Perfect he's not

Pots on the hot stove are simmering …

Doug:
Hide the key to your liquor cabinet and hire extra dancers at the titty bars, David Wells is coming to town.

 

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Bill:
Wells is so fucking old school. No wonder he idolizes Babe Ruth. The two are cut from the same cloth.

 

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Doug:
Who the fuck needs BALCO when you've got Captain Morgan and a lap dance to get you ready to pitch?

 

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Bill:
You don't think Wells' price was too high?

 

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Doug:
First off, Theo Epstein does not overpay (not counting Ramiro Mendoza, of course). Secondly, Wells' contract is totally performance and incentive based. If he makes the full monty, it'll be because he earned it.

 

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Bill:
True, but you don't think "a lefty fly ball pitcher in Fenway Park has 5.00 ERA written all over it"?

 

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Doug:
Haven't you seen the motivational poster outside ol' man Scrivener's office? "The greatest risk is the risk of riskless living." Love that shit.

 

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Bill:
No fucking doubt. Nothing makes me work hahdah than a good motivational poster.

 

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Doug:
Hey, did you see that the Lowell sportswriter dude we were all busting on the other day is also the official scorer at Fenway?

 

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Bill:
I did not fucking know that. Dude knows his shit after all, I guess.

 

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Doug:
Yeah, too bad he's got to ruin his cred by trying to tell us "what the fans are thinking." Why do so many in the media do this?

 

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Bill:
Right. There are two reasons I read a sports column. To get news or get the writer's own opinion on that news. I don't give a fuck what the writer thinks the fans think. I know what the fuck I think fercrissakes, don't need Chaz Scoggins or any other media pudnut to tell me.

 

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Doug:
Hell yeah. Lay out the righteous smackdown.

 

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Comments

[da kine]

The Foxy Lady hasn't been the same since Mo Vaughn left. Hopefully, Wells can inject some new life in that place. On the serious tip, you're exactly right about everything being incentive based. Welly-boy will need to keep his weight down and his back in shape if he wants to earn a big payday. I think Theo made another genius move here.

[loosah]

An incentive based contract for David Wells? I expect to see him in a bread line by midseason, he'll get so little pay. But at least he'll have $1s to tip 'em.

[Follower of Tito]

Let's hope TrimSpa is not on the MLB banned substance list or Wells will be in rehab along side Anna Nicole. Wonder how "I-thank-the-Lord-for-the-strength" Schill will get along with "I-can't-believe-you-can't-get-a-lap-dance-and-a-beer-on-Sunday-Morning" Wells?

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

Goldman Sachs just upped the Sausage King's rating to BUY