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Hotdogs and hemlock

Mike:
You know I'm all for GTD and staying ahead of deadlines but couldn't the Red Sox, you know, wait until summah befoah "ruinin' my summah!"?

 

Susan/Circle:
Well, Aristotle always said the tragedy, with its inherent seriousness and dignity, was the highest aht form.

 

Mike:
Yeah, but, if the Red Sox wanted me to go Greek at least they could have asked before just rammin' me with 5 straight.

 

Susan/Circle:
Seriously. And here's the real kink in my kinesis – Just how much dunamis do I have to keep in reserve?

 

Susan/Circle:
What I mean is, if I'm dropping my metaphorical load of cathahsis aftah 5 season opening losses, what do I aftah 6? Aftah 7? Aftah...?

 

Mike:
C'mon, now, steady. These aren't the friggin 1988 Orioles ovah heah.

 

Susan/Circle:
Yeah, well, the '88 Orioles nevah knew they were the friggin '88 Orioles until they were.

 

Mike:
Somebody hold me.

 

Comments

I will not be cowed. However, in light of the horror that has befallen fans of the Boston Red Sox in the last week, as a "thought leader in Boston sports commentary"®, I have consulted the four hoarsemen of the crapocalypse, Larry Lucchino,
Larry Hagman, Larry Fine and Larry Flynt.


Wally is out. Here is our New Mascot

Siracha is out (sorry Bob and sdu). Henceforth, our new breakfast entreé is this

As always, you're welcome.

vainglorously,

lc


It's like a cartoon snowball rolling downhill, getting ever-larger as it swallows up unwary saps who happen to be in its path. The question is, when will the Red Sox snowball hit a car or a house and release its flattened victims? I think a teepee would work just fine.

Yeah,they could use some t.p. right about now

LC, the Red Sox wives should include those Indian snacks in their 2011 cookbook. They could call them mother phuchkas.


This is why they play the season.

BTW, "thought leader in Boston sports commentary"® is nice, LC, but a little long. Maybe you could shorten it to "thought leader in B.S. commentary"®?

@Bob: you're the marketing genius. I'm just an older gentleman trying to push out the pain of an 0 and 5 start.

responsively,

lc

very very funny!

"Eureka,I've found it!!"

I hope we don't have to do a "The Sox Are Ruinin' My Summah" t-shirt...

Red Seat - actually, that's a tremendous idea. They'd be multi-purpose. For the down times like this, they speak for themselves. When times are good, they'd make great gifts for certain members of other fan bases, who for the present shall remain nameless.


"Make it, and they will come..."

Don't forget h.b.'s royalty check...


:-)

This is all some elaborate prank, right? When does the season start?

My springtime promised
Cherry blossom in plenty.
Summer sweeping soon

At the current level of ineptitude, the season will be over before the summer gets here.

I disagree with Susan's assumption that the '88 Orioles didn't know they were the '88 Orioles at the time. Having lived through that IN Baltimore, we knew pretty damn well it was going to be a while before we saw a win. At some point after the first 7-8 losses, we went Stockholm and actually *wanted* them to get the record for consecutive losses...just to salvage some kind of awesome infamy that no team would ever be able to accomplish again. Look, you don't go 54-107 by surprise (please don't try to prove me wrong, Red Sox).

At least we're rolling downhill quickly enough to not require any kind of toxic anti-moss agent.

I started this season with such hope. I've been reading some baseball literature (real books, with plots and everything), I have my Audio subscription on MLB.com (thanks Kaz!), and the optimism and hope of a glorious summer filled with baseball.

And they killed it in 5 games. The fuckers. No matter what happens in the next 157 games, I'll be waiting for the shit to hit the fan. They've ruined my summer, and it's only April 7.

Tradetalk:
Already hearing rumors of Saltalamacchia & the entire middle relief staff for Lekeebrion Jackson and a player to be named later.

Maybe we could do a rain dance or something? Try to get the games rained out?...


I'm nonplussed. This is truly fucked up.

