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Exit through the gift shop

So if 2011 was the blockbustah "Epic Collapse" then what went down in Game 1 is looking like the trailah for the sequel "Epic Collapse 2: Fail Hahdah!"


Yippee-ki-yay, mothahfuckhas.


Look I'm just glad the friggin Mayans invented zero because otherwise we'd be walking around saying the Red Sox are "___________ and one" on the season.


Speaking of the Mayans, you evah wondah if at some point in the distant future tourists from a post-post-post apocalyptic culture will be wandering around the ruins of Fenway like it's a Chichen Itza...


And the tour guide will say, "Our archeologists still don't know what caused the sudden catastrophic collapse of this ancient, once thriving culture..."


"Even more puzzling is that evidence suggests that prior to the collapse in the early part of what their calendars marked as the 21st Century the so called Red Sox tribes were at the height of their power and influence... "


I wondah what the gift shop would be like?


Probably lots of little rented sunset knickknacks.



At least they won't have to explain the horse troughs ;D

I wonder how they'd translate the Citgo sign. Like Joe Carter ("See it go")? Or would the triangle symbol be our version of the pyramids? "Aliens must have constructed it, because as far as we can tell, these Red Sox didn't have the capability to climb that high."

The good news: Lester hung in there with Verlander for 6 solid innings. No doubt that he's the club ace.

The bad news: our bullpen is a fucking mess and there's no end in sight. Unless your a Mayan, I guess.

I wonder how they will explain the chicken bones and beers cans in the archaeological dig?

"From the remains we found, the Red Sox were small, winged creatures who used their beakish mouths to open containers of weak urine (or as they referred to it, "Budweiser")."

They're ruinin' my Eastah!

There seemed to be a small, secret society that would sneak off from the main group during the daily ritual and have private ceremonies in a small, back room involving a small glowing electronic alter complete with ritualistic sacrifices consisting of cooked fowl and alcoholic beverages. This "secret" society may have undermined the whole society.

It's all in Gibbon: "The polygamy of Valentinian is seriously attested by an ecclesiastical historian. 'The empress Severa (I relate the fable) admitted into her familiar society the lovely Justina, the daughter of an Italian governor: her admiration of those naked charms, which she had often seen in the bath, was expressed with such lavish and imprudent praise, that the emperor was tempted to introduce a second wife into his bed; and his public edict extended to all the subjects of the empire the same domestic privilege which he had assumed for himself.'"

The gift shop will also sell funny little cheaply carved wooden doll trinkets with ugly faces and big teeth. One will be called Lackey, another called V (it will have big white teeth). One will be bald and have arms that drag the ground - he will be called Yuk. One will have fist full with a can in it and a chicken bone thru the nose. And the last one in the line on the shelf (doll #9 of 9), will have a movable arm that throws small white balls. Those balls will not go where you aim and will often hit you when you dont mean to.

Really? CHB stealing from J. Tull? "spitting out pieces of thier broken luck". Really?

I am compartmentalizing these days: part of a new zen way of being. Yesterday I reveled in watching live baseball... and disassociated from the loss there at the end. This mental bifurcation may lead to me going full on Sybil at some point, but for now, spring is here, bats are cracking, it smells like grass and cherry blossoms, beer has returned as a staple of my diet, and best of all life is being lived outdoors again (people on the streets, garden seating at restaurants and pubs, the bike becomes my commuter rail....) I am going to just enjoy the buzz of spring for a while before I get too down on my eventual 3rd place team. :)

For all the Hall & Oates afficianados, dig this...
I Cant Go For That

if that fails, got to www.nickibluhm.com and check out the van sessions to find the video and many others. They kinda blow h&o away.

We have no idea what these words meant to the inhabitants of this region, but it is clear that the phrase "there's always next year" was some kind of religious mantra, spoken with great regularity.

Jeff, excellent stuff there.

Ever check out Live from Daryl's House? It airs after SNL every week.

Have to split a little early today. There's a renowned oncologist (and former Jeopardy champion) giving a talk in one of our conference rooms. "I'll take Jap Anus Relations, Alex." "That's Japan-US Relations, Sean Connery."

Have a great weekend all, and happy Easter. Hopefully we'll have something fun to yak about on Monday.

Ah Bob-you think you so smart with your large American penises ;O

The worst punishment that the Red Sox tribe would inflict was to force gladiators to fight to the death in a blood-sport called "Base Ball". The gladiators were ritualistically purified by being openly mocked and burned in effigies for their deficiencies. The abuse and invective was directed by the priests of the church of Sport-Media, especially by their high priest "CHB".

Seriously guys, it's one close loss to a good team. :)

They took Tiger's trim away, and look whats become of the baby. They take Beckett's beer and chicken away, and...

Not to worry, the bullpen will stop the bleeding with their tried and true method of holding the severed artery down and below the heart until all bleeding has stopped.



It's time to sacrifice some virgins to the Bruins God.

Poor Josh just doesn't look happy out there. (Fuck him)

Thumbs down.

Exit through the gift shop, where you lay your money down.

When Disney takes Jerusalem, we'll all be glory bound.

picking up where they left off :(

Yesterday's game had everything: bad pitching, bad defense and no offense. The only thing I didn't see was bad baserunning, but you have to like, get runners on base to do that (and truthfully, I wasn't really paying attention after it got to be 0-5, so they might have featured that shortcoming as well). I beginning to think my April prediction (-4) was optimistic.

Well that blows ... twice.

So, I worked the overnight at AA and went to bed dreaming of a Sox Easter miracle. Woke up 30 minutes ago to check the score. WHA? Game still on, 12-10 in the 11th...sigh

Well. Huh. Hmm.

wow that sucked. Can we panic now?

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