Whoooo. Get sexy wit it.
Susan/Circle:
So I'm out at the club last night with a few old friends from college …
Mike:
[singing J-Kwon] Everybody in the club gettin tipsy!
Susan/Circle:
Absolutely. And the 3 of us are out on the dance floor doing the straight chicks dancing together having fun thing to some Groove Armada …
Susan/Circle:
Yep, we were bringing the milk shake to the yahd, as they say, when, out of nowhere emerges the motherfucking Freak.
Mike:
Ah, yes, quite common in these pahts … get right up into someone’s dance space without their knowledge and initial consent and put crotch to ass.
Susan/Circle:
What in fuck's sake is on the mind of the Freak? Does he really think I'm gonna turn round and say, "Fucking brilliant, dude. Little did I know what I most want in the world is for you to do a beer sopped bump and grind on my unwilling ass. Let's go do the nasty, Boo."?
Mike:
Was he doing a solo freak or did he have a beta freak running set ups for the alpha?
Susan/Circle:
As far as I know, solo freak.
Mike:
I think that Boston Rob guy is a recovering, formah freak.
Susan/Circle:
Oh, no fucking doubt. Remembah when he drank that 6 pack on Survivah and did the cuddle pahty with that old bitch? Total Freak behayvyah.
Mike:
And among the Red Sox, any Freaks?
Susan/Circle:
Aw, come on. Too easy. Kevin Millah was born to freak. [Laughs]
Mike:
Gotta love the Rally Karaoke Guy though.
Susan/Circle:
Shua. There are good Freaks and bad Freaks.
Susan/Circle:
Naw, haven't you heard? Everybody's tired of the Red Sox and their fans.
Author's Notes
If you followed the links you know that today's theme was totally ripped off from the most excellent "Wading Into the Velvet Sea" authored by Ryan McGee. The imitation is the serious form of flattery gig was done with his consent.
Hey, HB! Good Luck with the SXSW thing and thanks for representin' today!
Posted by: E and C | 2005.03.11 at 08:17 AM
McGee has some excellent scholarship there. But missing is a discussion of the covert freak, where the freak goes cheek-to-cheek. This might be considered a slightly more tactful way to draw attention and carries with it the plausible deniability of a full dance floor. I didn't even think of this until it happened to me at a club when I was in college.
Posted by: illegitimate son of dwight evans | 2005.03.11 at 01:57 PM
That is hilarious. :) Thanks for the laughs HB!
Posted by: Jennifer | 2005.03.11 at 01:57 PM
At our wedding reception in 1983, my wife is doing the "bride dances with Dad" thing in front of about 200 people. Out of nowhere, a shitfaced cousin of HERS just wanders out onto the dance floor. He's convinced he's actually dancing (which even Fred fucking Astaire couldn't do) to "Daddy's Little Girl." I don't think I've ever seen 200 people become so uncomfortable that quick. To this day, I can't fathom what this waste of semen was doing. How fucked up does one have to be to walk out onto a dance floor at a wedding reception and start doing the grind to a woman in her bridal gown?
Posted by: Steinbrenner Killed Kennedy | 2005.03.11 at 08:23 PM
soxaholix, just wanted to let you know that Da Kine (my brother & frequent commenter to soxaholix) was seriously injured in a van accident in kuwait. please include him in your prayers. thanks.
sean
Posted by: kin yah brutha | 2005.03.14 at 01:05 PM
Sean, I will be sure to watch the link for updates. From all the soxahlix readers, we will be pulling for him. We hope to see his comments here again soon. Thank you for the information.
Posted by: Jeff | 2005.03.14 at 01:21 PM
Please accept my wishes for Da Kine have a complete recovery from his injuries.
Posted by: SawxSince67 | 2005.03.14 at 03:19 PM