Wiggle Pictures

The Red Sox take another from the (always) struggling Tampa Bay club…

Bill:
I know it's only the D-Rays, but Christ, Schilling looked good!

 

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Doug:
7 innings, one run? Schucks, man, My balls were hanging low from all that Schilly heat. Ain't nothing schitty in the schire. Beware Schiva!

 

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Bill:
[Laughs] Let me schare something with you … OK, 40 games in, playing .600 ball, first place … and all this without two huge offensive weapons. Gotta tell ya, I'm real enthused with these results.

 

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Doug:
Too bad the Spankees didn't lose. Whenever I look at the results and see L next to NYY, it's the same wonderful feeling of the cold toilet seat on my ass when I'm about to take a 2 flush, shipyard dump.

 

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Bill:
Speaking of Spankees, did you see Catalano's all up in arms over CrackerJackGate?

 

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Doug:
When isn't that Yankee ho all cranked up? I thought that new pool would chill her motherfucking Long Island ass out?

 

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Bill:
All those Long Islanders are frustrated living in that blue collar suburban wasteland.

 

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Doug:
Besides, I hate Cracker Jacks.

 

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Bill:
You hate Cracker Jacks? Who the fuck hates Cracker Jacks?

 

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Doug:
It's the mofo free prizes, dude. At first I was lured in slowly. Each new toy appeared to be a new step toward establishing me in an eternal state of play. The insufficiency of each discarded toy was always hidden by the promise of the next toy. But Magic Motion Fun Cards? What the fuck is that all about? A is for Airplane. F is for Fuck you toy frauds and I damn all your flickers, tilters and wiggle pictures to hell! [Laughs]

 

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Bill:
You didn't have too many friends as a kid did you? [Laughs]

 

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Doug:
I've said it before and I'll say it again: My resplendence has no bitch. [Laughs]

 

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Author's Notes
The whole "sch" prefix thing is interesting (to me at least) as it pulls the curtain back on the interplay between comic character, reader, and author, i.e., only we, as readers, can appreciate the joke, as the words like "schucks" and "shucks" sound the same in speech.

As the link indicates, Bill's '.600 ball' speech is from a SoSH thread by HatinLV. My apologies for not realizing this is a from a SoSH member's only forum rather than a public access. Since my browser logs me automatically, it's easy to forget.

Note to SoSH members: Yes, I am a member. I don't use the SoSH bits as trying to 'rip any one off' as was suggested in another SoSH thread. I always credit and link to the original. In the strip I'm trying to recreate things actual Red Sox fans would say to each other, and that is what the SoSH members do best. It's an homage to SoSH and its members, not an attempt to plagiarize.

Doug's anti-Cracker Jack toy speech was loosely inspired by a March 7, 1997 entry in Letters to Wendy's

Comments

[michele]

Ho? Buddy, one of these days I'm going to find myself in Boston and you're going to find yourself on the receiving end of a Louisville Slugger.

I really wish your strips weren't so funny. I just can't muster up the full hatred for you that I want to when you make me laugh.

[h.b.]

Heh. You are my fave foil Michele. And after your Bucky Dent photo this week, I just had to do something.

[Tim]

This site is rapidly becoming the sole reason I even go online these days. Well, this and the Don Zimmer porn.

Thanks, sir.

[beth]

they have these things in europe, and europe only, little chocolate eggs with a yellow plastic capsule inside them, and inside the capsule is a little plastic toy you have to assemble yourself. some of them you practically need an engineering degree to put together, even though they're supposed to be for kids. i guess that's just their better education systems...;-)

those toys kick the ass of cracker jack toys any day. "out of a cracker jack box" as a phrase used to describe a gift means it's cheap and crappy. cracker jacks are in the song, yes, but aren't sold at many ballparks any more. plus i've never liked them.

those chocolate eggs...those i'd like to see in the states. although probably not at the ballpark. no one would watch the games: they'd be too busy trying to assemble a tiny toucan.

[h.b.]

Thanks, Tim!

[beth]

hey tim, got a link?

[h.b.]

Note to SoSH members coming from thread "Good/Funny/Interesting Web Sites (non-porn)":

Yes, I am a member. I don't use the SoSH bits as trying to 'rip any one off' as was suggested in the thread. I always credit and link to the original. In the strip I'm trying to recreate things actual Red Sox fans would say to each other, and that is what the SoSH members do best. It's an homage to SoSH and its members, not an attempt to plagiarize.

I made a mistake in linking to a "members only" area. My browser logs me in automatically, so I didn't realize it. In general, I want to send people to SoSH to read the original text in context, so I'll try to avoid direct quotes from those areas.

[h.b.]

Forgot to mention that there is a "Notes" section at the end of most posts. This is where I go into greater detail about what inspired a particular character's speech.

Sometimes it's from something at SoSH, sometimes it's something overheard at Dunkin' Donuts, often it's from a book (especially 'Letters to Wendy's).

[beth]

hey h.b., do i have to praise your site to get linked?

in that case--

soxaholix is the sports-page version (and equal) of "get your war on." though i have never met him, h.b. is probably a pretty awesome person. plus his characters use swear words a lot, which is a plus on any blog.

[h.b.]

Beth,

That's the best one yet! Too funny on the "uses swear words a lot..."

I'll be honest and say I'm using those quotes in a totally ego driven way and not specifically a typical "links list."

[Craig]

What a surprise to see how unfunny this comic is, but I guess red skunx fans have to laugh at themselves to compensate for the 83 years of being the true epitome of losers.

[h.b.]

Red Skunx? Haven't heard that before. Doesn't really work though does it? It's not particularly insulting nor is it funny. Linguistically it has no oomph. Don't think something can be a "true epitome" either. That's redundant. It's like saying "false lie" or "quick fast."

Also, "unfunny" isn't that great of a word choice either. Couldn't you find something more caustic? I mean, c'mon, if you're going to be a heckler and/or troll you've got to have the goods, dude.

Keep trying. You just may get there if you apply yourself.

[AJM]

Hey Hart, is 'Craig' a real person, or are you just thinking of adding a token idiot MFY fan character to the strip? Jeez, he couldn't even get the fact that it's been 85 seasons correct.

[beth]

2004-1918=86

[beth]

link me, h.b. DO IT!!!

any possibility of your loyal, avid, intelligent, funny readers getting to make a cameo?

[AJM]

"2004-1918=86"

True, but it has only been 85 seasons without a championship, a string which of course will end this season. :)

[h.b.]

"Hey Hart, is 'Craig' a real person, or are you just thinking of adding a token idiot MFY fan character to the strip? "

Yes, thanks for the reminder! I have just such a character (except he's smarter than this guy).

[skillzy]

The MFY fan doesn't have to be a guy. Just use that pic of Michele in the butt-ugly Sox cap - your site could use some cleavage!

[h.b.]

Ain't that the truth. Every site can benefit from cleavage.