Where are you papers, citizen?

Time to be counted and assimilated …

Doug:
I didn't think it'd be possible for the Red Sox to find a way to fuck up the World Series victory afterglow, but holy shit was I evah wrong.

 

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Bill:
[Reading off his screen] "Starting sometime this week, Red Sox followers will be able to register themselves or friends as 'citizens' of Red Sox Nation through Major League Baseball and Boston Red Sox websites." Un-fucking-believable!

 

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Doug:
At least now our sorry asses know the bottom line. I thought my 30 fucking years of tears and heartache and joy and unwavering loyalty were like in the commercial, "priceless" — But no. My 30 years is worth exactly 5 fucking dollahs.

 

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Bill:
Why the fuck are they limiting themselves to ID cards. Why not assign us all a unique number and then tattoo that shit on our ahms?

 

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Doug:
No shit, but tatoos are so fucking 1930s … They should implant us with a motherfucking microchip that can be identitified by millions of unobtrusive passive scanners located world wide.

 

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Bill:
Right, right! Then fucking Lucchino can sit in his lair deep beneath Yawkey Way and push a button to reveal a giant screen of the continents showing a millions points of light, each one a marked and commodified Red Sox fan.

 

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Doug:
[Imitating Lucchino's voice] Look at Poland! It's practically devoid of light points. [Slamming the table] We must have Poland! The Red Sox Fatherland needs some fucking liebestraum for crissakes!

 

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Bill:
Sign me right the fuck up for that shit!

 

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Doug:
Are you fucking kidding me? 5 bucks is a small price to pay to be sanctioned as an official Red Sox fan. Ask not what Red Sox Nation can do for you. Ask what you can do for Red Sox Nation!

 

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Comments

[Rick]

Why do I have the feeling that we're becoming unbearably trendy? I'm in DC for business, and someone asked me where I bought my Sox hat. "Those are hard to find," says he. "Everyone wants to be part of this!"

Yeesh.

[Kluv]

Ah, I don't sweat the trends. For you see, not only am I a lifelong Sox fan -- but I am also a lifelong Buffalo Bills fan. So I know the trends, and they come and go.

Why, father? Why?

[Marci]

'cause it's absolutely impossible to tell who's a part of red sox nation from list of people who signed up for Red Sox updates and announcements though MLB. They could be just casual observers, or worse, dreaded Yankees fan just looking for the inside scoop so they can undermine the Pride of Boston.

[tucker]

exactly freakin right. everywhere i look there are people wearing brand new sox hats as if they loved the team their entire life. just goes to show that non-yankee fans are and always will be ass*****! the only nation red sox has is FASCI-nation....with the 26 world championships. win 20 more and they we can talk trendy! sox fans suk!

[John Walsh]

$5 ID card sounds very Jewish to me. With the highest ticket prices in Baseball and no plans to double capacity of Fenway Park to increase Revenue and lower ticket prices, Red Sox management plans on squeezing every last penny out of Sox fans as ownership is too cheap to build a new park or make major improvements at Fenway. One man's opinion.

[Lion-O]

Tucker, where did you hear that? From all your Yankee buds who spent the 1980s cleverly disguised as Met fans?

Empty Yankee Stadium, circa 1991, says hello.

[Greg Cutten]

Do you get a Yankee decoder ring with the membership? I thought it was embarrassing digging up the Cow Shrills to sing "In the sprit of Hair"

In 1969 I wrote and recieved a yaz color photo autograph postcard though the mail..(and the Cow Sills were on the chats?)
Now positive ID ? And Cough up $5 to recieve a Red Card to belong to the "NATION"?

This idea is something that should be offerd to Kid's for a dollar that go's to the Jimmy Fund or maybe something to remember that lady that lost her life outside of the park.

[Matt]

Ah, the soulless commodification of everything that used to be admirable about Red Sox fandom. Everytime you think the elevator just can't go down any farther, you discover they've built *another* sub-basement while you were hurtling past the lobby.

Any chance they send out postage-paid envelopes to collect the dues? Then I could pull the same gag I've always trotted out when my alma mater comes begging for more than the tuition they already sucked out of me -- send the bastards an envelope full of pennies. The cost of the postage exceeds the monetary value of the enclosed donation!

And you get rid of all your fucking pennies.

[Mike]

Mr. Walsh - "sounds very Jewish to me"??? How dare you!

Thanks for single-handedly lowering the quality of this site, and for sharing your low-brow, ignorant and prejudiced opinions with us. Peddle it elsewhere!

