Gravity's effect on falling rockets

Bill:
Somebody call Dr. Phil, we've got anothah celebrity crying for help.

 

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Doug:
Seriously, Clemens is now stooping to taping phone conversations and acting all batshit angry at his own pressahs?

 

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Bill:
I know what's next — is he going to shave his head and then take an umbrella and beat the hell out of McNamee's car with it?

 

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Doug:
Poor Clemens. At least Britney Spears had that Chris Crocker nutjob coming to her defense with his "Leave Britney Alone!" YouTube. But Rocket's got nothing.

 

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Bill:
Yeah, even his biggest fan Suzy Waldman has gone silent in his time of need.

 

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Doug:
What a sad day it is. And by "sad" I, of course, mean what a totally fantastic bit of karma that I'm enjoying immensely.

 

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Comments

[pinstripe thunder]

Damn, you guyz are cranky today... and that was before the Rice HOF vote. Still think it would be a nice grace note for the RS to create a Pudge-style exemption and retire Rice's jersey, Hall or no Hall.

But I think RS management attitudes toward Rice (as opposed to fan darlings Freddie Lynn, Yaz, Spaceman and Fisk from those same `70's teams) are influenced by the same surliness that has hurt him with Hall voters. That, plus the fact that he only had 12 or 13 really productive seasons compared to most Hall members' 20+ (and finished below .300 thanks to a dismal final season).

Some people deserve benefit of the doubt and some don't. Rice does. Clemens doesn't. He's a lying, cheating bastard who betrayed my trust. On balance, your obsession with his nether parts is unwholesome and will lead to hair on your palms. I'd rather not think about Roger's buttocks, thankyouverymuch.

And a final shout out to The Goose.

[-di.]

128 people voted for Mark Mark McGwire over Jim Rice in this years Hall of Fame voting. That's just horrible.

I'm so mad I'm speechless.

http://boston.redsox.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20080108&content_id=2341409&vkey=news_bos&fext=.jsp&c_id=bos

[pinstripe thunder]

And, speaking of hair growing in unwelcome places, I don't know why it pleases me that Hillary cried yesterday, but it does. It made my day.

[chucks]

I think Clemens began to alienate Sox fans when he groused about having to carry his luggage thru Logan Airport.
Clemens may be a loathsome twat, but anyone who's ever had to travel extensively for business knows exactly what he was talking about there. The context of that comment was that the day to day grind of MLB is not all glamor, and that being on the road so much, away from family, can wear a player down. Fellow loathsome twat CHB jumped on the "carry your own bags" remark out of context as a call for personal baggage handlers for ballplayers.

[john banks]

BB--I'm no Yankees fan, so don't tie me into that. Soxaholix can be brilliant at times, but my hart gets brachen when Heart plays the tough guy and throws out fighting words while hiding under a fake name. Soft, maybe, who knows? Chicken shit, no doubt. He gets courage by rallying his (few) online friends. Heart/Hart...what's your name, dude? C'mon, that lip will stop quivering when you get brave for a change. He'll tell you he needs to stay anonymous to keep his job. I bet his boss would love to know what he really spends his day doing!

[h.b]

I am the chicken shits of all chicken shits.

And right now I'm scared to death my mean old boss man is going to fire me.

Then I'll be scarred for life(TM).

OMFG what should I do?

Somebody hold me.

[pinstripe thunder]

And I couldn't disagree more. I think the pseudonymous "Everyman" creator is part of what makes Soxaholix unique, and h.b. should never give up his anonymity. You didn't really want to learn that the walrus was Paul, did you?

However, h.b. may need to reconsider the underpinnings of his initials. Hart brachen isn't well suited to the current era of success... hubris boundless, peu-t'etre?

[pinstripe thunder]

And BTW, John Banks... you're an idiot. And bb, I've been compared to you all year, but nobody warned me that you were EARNEST. Ain't that a kick in the ballz.

[louclinton]

fuckin' A, these dumb bastards piss me off. Hey Skunt Banks, if you don't like it leave it the fuck alone. Tune the The Fan and play hide the meat puppet with your sister and bb's "slow" cousin, pt.

It's a goddammn pseudonym, a nom-de plume, pen name,AKA, alias, ananym, anonym, assumed name, handle,moniker nickname, pen name, professional name, stage name, or literary double,you horse's ass, so that people won't climb down his enfeebled, creepy, yet brilliantly profane gullet. Guess the fuck what? Lou Clinton is not my real name either. It's actually [here's some irony] Thurmon Munson. Get the fuck over it.

Jesus Christ on a Unicorn, nobody fucking cares what you think, ok?

all the best

lc

[h.b]

The irony, of course, is that my original "your mother" bit was written with the voice of SNL Sean Connery playing Jeopardy skit. ("That's the sound you mother made, Trebech.")

