More illness woes

Your omniscient author in absentia:
Update 03/04 a.m.:

The docs have found the problem with my wife: Endocarditis, infection of the heart valves.

At least the rest of the week in the hospital, then 6 weeks of home I.V. antibiotics after that.

They are hopeful they caught this early enough for the antibiotics to be successful.

I want to get back into a regular routine, including doing Soxaholix, as a way to occupy my mind, but that may not be for a few days or so. 

 

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Your omniscient author in absentia:
Update 03/03 a.m.:

My wife is still in the hospital with no improvement and not definitive answer on what is causing the symptoms.

As you can imagine, the goings on in Spring Training have been off my radar.

Thanks so much for all the "get well" sentiments for Mrs. H.B. Hopefully, everything will return to normal soon.

 

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Your omniscient author in absentia:
[Previous, 02/29] So while I'm feeling much better, my wife isn't doing so well.

Took her to the E.R. late last night with what we thought was just complications from a bad flu, turns out it isn't. Long story short, she's been admitted to the hospital and I'll be out of the Soxaholix mind-frame in the meantime.

Meanwhile, remember that recent strip about doctors and their egos? Turns out these creepy, fictional characters can be downright prescient at times!

 

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I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would affront your intelligence.

Mike:
You wanna know how big the Red Sox are?

 

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Mike:
Well, they are such a big deal that even Dick Cheney crawls out of his top secret underground lair in ordah to glimpse the champs in red stockings.

 

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Al:
Oh, come on, Mike, Cheney was only there to make sure that David Ortiz's immigration papahs were all in ordah.

 

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Doug:
OK you two moveon moonbats, as much as you hate Bush, you've got to give my guy props for his jokes. I mean that "I guess Manny's grandmother died again" line was comic gold.

 

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Mike:
You mean his speechwritah's line.

 

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Doug:
Look, it takes more than having the line, it's in the delivery. You can't pull that stuff off unless you're actually a baseball fan. I mean, c'mon, do I need to remind you of John Kerry and "Manny Ortez"?

 

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Mike:
OK, OK touché. When George W. Bush isn't busy destroying the world, he does probably follow the game like a true fan. There, satisfied?

 

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Doug:
OMG aren't we magnanimously bipartisan today. Must be the Obamassiah?

 

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Al:
Hey, I'll confess that I'm feeling pretty cocky right now about next Novembah.

 

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Doug:
Well, while you tax and spendahs are feeling so upbeat, can I get a kind word in memory of the fathah of the modern conservative movement, William F. Buckley?

 

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Al:
You're pushing it, guy, but, OK -- while I rarely agreed with Buckley, I'll admit the dude had some serious wit and style.

 

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Mike:
Well, what do you expect — He was Irish.

 

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Mike:
Think about it, some of the greatest political thinkahs of the past 50 yeahs have been Irish — Kennedy, O'Neil, Moynihan …

 

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Al:
O'bama!

 

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Slow return

Not at full strength yet, but …

Doug:
See, if for no othah reason, you've got to love having Japanese pitchahs on your rostah just for the sheeah entertainment value in learning that Oki-san has a new pitch called, wait for it …

The Doki Doki.

 

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Al:
I love it.

 

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Mike:
Haiku anyone?

 

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Doug:
OK, I'm in …

 

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Doug:
A hitter's count
Batter waits confidently
Wha? -- Doki Doki !

 

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Al:
And Daisuke's got a new as yet unnamed pitch as well -- a two-seamah.

 

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Mike:
Second full season,
stronger, a two-seamer blossoms
WHIP floats down softly.

 

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Phlegmatically yours, Day 3 (or 5 counting the weekend)

Hart Brachen, your omniscient author in absentia:
Figured I'd give you another fresh comment area, despite my inability to continue the regular strips.  Hopefully, this will end soon.

Meanwhile, Bartolo Colon? 

 

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Phlegmatically yours, continued ...

Hart Brachen, your omniscient author in absentia:
Update: I'm feeling worse today than I did Friday. But, hey, at least the 103.7 fever I had over the weekend has subsided. For the body wracking cough? Not so much …

 

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Hart:
Hart, here, on life's metaphysical trolley …

 

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Hart:
Now I try not to believe in jinx, but just this past Weds, when yet another of my colleagues succumbed to the cold/flu bug going through the office, I did a little a jig and with great hubris I announced that it had been 8 years since I'd suffered a seasonal malady. Other things have crept up here and there but not the typical cold/flu thing.

 

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Hart:
And you know where this is going …

 

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Hart:
Yep, a little roller it seems has gotten by my defenses and planted itself firmly in my chest.

 

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Hart:
So I'm popping a Musinex, drinking some fluids, and going back to bed. See you on the other side.

