Find and sterilize imperfection

Doug:
Jeez, it's gonna be hahd for Manny to dig his way out of this one aftah the generally non-hysterical, as fah as media types go, Gordon Edes tosses raw meat to the Manny hatahs.

 

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Mike:
Yeah, when I read the line "the Red Sox left fielder once again disgraced himself and the uniform he wears," I had to double-check that the byline read "Edes" and not "Shaughnessy."

 

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Doug:
At the risk of being castigated as a "Manny apologist," I just can't get too hot and bothahd over this latest effigy burn.

 

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Mike:
There is a certain degree of monotony to the recurring theme: Manny is selfish. Manny is like a petulant teenager. Something must be done about Manny. Manny goes on an offensive tear. Manny hits a couple balls to Mahs. Manny is a hero. Manny takes day off. Manny is a losah. Burn Manny; he's a witch. Yawn …

 

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Doug:
And as for Manny holding the Red Sox "hostage," the last time I checked neithah Theo or Lucchino have been seen in orange jumpsuits kneeling in front of a black hooded freak wielding a machete.

 

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Mike:
You know, this is all going to be a moot point once the Japanese invent the android Major League ballplayah. Then everyone will finally be happy once we field a team with perfect, loyal, gamah automatons stripped entirely of any human frailty and oddity. Woo hoo.

 

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Doug:
Whoa, slow down dude. First let's perfect the "fully functional" hottie chick bot and only then move on to the replacement Manny droid.

 

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Mike:
Absolutely. Dirty, nasty, knee sock wearing bad girl robot bitches. Hell yeah.

 

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Doug:
Domo arigato, Miss Roboto. That's what I'm fucking talking about. Hot girl robot on girl robot action.

 

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Comments

[Chops]

Hey H.B., lemme loan you a close-italics, looks like you could use one: < / i >

[Chops]

Woah, eithah you fixed that wicked fast, or the mistake was only on my machine.

[h.b.]

Wicked fast fix. There's always a couple minute period where I first post and then notice the mistakes and redo. If the mistakes are bad enough, I often have to yank the post back entirely. (If you ever see one then go back and it's gone, this is why.)

BTW, just to bust your balls, the tag has been deprecated for several years now since the W3C release of HTML4.0. The valid tag for italics (or more correctly "emphasis") is . :)

[Follower of Tito]

H.B., as soon as I linked to female robot (and before I read the next panels) I was thinking the exact same thing: "Are these andriods 'anatomically correct'?

I am on the fence about Manny, although, when the performances of guys who epitomize what 'team' play is all about are on display (Wake, Rent, etc. yesterday in TB) in sharp contrast to Manny sitting in the dugout with Bronson's arm around him, it does bring up a little bit of bile.

There is no substitute for raw talent (and Manny has tons), but raw talent without determination or hustle is a waste. There are times (like yesterday) were I almost wish for 3 or 4 players we could get for all the $$$ we pay Manny who would bust their 'less talented asses' for the Sox and be glad to do it. But then Manny goes on a tear and....you know...

[Follower of Tito]

h.b., I don't think I use italics, but thanks for all the emphasis

[RonF]

So, the new tag for italics is "< em >", eh? Except that you forgot to do what I just did and space it out, so now all the postings following that are in italics....

[RonF]

Hm. Let me see. Did that close them up?

[GaryGeiger]

FOT: I agree with you about being on the fence. I mean, if you look at the photos of his 2 yr old's bedroom, you kinda wonder who Manny built it for, the kid or himself. I think the term 'man-child' fits Manny perfectly. And like all children, he likes to push the envelope.. His behavior this year has gotten a bit more bizarre, (the whiz in the wall, inexplicable base running). But in the end, he's going to win alot more games than he loses.
As an aside, people who bash Millar take note: He will play anywhere he's asked at anytime, yesterday in left, I'm sure more in right as Nixon is out. Kevin is what he is, but he is also the consumate team player. That has to be worth something.

[scott12xu]

Is it going to be a given that every half-inning before the Sox might win the game, they'll give us a nail-biting, cardiac-arrest-inducing ulcer as if to tease us with "oops, we might lose it... might lose... it... NAH just kidding!! WOOH! HAD YOU FOOLED, HUH?" Seeing the bases loaded in the bottom of the TB ninth with Curt "Only God (literally) knows if I can get this guy out" Schilling pitch made me turn away from the MLB.TV cast going "I can't look at this."

