse" Mussina) on the mound the whole first half while Schill has been gone and Wells has just returned to form.

Further, that feeling of desperation will only grow if Schill comes out of the pen and proves to be 75% of the closer that he has been as a starter.

Hazel Mae is also another gifted individual, but I suspect she may be using some preformance enhance equipment lately (Wonder Bra?)

[pawsoxpop]

Typo police here. Despite the religious theme of today's strip, it should be "preying" not "praying" when referring to talent agencies taking advantage of their clients. "Praying" would be appropriate if you were talking about the actual help they can render, such as "giving 1,000 of their clients' 8x10s to a director and praying that somebody gets hired."

So Papi didn't do so great in the second round last night. He had to save some dingers for the folks in the bleachers next weekend. Sheffield's gonna have to buy a ticket or stand out in the street if he wants to catch any of those suckers!

[BigBri]

Geiger - Your comment is hilarious considerng the fact that Arroyo is the ULTIMATE punk. PLEASE let him plunk Shef. That kid Arroyo will run cryin' to his momma once Shef starts toward the mound. And don't look for Captain FaceMask to be any help. He ducks and runs for cover when faced with anyone tougher than him. He won't eve take of his maks to go up against A-Rod and he outweighs the guy by 50 pounds!

Follower of the guy who will manage his team out of the post season - It's funny because Yankee fans feel the same way every time Varitek speaks. If anyone looks like a 70's porn star it's Captain Catcher. The 'desperation' is all on you guys now as you desperately cling to first. 2nd half slide here we come!

[NYSoxfan]

Down here in the belly of the beast, the Post story is just the pathetic screed's latest attempt to sell papers on an off day. They don't call it a tabloid for nuthin'. So is Sheffield's 2-game suspension still up for appeal? Guess he's getting his own guile up in case some fan tries to "bust his lip open" while swiping at a baseball. Sheffield -- a true MFY if ever there was one -- better be careful he doesn't start a riot with his antics in RF. Anger management, indeed. BTW, thanks for confirming my suspicions about Miss Mae.

[pawsoxpop]

They're going to protect A-Rod at any cost from what? All those ground balls rolling through his legs?

[GaryGeiger]

BigBri; I was hoping my post would flush you out...flush being the operative word. The same people who were ready to toss Giambi from the George now swing on his steroid shrunken dick because he hits for a week? There are guys on the Yanks I have great respect for; Torre, Jeter, Bernie, Tino, Rivera and even jug-eared Posada. But when you're counting the days between Wang Chung starts, banking on Melky Cabrera to solidfy your outfield, Pavano throws a shoe after 1/2 season and Tony Womack??? Jesus that's laughable....no wait a sec, we do have K-horn, so that's a wash. Fiddy Sheffield is bullshit, and so is his act.
It's going to be enjoyable to watch Theo & Co. throw the Pop-Pop Steinbrenner down the well again this year.

[pawsoxpop]

Maybe he meant they're going to protect A-Rod from getting tagged when he's trying to run out a grounder to the mound? Maybe they'll clear the dugout and run across the field to slap the ball out of Bronson's glove?

[BigBri]

GG - I've said it before, but it bears repeating. This blog will serve as an archive of all your foolishness when this season ends and reveals the SAWX to be the pretenders they really are. Sheffield is bullshit until he's knockin' dents in the Monst-AH.

You guys wouldn't want Sheffield. Not when you have trot nixon. What a friggin joke. 50 less at bats with an OBP thats 22 points lower and a slugging percentage that's not even in the same ZIP code as Shef. 9 HRs compared to 17. Ripping on Sheffield...What a nation of idiots...

[pawsoxpop]

Or maybe Sheffield means the Yankees will protect A-Rod from Jeter in the clubhouse after he cusses out his "captain" after blaming him for missing a lousy throw to second. Actually, I don't see why the Post thought that an angry outburst of 'roid rage from one of the Balco Boys was news anyway. The Daily News got it right with their headline that Sheffield is simply "Mad at the World."

[h.b.]

"This blog will serve as an archive of all your foolishness when this season ends ..."

Kind of like how this blog and other Red Sox blogs provide a testament to the greatest comeback in the MLB history last year?

Kind of like how this blog and other Red Sox blogs will forever be an archive to one of the most sissified, laughable displays ever on a baseball field that will forever be known as "Slappy McBluelips?"

Yeah, that's what I thought you meant.

Where were you last season anyway, BigBri. Did you just discover the interweb thingy?

We were here all last season with ne'er a Yankees fan in sight. Did it take getting your sorry asses handed to you by Mssrs Bloody Sock and Varitek to get you out of the mystique and aura woodwork?

I know, defeat can be lonely. One needs to reach out.

We feel your pain, BigBri. You'll be OK if you don't fight it.