It was a joke.

But who cares at this point.

Meanwhile, I'm still really, really scared, and my lip is quivering and, oops, I just pissed myself.

[birthofasoxfan97]

Mother jokes FTW!

[louclinton]

Wow, the word irony in two consecutive posts. Who saw that coming.

Of course, to these ass-clowns, irony is what Mom does with their khaki knickers when she is not getting deep-dicked by the neighbor boy.

Love always,

lc

[Bob]

This is kind of fun (for "Lost" fans):

http://www.find815.com/site/index.php#Scene_1

Oh, and John Banks? Your mother's so fat, I had to roll her in flour to find the right fold.

[h.b]

Bob,

Yes, and the blog associated with it, too!

http://find815.blogspot.com/

I've been on that site a lot. (Don't tell my boss! I'm scared enough already, as has been reported.)

[Kaz]

Hey! Why did the guy in the stall next to me just piss all over the floor?!

h.b.??

[The Boss]

I smell pee.

Have you half-wits been picking on the Assistant Regional Vice President For Strategic BiAnnual Financial Planning and Other Stuff?

[Devine]

"Jesus Christ on a Unicorn"

That's great; I had never heard that variation. Glad something good came out of this.

[h.b]

Kaz,

Did the guy have a wide stance? If so, yeah, that was me.

[BB]

Typical day in H.B land

- Reader makes comment

- H.B disagrees and responds in a way that is utterly ridiculous, unoriginal and unfunny

- H.B's few online "friends" rally to his cause and make equally unfunny comments

- H.B gets called out for his behavior

- H.B laments "it was all a joke. nobody understands me, waaaaaaa, waaaaaa"

John Banks - No worries about me signing you up as a Yankee fan. Just a nod in your direction for doing the right thing - a rare commodity in these parts.

Pinstripe Thunder - You couldn't carry my jock when it comes to kicking asses around here... And I mean that EARNESTLY!!

Lou C - Yo mamma so fat, you had to roll over twice to get off her...

[h.b]

BB,

You left out the part where Yankee fan loser troll comes to Red Sox comic strip site, forgets that the characters are fictional, and accuses pseudonymous (and evidently chicken shit) author of having the identical thoughts as same fictional characters.

Worse, the Yankees fan loser troll seems to once again not understand the entire purpose of The Soxaholix so goes on to talk about bias and unfairness and oh my god, inaccuracy, hyperbole, etc etc. of the Red Sox devoted site.

Yes, it'd be better to ignore you BB, and sometimes I do, but sometimes I enjoy the fuck out of going through the motions.

I guess you must too because you keep coming back and coming back and coming back...

Why BB? Why?

At least I can get some sort of false courage from my few online friends here, but you don't even have that as a crutch.

Makes no sense.

But then again, makes no sense why anyone would ever root for the Yankees.

It is what it is.

[pinstripe thunder]

A trollfight. How fun.

[Kaz Dice Clay]

Hickory dickory dock
John Banks sucked BB's cock.
The clock struck three
Banks called out h.b.
John, go shit in a sock.

Oooooooh!

[BB]

And you left out the part, H.B where you hide behind your characters in order to make one ignorant comment after another. Or is that how you see your beloved RSN? As a bunch of ignorant motherfuckers (just kiddin', you understand) who would take the word of a convicted fucking felon simply because George 'Red Sox Director' Mitchel (may he rot in eternal hell)chose to print it in his report?!?!

Why root for the Yankees? Cuz I was born in NY and grew up watching them. If I'd been born in Boston I'd be an asshole Sox fan just like you. At least I'm not like the countless members of RSN who "fell in love with the Sox while going to BU" and then moved to fucking Baltimore. If you haven't solidified your choice in baseball teams by the age of 18, please get the fuck out...

[Kaz Dice Clay]

No no, BB, I moved FROM Baltimore. But I did fall in love with the Sox while going to BU. But get this, I still have feelings for the Orioles too! Even have an Eddie Murray bobblehead in my bedroom...right next to my WEEI "Thanks, Cal!" poster on the wall! Sometimes, your home team gives you the finger at the same time you're switching homes.

Come on now, though. Around here, we don't blame your dad for finally figuring out his true gender after the age of 18, so why pick an age when I'm allowed to become a fan?

[Jeffrey]

Actually, I'm H.B.

(anyone else want to play "I'm Spartacus")

[Designated Sitter]

"The irony, of course, is that my original "your mother" bit was written with the voice of SNL Sean Connery playing Jeopardy skit. ("That's the sound you mother made, Trebech.")"

Shurely it should be "That's the shound your mother made..."

[da kine]

I think this thread proves, once and for all, that although he is a miserable Stankees fan, PT is on of us.

Oh, and I fucked BB's mom in the asshole and she immediately took the ATM action for the camera.

