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The right thing to do

Hart Brachen:
Your creepy author here on life's rich trolley...

I'm not sure this qualifies as "something fun to yak about" but really do feel that after 11 long and wonderful seasons that it is time to go off into the dying light.

I'd more or less decided this at the end of last season when I chose to continue on through 2014. My reluctance in actually doing so hasn't been lack of resolve but rather lack of knowing the best way to do it.

I guess I'm more or less defaulting into the "best way" right now as I type.

With that said, I'd still like to find a way to keep the community together somehow. I'm open to suggestions.



This is a tough one. Every entry the last year has seemed like bonus time, so thanks for that hb.

I am thinking there are smart people who are part of the community, who may have an idea or two. As usual, my role will be to declare how stupid each idea is.

I, too, will think on it, expecting the worst.


Did Soxaholix just relocate to Oregon?

I have an idea. What if HB wrote a kind of "comic blog strip" about the Red Sox every weekday, and we all commented on it. Thoughts?

(Hey, you can't blame me for trying.)

hb, thanks for a fun ride with you on your creepy trolley. Hail and farewell.

Twitter? Create an account for each character and have one of them come up with a tweet each day to be the firing off point for the creeps? Should be a lot less work for you.

Or, maybe Chairmen Meow can start tweeting, and we'll all just bow down and follow our new feline overlord.

Fred pulls off the mask to reveal that Hart Brachen was really...?

a) Dan Shaughnessy
b) Bobby Valentine
c) George Steinbrenner

...all that time. And he would have gotten away with it too, but for those pesky kids!


That was one of the ideas I had as well. Indeed, at one point I had decided that was going to be it.

Backpedalling now a bit since even "a lot less work" is still a certain amount of work I'm not sure I want to take on.

And aside from the work aspect is just a desire to step away from sports. No doubt 3 World Series has made me more sports satiated than I ever would have imagined. And following things so closely with the Soxaholix (and even the blog the predates the Soxaholix under another name) means that I've probably already lived all of Chairman Meow's 9 lives when it comes to Red Sox, baseball, and sport in general. I'd like to revert to a place where I'm more of casual fan observer.

But I promise I won't wear a pink hat.

slowly wimpering in 6th cup of coffee at the at the cat reference by hb. was hoping he never noticed it.

Twitter is a plausible suggestion. I get most of my news there these days, anyhow.


I have an idea that will take some work to get up and running, but once up, it would require nearly no maintenance.

Make Soxaholix a user-contributed site. Put the frames into a library with some pre-selected sets that make sense in order as pre-made strips. Allow users to use a web interface to select their frames (or full strips), enter their conversation text/links, and submit to a web archive of user submissions.

Readers then log in and read the strips submitted and upvote/downvote their favorites/spam with the best of the day being highlighted as "Today's Soxaholix" and the rest available through a gallery for people to read and choose through.

Just take a hiatus until the Spring, and then do a strip once a week a la John Oliver--with all that you know about the Sox you can just casually reference them and weave more other stuff in--ride off into the sunset w/ this stuff.

@kaz A while back, I started a wiki for soxaholix. It had some traction at first, but rasn out of steam. That's another possibility.



lc, I've always wondered if there'd be a way to data mine the strips to make a web of Soxaholix where self-references and other context that reappears from one strip to another (even years later) would show anything interesting about the clusters of topics...but then I thought that seeing a big jumble around RealDolls and a second one about BigBri and a bunch of connections between the two clusters would reveal more than we wanted to know about each other as a group.

Thanks, Obama.

Once a week is another idea I've entertained.

Speaking of BigBri did we ever hear of him again after the e-book?

I can't believe this blog has gone through 3 presidential election cycles.

In re: The Cuckold of Chillicothe. I think there might have been one comment, maybe late 2013, but its gravitas suggested it was faux.


You've been my home page for as long as I can remember... thank you. I'll miss it.

Ah, humans, I love the odor of fresh poached Cod in the morning. The butler is calling them kippers, a British breakfast dish that stinks up this hovel wonderfully.

once a week? Reader assisted strips? Make Pinto do it? Whatever happens, thanks for all your hard work and the countless laughs you've provided. "We no longah are compelled to act retahded and go totally ape shit over every little thing" has become a part of the lexicon of my marriage.

We could all hang out on the Soxaholix Facebook page. That might keep the creeps together, although I suspect without the comic we'd all quickly forget to check in there regularly.


Oh, no! And thanks!

HB, thanks for allowing me to be a part of this great creepy thing. I will miss it but on to better and more creppy things!

