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Lisa the Temp:
Welcome the Peeps Republic of Lisa with your host, Jackety Jane.
Lisa the Temp:
Oh, yes, peeps, Lisa the Temp
knows all.
Lisa the Temp:
For instance, Lisa knows that earlier this year an internet sex tape somehow surfaced starring everybody's favorite blue blood and trust fund bon vivant.
Lisa the Temp:
Of course, in this day and age, the sudden net appearance of a youthful indiscretion is fairly common, right?
Lisa the Temp:
I mean an amateur double-penetration gang bang? Big friggin whoop.
Lisa the Temp:
Am I right or am I right?
Lisa the Temp:
Talk about a donkey punch. Even a Red Sox agnostic like Lisa knows that would be seen as sacrilege in this town.
Lisa the Temp:
So what's a Back Bay bimbo to do?
Lisa the Temp:
You know, grainy footage, poor lighting and it's all "It caaaan't be me, Duncstah, as you know, I have no tatoos. No where did you hide the caviaaaah, daahling."
Lisa the Temp:
And let this be a lesson to you, peeps. Don't fuck with Lisa.
Susan/Circle:
What the frig is a "Lisa the Temp"?
Mike:
Aw, c'mon, Circ, you pass right by her all the time, end of the hall, near the elevatah?
Susan/Circle:
Do you mean the always smiling bitch with the silicon jobbies and the freakish, cartoon hands?
Susan/Circle:
Nah, nevah heard of her.
Mike:
Rrrrr-rrrrrr-rrrrr-owwwwwhhhh catfight!
Susan/Circle:
Wouldn't be much of a fight. I'd knock Jackety Jane back to whatevah Blandchestah she came from.
Mike:
See, this is what happens when we don't have enough Red Sox talk to occupy our minds — we turn on each othah.
Susan/Circle:
Each othah? Dude, she's a friggin temp.
Lisa the Temp:
OK, here's another Lisaism for you, peeps.
Lisa the Temp:
When I was in temp training...
Lisa the Temp:
Yes, temp training, peeps. They have schools for strippers so why wouldn't they have training for temps?
Lisa the Temp:
Now as I was saying, when I was in temp training they told us that a good way to ingratiate ourselves as a temp in an office of strangers is to bring a bowl of candy and set it out on our desk.
Lisa the Temp:
However, I've found that is far more interesting to bring a bowl of condoms and assorted lubes and set that on the corner of my desk.
Lisa the Temp:
Wouldn't you agree?
Lisa the Temp:
But enough about me, let's talk about you.
Lisa the Temp:
Yes, you. Because even afer all this time there is so much you don't know about Lisa.
Lisa the Temp:
For instance, did you know that Lisa is actually my middle name?
Lisa the Temp:
It's true.
Lisa the Temp:
My first name is Mona.
Lisa the Temp:
Doesn't that just send a shiver up your Dan Brown hole, peeps?
Unknown Yankees fan:
And this morning a whole world is grateful...
Unknown Yankees fan:
For a World Series without the Yankees is not really much of a thing at all, is it?
Unknown Yankees fan:
So to the entire world, we say, you're welcome.
Unknown Yankees fan:
Even Gaia, Mother Earth herself, roots for the Pinstripes, for a New York to Philly series leaves a very small carbon footprint.
Unknown Yankees fan:
So shines a good deed in a weary world.
Unknown Yankees fan:
It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in the Yankees.
Unknown Yankees fan:
27 Rings to cower them all.
Unknown Yankees fan:
One team to rule them.
Unknown Yankees fan:
Bwahahahaaa!
In a group of Soxaholix, a woman speaks:
So is this the hiatus?
In a group of Soxaholix, a woman speaks:
Or just a Friday off?
In a group of Soxaholix, a woman speaks:
You know what I think?
In a group of Soxaholix, a woman speaks:
Mysteries are for pussies.
Bill:
Are you ready for a hiatus, guy?
Doug:
Are you friggin kidding me? I'm gonna bogaht all the high in hiatus.
Bill:
But nobody is going anywhere until we find Bob.
Doug:
Meh. If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times —
Doug:
I cannot respect any sport that does not permit the use of the hands.
Doug:
I mean, c'mon, opposable thumbs, people? You know, what sets us apaht from lowly beasts?
Bill:
For me, the actual sport involved is beside the point.
Bill:
Is there no end of pimping out of Fenway?
Doug:
Seriously, when's the last time you've seen a rock concert at Notre Dame or some exhibition sporting even at the Vatican?
Doug:
Fenway's a motherfucking shrine, people, treat it as such.
Lisa the Temp:
He did it his way!
Lisa the Temp:
But Lisa prefers to take her philosophical wisdom from murderers who practice their craft on a, let's say, less grandiose scale.
Lisa the Temp:
Is that deep or what, peeps? And talk about compassion. We all could really learn a lot from a guy like Berk.
Lisa the Temp:
It is about your choices and your own paths. Whatever is right for you, homies.
Lisa the Temp:
Wait, what's that?
Lisa the Temp:
OK. Stop your goddamn barking at me!
Doug:
So it just took the Angels a bit longah than usual to fold into an origami shaped like crippled rally monkey.
Al:
Hey, they could come back.
Al:
Well, I'll continue to hope somebody will knock 'em down before then.
Mike:
Yeah, or something, Go H1N1.
Doug:
That friggin balloon boy had the right idea.
Doug:
Time to hide in the attic until this bitch blows ovah.
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