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Clean Shave

The Red Sox defeat Cleveland thanks to an 8th inning, pinch hit triple by David McCarty …

The much maligned McCarty gets it done!


Sure, but don't be signing me up for his fan club just yet. I'm thinking something about an infinity of monkeys pounding on an infinity of keyboards and a resulting encyclopedia. [Laughs]


So I hadn't realized before that the Tribe's C.C. Sabathia is a Super Sizer? What is up with all the fat pitchers? Sabathia, Ponson, Wells … all look like they'd be more at home on the couch, pants unbuttoned to give the gut some space, eating nachos and watching Spike TV.


I am comforted by these fast food diet pitchers. Fuck Atkins. Fuck South Beach. We should not forget that we have arisen from a simple browsing hunger. The fat man is the logical evolutionary next step: the focusedbrowsing. Though one must not stare.


So our days with Jesus Damon are numbered. The beard comes off on the 21st.


No prophet is acceptable in his own village. We have planks in our eyes. Will no one get this fucking plank out of my eye?


[Laughs] Er, I think the point is you have to remove your own plank yourself …


What the… Remove my own plank? What about all that help your neighbor shit? Now I've got to do everything myself? This religion stuff is too motherfucking difficult.


[Laughs] Yeah, if it wasn't for getting to kill heathens in the name of God, nobody would sign up for that shit.


Yeah, all you who have ears and shit listen up: There's nothing like a motherfucking religious war to keep everybody happy.


Author's Notes
Doug's "plank" reference is from the sermons in Mathew and Luke regarding seeing the splinter in your brother's eye.


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