Thanks HB and all the creeps!

I seem to recall seeing one BigBri entry post-ebook.

I too would vote for weekly if you are up for it, hb.

If not, thank you, thank you, thank you for these past 11 years of fun. I will truly miss it.

I still have my hands over my ears. And my other hands over my eyes.

I like the once-a-week idea. Hell, once every two weeks would be better than total, eternal silence. Just create a bigger comment limit than 50.

On top of this, I'm getting sick. Damn godkids on Halloween. Their parents didn't tell me they'd been horribly ill until I'd spent an hour hugging and kissing them and sharing their candy.

Of course, I was eating that delicious candy whether they were sick or not.

Don't quit. But don't feel obligated to do a post every day. Send out a "Yo" or something when you put up a new post. A couple of times a week, a couple of times a month, five or six times a year, or whatever.

You're going to keep having Soxaholix thoughts from time to time even if you quit, so why not just post whenever the thoughts crop up? We're fans. We'll wait.

Step 1> Strap RealDoll to a DuckBoat....

ever heard of the Dysfunctional Family Circus? Think like that, with perhaps less sodomy jokes. Post one of your blank cartoons once a week, let the community caption it. Rotate.

ps: never posted before but read every day. Thanks for doing this, I enjoyed it all.

I for one would like to thank you not only for the years of laughs and enlightenment but also the opportunity to meet and share a beverage with many of the creeps from this here site. Were it not for this little corner of the interwebs I would never have had the pleasure of meeting Bob, Kaz, lc, sdu, Nolasox, Vermonter, Natalie, sonomasox and I'm sure a couple of others that escape me at the moment. And to realize that in the small world dept I used to work with Harwich and Rudy in a previous life. So a heartfelt thank you for that. I may have to try online dating or something now to meet folks

I think we at least need to schedule a semi-occasional meeting at the Baseball Tavern (where once, it was rumored, hb herself was tending bar- look it up)to trade insults, literary references and take swipes at the MFYs. Oh, and maybe have a beer or three

Yea, thanks a lot Bin Laden.

thanks again hb

From a loyal reader who never posted, I tip my cap to you and thank you for the free online therapy over the years.

Truth of the matter is, you missed out on a hell of a retirement tour. You could have banked in on a good many pints and maybe even a Jeter Post-Coitus Thank You basket, but c'est la vie.


Say it ain't so-I'm not drunk enough for this ...yet. ;O

Oh well,what's left to say but "Party at Bob's place!!"

hb you will be missed.

day late and a dollar short as usual.

HB - sincerest thanks and appreciation for making this place a second home, a first stop on the interwebs travels, for bringing us together, for weaving our team and game with the best poets, and for bringing us three rings.

If any of us are around in 85 years and the Sox haven't won, we pledge to dig you up and start this site up again. Maybe we should just freeze your head...

I hope some level of this continues - it will be deeply missed. Thank you.

You've been consistently entertaining and often brilliant. Thank you so much. I wish you would continue, even if less frequently, but I understand life moves along. My best to you HB. Now if only Shaughnessy would hang it up.

HB, thanks so much for the wonderful yet creepy ride!

My admittedly not well formulated suggestion is a "caption a day" contest. Have one of the characters say something about whatever interests you that day (sports or otherwise) and then allow the readers to respond in the voice/character of any of the creepy residents of Soxaholix space. This way you could keep your literary interests alive, while allowing us creeps a place to chat among our selves.

hb, when you started this blog I was in college and not old enough to buy a beer at Fenway. It's been a constant through my first real job, my first real layoff, six years of grad school, marriage, and voting for 3 men for president in 3 different states.

Today I'm going to tour the hospital where my firstborn is going to be delivered.

I guess it's time to move on. You'll never be forgotten by the creepy readers, no more than pre-2004 Red Sox blogs like Beth's and Edw's have been forgotten.

Thank you HB for the comic strips and keeping me abreast of pop culture and filling in the holes from English Lit class.

I would be thrilled if there were occasional strips on this site when something redsox or real world worthy happens.

And thank you creepsters (even occasionally that cat) for comments and humor and Aussie football / rugby updates.

I'd be okay with Twitter provided I can get them from FEEDLY/RSS feeds.

