Doug's well

Mike:
Oh, V-Maht, you're so good in a pinch!

 

---

Al:
But look out, fellahs, the Texas Rangahs are hot on our trail.

 

---

Mike:
Except being stalked by the Rangahs baseball club is about as scary as being stalked by Garfield.

 

---

Doug:
I went through a Garfield stage in high school. Don't ask.

 

---

Mike:
!

 

---

Al:
Jesus, Dougie, even aftah all the crazy shit you've said ovah the years, your crazy well still nevah seems to run dry.

 

---

Doug:
Hey, what can I say? It was due to a chick. She was young and liked reading Garfield. I was young and liked unbuttoning her pants.

 

---

Mike:
Now see. It's this kind of teenage poor decision making that drives the abstinence-only movement.

 

---

Al:
Absolutely. See, Doug here simply wasn't mature enough to realize the potential dangah in reading too much Garfield.

 

---

Mike:
And now look at the poor sonavabitch — He's scarred for life!

 

---

Doug:
All of a sudden I'm craving lasagna.

 

---

Comments

[Bob]

Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...

[Harwich Rich]

"Far out Catherwood,just roll a couple of bummers and leave them on the side table." "OOk ook a -chook"

[Rob in CT]

Devine - Top five, man. That was good.

Kaz - funny. Manny-in-Right-Field funny.

[buckner was framed]

Cheer up, Doctor Kaz,
for we know Tex-az
is a wildcard pretender
and an October no mas

[Kaz]

Texas coming on hard in the wild card race
Yankees have the East well in hand
Red Sox fighting so hard just to keep the pace
And soon those two will need to make October plans
Oh-bla-di, oh-bla-da, Postseasooon, yah!
La la, here comes Postseason!

[Kaz]

Jason Bay
All Manny's troubles seem so far away
Baldelli used to beat us as a Ray
Oh I believe in Theo's way

[Seamus]

Number 9. Number 9.

[Mike E!]

In honor of our new heroics-supplier:

Vic's on second base
I've just forgotten of 'Tek's face
because our
new catcher hits wicked hard,
catches Wakefield then Dan Bard, he's V-
Ma Ma Ma MaMaMart

had it been the other way
we could have lost the game that day
but now we've got 41 here
and in our hearts he is endeared tonight,
Ma Ma Ma MaMaMart

calling, when he is calling, 'pponents are falling,
in Clay's games again.

(There was a joke in there about Natalie not wanting to nom his thighs like 'Tek's, but as a very rare poster and avid lurker, I decided to take that one out haha)

[Devine]

Thanks Rob! I wanted to work in something about Tommy John surgery and putting Papelbon on edge, but couldn't seem to make it work.

[Devine]

I think my favorite is still NolaSox's. Simple and super-effective.

[JHam]

When they get to the bottom they go back to the top,
and they pitch, then they hit, then they suck, then they go for a ride then they get to the bottom AND WE SEE THEM AGAIN, yeah yeah yeah.

Do they don't they want us to love them?
Barely leading Texas just 2 games above them.
Tell me tell me tell me the answer.
You might make the playoffs but your running out of chances.

[Devine]

Oh man, Buckner's "Help!" is super-good, though.

[jar in chicago]

Wow. Somehow the strip has hit the main artery of genius in this group. I have been laughing the whole time. I bow before all your greatness.

[JHam]

Whe they get to the bottom they go back to the top. Then they pitch, then they hit, then they suck. Then they beat up the Os, and they sink to the bottom, THEN WE SEE THEM AGAIN!

Do they don't they want us to love them?
Rangers coming fast just 2 games above them.
DiceK, VTek, are they the answers?
They may make the playoffs but I don't know their chances.

[JHam]

Whoops. Thought my first Helter Skelter didn't post. Oh well, the second draft might be better. Or not.

[h.b.]

Can't buy a pennant!
Can't buy a pennant!

Yanks will buy Texeira my friend cuz it makes them feel alright.
Yanks gotta just spend and spend to try and get it right.
But I don't care too much for Yankees, Yankees can suck my nuts.

[Professional Hitter]

Splendid Splinter. Splendid Splinter. Splendid Splinter.

[NolaSox]

"But I don't care too much for Yankees, Yankees can suck my nuts" Classic!

I've been pondering a Wakefield "When I'm 64" but work is interfering.

[JHam]

Yesterday, Buch was bait for catching Halladay.
Now his troubles seem so faraway.
Oh I believe, in saving Clay.

[JHam]

Suddenly, Victor swings and soon has plated three.
Now the pen has saved things brilliantly.
Oh they could win it all, it's plain to see.

[Kaz]

Oh, all of the creepy people
Oh, all of the creepy people

Anonymous h.b. picks out the links on the web that describes how we've been
Building a theme
Pasting the clipart, writing up quips for the guys at the water cooler
Who's it for?

All the creepy people, we all love h.b.'s stuff
All the creepy people, right where we all belong

[vancouversoxfan]

Bang, Bang, Martinez's Silver hammer,
Came through in the clutch,
Bang, Bang, Martinez's Silver Hammer,
We acquired; not giving up much.

