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People Like a Stench

The Red Sox sweep the Yankees for the first time since '99 …

Didya know that was the first time the Red Sox have taken six of their first seven from the Spankees since 1913?


Not that you're into living in the past or anything. [Laughs].


Well, there is the bit about how we collectively have higher SAT scores … and are better looking … and, more importantly, we don't give false hopes to poor fucks on crutches like Belth does. [Laughs]


Man, the Yankees sure didn't look like The Yankees, looking slow, old and emotionally distant. They stunk up the House that Ruth built.


Yankees management should set up a special stench area. People like stench and Yankees fans are no different. Their initial reaction -- pained withdrawal -- is always quickly followed by cautious fascination …


[Thoughtfully] Oh, you're so right. I saw that look on Matsui's face yesterday. Like he'd whiffed some bad mofo sushi when that ball dropped fair and bounced into the stands.


[In earnest] Exactly. A stench is a stink that has found a way to entrench itself. It is a metaphor: abstraction digs in to a real body and decomposes it to the point of presence. People like a stench because it mimics their own truest moments.


[Sings the Lynyrd Skynyrd lyric] Ooh, ooh that smell. Can't you smell that smell? [Laughs] C'mon Michele, sing along with me!


Whoa! Nice cleavage. Michele is now part of my spanky lineup. [Laughs maniacally.]


Didn't I fucking tell you she's way hotter than Wonkette?


Author's Notes:
Doug's "stench" speech from Letters to Wendy's, letter dated May 25, 1997.


Damn, I just may have to start liking you now.

That line about Belth was low. But funny.

"Spanky lineup" - at first I laughed. Then I dwelled on it. Then I got disturbed.

Keep up the good work!

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