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Mike:
But he loved the Boston fans.
Doug:
Except when we were, you know, obsessive and shit.
Al:
It's like being "in a cage"
Doug:
Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty fans!
Mike:
Ah, c'mon let's cut the guy some slack. We were fortunate to have him in his prime and let's face it — not everyone is cut out to play in place like Boston.
Al:
Seriously. The pressure is intense.
Doug:
And medical science is just now stahting to unravel the mysterious connection between pressure and health.
Doug:
I mean look at Manny. When he was here his knees were pretty much bone rubbing against bone. And just showing up to play became a Herculean effort, let alone, you know, hustling and crap.
Doug:
But now that he's in LA, poof, just like that he's got the knees of T-101 Terminator.
Al:
What I don't get is if Manny hates playing in the pressure cookah environment, than why has he said more than once that he wants to one day play for the Yankees.
Doug:
Oh, you know, there's no pressure in New York. Just ask A-Rod's shrink.
Mike:
I know it's stupid, but as long as it's possible I keep hoping the Rays slump and allow the Sox to sneak in.
Al:
Nah. The Rays are playing with just too much confidence right now not to win one more and clinch.
Al:
And I don't see them losing that confidence anytime soon.
Mike:
Yeah, well, Colorado had so much confidence last year that they thought they'd been anointed by Jesus for a born again crusade through the post season.
Mike:
But they ended up more than a few loaves and fishes short.
Doug:
Guys, why are we even talking about the Rays? At this point our minds should be fully occupied with the Angels.
Mike:
Oh, we'll handle the Angels alright. What with Beckett bringing his special postseason version of menacing redneck to the mound.
Mike:
And Matsuzaka who'll walk umpteen but will be otherwise unhittable.
Al:
That's right. We spunky on your rally monkey.
Mike:
Oh, sweet irony … It'll nevah dawn on Damon to considah the converse:
You don't appreciate what you left behind.
Susan/Circle:
Of course, if you asked Damon to "considah the converse" he'd reply, "I can't because I'm signed with Puma."
Susan/Circle:
I mean he's tough, plays his ass off, and is so good looking, but he's not going to be recruited by Mensa anytime soon.
Mike:
And let's not forget, he left ovah a difference of $3 mil which has been pointed out time and again was actually a pay cut when you considah the cost of living in New York.
Susan/Circle:
I know. He played a hunch that the Red Sox were a temporary anomaly and the Yankees would be the ones bringing the bling.
Mike:
Well, that and he thought his mere presensce on a club could be the difference makah, but assembling a winning rostah is more complex than simply sticking with iconic veterans.
Susan/Circle:
Seriously. Look at the Red Sox. The only remaining players from "The Team" are Ortiz, Tek, Wake, Timlin and Youks.
Mike:
And, technically, Schilling.
Susan/Circle:
Yeah, true, poor forgotten Schill. But the point is that Theo and the Red Sox front office really stick to the plan — value ovah emotion.
Mike:
And the results speak for themselves.
Susan/Circle:
Do they evah.
Doug:
5 playoff appearances in 6 years. Sweet.
Mike:
Yeah, and this team is owed a real pat on the back for overcoming a lot of obstacles: injuries to Schilling, Mike Lowell, J.D. Drew and David Ortiz.
Doug:
The demise of implosion of Clay Buchholz.
Al:
And last but not least, Manny Being Ass-holey.
Mike:
Seriously. They've done a heckuva job, Brownie.
Al:
So 3 games back with 5 to go and a tie goes to Tampa Bay — Time to rest the stahtahs and play out the string?
Doug:
Let the Angels prepare to face their destiny — a black and white dreary world as imagined by Wim Wenders.
Bill:
These days really give me a sense of what Dickens meant went he wrote, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."
Bill:
I mean on the one hand, the postseason is a lock, so there really is no need to feel any sense of pressure regarding wins and losses. That's the good paht.
Bill:
But on the othah hand, you watch a game like last night and you staht to obsess about whethah or not these guys have what it takes to go deep into the Octobah.
Mike:
Ah, come on. Relax and let the best of times roll ovah you.
Mike:
Just look at the numbahs. Among the 4 playoff teams in August and September, the Sox were simple the best of the bunch.
Mike:
And don't forget that the AL East is the friggin monadnock rising out of the flatness of the rest of the league. You think the Angels would be 97 and 59 in this Division? Gimme a break.
Mike:
And the pitching? Beckett, Matsuzaka, Lestah? In Octobah? Are you friggin' kidding me? Lights out, guy, lights out.
Bill:
Holy moist loins of Parvarti, you've made my day.
Mike:
I'm glad. Now can you return the favah by making me feel bettah about the complete collapse of our economy?
Bill:
No shit. Hasn't anyone down there in Wall Street evah read Moneyball fercrissakes? You can't invest on fucking hunches.
Bill:
Yeah, but it still makes me shake my head in wondah that there was a time we'd spend the entiah day today coming up with reasons why that .01% would kick in.
Doug:
Gotta love the modern era.
Bill:
He's really refined his repertoire: changeup, 2-seam shuuto, 4-seam fastball, cutter, slurve, and the *very* slow curve.
Doug:
What about the gyroball?
Bill:
Ah, the gyro inhabits the space between.
Doug:
Only by not naming the gyroball, does the gyroball exist?
Bill:
Precisely. And speaking of the zen/quantum quintessence of the Red Sox, how about Ellsbury &nash; What is wrong with his swing is asking what is wrong with his swing.
Doug:
Who knew following the Red Sox could be so deep?
Bill:
Absolutely. And it's if anyone asks me, "What is the way of the Red Sox fan?" I answer: "An open-eyed man falling into the well."
Doug:
Yeah, and when someone asks me, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" I reply, "Yankees Suck!"
Your omniscient author in absentia:
Dear readers,
I'm totally crushed right now with a work/project deadline of the sort where "nobody leaves today until X, Y, and Z is complete" so I'm going to skip today's strip.
It doesn't help, of course, that we lost 4.5 hrs on Weds. for the "pep rally" thingy.
Ah, well, at least the Sox gained half a game doing nothing.
Bill (thinking to himself):
Yeah, I know, winning the division isn't important.
Bill (thinking to himself):
Well, except for losing homefield advantage.
Bill (thinking to himself):
And except for having to face the Angels instead of the White Sox.
Bill (thinking to himself):
And, of course, the chagrin of losing the Division to the Rays, the Rays fercrissakes.
Bill (thinking to himself):
Which doesn't especially bode well for facing the Rays in postseason, should such occur.
Bill (thinking to himself):
But, yeah, other than that, winning the Division doesn't mean shit.
Mike:
Well, that's the thing – Instead of waiting for a Tamba Bay collapse, we should be looking for a Red Sox vanquishment.
Bill:
Well, that's the othah thing – The Red Sox don't give a rat's ass about winnnig the Division. Only we fans do.
Mike:
And is that such a bad thing? Don't forget the 2004 Red Sox didn't win the division and that kinda sorta worked out.
Mike:
And, of course, just last year the Patriots did, you know, pretty good in the regulah season only to get taken to the woodshed by the wildcard Giants.
Bill:
I know. I know. That all makes perfect sense.
Bill:
But being cool and rational just doesn't sit right with me. My default state is more one of hotheaded and wildly irrational.
Mike:
Yeah, but you know what happens when one of us goes irrational?
Bill:
I dunno, does an angel lose its wings or something.
Mike:
No, but each time Sox fans veer into the irrational, Shaughnessy gets bonah.
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