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All Star Break, Day 2

The Devil will find work for idle hands to do …

Know what I hate most about the All Star Break?


The urge to belong?


No the … wait a second … the urge to belong … You hate the All Star break because of an "urge to belong?" What the fuck is up with that?


Yeah, I'm so jealous when the All Star players are all lovey dovey and nonchalant with each other … the way they butt slap in that knowing way. I always look away as if I didn't care, as if their easy affection with one another was the last thing on my mind. But why do I yearn so persistently to be included?


Er … probably has something to do with your controlling, dominant mother and a lack of breast feeding as an infant. [Laughs]


Hey, I'm secure in my mofo manhood. [Laughs] So what's your All Star beef, besides the boredom it brings?


It's when I hear fucks like Jon Miller on NPR pontificating and playing bullshit bingo about the essence of the game or their who the fuck cares what you think Jon Miller? mid season recaps.


Well, what the fuck do you expect listening to National Palestine Radio? [Laughs] That effete shit will poison your fucking mind. Next you'll be telling me how a nice Merlot can be compared to the fluidity of a pitcher’s mechanics and motion for fuck's sake.


Don't make me come over and beat your heteroclite fucking ass. I love NPR.


As much a John Kerry loves his fave Red Sox player Manny Ortiz? [Laughs]


A simple slip up. It's not like he said winning the World Series was going to be a cake walk or anything or showed up wearing a Red Sox uniform beneath a banner proclaiming "Mission Accomplished!" right? … [Laughs]


Yeah, yeah. Your point is motherfucking well taken … But Jenna Bush is still hot regardless.


Author's Notes
Doug's "jealous" speech is a tweak of an original appearing in Wenderoth's Letters to Wendy's.


I felt a bit of the urge to belong last night. It just looks like so much fun!. Not so much the spanking, though.

Jenna never really did it for me. Barbara, however, is looking better lately.

What happened to Ortizzle at the Home Run Derby? Nerves, mayhaps?

I think the blond Bush looks slightly malformed as a female, kinda like her Pa but with long hair.

The brunette, though, she'd get touched.

Barb does have those mischievous eyes...

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