"Thank you" doesn't say enough. "I hope you're a single female so I can French you" says way too much. I think you know how much Soxaholix meant to me, HB. You not only created a brilliant piece of pop art, you brought new friends together. And as somebody who generally dislikes people, that's a real accomplishment. For a full decade, a significant portion of our lives, you've made us laugh and think and, and in the case of BigBri, appropriately hate. I don't know much, but I know this: You made a lot of people's lives a little better. How many of us can saythat? So, thanks (although that's not enough), and if you're a single woman, I'd like to kiss you someday (although that's way too much). No mention of great weekends or something to yak about right now; we can save that for a more perfect moment. Because perfect is what you, and Soxaholix, have been.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪ [Apologies to Lorde]

We've never seen a field that wasn't blessed
We cut our teeth on Yaz and Ed Bressoud
And we're quite proud of our excess,
In a shit-box park, no ARod tantrums

But every game's like Gold Gloves, homeruns, whizzin' in the men's trough
Bloody sox, ball girls, drinkin' up the beer swill,
We don't care, we're stealing second base in our dreams.
But everybody's like Papi, Nomar, Lester will come back soon.
Theo's great, Jeter sucks, Can I get a hot dog?.
Youkillis had hair/we're so caught up in our love affair.

And we'll never be Yankees (DRays).
It don't run in our blood,
The Soxaholix was for us.
We crave a different kind of creep.
Let me be your poet (haiku),
You can call me H B
And baby I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule.
Let us live our fantasy.

[Verse 2]
Bob, Rich and Kaz—they held the key.
Piling on when it mattered, yakking about it
And anyone who knows us knows that we're creepy ghouls,
We just don't want to be cats.

But this year's like fuck me, dead arm, Xander's only twenty.
Ground balls, double plays, can you get to 80?,
We still care, we're holding trophies in our dreams.

But everybody's like Peavy, Lackey, wait until next year.
Bradley, Vasquez, the guy whose name I can't pronounce
Snow is in the report/Can I take Jet Blue to the Fort?

And we'll never be Giants (Angels).
Games there start too late
Our kind of love is parochial.
Did I just try to rhyme that word?.
Let me be your conscience (have none),
You can call him HB
And baby he'll rule, he'll rule, he'll rule, he'll rule.
We can't live that fantasy.

Ooh ooh oh
It's bigger than we ever dreamed,
And I'm not sold on John Farrell.
Ooh ooh oh
We hope the Cherington has a clue
We don't know what else to do.

And we'll never be BigBri (asshole).
Or anyone from Chillicothe
Being happy just ain't for us.
We want to wallow in the mud
Thank you for the T Car (Lisa),
And the scraggly Christmas Tree
And hb we'll rue, we'll miss, we thank.
Let us bow on bended knee.


Thanks, hb

respectfully, lc

Brilliant, lc.

Thanks, h.b.! I've been creepin' around since '04 and it's been a fun ride. I agree that the Sox are a bit less interesting these days. So it goes.

Wow lc, if that is your last post here that is one hell of a exit!

Very nice, lc.

What a great comments thread!

Thanks for all the ideas and kind words. Taking it all in... (well, not Bob's tongue).

HB, Once a week is the graceful way to get out from the grind--not smart to abandon all that you have built up over the years. Think David Brinkley on Sundays...

I made my peace with a post-Soxaholix world this spring, so getting an entire extra season has been a sweet bonus, like Indian summer. I have loved coming here nearly every weekday for the last 11 years. You did some good work here -- thanks, hb, for all the great reads.

ps Maybe an annual Soxaholix strip or two? That would make for a wicked awesome Patriots Day tradition.

This blog has seen me through the first WS in 86 years, a second to ice the cake, a divorce and custody battle, Remarriage, two more new Sox fans Born into It and a third WS to complete the Trifecta of awesome. Its been one hell of a ride and Im damn glad to have seen the Soxaholix see me through.

HB, if you ever do get around to that "best of" compilation, I'm sure I won't be the only one willing to purchase...

yeah, what soxinsix said

Thanks HB. I've read this strip for years posted once or twice. I used to work for a new England company and visited Fenway for the first time in Jeters rookie year.
I hope you can find a way to keep something going, treating this column makes me feel like I'm still on a Boston bar. Rob


Plus, this is where I go instead of committing acts of workplace violence.

(Why did security guards just appear in my office? Wha...get your filthy hands off of me you damn...OUCH! Fuc...)

Oh wow. I kinda knew this was coming, but the prospect of a dark Soxaholix fills me with sadness. This has been the most remarkable place and I've loved every second since I found my way here in '06. Can't believe that was 8 years, two World Series and a fire ago. My fellow creepsters, it's been a wonderful ride. hb, thanks is inadequate, but then again words are some times. Will miss you all, but treasure every single memory. Maybe hb you could turn this into "Soxaholix Classic" and just repost your favorite strips from across the years. Show old comments and allow new? Whatever form connection takes amongst this crew, I will take it.

