Stuck between the motion and the act

Your omniscient author in absentia:
OK, After two full days of work-related training (and we ain't talking about the "Spring" variety), I am the Hollow Man, headpiece filled with straw, shape without form, shade without color... well, you get the idea.

So no strip today.

But I would like to leave you with this prickly pear to go around:

I think you can tell a lot about a person by which side of this fence they fall on: Julia Mancuso or Lindsey Vonn?

Your thoughts?

 

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The Constant

Bill:
Breaking news:

 

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Bill:
Killah Whale Kills!

 

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Bill:
Lost's "answers" are just more questions.

 

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Bill:
And Derek Jetah will stay with the Yankees.

 

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Doug:
Even in the island-is-sunk flash sideways story line Derek Jetah would still be a Yankee.

 

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Bill:
Are you friggin kidding me, even if the mysterious Man in Black were to "claim" Derek Jetah, Derak Jetah would still be with the Yankees.

 

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Doug:
Seriously. Is there any playah in the modern era as intrinsically tied to their club as Derek Jetah is to the Yankees?

 

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Bill:
And as much as it emotionally pains me to say it – that is pretty damn cool.

 

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Going deep on you

Al:
What can one say about Mike Lowell that hasn't already been said?

 

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Al:
He's a class act. He loved the fans. He became so, so much more than dead weight attached to the Beckett deal.

 

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Doug:
2007 World Series the M is of for Mofo MVP!

 

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Mike:
But...

 

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Doug:
Yep...

 

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Al:
Baseball is a business.

 

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Al:
And like most theories, the labor theory of value, is innocous when read in a textbook but can be quite disturbing when witnessed in action for reals.

 

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Doug:
Yeah, especially when the average skill and productivity metric is being applied to a guy you've rooted for and who has brought such joy to you ovah the years.

 

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Mike:
But it's beyond mere business too. It's about mortality itself.

 

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Mike:
I mean we're all familiar with the famous Giamatti quote:

"The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone."

 

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Mike:
Well, remembah, it's not just that seasonal cycle at work but the human one as well.

 

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Mike:
Playahs come into the league fresh-faced and gangly and full of the promise of Spring and then they wow us in their primes with feats of athleticism that seem to defy their very mortality and humaness...

 

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Mike:
But then most assuredly comes their Autumn, and the gray beards and creaky knees and lost steps...

 

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Mike:
And they leave us, we watch them go, sometimes they go with grace, sometimes they go with angah, but they always go and it's always bittahsweet and difficult for us and them to accept.

 

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Mike:
For in the end, watching baseball is both an escape from our own mortality and a remindah of it.

 

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Mike:
And that's why we watch, why we have no choice but to watch.

 

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Ladies Night

Susan/Circle:
Oh, I thought you'd nevah ask. When and where, Papito?

 

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Tara:
Hah. But what's the deal anyway? I mean the ProJo says Papi came into camp in "excellent shape" while the Globe says he's only "slightly trimmer"?

 

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Susan/Circle:
Pool or the pond, girl, pool or the pond.

 

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Tara:
Rowwwrrrr....

 

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Feverish

Mike:
OK, so last week I got ribbed (for my pleasure) for saying that the offseason has been so awful that I'm actually looking forward to seeing Slappy McBluelips...

 

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Mike:
Well, turns out it gets worse — I actually read a CHB piece in the Globe and not only didn't puke in my mouth, I sort of almost enjoyed it.

 

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Al:
You do have cabin fevah.

 

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Doug:
Seriously. I mean the bit were Shaughnessy does his classic faux pining for the days of yore when spring camp was a daily soap opera didn't make you gag just a bit?

 

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Al:
If that didn't then how about this line: "I blame [Theo} for weeding out the egos and assembling this obedient cast of professionals."

 

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Doug:
Hey, now, let's give Dan-O credit for somehow managing to avoid comparing Theo to Cesar Milan in his obedience meme.

 

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Mike:
Yeah, well, the CHB can't help but be the CHB.

 

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Mike:
But let's face it, for good or ill, he's as much a part of Red Sox baseball as the Monstah, the Citgo sign, or the sausage vendahs.

 

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Al:
Dammnit don't make me agree with you.