Well at least the Twins gave A-Fraud a fitting 30th birthday present yesterday :) God, the way ESPN were doing their little vignettes on him, I expected them to say he also healed the sick, cured the lame and fed the 5,000 with a fish and two loaves of bread!

[h.b.]

Yeah, I ended up busting my own balls by forgetting to close my tags in my response. Serves me right, really.

[h.b.]

Re Manny a couple points. (And, yes, I'm a Manny apologist.)

1) Maybe part of his success is that he needs to take the occassional game off. Maybe he knows at some level that if he reaches a certain point and doesn't get a bit of a break that he is apt to play poorly or have one of his mental lapses?

2) Trot Nixon is going to be out for what, two months? So why was yesterday's game any more important than the others over the next two months? Surely, Tampa Bay isn't that scary? Of all the teams in the AL East, isn't TB the one that is most beatable without Manny?

3) Francona made a deal with Manny to postpone his day off from the weekend (against Chicago) to yesterday against Tampa Bay. A deal is a deal, no? Perhaps Francona should have putconditions on it like, "barring injury to Trot and Clement getting beaned in the head" but he didn't. Remember, too, these guys are the most unionized, anti-management group of employees in the world. They tend to hold management accountable on issues like this, just as a guy from the Teamsters or airline pilots union would. "Wait, you want me to fly another leg to Atlanta when you said I could have the day off? Sorry, call my union rep." Despite the cry from the media that these guys are treated differently from Joe and Jane Schmuck, with regard to unionized labor vs management, that's not so much the case. (With that said, I know this a stretch, as I doubt Manny thinks in those terms. He just wanted the day off.)

[SawxSince67]

I’m pissed because The Sox did not light up any of the TB pitchers—I figured, “No Kazmir, sweet!” But no — 2 of the 3 games were pitcher’s duels and shit.

Matty’s going to be OK. Thanks to the Baseball Saints Teddy Ballgame and Tony C.

I was at the Bryce Florie game—in the Grandstand behind home plate—we all heard the SMACK of the ball off of Florie’s face. What a horror show.

So, for those of you who did not see any NYY/MIN last night, let me convey my bafflement after watching Al “Quell the Red Sox Thunder in my First Start as a Yankee in 2005” Leiter against the Twins.

Leiter was TERRIBLE, but somehow effective. 20 pitches a fucking inning. Twinkies in scoring position all day long, but Minny didn’t cash in. On paper, Leiter was as good as Johan Santana was last night, but their pitching could not be more dissimilar. Leiter made about 8 pitches, but they all counted.

Eventually, Minny slapped Sturtze and the rest of the bullpen around…

Seriously, I can’t believe that Minny will continue to contend with that anemic (barring Stewart, Hunter and Mauer) lineup.

I am Nomad. I am perfect.

I am the Kirk, the creator?

You are the creator.

You are wrong!

[mr. blackandwhite]

That robot thing is creeping me out. I've got all kinds of visions from Blade Runner and Asimov 'Robot' books in my head now.

Execute your prime directive.

[MikeyT's]

We're stuck with Manny, like it or not. But h.b., I kind of have to disagree with you completely.

1.) I say give Manny a day off. But right before a scheduled off day? Francona takes a lot of heat for the stuff Manny pulls, but when the skipper asks Manny to help him out and suck it up for one game, he can't?

2.) Nixon is out for two months, true, but don't you think things will be settled from a roster standpoint by then? Things were far too up in the air for Manny to just take a day. If he visited Earth from Mannyland for a few minutes yesterday, he should have realized that.

3.) Ultimately, Manny is going to do what he wants, regardless of what Johnny from Burger King wants him to do. But he has to look 24 guys in the face in that clubhouse and try to tell them why he needed a day off so badly in the face of what the team was facing. Guys like Schilling, Timlin, Varitek, and Mueller were not amused, I'm sure. Hell, Johnny Nitro is out there everyday all banged up in a free agent year giving 100%. I know Manny is a different type of player, but he could have postponed his day off a little longer to help his mates.

