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Running out of excuses

The Red Sox lose to the Devil Rays after a horrific start by Derek Lowe …

This wasn't Derek Lowe's night.


Is it ever his motherfucking night? Or day? Or mid fucking morning? What about twilight? Does he ever have a good cocksucking twilight?


No shit, he's running out of excuses. No more blisters. No more Todd Walker. No more cancer …


He shows moments where he still has his stuff, then he loses it like last night.


I still have faith in Lowe. He just needs to work through it.


Work through it? Are you fucking insane? There is no through—this isn't a maze. There's no curtain, no other side. The other side is just a bed-time story for frigid necrophiliacs for fuck's sake. Everybody knows this. [Laughs]


So what's your recommendation Dr. Phil?


Lowe could try neglecting to shower. See, I like the way my head gets after a few days of not showering—it's like I have a much keener sense of my skull—how truly perceptive its various surfaces are. And to feel that perceptive is to feel raw, bestial power.


And this is what Derek Lowe needs in your, er, vision? [Laughs]


In truth, probably not. Anyone who nearly loses his nose to fucking cancer yet continues to chew the Skoll is probably too fucked up to ever be anything but a mediocre pitcher with occasional moments of brilliance.


Ouch. That's low on Lowe.


I'm just fucking sayin'…


Author's Notes
More on Red Sox fans discussing pitcher Derek Lowe can be found in the thread "Is Lowe Done?" at the SoSH messge board.

Doug's "can't work through it" and "not showering" speeches were both inspired by entries in Letters to Wendy's


Ortiz signs a multi-year deal per EEI.
Much better use of funds than re-signing DBlowe!

"DBlowe" I like that. Will have to use it.

And yes, great news on Ortiz.

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