 

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Doug:
Don't listen, Al, it's the cabin fevah talking.

 

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Boom-chicka-chicka

Mike:
So if curling was a more popular sport in the US, I'm guessing that we'd have a new entry for the slang lexicon...

 

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Mike:
shuster (adj.) — the inability to be successful in a tense or must-win situation; the opposite of clutch.

 

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Doug:
Q: "Hey, guy, how'd you wreck your cah?"

A: "Dude, I hit an icy patch and I went totally fucking shustah."

 

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Mike:
Maybe A-Rod can give the Shustah the numbah to his shrink?

 

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Doug:
Or maybe just offah Shustah some tips in general, you know, show him the ol' dropping the shouldah move and all?

 

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Mike:
Christ, you know it's been a long offseason when I'm actually looking forward to seeing the blue lips and white gloves in the battah's box.

 

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Doug:
A warm summah evening in Fenway, scoreless in the 7th, Lackey staring out from the mound, A-Rod digging into the box...

 

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Mike:
Ah, baseball porn.

 

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And we're, er, back....

Al:
So the fact that Dice-K actually communicated with the Red Sox ovah his "very mild" back strain should be seen as good news, right?

 

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Mike:
I'll go with that spin.

 

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Doug:
Seriously. And as much as I miss baseball, it's just too damn early for the Matsuzaka blues. I mean pitchas and catchas haven't even officially reported yet.

 

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Mike:
Absolutely. I've gotten used to Dice-K's injuries occurring deep into the season, and, dammit , that's how I want things to stay.

 

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Al:
Do I smell a haiku or two?

 

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Doug:
Just a mild strain,
Then suddenly another —
Summertime mourning.

 

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Mike:
Yet still we hope...

 

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Mike:
For high-priced pitcher,
There's nothing left unbroken,
But our deep longing.

 

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Life's little rollers...

Your omniscient author in absentia:
Got a little family mini-crisis to deal with this morning. Nothing too dire but enough to disrupt the strip writing routine. Should be back to normal tomorrow.

 

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Tabula Rasa

Bill:
The truck's in Florida, the pitchers are throwing in the bullpen and the hitters are taking BP off a coach …

 

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Bill:
And yet…

 

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Mike:
And yet when you get right down to it, there really isn't much to say, is there?

 

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Bill:
Exactly. It's all fillah.

 

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Mike:
You know what we need, right?

 

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Bill:
What's that?

 

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Mike:
We need some sort of alternate, "flash-sideways" reality.

 

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Bill:
Wait a second … How would that help anything?

 

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Bill:
I mean if we're flailing around in one plot line with nothing much to say, no direction, no answers, where we are seemingly just showing up and going through the motions to fill the episodic space …

 

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Bill:
Then how would introducing a second, sideways story arc be helpful or interesting or any different at all?

 

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Mike:
Good question. Welcome to Lost Season 6. Heh.

 

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Capriciously yours

Doug:
Well, well, well... there's hope for your dentally-challenged people back in the old country after all – whiskey flavored toothpaste.

 

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Bill:
Heh. Speaking of doing the extra for good health, our favorite bariatric chambah sleepah gets some adoring pixels from Amelie B.

 

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Doug:
But is Drew's lack of popularity when compared to othah's really because he doesn't put up enough highlight reel homah's and RBI and that fans are too stupid to appreciate OBP?

 

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Doug:
I always thought the fan malaise towards Drew was due to his perrenial case of the ouchies and his looking like he's attending a wake rathah a ballgame?

 

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Bill:
Well, that does get addressed &nash; "There are some who don’t trust him. There are some who always will believe Drew is soft."

 

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Doug:
So what?

 

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Doug:
I mean if that stuff isn't important compared to the numbahs, than why even talk about it?

 

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Bill:
Seriously. You can apply science and stats to whole lot of facets of the game, and I'm so, so glad Theo and the Red Sox do just that, but there is nothing logical or predictable about why a fan likes one guy more anothah.

 

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Doug:
Tell me about it. You're looking at a guy who still misses Manny for reasons I don't fully undahstand.

 

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Doug:
Put that in a friggin spreadsheet and graph it.

 

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