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Restless Monday

Mike:
For frig's sake, why can't we beat the Blue Jays?

 

Al:
Yeah, so much for those "feel good August" reverberations last week. We're now just a ½ game up in the wild cahd.

 

Doug:
Hey, I thought that once the "distraction" of Manny was out of the way that this team was going to bond around hahd work and brothahhood and that they'd be cruising into the end of the season on streets paved with gold while drinking milk and honey?

 

Doug:
Meanwhile, as the guys in red stocking were getting the stuffing knocked out of em, the good-fer-nothin' scourge drove in three runs on a homah. So let's see that's 21 RBI in 16 games since moving to LA. I'm just sayin'.

 

Mike:
Small sample size.

 

Doug:
Hey, there's no need to bring your sex life into this, dude.

 

Al:
I thought I could put the Red Sox weekend behind me by watching the Pats' preseason game. Ah, not so much.

 

Mike:
As much as it stings, I've got to admit that this line from Deadspin is gold:

"One loss is not a perfect season. A perfect season is Megan Fox. One loss is America Ferrera. You are America Fucking Ferrera, and don't ever forget it."

 

Al:
Yeah, well, something tells me the New York Giants are Lindsey Lohan, a brief moment in the spotlight followed by a rapid downward spiral.

 

Doug:
Seriously. One minute your on the covah of magazines the next minute you're munching cahpet with a d-list dyke for attention.

 

Comments

Ug. Blech. And shite.

When the highlight of the weekend is a rainout, you know it hasn't been a great weekend.

I'm with the Deadspin commenter who noted that Megan Fox to America Ferrera is a pretty steep grading curve. But the point is well-taken. I'd make a snide comment here about the Montessori-schoolification of the world ("everyone is special!") but I'm trying to be a better person.

Yesterday sucked. I hate the Blue Jays. Everything about them. Especially their stupid uniforms.

This is the way I took the Megan Fox / America Ferrera comparison.

Megan Fox and women who like like her are for the most part unattainable by anyone who is not also an A-List type.

America Ferrera, on the other hand, while attractive when not in "Ugly Betty" mode, looks attainable. She could be the pretty albeit curvy gf/wife of one of your buddies. (And I confess I don't object to the curvy quality of A.F.'s body.)

Meanwhile, a perfect season, as we've seen, is also unattainable. It is the stuff of fantasy. Yes, you can come very close, but in the end you don't have it.

So if you work hard, you can get an 18-1 season and you can also get a very attractive woman on your arm.

But Megan Fox and a perfect season? Nope.

I totally see your point. I guess I was conflating America Ferrera and Ugly Betty (otherwise, why use that actress as an example? Why not go with someone like (I don't know) Drew Barrymore, clearly attractive, not known for an ugly role, but in no way a siren). But now, America Ferrera qua America Ferrera, as you put it... makes absolute sense.

You know, America Ferrera doesn't always look like Ugly Betty.

It took Usain Bolt 9.69 seconds to do capture my imagination in a way Michael Phelps never will be able to no matter how hard NBC pushes. Bolt is the star of the Games.

Breaking your foot three miles into the Olympic Marathon has to stink. Does it stink more than not covering someone breaking away at the halfway point until it's too late? Probably.

And the point is... 18-1 is no Ugly Betty, which is how I originally read the Deadspin.

Losing to Halladay while it sucks is palatable as far as losing goes, but having your pitching go completely nuclear is scary for our prospects!!
Arghhhh... but rationally we are only 3 games off last years pace when we finished with 96 games won. Can we go 25 and 13 for the rest of the year? Is finishing the same as last year good enough to get into the playoffs? Given the injuries and the distractions can it be done?

Our summer company outing was the Nationals - Rockies game yesterday. Aaron Boone comes up to bat and my 14 year old son says, "If Aaron Boone is your cleanup hitter, your team has problems."

Then we booed him with vigor. That doesn't help with the Blue Jays, but at least I got something out of yesterday.

Family outing to the Fens yesterday. Part of my daughter's birthday. Um, yeah...

Applying the Five Question Words to Megan Fox and America Ferrara:

Megan Fox:
Who did she sleep with before me?
What diseases did I just get from all of her past partners?
Where am I going to get the kind of money and jewelry that she's used to getting?
When is she going to leave me for another man?
How in the world do I satisfy the 22-year old chick from The Transformers?

America Ferrara:
Who couldn't top Ryan Piers Williams, a nobody "filmmaker" she met in film school?
What else could we teach each other in the sack?
Where would we go around town to be "seen"?
When would we figure it's been long enough to get married?
How awesome is it to say that just like President Bush, you're screwing America?

So, by this detailed analysis, it's clear that your life would be better off if you stuck with America Ferrara instead of Megan Fox. Clearly, a perfect season would've just been full of cheating accusations, ugly tabloids, unknown venereal diseases, and heavy paranoia.

Instead, I'd rather have 50-plus happy years spent going 18-1 each year (maybe we could mix up which "1" we lose though so it's not the Super Bowl every time, 'k? Thanks).

So here is my Olympic rant. It's Saturday morning. The men's 100 is being run. But NBC is showing me the men's basketball game against Spain. I could care less about basketball or the 'redeem team'. I don't watch pro basketball during the season - why start now? [Anyone notice that Kobe is not racking in any ad dollars during the games.] So I am forced to go get the results online and listen to NBC shill the men's semis and final 'later in the evening' for all the morons in their viewing audience. (6 hour washing machine repair job had Olympics running in background for most of the day). Likewise the women's 100 on Sunday. I get women's basketball versus New Zealand (must admit segment on Becky Hammond was interesting and she is more attractive than anyone on the current team). Same goes for virtually every other track and field event. FINA evidently figured out by swimming in the morning, swimming could captivate the attention of the world. Too bad USATF and IAAF couldn't think along the same lines and get live coverage. NBC has killed track and field in this country.

Since its already conversation... My whole life's purpose is to land megan fox. Well not really but DAMMMMN. I cant stop myself from watching transformers for the 80th time on HBO just cause of her.

Hey at least were not this guy

How often do you think he calls, emails, texts, stalks? How sick are his friends of hearing about that shit? Poor bastard.

yb - don't know what you're talking about...I thought the 2 1/2 hours of the womens marathon was the perfect way to spark the national interest in T&F.

NBC is effin pathetic - they've screwed sports.

oh yeah, I hate toronto too.

i hate to disagree, h.b., but megan fox is completely attainable.

she was swapping bodily fluids with brian austin green (ex-90210, sarah connor chronicles).

if megan fox is willing to let that mope throw her a hump, she'd have to be steam cleaned and de-loused before i'd let her come near me.

same thing happened when i found out that ashley judd dated michael bolton. i threw up in my mouth a little.

Hey Bob and sdu, if either of you are on Facebook- apparently you can become a "Fan of Sriracha." My little bro just did. Seeing that made me think of you two... It has 13K fans on the site. :)

Thanks for the tip, Natalie. Must look into facebook sometime - I wonder if can you do it on Twitter? ;)

And, btw young lady, conflate is an excellent word.

Thanks, Natalie.

I just became an official fan of Sriracha, instead of just being a creepy stalker.

In re the collapse of the Devil Rays:
'When you say it's gonna happen now, when exactly do you mean?'

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