Lancelot (hyper) link

Bill:
So John Henry wants an "enlightened salary cap" … Huh, wondah how he feels about a cap on ticket prices?

 

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Doug:
Whoa, wait a second. I thought you libs were all in favah of "spreading the wealth around"? Don't you have any compassion for the poor, downtrodden, victims of the small mahket?

 

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Bill:
Settle down Joe the Plumbah. Artificially supressing playah salaries so the ownahs can realize more profits is hahdly a Robin Hood redistribution scheme.

 

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Doug:
It all sounds like socialism to me.

 

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Bill:
Don't make me come ovah there and go all Travis the Chimp on your ass, mmm-kay?

 

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Doug:
Hey, I heard Travis was a perfectly respectable chimp until his cousin the baboon stahted shooting him up with 'roids.

 

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Bill:
You know where that lady went wrong though?

 

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Doug:
You means besides friggin' living with a 200lb chimpanzee, feeding him steak and lobstah, letting him drive a cah and giving him Xanax? No, tell me …

 

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Bill:
It's like this — When you have a 200lb chimp with a history of violence, then only invite a friend ovah to visit if the friend's name is Ditka.

 

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Doug:
But seriously. Who the frig lives with a chimp anyway?

 

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Bill:
Oh, I dunno, I don't think it's that ridiculous. I mean Michelle Damon seems to manage it just fine.

 

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Comments

[Bob]

H.B. is on fire lately.

That chimp story (tragic though it may be) just cracks my up.

She fed him lobster and steak. Let him drive her car. Gave him prescription meds.

(What's her address?)

[Harwich Rich]

An idiot chimp at that.

[Harwich Rich]

So would that make Michelle,Mata Hairi?

[h.b.]

Bob,

I'm going to add your lobster and steak line to Doug's speech!

[Bob]

I'm here all week, H.B. Try the veal.

[Bob]

BTW, have you heard that crazy chimp-owner's 911 call?

"He's eating her! He's eating her!"

Sorry, and apologies to the victim's family, but that's priceless.

[Harwich Rich]

Maybe the owner could'nt afford lobster and steak anymore.

[NolaSox]

I'm thinking the potentially fatal error was bringing a 200 lb male an Elmo. Especially if it was a tickle me one. The "Lala la la lala la la" and "Elmo loves you" could make Mother Teresa go "ape" if she heard it enough.

[Bob]

True, Harwich. That and the fact that the crazy chimp-lady forced him to watch Soylent Green over and over.

[Kaz]

It could have been worse.

(who ARE these people who own chimps??)

[Harwich Rich]

Where is Charlton Heston when we need him?

[Natalie]

My ex boyfriend was desperately in love with the idea of owning a chimp. He had elaborate fantasies about the chimp being a sort of butler for him: making him a sandwich, bringing him a beer, etc. I, however, envisioned the reality of that scenario, which was Bill AND the damn monkey on the couch with ME making them both sandwiches and bringing them beer. Good times...


That the chimp in that story apparently "could dress himself, ate at the table, drank wine from a stemmed glass, logged onto the computer to look at pictures...and brushed his teeth using a Water Pik" suggests he may actually have more higher order thought processes than Damon. :)

[Harwich Rich]

So,what's your theory Darwin?

[Darwin]

My theory, Harwich Rich, is:

Thank God we evolved above homicidal chimpanzees...sorta.

[sonomasox]

Hannibal Lecter is jealous.

[yazbread]

With apologies to Harwich Rich -

It does bring new meaning to the phrase 'Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape'.

[Rob in CT]

Harwich, you are on a roll today. Batting 4-4 and it's only the bottom of the 5th inning. You paid a commission by the snare roll-crash-laughter meter?

H.B., I had wondered to myself if you were going to get in on the chimp story. One look at the title told me all I neded to know. An extra tip 'o the bowler for seamlessly linking (pardon the pun) to the Caveman and Cavemissus. Dr. Zaius would be proud.

[Betsy in Rhode Island]

These comments are on fire today.

[Jeff in NC]

Johhny Damon, Secret Chump, daduh daduh daduhhhh - come on boys and girls, sing along, you know the tune

The first ad link on the Michelle Damon page linked in the strip is for "Unsatisfied Married Women" hehehe

Michelle then goes on to talk about how she is afraid of having kids... she doesn't cop to the real reason for her fear - her kids might end up talking like their dad

[DuBois]

I don't mean to get all NY Post, but does this remind anyone else of Tyson/Holyfield? I apologize in advance.

[COD]

I'm having a generally crappy day and these comments are really helping improve my mood.

Soxaholix - it's cheaper than therapy.

[Jeff in NC]

if only Tyson's owner had called the police... society might have learned the lesson about trying to keep wild animals as pets... perhaps Travis would still be alive.. but alas

[IsaacL]

BAM ... H.B. is making it rain lately. Way to throw the Ditka reference in, not dwell, just blow by it ... you're a pro and clearly ready for the season again.