Good young man is polite

Mike:
So a new study suggests that people who watch TV are unhappiah than people who spend time reading books.

 

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Mike:
So what happens if you spend your time watching TV about books?

 

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Al:
Or spend your time reading books about TV?

 

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Doug:
I think that just means you're a weirdo. But speaking of studies, did you see that the international doping agencies are now viewing Viagra as a "performance enhancah" in more ways than one?

 

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Al:
Poor Palmeiro, the Onion is already all ovah him.

 

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Mike:
Hmmm, let's see — A drug that regulates blood flow and allows the vessels of the cardiovascular system to relax and that has been around for 10 years and just now the it's dawning on the bureaucrats that it could be used to gain an athletic edge?

 

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Mike:
No wondah the dopahs are always 3 steps ahead of the anti-doping agencies.

 

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Doug:
Wait a second, are you suggesting that somehow the free market is more efficient than government run agencies? And here I thought that government could save us all. Jeez.

 

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Al:
Ahem, meanwhile, Tazawa?

 

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Doug:
Yes, if you trust the Google translation, it seems he's already decided on taking the Sox offah.

 

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Mike:
I love how Tazawa refers to Dice-K as "the presence above the clouds."

 

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Al:
Yeah, wait until he meets Lestah and Beckett — Through morning mist, what mountains there?

 

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Viva El Caballito!

Mike:
Congratulations Dustin AL MVP Pedroia.

 

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Bill:
The baseball writahs have done the right thing.

 

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Mike:
With this vote, faith in our national pastime has been restored and the oceans have stopped rising.

 

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Bill:
A win for Pedroia is a win for all of us who've evah been told we're not good enough.

 

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Mike:
They've lifted the lamp by the golden door and said, "Give me your cocky short shits with male pattern baldness."

 

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Bill:
By voting for a guy who looks more like Joe the grocery baggah rathah than Carl the Ripken the votahs have said to the huddled masses, "Si se puede!"

 

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Mike:
Absolutely. When someone tells you you're too short to play baseball, let the voices rise …

 

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Bill:
"Si se puede!"

 

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Mike:
When someone tells you you're too prematurely bald to play baseball, unleash the righteousness …

 

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Bill:
"Si se puede!"

 

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Mike:
And if someone tells you you're to gay to be married, lift the sword of justice and say …

 

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Bill:
Ah … "This puede shit has its limits you know."

 

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mamma.com don't let your babies grow up to be Cubans

Al:
Ah the irony — for years Mark Cuban accused the NBA refs of cheating and now, hello, instant kahma.

 

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Doug:
Yeah, talk about your psychological projection.

 

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Mike:
So much for Cuban's plans to buy the Cubs.

 

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Doug:
Who and the fuck would want to buy the Cubs in the first place?

 

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Doug:
As if you need further proof that Cuban is an idiot. I mean this is the guy who in 1999 said the MP3 format would be dead in 6 months.

 

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Mike:
Hey, the Cubs annual frustrations are what make them good business investment. They have a devout and loyal following.

 

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Doug:
A loyal following of losahs.

 

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Al:
Losahs beget losahs.

 

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Doug:
Seriously. Mark Cuban probably wouldn't have been caught for insidah trading if he hadn't jinxed himself wth the Cubs.

 

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Al:
Absolutely. The Cubs are like King Midas in reverse, anyone who touches them turns to shit.

 

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Mike:
C'mon, one of these seasons the Cubs will turn it around and be world champs.

 

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Doug:
Yeah, and I heard so will General Motahs. It's just a mattah of more time and more money, you know. It's a sure thing.

 

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Hot or not?

Mike:
Happy "World Usability Day" everyone.

 

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Doug:
Awesome. In honor of the day, I plan to use as many people as possible.

 

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Al:
So not much of a hot stove so fah.

 

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Doug:
The only rumahs are that there are no rumahs.

 

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Mike:
Ah, c'mon, guys, there's stuff heating up — catchers in particular Saltalamacchia

 

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Mike:
And Tazawa and the possible return of every Sox groupie's fave gropah, Derek Lowe.