That said, you don't trade the guy. I don't care what he pulls, he's one of the best RH hitters in the game (right, Gammo?). If he wants to be traded, that has to wait until after the season. He always walks a fine line between childlike refreshing and immature baby. With his contract, you gotta take the good with the bad.

[yazbread]

I saw the Sox in Chicago last week - the 6-5 game where Manny hit the homer when given the second chance by Crede. I also saw Manny run down anything that came his way. He was pure hustle. If the Japanese can clone Manny, I'll take an entire team of Mannys. It's been years since I left Boston, I guess the fans have stepped up their vicious nature quite a bit in the last 25 years. Manny - please don't go!

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

Memo to Edes: Call me a Manny apologist, but frankly I don't give a fuck. Why? .278-28-92 is why. And frankly, the "unnamed Sox veteran" calling out THE BOSTON SPORTS MEDIA FOR CUTTING A PLAYER TOO MUCH SLACK just doesn't sound right. I mean, I don't want to say Edes is making shit up, but I just have a hard time swallowing that.

So when Manny turns into Mike Lansing, maybe we can talk about his "petulance". (homework assignment for Soxaholix readers: find all the articles that focus on Manny and see how many times the word 'petulant' and its conjugations appear in each) In the meantime, for pete's sake shut up and enjoy the f'in game. Get thyself into groups 1 or 2 on the Bill Simmons scale.

[Tessie]

Men! Geesh. More concerned about proving your manhood by correctly coding html for italics than the imminent uselessness of a woman that might actually feel something!

[pawsoxpop]

I can not understand all the Manny-bashing. If this guy played for another team, Edes and Shaughnessy and Johnny Burger King and everybody else in RSN would be BEGGING Theo to get him somehow. The guy has always had balky hamstrings and I think he knows when he needs to rest him. If Tito makes him play and he blows out a hammy and misses the stretch drive, we will not make the playofss, period. I think the other 24 guys in the clubhouse know that too, and I don't think any of them begrudge Manny a day off. As for Johnny Damon, he's been a tiger this year, playing hurt and all, but that's what everybody does in their free agent year. And he does not have that history of creaky hamstrings.

I loved the robot riff, HB. Reminds me of my previous life in a rock band, we had a song called "Virtual Girl" but I'll spare you the details and the MP3 ...

[SawxSince67]

I wonder...

Have we lost perspective or are we still re-aligning same?

Was Manny's act less infuriating to some pre-WS Championship?

I'm asking if he received more slack for his Manny-ness because the belief was that the Red Sox go nowhere without his bat?

Now that our Red Sox have reached the promised land, has that slack been tightened? Is he anymore or less "Manny"?

That Edes ripped him in the Globe is kind of amazing--that's Mazz/CHB territory.

I think there's less than meets the eye with this thing--OK, Trot is hurt and has been hurting, but they are carrying 4 outfielders aren't they? OK: 3 and 1/2...

The disrespecting the game quote--that should be "in-house" stuff, but he's played in at least 150 games for the last two years and is on the same pace for 2005.

The jogging to first stuff is goofy, but we can look at Wells and find some goofy stuff, too.

Two starts ago, Wells induced an infield pop-up--he pointed up and started toward the dugout. No way he's reacting to any misplay since he only looked back as a casual afterthought. I saw him do this and I'm still amazed.

Oh yeah, fuck Tom Verducci, are you kidding me?

[pudge]

Screw Gordon Edes. He burned me in a story once. I hate that guy.

Remember that "Internet voter casts 40,000 votes for Nomar?" That was me (yes really), and Edes treated me like shit in the story, after I blessed him enough to give him an interview. So fuck him.

As to Manny: only two people have a right to be pissed at him. One is Terry Francona, and he seems fine with it.

The other is Dan Curtain (sp?) of Holbrook, MA. WEEI has that big prize going if the fourth batter of the fourth inning hits a grand slam, and Dan was the guy on the hook for it, but instead of Manny he got Olerud. Bad luck.