[JZ]

I've always like this site, but damn this is as infantile as it gets. Today, you just sound like a collection of losers.

[Beth]

My favorite mother joke:
Your mom is so fat that when she walks into Taco Bell, everybody runs for the border.

(Well, that's the only one I can remember.)

What a spirited troll war today!

[Kaz Dice Clay]

Geezus, people, it's like some of you come in here expecting it all to be Shakespeare.

Well, it is, so there, even today.

Hell, even Shakespeare took turns for the worst:

"A Midsummer Night's Dream"
Flute:
O wall, full often hast thou heard my moans
For parting my fair Pyramus and me.
My cherry lips have often kissed thy stones
Thy stones with lime and hair knit up in thee

Etcetera, etcetera...

[h.b.]

To be candid, I do like hiding behind the characters.

The biggest problem with that, though, is the characters, being only 2-D, leave that 3rd dimension a bit uncovered.

This is even more of a problem when I'm on the maryjane and I invariably end up inhabiting a 4th, 5th or even a 6th dimension (depending on the quality of the bud).

Do you play croquet?

[IkeG]

Thanks, all. I don't think I've ever laughed all the way through 80+ postings.

Jim Ed denied again. F%#ktoast!

[Kaz through the Looking Glass]

"By-the-by, what became of BB? I'd nearly forgotten to ask," the Cheshire Cat said.

"He turned into a pig." I said quietly.

"I thought he would," said the Cat and then he vanished again.

[h.b.]

Kaz through the Looking Glass,

Bravo [standing]

You truly are one of my "few online 'friends' [who] rally to [my] cause."

For the trolls,
Sentence first -- verdict afterwards.

[SoSock]

Wow!
This has been fun.
And I never knew you could understand quantum physics just by smoking good herb, always thought there was an education involved in there somewhere.
But now that I think about it, Carl Sagan really did look like a stoner, didn't he?
Now I'm not sure if hb is for high-brow or half-baked.
And McNamee's obviously got ahold of some of the good shit. I mean, seriously - "I just did what I thought was right...I knew it wasn't right, but I thought I didn't have any choice" - in one sentence, no less!
Huh?? Which is it? I had Rog pegged as lying thru his teeth, but after hearing that phone call, I'm just confused. Really confused. I'm suddenly not sure of my own identity! (cue "Lola", please)
Tune in tomorrow - same bat-time, same bat-channel.

[buckner was framed]

Oh my God! Of all the days to be stuck at work 12 hours with no interwebs access! I don't know where to begin, but damn, you were all in playoff form today, esp Kaz!
Thanks for a LMAO end to a crappy day

[Natalie]

Okay I have to jump in here and say four things:

1. Your mama jokes are ALWAYS funny.
2. To find that hb's first comment was meant in SNL Sean Connery's voice made me laugh out loud- much appreciated right now.
3. This entire thread is hilarious and reminds me why I love this site- even troll bickering is witty.
4. And to reiterate da kine, I have long thought PT got a bad rap. He is far from a Yankee troll; he's made MANY an interesting comment here (not the least of which was his recent hating on that bahstahd RoHgH Clemen$). I think he contributes mightily and that is only slightly influenced by the fact he was an immediate contributor to my cause via Kaz and hb's (and y'all's) benevolence. He may be a Skankee fan, but he's more than alright in my book. Love ya, PT. Come around anytime.

[soxdownunder]

In re pt: he may be 'bb's "slow" cousin' but he's OUR bb's slow cousin. And he recommended a good riverrun walk along the dirty water of the Charles.

[louclinton]

fuck pt

[BB]

Cheshire Cat quotes followed by a chorus of 'Bravo'!! What a blog full of witty, enlightened New Englanders. As the great Frank Costello once said - "Enjoy your clams, cocksuckers..."

[h.b]

But you missed what spawned the Cheshire Cat quotes didn't you, BB?

Your kung fu is weak.

[BB]

No H.B, didn't miss it. Just didn't think it was particularly funny or clever.

I have a feeling that you're riding for some kind of a terrible, terrible fall. But I don't honestly know what kind.... It may be the kind where, at the age of 30 (or 40), you sit in some bar hating everybody who comes in looking as if he might have played football in college. Then again, you may pick up just enough education to hate people who say, 'It's a secret between he and I.' Or you may end up in some business office, throwing paper clips at the nearest stenographer. I just don't know.

And just like that, he was gone...

[h.b]

Ah, yes, someday I'll lose this little corner of the blogosphere and all the millions I'm raking in and all the groupies and all the invites to the A-List parties.

It's telling that you're own image of me is so inflated.

I'm in your head, BB.

And your kung fu is even weaker than I thought.

[pinstripe thunder]

Give it up, Bri. Never mind the cheshire cat. If the tiger jumps over the wall, you'll be fucked, won't you?