 

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Doug:
Ah, dude, if that's your definition of hot stove than I've a got a tea light in a taht warmah with your name on it.

 

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Al:
Psyched. Now I know what to get Mike for Christmas.

 

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Mike:
Jeez, thanks guys for making me feel like Jennifah Aniston at baby showah for Angelina Jolie.

 

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Living verite

Bill:
I see the always enigmatic Bill Lee had some thoughts on Manny or the lack thereof.

 

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Doug:
Yeah, well, with all due respect, getting "how to win a World Series" advice from Comrade Lee is like getting "top secret hostage rescue" advice from Jimmy Cahtah.

 

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Doug:
I mean those Red Sox teams of the 70s will always be remembahed for their failures rathah than their successes.

 

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Bill:
You'd feel differently if you were a kid growing up with those guys, though.

 

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Bill:
Despite the frustrations and futilities and almost-but-not-quites, those memories are as much a paht of my Red Sox fan soul as anything from 2004 and beyond.

 

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Doug:
Ah, Christ, what next, old man? You gonna try to convince me that disco was a high art form?

 

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Bill:
The 70s were an odd time. You don't come out of those years without a few scahs.

 

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Doug:
Yeah, just take a look at Debbie Harry.

 

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Bill:
Listen, kid, don't mess with Blondie.

 

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¿Cómo se dice?

Doug:
What is up with the sudden onslaught of RossettaStone TV commercials? Are there all of a sudden people clamoring to learn anothah language or what?

 

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Al:
That one with Michael Phelps is pretty funny.

 

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Mike:
So how do you say "butter-face" in Chinese?

 

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Doug:
You know what cracks me up about those RosettaStone commercials is just when the voiceover is saying "you learn naturally by associating your new language with rich images paired with sound and text." the image on screen is of a laptop with pics of a horse running through snow, a puppy at a bowl, a fish in a tank … What the frig is that all about?

 

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Mike:
Hey, I don't know about you, but whenevah I step off a jet in a foreign airport, the first thing I want to know is "Where is the horse running through snow."

 

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Al:
Absolutely. Followed quickly by, "How much is the goldfish for my aquarium?" You know, the basics.

 

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Mike:
Let's just hope the scouts the Red Sox sent ovah to Japan to look at Junichi Tazawa and Kenshin Kawakami aren't Rosetta trained.

 

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Doug:
Yeah, I can see it now, Theo asks the scout, "So you think Tazawa can handle the stress of playing in Boston?"

 

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Doug:
And the scout replies, "Beats the hell out of me, but when it comes to horses running through fields of snow, he's prime time."

 

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Lasting Yankee Stadium Memory, #51

The Soxaholix is taking part in the Lasting Yankee Stadium Memory Series at Bronx Banter …

Bill:
So I was thinking you should submit the story of your 2004 trip to the Bronx for the "Yankee Stadium Memories" series ovah at Bronx Bantah.

 

Continue reading this strip at Bronx Banter …

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Connected as it is with the power of maintaining the trunk in the erect posture

Susan/Circle:
So it looks like the end of the Quadzilla era. Sigh.

 

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Tara:
Catchers come, catchers go, but it just won't be the same without Caesar Gluteus Maximus behind the plate.

 

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Susan/Circle:
Seriously. With all due respect to Mssrs. Saltalamacchia or Teagarden et al, you most likely will supplant Tek's offense, you may match his defense and you may very well live up to his pitch calling capability …

 

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Susan/Circle:
But, gentlemen, when it comes to Tek you will nevah recoup the Glutes.

 

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Tara:
I just hope we can part ways with Jason in pleasant, amiable manner.

 

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Susan/Circle:
Ah, hello, his agent is Scott Boras.

 

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Tara:
Yeah, right. Boras is one of those bitches who isn't content to shack up with your old boyfriend, she has to come 'round and key your car too just for good measure.

 

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