[NV in SD]

While I agree that yesterday's "I'm too tired to take one for the team" was inexcusable, what can they really do about it? As pointed out in the Globe, if someone (management, manager, captain) calls him out I could definitely picture him going into an ailing hamstring hidey-hole for about 15 days, and we definitely don't need that. This team would be in pretty dire straits if they traded him, especially considering that they'd either a. get nothing in return from a team picking up his contract, or b. pay 75% of it and maybe get on solid guy back. Plus, since Petey said adios, Ortiz would be without a Dominican brethren, which wouldn't help his situation (esp. since he would probably try to start compensating for the loss).

I hate the fact that with everything going well (1st place despite no closer, ailing ace, one frightening head shot, and a key injury) the media picks now to bring all this shit to light. WTF?! If they were 15 games under .500 and in 4th place, I could see it, but fuckin a. What's most shocking to me is that it isn't even the CHB leading the charge. I'm sure he's just letting the noise reach its crescendo before writing some scathing bullshit article demaiding that Manny be sent out of town on rails. What an asshole.

I really just hope that Manny dose't attract the boo-birds tomorrow night. That could be the beginning of the end.

[pawsoxpop]

My son and I will be at Fenway Saturday (the only game we were able to get tickets for this year) and I guarantee that the two of us alone will drown out the boobirds if need be.

Manny busts his tail for this team 365 days a year and 366 on a leap year (you don't think he takes batting practice every day all winter?) and anybody who begrudges him a day off once in awhile is veering dangerously toward Yankee fan territory. Actually, even the Yankee fans cut A-Rod more slack than we cut Manny, and he is as un-clutch a player as you'll find.

The Globe sports writers are one thing. I gave up on them a long time ago, although I always used to think Edes was reasonable. But the fans should get behind Manny 100 percent.

[Aaron]

I understand that Manny is quite possibly the most polarizing figure to ever don a Sox uniform (ok, except maybe for Pedro.) And I, too, have been known to throw things at the tv when he commits his latest brain fart. But thanks to Dan Duquette, who overpaid even though there was no serious competition for his services, he's signed for three more years and $60 million. The folks at the Globe (and some out there in RSN) who demand that we trade him NOW seem to forget that in 2003, they put him on waivers for anyone to pick up, and no one bit.

And besides, we absolutely would not have won it all last year without his bat. So the next time he runs out on the field without his shoes or misses a team flight because he forgot where the airport is, and you feel that blood vessel in your forehead start to throb in frustration...relax and crack a beer, and watch him hit a 500 ft home run. Manny ain't going anywhere. And that's the best thing for all concerned.

[pawsoxpop]

Amen. Thank you Aaron.

[AJM]

//But thanks to Dan Duquette, who overpaid even though there was no serious competition for his services, he's signed for three more years and $60 million.//

I disagree. The Tribe definitely wanted him back, and Manny wanted to go back. Duquette made the $ difference large enough, even on a deferred-interest basis, so that Jeff Morad, seeing a fatter commission, would talk Manny into signing with the Sox. But he only offered the amount of money that was necessary to get the deal done, in a time when the top free agents were getting substantially richer deals than they are now.

//Manny ain't going anywhere. And that's the best thing for all concerned.//

Now this I agree with wholeheartedly.

[Aaron]

Hmm, I seem to remember reading something at the time about the Tribe's offer topping out at $14 mil or so, and the Sox were at $18...and then they tacked on another 2mil, appropos of nothing. The exact numbers I'm remembering are probably wrong, but I do remember that they had Cleveland's offer beat, the Indians said "no mas," and they upped the offer anyway.

If your explanation is right, it makes a little more sense, though. If he was preparing to take less money, and they had to blow him away with dollars, at least the albotross contract acquires a little perspective.

[Follower of Tito]

Pawsoxpop, tickets have been hard to come by. My dad and I am taking my daughter to the Fens on Sunday for the first time ever; kind of like a pilgrimage to (name of your sacred landmark here). My dad (a fan from the Teddy ballgame era) is easier on Manny than I am (fan from the Yaz, Dewey, Lynn, Rice, Burleson, Hobson ear). The defense my dad offers is the Manny has one of the best eyes in baseball and that "Manny being Manny" is a cultural thing; you know, the 'Manana' thing. I don't know about that, but I do know that Manny has phenomenal talent (that most other pros would give their left testicle for); I just wonder/fantasize about a Manny that gave it as much as Johnny D, Mueller, Nixon, etc. I know, I know, he doesn't have to, but imagine if he did! (I will concede the apples and oranges arguement...but I can dream, can't I?)