[vancouversoxfan]

Bang, Bang, V-Marts silver hammer,
Came through in the clutch,
Bang, Bang, V-Marts silver hammer,
We got, for not too much

[Bob]

In their sties with all their backing
They don't care what goes on around
In their eyes there's something lacking
What they need's a damn good whacking

(Dedicated to the New York Skankees)

[Devine]

An ode to the 2004 Sox:

Angels were a running threat; Killed the Yankees all year, yet
Couldn't beat the Sox
Wondered if they'd win it all
Oh, oh, oh, oh

Schilling and Pedro did great, brought the Angels to their fate
To die in Fenway.
"Can you get back up from this bashing, A-a-a-ngels?"

And though Vlad hit a granny that night,
When they brought Washburn in...

Bang! Bang! Boston's silver slugger
Came down upon their head
Bang! Bang! Boston's silver slugger
Made sure that they were dead

Yanks jumped to a 3-game lead, Boston and its fans were peeved
Tito gets annoyed
Wishing to avoid an unpleasant
sce-e-e-ene

Tito says "We still will play till we reach our dying day,
We will not give up
Even if they're up, with one inning to go-oh-oh-oh"

And between Roberts, Foulke, and the Pro
They crept up from behind

Bang! Bang! Boston's silver slugger
Came down upon their head
In games four, five, and seven
He made sure that they were dead

Card Tony LaRussa said, "Sure they came back from the dead
Boston stands alone
But we're good, we know we can beat those guy-ai-ai-ais."

Game 1 was really tight, screaming went into the night
On Manny's errors
(Oh, Manny's errors!)
Bellhorn don't agree and his bat says no-o-o-o.

And Schilling, Pedro, Lowe got it done,
With some help from Ortiz

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon their head
Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure the curse was dead

Silver Hammer O-o-ortiz

Ba-dum-bum.

[Devine]

Aw, shoot. Just pretend the last chorus says "Boston's silver slugger"

[stuckinny]

http://www.lasagnacat.com/
yeah.

[jar in chicago]

I feel inspired so here goes.

Youk knocks balls all over the place,
We’ve got the lead in the wild card race,
Sox Rule (Sox really rule),
Sox Rule (All around the town),
Sox Rule (Sox really rule).
How can you doubt?,
When we know they rule? (How can you doubt?).
Ortiz hits a homer and puts it away,
Same old thing happens every day,
Sox Rule (Sox really rule),
Sox Rule (All around the town),
Sox Rule (Sox really rule).
How can you doubt?,
When we know they rule? (How can you doubt?).
Got the wild card lead with nobody else,
Only 2 games up Keep your thoughts to yourself,
Sox Rule (Sox really rule),
Sox Rule (All around the town),
Sox Rule (Sox really rule).
How can you doubt?,
When we know they rule? (How can you doubt?).
Oh yeah.

My first creative thought on this page.

[Yossarian]

My day sucked. It started with a flooded basement, progressed to a visit to a funeral home, then a lawyer's office. I was wondering how much Oban I could drink, and how fast. Then I come home to read this? Fucking Brilliant. Thanks to all of you.

[Lazlo Freem]

When the pain comes,
Timmah can't seem to pitch
Can't make the batters his bitch
When the pain comes, when the pain comes.
Pain...ain...ain,
in Wake's behind

[Dale021]

You say hello/Garfield, I say goodbye/Gahfield...

[soxdownunder]

I'm in the same boat as Yossarian - day sucked; saved by creepiness here. Here' my pale effort:

Friday evening at 5 o’clock as the work week ends,
Noisily, tackling the beer cart guy
Sips his first sip with a cackling sigh;
He goes outside to a pub that used once to be called Petes.
Happily dodging the flea market fleas
Stepping inside he is free.

Bob (he gave us lots of good laughs)
Is drinking (some in bad taste but good laughs)
Beer (He does not know how they can brew it so cheap)
Bob’s drinking beer after ‘musing us here
For so many years. Beer Beer.

[soxdownunder]

Monday morning, there’s something fun just to yak about.
Cautiously trying the one month old veal
Causing his Abby to let out a squeal
He breaks down til purple Berocca and Jamiesons whiskey kick in
Lots of B-vitamins in those pink pills
Along with Sriracha; will cure most ills.

Bob (he gave us lots of good laughs)
Is drinking (some in bad taste but good laughs)
Beer (He does not know how they make it so cheap)
Bob’s drinking beer after ‘musing us here
For so many years. Beer Beer.

[Harwich Rich]

You nailed that one on the head,Peter :)

[soxdownunder]

Well I'm glad at least one person saw it Harwich!

[Bob]

You honor me, SDU.

Thanks.

[buckner was framed]

sdu-

outstanding

[louclinton]

we've all seen it now, sdu.

bravo

[h.b.]

Superb all around. Put this entire comment section in the Soxaholix HoF.

[soxdownunder]

oops sorry - just double posted into tomorrow. It's the date-line and the shiraz.

[Bob]

BTW, Professional Hitter, your "Fool in Left Field" is great. Just saying.