Pedro: No need for life support

The day after Pedro Martinez delivered his finest performance of '04 …

Bill:
I don't have a crystal ball and though I often have blue balls they've never much helped me be a prognosticator, still it shouldn't be any surprise at how well Pedro pitched in Sky Dome.

 

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Doug:
The little dude hates the mofo cold. Fuck. Who doesn't hate the mofo cold. Remind me again why we live here?

 

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Bill:
I heard it builds character, stalking like a rook and all that brooding … [Laughs] OK. So if we know Pedro can't pitch well in April …

 

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Doug:
Not to quibble, but Petey's actually 23-5 in April over his career … But I know, I know huge difference between pitching early April and late April.

 

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Bill:
Exactly. Break out his numbers in so-called very cold starts in April and he's got a 4.38 ERA. So why pronounce him dead each year after a couple of poor starts in shitty weather?

 

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Doug:
In general, this fear of dying -- does it make sense? I look forward to the news of the final descent, wherein I will gain unlimited access to drugs and being cared for. I see no other conclusion: this is the most wonderful time ever to by dying.

 

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Bill:
Yeah, great drugs, no heaven, the awareness of our own insignificance … But, hey, no dying until after the Red Sox win another World Series.

 

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Doug:
Natch.

 

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Author's Notes:
Bill's rook reference is to Sylvia Plath's poem, "Winter Landscape, With Rooks"while Doug yet again taps into Letters to Wendy's for his "good time to by dying" speech.