 

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Change We Can Believe In

Marty:
Hey, Callaghan, I thought I'd call to give you the news from the Yankees Training Camp as I doubt you delusional New Englanders can take your heads out of your Red Sox asses long enough to see how you're going to lose the AL East this year …

 

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Marty:
Young phenom Hughes is having impressive bullpen workouts and Moose is due to bounce back and even the Boss is looking good.

 

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Bill:
Now, Mahty, if I were you, I wouldn't be making any late Octobah plans just yet.

 

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Bill:
Which reminds me, Mahts, I don't think you need to make any plans to be in Washington D.C. as a guest of your gal Hillary at her Inaugural Ball neithah.

 

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Bill:
As I predicted ovah a year ago, Obama owns the inside the plate on Clinton and she is getting brushed back more with every pitch.

 

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Marty:
It's way too early, Callaghan, to count Senator Clinton out.

 

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Bill:
What are you saying, Mahts, she's going to come back from the impossible 0-3 hole like the 2004 Red Sox?

 

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Bill:
Hmmm, no disrespect intended but I don't think yoozeguyz from New York have it in you for something like that, but I can have Lisa the Temp Handbrake my 2004 ALCS DVDs and send them on ovah to you.

 

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Bill:
Then you and your fellow Clintonistas can sit around getting all inspiahed from the greatest comeback of all time.

 

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Marty:
Funny, Bill. But what's even funnier is how appropriate it is that you're supporting Obama. I mean he's a lot like the Red Sox isn't he, what with not much of a record and hyped by a Cult of Personality similar to Red Sox Nation?

 

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Marty:
Don't forget, Hillary has real experience, just like the Yankees have 26 Pennants.

 

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Bill:
Whatev, Mahts. But have you looked at the calendar lately? It's not the 199Os anymore. The Clinton years are ovah, just like the Yankees Dynasty is ovah.

 

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Bill:
Embrace the change, Mahty, embrace it.

 

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Career Opportunities (the ones that never knock)

Al:
I think Schilling is on to something with this whole "medical egos" thing.

 

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Doug:
Seriously. Your typical M.D. walks around with a chip on his or her shouldah the size of Mt. Katahdin.

 

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Mike:
I don't know, I think you guys are being way too hard on the Docs. Ego-wise they are not even in the same league with, say, a U.S. Sentator or a sports columnist.

 

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Al:
Yeah, but in a normal person's life, you're going to have fah more face-to-face interaction with your doctah than you are with your Sentator or with Dan Shaughnessy.

 

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Doug:
And thank God for that. Can you imagine if the C.H.B. had decided to go into medicine?

 

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Doug:
"Dr. Shaughnessy I'm having trouble with my knee."

"There is nothing wrong with your knee. You're faking. You're lazy. You're a quittah."

 

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Doug:
"But, Doc, you haven't even looked at my knee."

"Look, who is wearing the white coat? Oh, right, it's me. And why is that? Oh, because I'm the doctah and you are not."

 

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Doug:
"I think I want a second opinion, Dr. Shaughnessy."

"Oh, let me guess, you're going to go down to your mom's basement and get on your little computer and search your little internet. I don't have time for you homers. Look, it says right here on your chaht that you are in fact, "A piece of filth."

 

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Doug:
"But, Doc …"

"I'm calling your boss and reporting you for wasting my time and his time."

 

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Al:
Christ, when you put it that way, I almost feel happy that Shank thinks he has a calling for being a writah.

 

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Mike:
On the othah hand, if the CHB had taken his bloated ego into politics, the negative ads during his campaign would sure be entertaining.

 

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Abby Normal

Doug:
OK, so the theme of '08 is "distraction" as in Andy Pettitte apologizing yestayday not for, you know, cheating, but for being a distraction.

 

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Bill:
Yeah, even Eric Gagne has signed up for the distraction mea culpa.

 

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Doug:
Memo to Gagne.

Distraction level of shooting yourself in the ass with HGH? Imperceptible.

Meanwhile, distraction level of blowing multiple games in August during a tight pennant race? Off the friggin' scale.

 

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Bill:
Seriously, even though we ended up winning it all, I still hahbah a grudge against Gagne for what he put us through last year.

 

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Doug:
Gagne should ask for a refund on his HGH, because it certainly didn't help the sonavabitch.

 

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Bill:
Maybe what really happened is Gagne sent his imbecile personal assistant, Igor, to go get him Human Growth Hormone but what Igor actually got Gagne was Human Loath Hormone.

 

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Doug:
I'm just glad that horrah show is ovah. Let the Brewahs deal with the Bride of Gagne sequel.

 

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4-day weekend

Your omniscient author in absentia:
No strips today (Friday) and Monday, as part of a long weekend I'm taking. I'm actually going to spend a good portion of today working on the Soxaholix site redesign. Hopefully, I'll make some real progress.

Until then …

 

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A hero returns

Some days only the haiku speaks …

Orange scented breeze,
A fleet Shadow passes.
Ssshhh! Secret pitches.

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