Rider on Green Line:
It's that time again when your humble author performs his civic duty by shuffling his ass down to the municipal court for jury duty...
Rider on Green Line:
Apologies for no advance warning, as I forgot myself until my phone reminded me last night.
Rider on Green Line:
Meanwhile, don't look now but since the 4-10 start to the season, the Sox have won 21 of 35 (.600) and rather sublimely have won 13 out of the last 18.
Rider on Green Line:
I'll be back tomorrow unless I'm selected etc.
Tara:
Did you realize the 2012 Red Sox OBP is only .330?
Susan/Circle:
Nobody's down with OBP anymore... it's like so 2004.
Tara:
Sigh. Remembah the days of watching Bill Mueller wear down pitchers with a relentless attack of patience?
Susan/Circle:
From the friggin nine hole no less!
Tara:
Sigh.
Susan/Circle:
Why do I get the feeling that the first paht of my life will be defined by waiting and hoping for a World Series victory while the second paht of my life will be awash in the nostalgia of trying to hang on to the evah fading memory of that achievement?
Bill:
Speaking of forgettable, it's been awhile since we've gotten one of these "Oh you Red Sox fans you're just so, so melodramatic and petty and oh gosh darn why can't you just be quiet and milquetoast like us corn cobs out here in Blandsville, USA?"
Mike:
Cincinnati, eh? Sigh. That's almost too easy.
Bill:
What I find most amusing is how there's been hundreds and hundred of these hand wringing "Boston is so nuts!" themed pieces written ovah the years, yet I can't think of a single time anyone's written a "Jeez, I wish we were more like Kansas City or Cleveland or Cincinnati" plea.
Mike:
Yeah, hatahs need to just give it up. We are different than you and what you misunderstand and bloviate about as as negatives about us are the very things that make who we are.
Bill:
And it's not "provincialism," it's fucking "wickedpissahism."
Bill:
Ah, yes, that crack and nevah whack Red Sox medical staff who always pride themselves on insisting surgery will not be necessary until that eventual moment when surgery is absolutely completely necessary.
Mike:
Yeah, like, you know, let's put that surgery off until, I dunno, next April?
Bill:
Sigh. At least we're looking at .500 again.
Mike:
Absolutely. And in the remaining 120 they only need go 69 and 51 to match last year's record and make the playoffs and... well, why not?
Bill:
Nice use of the rhetorical question.
Mike:
Yeah, well, if you like that, check out this negative assertion:
Al:
Well what have we here... Round 1 of interleague has the Sox taking 2 of 3 from the Phillies on the road and they've got Ws in 8 of their last 10.
Mike:
In the words of David Ortiz, "It’s incredible that people base things on one thing. People put too much emphasis on what happens in April."
Doug:
What's Papi talking about, everyone's been supportive since the beginning... averts eyes, looks away sheepishly.
Al:
I dunno, something *is* different... maybe it was the closed door meeting... maybe somebody did a voodoo chicken...
Al:
But the Red Sox in Philly played like a bunch of guys who took genuine joy in the game, and that couldn't have been more the opposite of what we had been seeing.
Mike:
At the moment there are definitely some bright spots including an excess of hitting and pitching, guys making the most of opportunities to sub in for guys on the DL, and, of course, the David Ortiz show.
Doug:
Yeah, but before we get all John Travolta during a massage, let's settle down and see how the next series against Baltimore goes, mmm-kay?
Today's strip is an anachronism, set outside the regular chronological pace of the 162 game schedule and set into that place between light and shadow, where it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge, between the Apollonian and Dionysian, or what some have called The Creepy Zone …
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, short guy speaks:
[Sigh]
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, tall guy speaks:
[Spits]
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, short guy speaks:
Do you ever imagine what it would be like to...
Two guys walking, short guy speaks:
You know, stop it?
Two guys walking, tall guy speaks:
Stop what?
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, short guy speaks:
This whole Red Sox thing.
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, tall guy speaks:
Being a fan?
Two guys walking, short guy speaks:
Yeah, that.
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, tall guy speaks:
Do you mean on the grand universal to the end of all time kind of scale or are you talking about something with more ambivalence like today or this week or some other fixed Cartesian coordinate in time?
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, short guy speaks:
Uh... I dunno... I'm not sure I understand the difference, frankly.
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, tall guy speaks:
Do I think about it?
Two guys walking, short guy speaks:
Yeah, well, you know.
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, tall guy speaks:
Yeah, I think about it.
Two guys walking, short guy speaks:
Just a little, right?
Two guys walking, tall guy speaks:
Yeah, just a little bit of all the fucking time
Two guys walking, short guy speaks:
Really?
Two guys walking, tall guy speaks:
For realz, güey.
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, short guy speaks:
And how does it feel?
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, tall guy speaks:
Like drowning.
Two guys walking, short guy speaks:
Drowning?
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, tall guy speaks:
Yep.
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, no words exchanged:
Two guys walking, short guy speaks:
They say it's peaceful.
Your omniscient author in absentia:
Sorry to have to do this, but I've got a huge release/ship date occurring at the day job tomorrow morning early and today is already awash with assorted last minute bolt tightening.
I thought I could do a strip today, but my mind just won't focus on the Red Sox despite Lester's excellent outing last night.
Tomorrow is probably a no-go as well. See you back here as soon as I can.
Al:
Yeah, bait this—"The Red Sox collected five doubles Sunday afternoon… With 100 doubles in 34 games, Boston is on a pace to hit 476 two baggers this season. That would break the record set by the Texas Rangers in 2008 by 100."
Doug:
Seriously, as bad as things have been other than TX, no one is running away with anything and everything is still in play for the the Sox given the extra wild cahd team this season.
Mike:
With that said, our 1-2-3 stahtahs have a long way to go before I staht to imagine a Septembah of ripened gourds.
Mike:
Yeah, a train wreck is done once it's done whereas this has much more of the post-apocalyptic goes on and on and you'll most likely meet a tragic death by disease or roving band of cannibals long before things get bettah kinda feel to it.
Al:
I love this line from Abraham: "Remember that energetic Bobby Valentine from spring training? He has been replaced by a man who looks 10 years older."
Doug:
Oh, that's nothing... poor Tom Brady wants to welcome his new Red Sox bro in law into the family so decides to watch a Red Sox game and look what it fucking did to him.
Mike:
To put things into propah prespective—Bruce Chen, Bruce friggin Chen just held the Red Sox to 3 hits.
Susan/Circle:
I feel like that chick Marnie on HBO's Girls with the Red Sox playing the role of my beta boyfriend who is so pathetic that when we have so-called sex I can't even look at him.
Mike:
So playing out the metaphor, then, who's in the role of the dude telling you "The first time I fuck you, I might scare you a little. Because I'm a man. And I know how to do things."
Susan/Circle:
If I'm a Rangers fan chick aftah watching that unadulterated display of man powah, I'm definitely gonna have to make an offering to Onan ASAP.
Al: The whole herd and the shepherd are unwatchable, unrootable, and unable.
Doug: Hey, quit your bitchin', I mean, you got to witness the first major league game since 1925 in which both teams put a position playah on the mound.
Mike: And you got to see an All-Star first baseman strike out against a first baseman pitching.
Mike: This shit doesn't happen every day you know.
Al: I think I need to place my fandom on the the extended DL.
Doug: Fuck that, I'm designating mine for assignment.
Bill:
Poor Red Sox... they'd be in first place if they just didn't keep running up against these pitchers who just happen to pick the Sox as the team to have "solid" outing against.