Yeah, it's been a long, strange trip. At the beginning, Natalie's teal dress fit me perfectly. Now I can't even get it over one leg.

Below .500 Friday? Wait...you mean we weren't being punked by h.b.??

Well, it's Friday.

Have a great weekend all. Hopefully we'll have something fun to yak about on Monday.

We just might not have somewhere as fun to do it.

Panda Express anyone?

Hi and bye all,

Very sad, but I will be part of any ongoing e-community.

Thanks for all of the fun hb and for putting me in touch with a number of these fabulous people.


And to say goodbye I just cornered the market in soxaholix t-shirts including a super sexy tight fitting "keeping it teal" singlet for mrs sdu. Homer voice: hhmmm.

Late to the goodbye party, but want you to know, hb, that I checked this site every day, rain or shine, win or lose. Enjoyed every minute and all the commenters. Was able to keep up with both pop references and classic poetry here! I'll keep checking for ongoing news/posts.

Just take a winter "self quarantine"...

"HB" does sound suspiciously like "Ebola."

so we all need to find a nurse from Maine to continue this, then? Do they make camo in teal??

Lets just leave this last strip up and keep commenting on it ad infinitum. ;D

Is it sad that I'm not ready to give up on this crew yet??

Hey, I'm still mulling.

My absence has so much to do with the day job, which continues to grow like Ebola.

And I'm having a bunch of work done on my house. And the contractors are making me Batshit Tavarez.

And the return to standard time, which just fucks with my brain and turns me into a nervous squirrel zigzagging through oncoming tires.

Speaking of squirrels, I think they're planning a revolt against humans. I've seen massive numbers of them lately, gathering in my backyard. They're mulling over something, that much I know.

I'm mulling my wine. ;D

I'm not good at goodbyes, but I appreciate that you treated a newbie like myself as if I were a regular. Talk here in Cinci is a possible deal with LA for outfielders. The name of Carl Crawford has come up, with LA offering to pay some of his salary. Thoughts?

I;'d rather have Carl Everett than Carl Crawford.

I'd rather have Carl Yastrzemski than Carl Crawford.

I'd rather have Carl Spackler than Carl Crawford.

I'd rather have Carl's, Jr than Carl Crawford.

The Panda Express is picking up speed. Seems like a repeat of CC and AG though. I think the Panda at DH in a couple years means he balloons to 400lbs

Is a 400-pound 3rd baseman like a fat goalie?

Fried chicken before every game??

My wife writes a blog at work. In our marriage, she is brains, I am the brawn. But I would like to think that you can recognize my contribution to her recent post.

Like 'Calvin and Hobbes', I'll keep checking.

Today's Friday, and I have next week off. I feel just like Pablo Sandoval.

Bob, don't be so hard on yourself- you're not at all overrated

Overrated, fat and happy.

Have a great weekend all. Hopefully we'll have something fun to yak about on Monday. Assuming there's space left for comments. And that I can roust myself out of vacation bed.

Thanks for the 11 years, HB. You kept me smiling!

We may have found HB.
Totally Mulled?

Let's not forget the late,great Martin Mull. ;)

"I'm not dead yet!" Martin Mull via Monty Python.

Don't let your barber think too much about your haircut, or you'll end up with a MULLet. (Sorry.)

Oops,sorry Martin.Thought you had shuffled off this mortal coil!! M'bad. ;O

Happy Birthday Bob!!! Now that's something fun to yak about. ;)

Happy Birthday Robert.

Thanks, gentlemen. I just refinanced my home AND had some birthday cake.

I got the cake at 3.99% and no points.

Come back little Sheba.

h.b.-please come home for Christmas,if not for Christmas,by New Years night.

(Radio voice) Is there anybody out there? Anybody?

Percentage chance of BC going to the Panda's house for Turkey Day - with bamboo pie?

We'll start at 33%.

Over/under anyone?

Or more likely he hunts with Lester outside the ATL?

So what's the limit on posts? 100? I feel like I am in a disaster movie where the oxygen is quickly running out.

When they can pry my cold,dead fingers off the keypad. ;D

See, this is what happens when you're on vacation and relaxed and happy: You forget things. Of course, it could also be early-onset Alzheimer's.

Anyway, have a great weekend all. Hopefully we'll have something fun to yak about on Monday. And enough comment space to do it.

I got 100,so there's that. ;D

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