He pitched his ass off
The Red Sox become the first team in baseball history to force a 7th game after being down 3 zip …
Susan/Circle:
When the miraculously and obviously
on
Curt Schilling played the chin music to A-Rod in the 1st, I got pregnant, immaculately.
Bill:
What fertile woman of Red Sox Nation wouldn't desire such conception? The dominant genes of
the Hero
must be spread. An army of Schillings progeny for our future dominance!
Susan/Circle:
And if the seeds do not grow into Red Sox, let them become doctors who are as worthy of our adulation.
Suturing Schilling's tendon
was fucking ingenious.
Bill:
Our doctors kick ass. Our universities kick ass. Our football team kicks ass. Our fried clams kick ass. And now our baseball team is kicking fucking ass. I think I'm going to implode.
Susan/Circle:
Seems like the Yankees and their fans are starting to lose it. A-Fraud swatting Arroyo's glove like a fucking sissy boy.
Riot police called in
to settle the Skankee ho's and hooligans.
Bill:
No fucking class. And
Wilbur calls it perfectly: "Sox fans throw trash onto the field in Game 5 of the 1999 ALCS against the Yankees and are vilified as some of the worst fans in the game. Yankee fans toss baseballs during the Rodriguez-Arroyo incident, and they’re
confused
by what had occurred." What the fuck?
Susan:
So
it all comes down to Derek Lowe. Why did I know this would happen?
Bill:
OK Derek. No hangovers. No hangnails.
Susan/Circle:
And for the love of all that is fucking holy,
no Derek Lowe face!
Bill:
Right, we want the crotch grabbing Lowe not the nut fucking case Lowe. But if all else fails,
Ryan says Schilling has enough gas left to come in as relief.
Susan/Circle:
Oooh. The baby just kicked!
Wow!! Susan's pregnant! Does that mean her perfect, upturned breasts will soon be swollen mounds of milk filled...Nevermind. After our collective bashing of the two Yankee cockboy announcers yesterday, how sweet was it to hear Buck fuck up that Posado fly ball to deep right? And why did they not mention that during A-Rod's feeble attempt at limp-wristedly slapping Arroyo's glove that he clearly went out of the base line? How bad will the Yanks be trying tonight? How overly aggressive will they be at the plate? Does Brown start tonight and become a millionaire shitter of beds that we all know he is? And two last conspiracy thoughts: Fox starts these games at 8:19. Is that a satanic way to subliminaly put 1918 into everyone's minds? And when the NYPD stayed on the field during the top of the ninth, why did they clear the field when NY was up? Gimmee a fucking break...
Posted by: Steinbrenner Killed Kennedy | 2004.10.20 at 07:06 AM
Shhhh... what's that noise? It's the sound of 50,000 Spankees fans shutting the fuck up. Derek, my boy, if you pitch well tomorrow, I will never call you D. Blowe or Schitzo Boy again. I promise.
Posted by: da kine | 2004.10.20 at 07:26 AM
Gotta give Bellhorn Cudos after half the world wanted him benched, me included... For at least one at bat, he wasn't a .123 hitter.
I don't what's going to happen with tonight's broadcast, if I see any more commercials for their garbage showes & listen to any more of that inane, "let me talk down to everyone" commentating crap on Fox I may start bleeding from the eys and ears.
Great job Curt! God Bless us all! Go Sawx!
Posted by: mazz | 2004.10.20 at 08:01 AM
I agree with Mazz, Bellhorn made Terry look like a genius last night. Our very own Aaron Effing Boone.
Take that Spankees!!!
Hey did you know that no team has ever come back from down 3-0 before? Seriously. I know, amazing huh. Had it not been for Buck mentioning it, oh, three or four billion more times last night I never would have known. My car is in the shop so I couldn't drive up to the Bronx and squeeze the life out of that Spankee-fellating little fuck.
Idiot up!!!
Game seven. I just wet myself.
Posted by: Tman | 2004.10.20 at 11:09 AM
hb, I commend you for coming up with a strip today. I have no words for last night. None.
Posted by: JB | 2004.10.20 at 11:29 AM
JB,
I do
Posted by: Jim S | 2004.10.20 at 12:32 PM
i want to have curt schilling's babies.
Posted by: mark | 2004.10.20 at 02:18 PM
Dear almighty Lord above, why Lowe?
Posted by: joey | 2004.10.20 at 02:31 PM
My thoughts exactly. As amazing as this comeback has been, our season now boils down to LOWE, in YANKEE STADIUM, on TWO DAYS REST. Yikes. Hopefully he can manage three or four solid innings, and then it's Revolving Door Bullpen time.
The only thing in our favor right now is that the Yankers are in the exact same boat, pitching-wise...and all the pressure is squarely on them. This could end up being the 11-10 barnburner we've been expecting all series.
Posted by: Aaron | 2004.10.20 at 02:54 PM
Don't you worry about Lowe. He may be leaving Boston, but he's leaving with a huge fucking grin on his face.
Count on it.
Posted by: JB | 2004.10.20 at 04:02 PM
I love you JB
Posted by: Kate | 2004.10.20 at 05:22 PM
THEY FUCKIN' DID IT!!!
Posted by: Jake | 2004.10.21 at 12:19 AM
4 more wins please!
Way 2 go JOHNNY DAMON!!!!!
Posted by: Chris | 2004.10.21 at 12:32 AM