Big Unit, Big Dreams for Big Apple

New York fans are getting giddy …

Marty:
Good news Callaghan

 

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Bill:
Yeah, yeah, I heard Marty, your guys are about to sign Randy Johnson.

 

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Marty:
Oh, yeah, there's that. But I was talking about the good news about Lunesta.

 

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Bill:
What's Lunesta, the stage name of another transvestite torch singer from some seedy East Village club that you've cast your debauched New York eyes upon and fallen for?

 

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Marty:
Oh, you're going to learn to love Lunesta, Billy Boy. It's the most powerful sleeping pill ever, just approved by the FDA. You're going to need to get a scrip  to cure your clinical case of chronic insomnia after the beat down the Yankees put on your sorry Boston asses.

 

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Bill:
The Big Unit is what's going to put you ovah the top, Marty? I thought Slappy was supposed to do that? Then Sheffield was? And you gave up Vasquez to get a 41 year old pitcher? I'm not impressed, sorry.

 

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Marty:
Callaghan, leave the baseball strategy to fans who know what they're talking about. You do for sabremetricians what the Boston Strangler did for door to door salesmen. [Laughs] This trade makes the Yankees stronger. You know it does.

 

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Bill:
It'll just make seeing a Pinstripe crap out all the sweetah. Now that your rotisserie league wet dream has come true, what'll be your excuse for failure this year?

 

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Marty:
Oh, if in the unlikely event I need an excuse, I'm sure I can dig up a good one from the plethora of whiney Red Sox blogs out there. I'll shit out some of that "loosing builds character" diarrhea you guys were crapping for 86 years. Yeah, I'll start quoting literature and trying to talk over everyone's head.

 

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Bill:
Marty, if Red Sox fans talk over people's heads, then Yankees fans must be talking under their feet.

 

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Author's Notes
The 'rotisserie league' put down from Bill was inspired by a post at SoSH. The Boston Strangler insult from Marty is a variation on one buy Denis Healy, a British pol, describing Ronald Reagan and is found on p.56 of this great new book called Distory : A Treasury of Historical Insults. Bill's final speech to Marty is from the same book, from an insult Adelai Stevenson made toward Dwight Eisenhower (p.47).

Comments

[losah]

Ahhhh...I would like to get that book of "historical insults". It would make my comversations with the stupid Spankee fans that I know all the more intelligent.

Back to a previous Soxaholix idol: a Simpsons episode is going to have this plot: "Moe, with the help of Lisa, becomes famous as a Charles Bukowski-like poet." Hope they can quote some of Buk's best work.

[Mazz]

Now that "Petey MET-INEZ" has signed with Omar and the Metsaritas and Boomer is in lap-dance training for the Sawx,Georgie is probably hanging Cashman upside-down by his "Unit" with twenty-pound-test in the bowels of Skankee Stadium until this deal is done.
Interlock this....

[da kine]

Whatevah. Let them buy their Big Unit, like they did with A-Fraud, Gojira, and Sheff. The fact remains they are a loose coalition of superstars, not a team. How often have they won since their payroll went over 100 milly? Screw the bastids. I'll stick with the idiots.

[Joe]

NY Yankees=US Olympic Basketball

[joey]

"then Yankees fans must be talking under their feet", It's more like they talk out of their much violated asses!! I know these are strips, but I hate Marty, H.B.

[h.b.]

Oh, you're supposed to despise Marty, so don't feel badly about it.

[AJM]

h.b., you rock as usual, but once again I'm having a hard time buying the average MFY fan knowing how to use 'plethora' in a sentence.

And I must say, Bill shows considerable constraint. I wouldn't be able to hold off as long as he does in reminding a trash-talking idiot MFY fan that he now roots for the biggest bunch of chokers in history.

[h.b.]

AJM,

I'm trying to make Marty come off as one of those know it all New Yorkers, the real elitist, the world doesn't exist beyond the Hudson types. Sends his kids to private school, goes to cocktail parties with the big players in publishing, news media, etc. Marty prides himself on being able to do the NYT crossword faster than most people. He reads the New Yorker cover to cover, etc.

That's why he's coming across brainier than you're expecting.

Bill held back a lot today because, honestly, the Randy Johnson thing is eating him up a bit, especially with the news that Schilling will be on the DL all of April and into May.

[Steinbrenner Killed Kennedy]

h.b.,
Great analogy of a typical New Yorker. The NYT crossword reference could use an added "On Tuesdays" seeing that day's puzzle is the easiest and as the week goes on it gets harder than Chinese math. I wanted to allude to some shit fuck face Pedro is quoted as saying in the Herald to Michael Silverman.

1)"At the time they picked up my option, that could have been taken away and reduced to $14.5 (million) and they would have had me still this year and probably for next year."
Yeh, this arrogant cocksucker would've agreed to a pay cut. Fuck him.

2)"They always somehow used people to leak information, use campaigns, which I'm not used to."
This piece of shit should be called the Dominican Tokyo Rose. How many times has he bashed the skulls in of Sox ownership? He's not used to?

I can't go on any further for I'd like to take that side show freak buddy of his and stick him head first up Pedro's ass. Message from Boston douche bag, good riddance. (Please see my posts from mid-season on this web site raking this dick over the coals and never once did my Soxaholics brothers and sisters disagree with me....

[Conigs]

With the recent signing of Matt Clement, I continually hear from baseball friends how Red Sox fans are so caught up in the Yankees buying every all-star in Major League Baseball that we do not realize ourselves (Red Sox) doing the same. True, the Red Sox had the second highest payroll in baseball last year, but to accuse us of throwing money around in the same excess as The Evil Empire is appaling. If the Yankees get their way with Beltran, and a few other names to fill their "holes," their salary could top $200 Million (absolutly absurd.) The Red Sox have money, yes, but Theo Epstein and the rest of Red Sox Management have shown to us in the past how they will not be held hostage (i.e. A-Rod and Pedro). I'm sick and tired of hearing such nonsense. Theo Epstein is not George Steinbrenner. The Red Sox are not the Yankees. The Sox are winners, a concentrated nucleus of talent held together by the strong bonds of chemistry and friendship. The Yankees can stack their lineup with high priced talent, but one thing remains true: Good will always prevail over evil.

[Robert (00:05)]

a Dennis Healey reference in a RedSox blog, now I am inpressed HB. Maybe I'll get you a copy of Margaret Thatchers autobiography for xmas.
But seriously, Randy Johnson those guys are killing me.

[lunesta]

just dropping by