I get a chance to recycle a joke from 1988:

A little orphan kid in Alabama suffered horrific abuse at different foster homes over the course of several years: whipping with belts, cigarette burns on his arm, numerous fractures. Tearing up at the CPS office, the little orphan kid told his social worker that he wanted to go to Boston...everything would be better if he could get to Boston. "Why Boston, do you have family there?" the social worker asked him. "No," he said, "but I know Boston doesn't beat anyone."

Lame, but apt.

Well at least they got Lebron on board. Glad the priorities are straight for this ownership. Make money 1st win later or not at all in this case...

At least we won't have to worry about a bloody sock. This team is anemic.


bloodlessly,

lc

lc:

Why are the four hoarsemen all named Larry?


Just curious.


The winning streak starts today.

PROGRESSIVE FIELD = SUN LIFE PARK NORTH

0 and 6.

!!!!!!!!!!!


Well, they found a new and interesting way to lose the game...

Another sweep.
3 hits today.
Bard gives up the small-ball run.
Sox lose 1-0.

A nation slits its wrists.

0-6 now...W...T...F...

Ugh!! If I have to listen to one more "you know who" fan!

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

ok, that was bad.

If my math is correct, The Boston Red Sox have won __one__ game in the last three weeks, the barnburner vs. the Astros a week ago Wednesday.

Fenway should be an ugly place tomorrow. See you there.


lc

Goddamnit, traffic is going to be horrible tonight heading out north of the city. Soooo many abandoned cars on the Zakim AND the Tobin...

LC, you bring up a good point. I don't think in all the years I've been in town now that I've ever heard boos lobbed at the Sox on Opening Day at Fenway. I think it's going to be completely surreal.

Also, LC, they beat Toronto on the 28th and tied Tampa the next day. But, really that seems somewhat unimportant to your point.

Well, technically the last Sox win was Oct. 3 against you-know-who. I'm trying to keep my glass half-full; I'm just afraid to look down and see what I'm actually drinking.

UNLEASH THE TROLLS. You know they are gonna be here to squeeze lemon juice on our gaping wounds in 5...4...3...

i'll be in the state street pavilion under the coke sign on sunday. on the plus side, i'll have something to jump off of.

Asdrubal is our daddy. Mercy... I tip my cap to Cleveland's racist mascot.

Even the Lowell Spinners button has given up the ghost. And why not?

Sorry about the bad math.

This is grippingly horrible in a non-life threatening way.

Anyhow, I've decided to call Progressive Field "The Flo" after their most annoying character.

I've got an interesting day at Fenway tomorrow. As many of you know I don't have those old seats, so I'll have a new perspective; hopefully, I'll have something to yak about when the game is ovah.

lc

Long time since last post... It dawned on me this morning that I hadn't seen my Red Sox coffee mug in a while, I made inquiries, and my son confessed that he'd broken it and never told me. So it's all our fault. Sorry. Will replace mug before 2:05pm tomorrow.

Clearly we are in the dawn of a new Curse. The Curse of Beltre. We never should have let him go.

Fuck this; bring on the Yankees; bring back Oki; bring me a breakfast shot.

This team is DEAD to me!

Kaz, this one killed me! --> "Pictured: Some poor bastard in a suit sent out to be the face of a poorly performing organization bleeding money unable to do anything right...and MBTA GM Davey."

Thanks, Kev.

I, for one, am enjoying these losses as much as I would a leathered up Susan Wentworth S&M beating with bloodied nipple clamps, knowing the forthcoming ecstasy and release brought about by Sox domination in May.

sdu -- thanks for the pick-me-up. I really needed that...

Pass the hemlock. What ever does not kill you...

A friend (Met's fan) just sent me a text message in the following terms:

'ROPE A DOPE??'

Before the season started, everyone was saying, "they're great, but they're not going to go 162-0."


Pedroia's quote after the game:


"We're not going to be 0-162."


Can you hear the snowball?


Dear Red Sox:

sure 1-6 would suck and all, but, it sucks a lot less than 0-7 would. 3-6 on Monday after sweeping the spankees? Even better.

hey h.b. the comments numbers are up...

Assgerbil and company just made the RS look like Richard Gere the morning after.

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