Lisa's PSA

Lisa the Temp:
Remember, peeps, while the Soxaholix are on vacation, that masshole Dog Roy continues to Tweet.

 

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Lazy, hazy days...

Your omniscient author in absentia:
I'm in vacation mode and just too chilled to punch out a strip today … I'm sure you guys have something good to yak about though.

 

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Wearing his hat like a left hander

Bill:
OK, we can all relax now because word is Tim McCahvah is "primed" for the series with NY.

 

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Mike:
Thank your favorite beareded prophet for the small miracles.

 

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Bill:
But, hey, at least McCahvah pulled his head out of his ass long enough to admit that "Now the Yankees are looking up to the Red Sox."

 

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Mike:
Well, I'm sure that quote was taken out of context.

 

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Mike:
The full McCahvah treatment was probably more like this:

"Now the Yankees are looking up to the Red Sox. But with a team like the Yankees you've got to wonder how temporary this is? I mean a guy like Derek Jeter, like most of us, has 20 digits. Ten fingers. Ten toes. And while Red Sox fans don't want to hear it, Derek Jeter has some of the nicest toes to ever play the game."

 

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Bill:
Guess it'll be anothah Fox Saturday game with the TV sound off and the radio on.

 

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Mike:
Or we could leave it on and take a drink whenevah McCarvah says something stupid.

 

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Bill:
Are you kidding me? We'd be lit by the middle of the first.

 

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Mike:
True. By the time the game really got going we'd be as shit faced as my Uncle Murph was at my sistah Sheiler's wedding.

 

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Bill:
Is he still on probation?

 

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Mike:
Ah, we don't like to talk about it.

 

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Neither drunk, obnoxious, or stupid (well, not at the moment, at least)

Doug:
Nothing like a 12 inning win and the first sweep in Seattle in 15 years to put everyone in a happy place.

 

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Bill:
No kidding. And how about that much maligned bullpen dialing up 62/3 innings of four-hit, scoreless relief?

 

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Bill:
Can't ask for a bettah prelude to a Yankees series in Fenway.

 

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Doug:
And, of course, it wouldn't be the eve of a Yankees series if someone in the media didn't type out yet anothah in the long, nevah ending series of columns bemoaning the "Yankees Suck" chant.

 

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Bill:
Seriously. As much as I don't like the chant eithah, I find the media scolding fans like an uptight nanny to be even more annoying.

 

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Doug:
What I especially love about the media castigation is how every anti-chant column has the columnist getting all breathless that he and he alone has discovahed the elusive logical fallacy that "the Yankees, you know, don't really suck so you shouldn't say that they do."

 

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Doug:
I mean, OK, Steven fucking Hawking. Thanks for clearing that shit up for me.

 

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Bill:
I don't think the chant was ever meant to be taken literally. Instead it's just a concise and one could argue catchy way to express Boston fans' general disdain with all things Yankee.

 

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Doug:
Absolutely. It's like when the "Who let the dogs out?" thing was really populah at football games earliah in the decade. How come our erudite caretakahs in the media weren't advising us that, you know, there really weren't any dogs let out? Dogs are not even allowed in the stadium you stupid dumb ass retahted fans.

 

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Bill:
Remembah, people. Whatevah you do don't embarrass your bettahs in the media else they become tainted by your local yokelism and then get looked down upon by their peers in the ivory towah.

 

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The are the days

Mike:
Oh, Matsuzaka you frustrating little enigma you &#mdash; One night you're "mastahful" and the next staht you can't hit the broadside of a bahn.

 

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Bill:
Hey, but at least Dice-K's only flaky on the mound, unlike some othah guys.

 

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Mike:
Heh. You know Manny Being Manny aside, what really was unsettling about that was this line: "It became clear to those watching that the policeman had no idea who Ramirez was"

 

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Mike:
I mean if had been a playah of equal stature as Manny from the NBA or the NFL, I bet the cop would have recognized him immediately.

 

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Bill:
Well, you know how it is: Because of labah issues MLB decided to forever forgo promoting individual playahs in favah of promoting the game as a whole.

 

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Mike:
[Sings] Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? / A dumbass nation turns its eyes to Verne / Tro-o-yer

 

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Bill:
Yeah, well, I'm willing to accept that baseball is no longah the National Pastime and is now just one of hundreds of entertainment choices in exchange for what we have today.

 

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Bill:
Text msg updates, HDTV, DVRs, MLB Extra Innings, the At Bat iPhone app, the web, blogs, any stat but a click away, streaming video, Sexysoxgirls.com …

 

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Mike:
Not too mention 2 World Series in 4 years.

 

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Bill:
Seriously, let Simon and G-Funk get drunk on nostalgia, I'll take the 2000s ovah the 50s and 60s any day of the week.

 

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A pennant race brings out the best in all of us

Marty:
OK, Callaghan, here's one for you …

A Yankees Asst. GM, a Yankees superstar slugger, and a Yankees equipment manager are flying at 30,000 toward Cooperstown …

 

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Bill:
Is this going to involve math?

 

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Marty:
So here they are, 3 different sorts of Yankees, superstar to lowly equipment man, flying along when suddenly there is engine trouble …

 

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Bill:
[Gasps mockingly]

 

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Marty:
One of the wings catches fire, and the plane starts to go down.

