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A bumpy school bus can triggah it

Doug:
So when it comes to writing a piece about torn testicles, looks like Shaughnessy is the Globe's go to guy. Good to know.

 

Mike:
I wondah if they offered this one to Amalie and she was like, "Ewww."

 

Doug:
Just remembah: "This is baseball, people. Nothing is sacred. And everybody’s a comedian."

 

Mike:
So it looks like the "Red Sox are all defense and no offense and henceforth are dooooomed!" meme has some competition...

 

Mike:
Now there's the "Red Sox have an awkward clubhouse and hate their veterans and henceforth are doooomed!" meme.

 

 

Doug:
And as for awkward, I don't think it mattahs. We're talking about a professional baseball club, not a cocktail pahty.

 

Mike:
Well, there's that, and then there's the question of whether the situation even qualifies as awkward.

 

Doug:
Seriously. Awkward is when you're in middle school and you're all of a sudden afflicted with a seemingly random yet evahlasting bonah which is sorta fine when you're sitting at your desk but becomes problematic when the bell rings, so you attempt some make shift obfuscation with a combo of hand in pocket, peculiah knee bent stances, and the strategic placement of your books and notes.

 

Mike:
Ah, yes, the unsolicited, random, male adolescent erection... very awkward.

 

Doug:
Signing Lackey while Beckett is in his contract year? Not so much.

 

Comments

As CHB stories go, that wasn't bad. And Lowell cracked a nut (joke) that was pretty funny.

A testicle column and an article on Bergeron's groin in the same edition? the globe is looking more like a medical journal today.

Wait, that's an adolescent problem...? Should I go see a doctor, because I pop boners by the dozen.

No... the adolescent problem is the claiming of the "popping boners by the dozen":)

"The size of a grapefruit"? That's nothing compared to Saturn sized ;D

Do you think Bronson's Saturn comes fully loaded???

Lowell to CHB: You see this glove? You see this bat?


That bat costs more than your car. I made $12,500,000 last year. How much you make? You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you -- go home and play with your kid!! You wanna work here? Write better!!


You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you curly-haired bastard? You can't take this -- how can you take the abuse you get on a sit?! You don't like it -- leave. I can go out there tonight with the materials you got, make myself fifteen thousand dollars! Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! A-I-D-A!! Get mad! You sons of bitches! Get mad!! You know what it takes to create offense?


(He pulls something out of his briefcase)


It takes brass balls to create offense.


(He's holding two brass balls on string, over the appropriate "area"--he puts them away after a pause)


I'd wish you good luck but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. And to answer your question, pal: why am I here? I came here because Theo and Henry asked me to, they asked me for a favor. I said, the real favor: follow my advice and fire your fucking ass because a loser is a loser.

Wow, Kaz. I needed to put on a cup before reading that ball-busting.


And h.b., thanks ever so much for the trip down memory lane through the horror show that was junior high school. There goes two years of fucking therapy right down the drain... :-)

Nice Boiler Room reference Kaz.

Not Boiler Room. :)

Glengarry Glen Ross

Yeah OK - saw Boiler Room more recently and now I how much Ben Afflack's speech to the newbies is a homage to Glengarry Glen Ross.

Scott, cool article. It would be interesting to see the Sox pick her up and develop her into a primetime pitcher especially in lieu of the Yawkey racism that tarnishes the team's history.

Two things -


First, re: nut busting, my 10 yr old son asked me the other day why the ball and gooch area is so tender and easy to hurt. I had no reply except to say "not a very INTELLIGENT DESIGN is it?"


Second, in the world of awkward boners, our very proud American Bobsled pilot, upon winning Gold and standing up on a podium to be awesome while wearing his Bobsledding duds, had a rather large boner trying to stand up and be awesome ther beside him. and no pockets anywhere to be found to aid in the cover up.


And I can now say as a grown up, that I am glad my problem was surprise wood and not the more horrifying experience of the junior high girls little surprises.

ok three things.

"It's an honor to have somebody carry on a knuckleball tradition," he said. "And somebody that's doing it because she likes what I do. It's pretty cool to have someone come over to the States from Japan. I heard about her last year. I know she's pitching in independent leagues now. But for her to come all the way to Fort Myers and watch me throw, it was an honor for me to just talk to her and give her some tips."

And THAT attitude is one of the things that I love most about Wakefield.

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