[NYSoxfan]

Sheffield for Trot? Never. Sorry BigbadBri, you can huff and puff all you want but your Bronx bombast doesn't scare anybody in this room. Gotta love how MFY fans act like they are some kind of underdog with a $200 million payroll. I mean fercrissakes! The only underdog in the AL East is the Devil Rays. We play them a bunch of times in the 2nd half. Of course we've already seen what they can do against the MFYs who face the Sox, Rangers & Angels on the road after the break. Let's touch base again in 10 days or so and revisit how Sheffield (i.e., Assusholus Erectus) is such a great asset to have on one's team...

[BigBri's Mom]

BigBri-
I actually checked out your blog and it seems that you are a lonely, bitter little boy. My favorite was where you interview yourself then post multiple comments you obviously wrote under the guise of other people. THAT is sad.

Now get the fuck out of my basement.

[BigBri's Dad]

"You guys wouldn't want Sheffield. Not when you have trot nixon. What a friggin joke. 50 less at bats with an OBP thats 22 points lower and a slugging percentage that's not even in the same ZIP code as Shef. 9 HRs compared to 17. Ripping on Sheffield...What a nation of idiots..."

You guys wouldn't want Manny. Not when you have Tony Womack. What a friggin joke. 46 less at bats with an OBP thats 85 points lower and a slugging percentage thats not in the same universe as Manny. Womack's OPS of .542 is pretty close to Manny's OPS of .910 as well. Ripping on our RF when you have the worst LF in baseball... what a MFY.

Now listen to your mother and get the fuck out of my basement.

[scott12xu]

(I posted this last night on survivinggrady.com, didn't now if anyone saw it there but i thought you'd get a chuckle out of it - or at least save you from reading bigbri's psychotic ramblings for a little bit...)

Inspired/jealous of fellow pitcher Bronson Arroyo's CD of cover songs that reflect his life, David "Fustilug" Wells will be doing a CD of songs that reflect HIS life and philosophy. Some of the songs he will be performing are:

"Drink, Fight & Fuck" (GG Allin)
"Born to Raise Hell" (Motorhead)
"S.F.C.C."/"The 4 F's" (Mentors)
"Fuck You Up and Get High" (Dwarves)
"New York's Alright if You Like Saxaphones" (Fear)
"Thirsty and Miserable"/"Six Pack" (Black Flag)
"Your Pretty Little Face is Going to Hell" (Iggy & the Stooges)
"Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue" (Ramones)

...and many others...

Changing gears, everytime I read one of Littlebri's insane screes, I can only think of that Bjork "fan" in Florida a few years ago who sent her a letter bomb (caught just in time by Scotland Yard), videotaped himself making it, saying how much he loved her, thenn shaving his body hair (including the head), painting himself purple (he was fat and naked BTW) then blowing his brains out. It was on "20-20" a few years ago - they showed the tape up to the point where he pulled the trigger (they froze frame on him with the gun in his mouth).

Bri's comments remind me of that.

You have my deepest sympathy, Bri's mom.

[Aaron]

Hmmmmm. The number of comments around here starts to drop off for a week or so...but then, as if on cue, the "BigBri" character reappears and starts slingin' the insults. And comments go back up.

HB, you are truly Machiavellian. :)

[GaryGeiger]

h.b.: Your last post was the equivalent of a Schilling fastball drilled into the collective fat ass of Yankeeville. But let's not be too hard on our buddy from NY. BigBri from BedStuy (deluded though he is) plays the perfect Yankee villian and ensures the lively exchanges that make this blog as great as it is. BTW, isn't it generally acknowledged that someone who feels compleed to use 'Big' in their name is doing so to cover up shortcomings in...er....other areas?

[Scaredanldonelyinthebasement]

Look at me! I’m Big! I’m BigBri! Pay attention!
Hey! I’m saying something! I’m Big! Me! Big!
It’s me! I’m Big!

[pawsoxpop]

Maybe Sheffield will have to protect A-Rod from BigBri and the rest of the MFY fans waiting outside the Stadium after the Tankees return from their disastrous road trip.

[GaryGeiger]

Sorry, I fat-fingered "compelled"...Red Sox idiot that I am

[BigBri]

h.b - You are correct. This blog DOES serve as a testament to LAST YEAR'S amazing accomplishments by the SAWX and the amazing loyalty of RSN. No doubt. But it's a double edged sword and that 'bad edge' is headed your way. Right now. EVERYBODY (outside of BAHSTAHN) knows that what you call 'slappy mcbluelips' was an aggressive play made by a great ballplayer. A future hall of famer. ANY former player, when asked, will tell you they would have done the same thing. In fact, their ONLY criticism of A-Rod is that he didn't plan that little sonofabitch in right field - which he should have. And you ALL know, deep in your black hearts - that if it had been a SAWX player who was involved in 'slapping' the ball he would be honored forever and would probably have the first base lie named after him much like the 'pesky' pole, or the 'pudge' pole. I don't know a SINGLE SAWX fan who doesn't think V-Tek is AWESOME for starting that fight with A-ROd last year. yet EVERYONE outside of BAHSTAHN knows he is a COMPLETE punk for keeping his mask on the whole time. But you chumps can't figure that out. All hail the captain who needs the 'C' on his chest to remind everyone - what a joke.