 

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Bill:
OH NOZE!!

 

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Marty:
Luckily there are enough parachutes for everyone. Evacuation is textbook and orderly. Why? Because that is the Yankees' way, of course. It's funny because it's true.

 

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Bill:
Ah, Mahts, I hate to break it to you but that's neithah true nor funny.

 

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Marty:
You know what's not funny Callaghan? Sidney Ponson that's what.

 

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Marty:
Remember not so long ago when you Suxaholix were all "The Yankees are so desperate that they signed washed up loser Sidney Ponson … Hardee har har har!"

 

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Bill:
Actually, Mahts, it was more of a "Haahdee hah hah hah" sort of thing.

 

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Marty:
Yeah, well, Ponson continues to be convincing on the mound and is now 6-1 on the season and the Yankees are now just a game behind the Twins for second place in the Wild Card chase, and stand a decent chance of sweeping their way into Boston this weekend. Who's laughing now, dickhead?

 

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Bill:
Hey, Mahty, do you have a little red white and blue top hat resting on a baseball bat tatooed on your pubis? I hear they're all the rage this year.

 

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Marty:
That's it Bill. Fiddle away like  Nero up and down Newbury St while all around your 2 World Series "empire" burns and crumbles into dust. Assuming there's anything left, I'll see you in October with a bunch of brooms to sweep that sorry Boston mess up.

 

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Bill:
Did you say Octobah? OK. I'll put in a call to both Jordan Mahsh and Filene's to make sure they have plenty of white gloves and black, patent leathah purses on hand … It's the least I can do for a pal like you.

 

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Weekend surprise

Mike:
Well, that was fugly.

 

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Doug:
This was my weekend:

Txt msg from MLB: 'Red Sox take 2 run lead over the Angels.'
Me: Hell, yeah, that's right.

Followed thereafter with,
Txt msg from MLB: 'Red Sox lose to the Angels.'
Me: Ah, Jesus wept.

 

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Al:
You think that's bad, you should hear the story Roland in FinOps was telling earlier …

 

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Mike:
Is he that deadpan guy who everyone says reminds them of Steve Wright?

 

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Al:
One in the same … Anyway, so ol' Rolo is down in New London for his cousin's wedding and at the recep he hooks up with some chick.

 

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Al:
Doesn't know her from Adam but it's all playing out hot and heavy and next thing you know Rolo's back at her hotel all humminah humminah humminah.

 

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Al:
All well and good, right? Well, see, next morning, in the light of day, Rolo's getting ready to take a trip downtown

 

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Doug:
Goin' clammin!

 

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Al:
Exactly! But just then he notices a tat this chick's got got on her pubis — A little red white and blue top hat resting on a baseball bat.

 

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Doug:
Get the fuck out! Bitch is a Yankees fan?!

 

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Al:
Yep. Sleeping with the enemy is one thing, the chick is brick oven hot after all and Rolo's no Justin Timberlake, if you know what I mean.

 

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Al:
But Rolo, as much as he's ready to take one for the team and have anothah go, you know, he doesn't want to press up against that Yankees logo or anything.

 

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Mike:
So what's he do?

 

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Al:
Well what Rolo does is go all 2004 ALCS: He rolls her ovah and comes from behind.

 

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Doug:
There it is. Bottle it.

 

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Worth waiting for

Doug:
I'm glad the iPhone 3g is selling out so I don't have to see any more numfucks lining up like mindless Eminiarians obediently reporting to the disintegration chambahs.

 

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Doug:
In my mind there's only one thing worth waiting in a line like that for and even then ther bettah be fluffahs to help pass the time.

 

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Mike:
Really? Because I'd wait in line to see Papi at McCoy.

 

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Doug:
OK. I stand corrected.

 

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ASG Break

Your omniscient author in absentia:
As I mentioned yesterday, The Soxaholix are taking the day off (even Lisa the Temp as well).

 

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C'mon Yankees fans, don't fear the Reaper

Bill:
"But the crowd's bloodlust for Papelbon - who unfairly had been portrayed as less than properly reverential toward resident closer Mariano Rivera - trumped its desire for an AL victory. Thunderous boos rained down as Papelbon jogged in from the dugout to start the eighth.

The boos gave way to a singsong chant of "Ma-ree-a-no," which was followed by a mocking 'Oh-ver-ra-ted.'"

 

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Bill:
You stay classy, New York.

 

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Mike:
Well, it's like Will Leitch wrote shortly aftah getting ambushed by Buzz Bissinger on the Costas Now show:

"The simplest, most obvious emotion that comes when we are faced with what we do not understand is fear, followed quickly by rage."

 

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Mike:
There was a time, not very long I ago I might add, when Yankees fans would have looked upon a guy like Papelbon and the Red Sox as a whole with a sarcastic bemusement totally secure with the knowledge that in the end the Yankees would win and the Red Sox would lose.

 

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Mike:
But now rather than confidence they project fear and rage. It's a beautiful thing to behold, really.

 

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Bill:
Yeah, have I told you before how much I'm enjoying the first paht of the 21st Century?

 

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Mike:
Only about 300 times …

 

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Bill:
Go Red Sox - Defending World Champions.

 

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