Consequently, this error in the narrative has created a dangerous rip in the time-space continuum.
According to the universal laws of science fiction, as you know, any action taken while the time-space continuum is in flux brings with it the very real risk of the end of life as we know it.
!!!
Therefore, for the benefit of all living things, the Soxaholix strip has been quarantined and will not be permitted to continue until the rip in the time-space continuum has been repaired.
Marty:
You know, Bill, for once you've stumbled unwittingly into the truth. The torch of Uber Also-ran has been passed to the Rays.
Marty:
The Red Sux are just another bug crushed into the grill of the speeding Yankees Express... no different from a Seattle or a Kansas City. Heh.
Marty:
So let me ask you this, Billy Willy, you still getting wood ovah your boy wonder GM?
Bill:
He has assembled 2 World Series teams in 6 years, Mahts, remembah?
Marty:
Wow, Bill, you're starting to sound like Osama Bin Laden pining for Al-Andalús in 12th Century Spain. Ancient history, B. Budd, ancient history.
Bill:
Yeah, like Steinbrennah.
Marty:
Here's something, Bill, unlike the Boston Beaners, Tampa Bay continues to field a contendah year in and year out... but I bet you don't even know the name of their GM do you?
Bill:
Of course, I do, Mahts.
Marty:
Yeah, so what is it?
Bill:
His name is Ben Dover.
Marty:
Brilliant, Bill, but now I've gotta run. I'm sure you have something important to do yourself like buff your little Ted Williams statuette or something.
Bill:
Don't fuck with the Teddy Baseball, Mahty.
Marty:
Oh, and, Bill? When you're buffing, just remember — Don't lose your head. Bwahahaahaha.
Doug:
Yeah, and by the powah house that is the Baltimore friggin Orioles.
Bill:
As Dave Pinto astutely reminds us: The Sox are 8-9 against the Orioles this season. If that record was 13-4, we'd would be right in the thick of the AL East and Wild Card races.
Doug:
The idea of the 2010 Red Sox was a good one. Just turned out to be a mismatch with reality.
The was a comic blogger named Brachen
Over the 1589th strip he was really achin'
"I think I'll take a day or rest"
He said with a sudden zest
And today he's wakin and bakin
Bill:
This playing out the string thing really sucks. I mean we keep winning but what can I do it with?
Doug:
Hey, now, it could be worse. You be a Red Sox fan playing out the string *and* be First Lady. Jeez, that poor woman.
Bill:
So evidently antisocial behavior has no dress code. Except in NY, where suspects or persons of interest in connection with serious crimes just love to wear Yankees apparel at the time of the crimes or at the time of their arrest or arraignment.
Doug:
Cue the Law and Order voice over:
In the Criminal Justice System the people are represented by two separate, yet equally scumbaggy groups. The douchebags who wear Yankees attire to commit crimes and those few that don't. These are their stories. Bom Bom.
Bill:
So let's see, criminals who live the notion of the ends justifying the means are fans of a team that has built a mythology around the concept of the ends justifying the means. Go figure.
Doug:
Now batting the Yankees, Dante te tete Alighieri eri erieri
Arturo, the hot dog vendor:
Oh, quit with the glum front already, will ya?
Arturo, the hot dog vendor:
Look around. The Red Sox may be out of it but the Boston girls are still pretty and the autumn air tastes of apple peel and ferris wheels.
Doug:
!
Doug:
You're a real optimist aren't you, Arty?
Arturo, the hot dog vendor:
Of course, I'm Portugese. We are an optimistic people.
Doug:
So in those rare moments when I could tear myself away from the excitement that is the Septembah Red Sox, I found great amusement in Camille Paglia ripping Lady Gaga a new Gaga.
Mike:
Paglia makes a good case against the Gaga ...
Mike:
+ She treats her fans as if they are damaged goods in need of her therapeutic repair
+ She's self-potrayed as marginalized and destitute when in reality she's bankrolled by a powahful corporate apperatus.
+ Shes' ovah-conceptualised, clinical and strangely antiseptic.
Al:
Hey, whoa, wait a second... are we sure Paglia's talking about Gaga and not the 2010 Red Sox?
Susan/Circle:
Christ, I've become so blasé that I was just bored enough to tune into the NFL Kickoff Countdown thingy and what I came away with was this:
I think Kanye West was onto something in re Taylor Swift.
Mike:
Listening to him was always bad enough, but now looking at him is like staring into the sun, if the sun had a horrible dye job and wicked ridiculous mop cut or toupee, as the case may be.
Susan/Circle:
You know I sorta get the whole Ode of a Grecian Formula thing, but the boyish moppy thing? C'mon, when you're close to 60 years what makes you think it's a good thing to mimic the hairstyle of a pubescent child?
Mike:
I dunno, ask Tom Brady who isn't as old as Costas, of course, but still has a haircut fitting a 14-year old at summer soccer camp.
Susan/Circle:
Battle of the age inappropriate haircut: Costas vs Brady. Who wins?
Mike:
Wait...Is either haircut secretly named Ditka?
Al:
I once knew a girl who wore leggings,
She wouldn't put out until I started begging,
Then it was spandex galore,
From this dirty litte whore,
How I love cod with a little breading.
Mike:
I knew things were bad at the majah networks and all but I didn't realize it was so bad that now nut jobbahs prefer to go berserkahs at the HQs of minor cable channels.