I wasn't here last season because I honestly had no clue that RSN was cluttering up the internet with so much bullshit (your site is USUALLY the exception). Now that I see what's going on, I feel the need to set the record straight. On a daily basis if necessary.

NYSOXFAN (the most VILE of fans)- I'm GLAD you are not scared. You guys are walking in to the 2nd half buzz saw FULL of piss and vinegar. It's going to make your downfall even that much more enjoyable for me and 'Yankee Nation'. Can't wait to see how many times Lou and the D-Rays knock those SAWX to the dirt with pitches high and tight. Chin music to my ears.

Scott (I mean Mom) - How about a little support, huh? I might be better behaved if you only gave me some support!

Scott (I mean Dad) - Go bang Mom some more. And since you and Mom are the same person you can interpret that to mean - go f*ck yourself ;-).

Scott - Jesus CHRIST you take a long time to make a point. I remind you a Bjork fan offed himself. Fantastic - and REALLY witty!

Aaron - you are correct. I AM h.b. - Now PLEASE shut up about it. You're going to ruin EVERYTHING!

Gary - And what Minor league team would one have to play for in order to be HIT by a Schilling FB? Ohhh that's right! He's returning to the BULLPEN after the All-Star-Minus-One break. How's that going to work on all your Moneyball equations? Isn't that a little much to pay for middle inning relief? Or will Curt end the FEUD with Johnny Damon and be allowed to be the closer???

[pawsoxpop]

Hopefully Sheffield will protect A-Rod from strange opinions like those propounded by BigBri that "EVERYBODY (outside of BAHSTAHN) knows that what you call 'slappy mcbluelips' was an aggressive play made by a great ballplayer." In fact, EVERYBODY outside of BigBri's mom's basement knows that the slap was a pathetic, selfish and stupid play that actually hurt the Blankee cause. Because if A-Rod takes the tag like a man, Jeter gets to second base and can still score. But because of the interference, Jeter has to go back to first base. Of course Jeter is too much of a good teammate to criticize A-Fraud in public for his stupidity. Unlike Alex who chews out his captain in the clubhouse when he fails to catch a poor throw.

[pawsoxpop]

Oh and I'll take the "Damon vs. Schilling feud" (whatever that is) vs. the Jeter and those who can remember the Championship years vs. the A-Fraud, Balco Boys and those who are bringing about the Chumpion-chimp years that will decimate the Tankee clubhouse after next weekend's Boston Massacre.

[BigBri]

PAWSOX - you are talking complete bullshit. A-Rod and Jeter NEVER got into it in the clubhouse. That was a story that was reported HERE! In the comment section of THIS BLOG (and a place called RADARONLINE.COM). I know you guys hate the print media, but give me a friggin' break!

I've ALWAYS held that A-Rod should NOT have 'slapped' (what the rest of the world realizes was knocked) the ball out of Arroyo's hand. It WAS the wrong play. It IS illegal. He should not have done it. What he SHOULD have done is lower his shoulder and knocked that little punk-ass bitch into right field. That's what he SHOULD have done. Of course SAWX fans believe he should have 'taken the tag like a man'. Whatever the frig that means. What a nation of dolts...

[pawsoxpop]

It's common knowledge that there is no love lost between Jeter and A-Fraud. And I LOVE all the "woulda coulda shoulda" talk BigBri. Keep it up all the way into the 22nd century when the Stinkees maybe get back into the playoffs again.

[pawsoxpop]

... and I know I'm just one of a nation of dolts, but did it ever occur to your BigBrain that maybe he should have knocked the BALL into the outfield instead of the PITCHER? Of course not. But if you want him to start shoving opposing players all over the place, I'm sure Giambi and Sheffield have juicet the thing that can help fire him up to do juicet that.

[scott12xu]

Bri:

I did not write the "BigBri Mom" and "Big Bri Dad" comments. Those were written by someone with a far better sense of humor than me. The fact that you telling a fictional mom to "show you some support" means this has really entered the realm of the absurd.

I stand by my claim that your postings border on the psychotic. Please chill out. Thanks.

[BigBri]

Scott - what's absurd is that you expect us to believe you...

[BARRY]

IS THERE ANY PICTURES OF HAZEL MAE NAKED OR AT LEAST TOPLESS ANYWHERE ON THE WEB

[higher33]

Why have I always thought Damon's wife recruited him using those very techniques in that link? She 'didn't ever want to date a ballplayer'. Riiight.