[Ben]

jesus what a corny fucking idea. i understand that we were able to finally win the series because of this ownership and their dedication to actually putting a winning team on the field but why the hell do that have to commercialize every fucking quirk and nuance that is specific to new england red sox fans. starting to feel like we're part of a damn zoo exzibit. "Gee mommy the red sox fans sure are cute. Even though they are kind of fucking nuts." Hey everyone outside new england, thanks for the congrats. NOW GO AWAY.

[paul baranofsky]

the latest scam by the red sox to ave fans pay $5 to become official members of"red Sox Nation"is just another ploy to cash in on the red sox success.instead of lining their pockets with this absurd $5 fee fans should make an contribution to either the Jimmy Fund or the red sox foundation

[Derrick, Bismarck, ND]

With the strength of the Live Strong braceletts, why not borrow the idea for Sox Fans. Have a red bracelett (same style) that simple say Red Sox Nation on it and have the proceeds go to ALS or the Jimmy fund. I would support that...not the filling of the pockets of owners and MLB.

Take care,

Derrick

[Paul Braccialarghe]

I think the ID card is a good idea. Its $5. I mean come on its not like thats a lot of $$$. The way i see it is all those people complaining about the $5 must not really be that big of fans!

[Matty]

To John Walsh: screw you pal. Take your prejudices and stereotypes and beat it. Go root for the Yankers -- they like to hate.
Isn't anyone moderating this site?
To Mike: thanks for being the only person posting here with the common sense to call Walsh on his racism.

[Mike]

I know it is only five dollars, but five dollars for 1 million fans is 5 million- alot a cash in someones pocket. I'm with the majority- the money should go to ALS or the Jimmy Fund. By the way, the proper time to ask for a fan head count is when the team is losing. Then you will get the real fans. Everyone loves to root for a winner; just look at all the Yankee hats! When the team is down and your still wearing a Sox hat and paying good money to get in the park...that's a fan. This feeling of excitement of having the Sox win is worth my 29 years of saying "next year...". Thanks Red Sox, each one of you. Have the money go to someone who needs it, and my card application is in the mail!

[sox_fan_joe]

I like the concept of having something personal for all the fans. Howabout a special patch or coin just for writing in to the home office with a buck or 2 and an SASE? It would be more of a giving thing than a gouging thing.

[h.b.]

As for "moderating," I don't really want to be in that game. (Isn't it enough that I write the strip every day? You want me to be the thought police, too?)

Meanwhile, it appears you all have done a fine job at self-moderation and, which is how it should be.

[Lou]

paul baranofsky:

The bracelets are already out there, they're just not official licensed merchandise.

Derrick, Bismarck, ND:

I guess it's good for all the fair weather, long distance fans, we spend more than enough already. I'd rather put that 5$ towards a sausage and a beer at the game.

[nikki]

where can i find the red sox nation bracelets besides online

[Carrieann]

I dont think that it was such a bad idea if It actually meant saving money on official merchandise. True fans like myself buy merchandise often and five bucks would be worth it to save money!! I agree with you shouldnt have to pay to be part of Red Sox Nation because we all already are! But this day and age saving money is well worth five bucks:)

[qball]

$5.00 or $10.00, it really doesn't matter because some of the most dedicated fans simply can not afford to keep the faith. For them unemplyment insurance barely hold things together. When it comes down to it, its' always to the money. Putting the fans close to the bottom is insulting and sounds like the evil empire not the Nation. I urge the Nation to withdraw its request for bling and suggest a sliding scale with form to pay the fee at a later date.
In addition being a fan shouldn't include being a racist prick("sounds Jewish"). It is demeaning to be charged to be a fan. At the least it's bad form, at the worst it is pathetic.

[Tim]

it was a good idea in the respect of capitalism and marketing - this team needs to find ways to make money in different ways. would you rather have them raise ticket prices even more? for some people it's worth $5 to be an official card-carrying member of the red sox. for me i don't need that validation, but it still doesn't offend me that they are doing this.

my understanding is that most winning teams tread water as far as revenue goes and consistently spend more money on improvements. they probably could have had the card be more useful or done something more with it but no need to let it "fuck up the world series victory" for you. if that is going to get you down, that's sad.

and to that yankee prick who posted earlier: that sounds a little hypocritical, i think there are far more people who wear yankee hats for the trendiness and for style rather than sox hats. i've seen many a rapper from outside ny (i.e. nelly) wearing yankee garb. stupid mindless trend followers will always exist. they aren't unique to one thing. you're just jealous the yankees aren't "cool" anymore (if they ever really were).