BTW, my daughters will both have their Ortiz jerseys on, my dad is Yaz shirt and I will sport the ever-popular Jim Ed Rice shirt. Generational loyality, its a beautiful thing.

[AJM]

Manny's contract averages a face-value of $20mm/yr over its life, but it's backend loaded and with a fair amount of deferred money at a low interest rate, so at the time that it was signed, it present valued out to around $18mm/yr. And I recall that the Tribe topped out at around $14mm/yr as well, but my point is that it took that large of a gap to get Manny to leave Cleveland....if we wanted Manny in a Sox uni, $15-17mm wasn't gonna get it done. Obviously the market has declined a good deal, making Manny look overpaid in terms of what new free agents can command today, but I don't think that can be held against Duquette...Jeter got $20mm at around the same time, and now a better shortstop, Tejada, only gets $13mm.

[h.b.]

Hey, if you'll pardon the self-promotion, the site got a nice mention in the Boston Phoenix today (in the sidebar to the article). Note the link is to the second page of the article.

[SawxSince67]

"Incisive blog that uses a cast of clip-art characters to comment on the Sox’ trials and tribulations."

"Incisive", huh....does that mean you kick ass?

Not quite the superlative--but, I digress...

More positive ink for HB, yo!

People better quit fucking with Manny.

[pawsoxpop]

Follower of Tito,
Don't I know that tix for Fenway are hard to come by this year! I used to go to four or five games a year, with my son and my Dad, (who remembers seeing Jimmy Foxx play at Fenway when he was a kid).
I think all of us are inclined to go easy on Manny because he is one of the greatest hitters we have ever seen. I will admit he drives me crazy sometimes. And I wholeheartedly agreed wtih teaching him a lesson by putting him on waivers in 2003 after his ridiculous sick day/Enrique Wilson fiasco. But I think he's behaved himself for the most part since then; and he helped bring this team to the promised land; and I'm not going to get on his case just because he sometimes tells Tom Verducci and Larry Lucchino he thinks life would be better on the Indians or the Marlins or under a mango tree with 50 cents in his pocket (oops, sorry that was Pedro) or wherever. That said, if they could trade him for Santana and Hunter or Pedro and Beltran, then maybe they should. Otherwise, just watch the guy hit and don't worry about what he says when he opens his mouth to talk.

[SawxSince67]

Aaron Small beats the Twinkies 6-3.

To refer to Smalls as a "journeyman" would raise the ire of The International Brotherhood of Journeyman.

[pawsoxpop]

BTW, My son will be wearing his Manny jersey. I was going to wear the Yaz t-shirt I got at the Hall of Fame this year, but I might wear my Manny t-shirt instead, just out of support. If my Dad were going, he'd probably wear the Ted Williams t-shirt we got him in Cooperstown. But he's not feeling to great this year (another reason I'll be forever grateful for Manny and the boys for winning it last year, which may have been my dad's last year to actually go see a game at Fenway).

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

There's something mildly ironic about the Phoenix deigning to talk about incestuous business relationships. (Also their deigning to talk about baseball, which up until a few years ago when it became hip to be a Sox fan, they left for the beer swilling lowbrows they thought were too stupid to understand their paper.) A friend of mine worked over at the Weekly Dig when they first got started five or six years ago, and she said they were constantly being harassed by the Phoenix. Advertisers would call up and ask to close their accounts, saying the Phoenix threatened to drop their ads if they ran in both papers and the advertisers needed to get their word out more than anything. Two bars were threatened with having the music listings permanently pulled from the Phoenix (arguably the only useful service the Phoenix provides) because the Dig was trying to sponsor concerts at their venues. They even had their paper boxes vandalized and had tons of stock end up in public trash cans down the block. I guess things have calmed down, especially since the Dig morphed from a true ideological and news alternative to plain watered-down Phoenix clone.

[Devine]

"Burn Manny; he's a witch." That's got to be in my top 10 sentences I've read online this year. The paragraph preceding is awesome, too. Thanks for that.

[Larry]

After he was put on waivers,there was much speculation as to whether Manny would hold a grudge.

Hell, he can barely hold a thought.