Wretched souls, I tell you, wicked wretched

As the time of reckoning approaches, Sox fans find many ways to prepare themselves …

Doug:
Father Tim? Yeah, Doug Roy, here. You hearing confessions today?

 

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Scene from a church:
Every day at 1pm. Been especially sinful of late, Dougie?

 

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Doug:
No, no, Father. Well, no more than usual. Just want to have a clean slate going into this Yankees series.

 

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Scene from a church:
Ah, a wise path, indeed. You may wish to light a candle for Schilling's ankle as well while you're here at Our Lady.

 

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Doug:
Sure, why not? It's not like God hates us or anything. [Laughs]

 

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Scene from a church:
Stop your whining, my son. Remember, Blessed are they who are persecuted in their heart; these are the ones who have truly known the Father. Blessed are those who are hungry, for the belly of the needy will be filled.

 

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Doug:
Amen to that Padre. There's some hella hungry for a pennant bellies 'round here. Wretched souls, I tell you, wicked wretched.

 

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Scene from a church:
Red Sox in five.

 

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Doug:
No fucking shit? [Catches himself] Oh, begging your pardon, Father. Sorry for the language. You just stunned me. Is that the divine line?

 

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Scene from a church:
Damn the Yankees, for they resemble a dog lying in an oxen manger, for he neither eats nor lets the oxen eat.

 

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Doug:
That's what I was just saying the other day! [Laughs] Yeah, just like that. The Pharisees are the Yankees daddy!

 

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Comments

[Rick]

Priceless stuff. The Bankees are Philistines--a pestilence shall descend upon them. Blessed are the Sox, for they shall inherit the Kingdom of Selig.

[Steinbrenner Killed Kennedy]

Q: What does a lobster and Mariano Rivera's cousins have in common?
A: They both get boiled alive.

[da kine]

The Sox are the shepherd, separating the goats from the sheep; the harvester, separating the wheat from the chaff; THE IDIOTS, SEPARATING THE SPANKEES FROM THEIR FRIGGIN' MONEYBALL 'DYNASTY'!!!!

Oh, shit...I think I just had a thrombo.

[G-Man]

Priceless!!!! Funny!! so....... ON !!!!

[h.b.]

I'm happy to read the positive reaction to this one. When I was doing it, I wasn't at all convinced it was any good. Almost didn't post it.

Thanks.

[JB]

I can't believe you almost didn't post that! What is wrong with you, hb? Get it together! That was priceless.

Should I go to church today?

[Amy]

freaking hilarious!

[Connecticut Yankee]

Come home, my children. All will be forgiven.

Yankees in 6.

yankee

\Yan"kee\, n. [Commonly considered to be a corrupt pronunciation of the word English, or of the French word Anglais, by the native Indians of America. According to Thierry, a corruption of Jankin, a diminutive of John, and a nickname given to the English colonists of Connecticut by the Dutch settlers of New York. Dr. W. Gordon (``Hist. of the Amer. War,'' ed, 1789, vol. i., pp. 324, 325) says it was a favorite cant word in Cambridge, Mass., as early as 1713, and that it meant excellent; as, a yankee good horse, yankee good cider, etc. Cf. Scot yankie a sharp, clever, and rather bold woman, and Prov. E. bow-yankees a kind of leggins worn by agricultural laborers.] A nickname for a native or citizen of New England, especially one descended from old New England stock; by extension, an inhabitant of the Northern States as distinguished from a Southerner; also, applied sometimes by foreigners to any inhabitant of the United States.

From meanness first this Portsmouth Yankey rose, And still to meanness all his conduct flows. --Oppression, A poem by an American (Boston, 1765).

[AJM]

hb, this one really was classic, and the perfect one to start the battle of Good v. Evil. And there's something hysterical about Doug not only calling in his confession to get divine intervention for the Sox, but looking at his watch the whole time!

[Brandon]

You've outdone yourself, HB. This is absolute greatness.

[the voice of wisdom]

I was at the game 9/25/2003 when the Sox clinched the Wild Card. They acted like they won the pennant.

They looked the same way after they won the ALDS this year.

Remember Sox fans, it ain't over 'til it's over. The Yankees proved that last year. Damon and 11-0 in the post season my ass.

[AJM]

"They looked the same way after they won the ALDS this year"

Yeah, god forbid the Sox get excited and celebrate an extra-inning walk-off home run which clinches a playoff series...I can't imagine any other team doing that. Oh wait, that's exactly what the MFYs were doing when then celebrated Boone's home run...they apparently didn't realize that they hadn't won anything. I guess that would explain why they didn't even show up in the World Series.

[h.b.]

AJM:

Bravo. Abso-fucking-lutely.

[JB]

AJM is my fucking hero. Well said.

[Brandon]

But wait, I thought the Yankees were too classy to celebrate something as miniscule as an ALDS win?

[oyster]

1918.

[AJM]

"1918"

2000.

Like the good Father said, Sox in five.

The Curse of Tino Martinez lives.