« Not even an angry one inch of respect | Main | We get signal! »

Gravity's effect on falling rockets

Bill:
Somebody call Dr. Phil, we've got anothah celebrity crying for help.

 

Doug:
Seriously, Clemens is now stooping to taping phone conversations and acting all batshit angry at his own pressahs?

 

Bill:
I know what's next — is he going to shave his head and then take an umbrella and beat the hell out of McNamee's car with it?

 

Doug:
Poor Clemens. At least Britney Spears had that Chris Crocker nutjob coming to her defense with his "Leave Britney Alone!" YouTube. But Rocket's got nothing.

 

Bill:
Yeah, even his biggest fan Suzy Waldman has gone silent in his time of need.

 

Doug:
What a sad day it is. And by "sad" I, of course, mean what a totally fantastic bit of karma that I'm enjoying immensely.

 

Comments

Rogah= "Mistake and Horrah "

Just don't show me that "oopsie" shot of Rogah's poohah. That would be rough.

lc

LC, after all the 'roids he's done, I suspect he'd look a lot like Britney down there.

My favorite press conference quote:
"... I put my butt on the line..."

How about some anagram fun, we haven't played that tired game in a while:

roger clemens took steroids


anagrams to


Stormlike or good erectness.

god bless,

lc

I pray you are never accused of a crime in this country H.B. If you are, however, I also pray you are treated far better than Mr. Clemens.
I don't know if he did or didn't take steroids. I do know he deserves to be able to defend himself.

I also know the desire of Red Sox Nation to jump to conclusions in this matter is based totally on the fact that they were embarrassed and embittered by his great performances after being run out of Boston. The Mitchel "report", in your minds justifies the fact that you turned your backs on Clemens. It does no such thing. The Mitchel "report" simply prints the words of a convicted felon who is desperately trying to stay out of jail. That you take those words as gospel says volumes about the true nature of Red Sox Nation.
Let the FACTS convict Clemens, not the words of Brian McNamee.

H.B. is not the characters, nimrod.

And Clemens WILL be able to defend himself, if his shrunken balls ever re-enlarge to the point that's he's willing to testify.

"Innocent until proven guilty" is only valid in a court of law.

The court of public opinion is another thing entirely.


As it goes, I was accused of a crime, BB -- I was accused of sodomizing your mother.

But I'm innocent, because I wouldn't touch your fucking whore of a mother with your dick, let alone mine.

looks like hb can fight his own battles there, bb. Huh where have I seen reference to those intials before.

oh right,they were tatooed on the upper inner thigh of Larry Craig.

"I wouldn't touch [BB's] fucking whore of a mother with" Bea Arthur's dick. Thank you. Tip your waiters.

i posted this before and ill repost again... how will the nation feel when roger is elected to the hall of fame with a red sox hat on... he will be elected in time and his best years were with the sox. i saw the interview yesterday and was not convinced of his innocence and i will not be happy to see that hat on his head

I missed the part where Clemens was accused of a crime - that'll have to wait until he perjures himself before Congress. Oh, wait - he'll have to decline appearing, due to his pending litigation. How convenient.

"As it goes, I was accused of a crime, BB -- I was accused of sodomizing your mother.

But I'm innocent, because I wouldn't touch your fucking whore of a mother with your dick, let alone mine."

Those are pretty tough words for a guy who goes by the name of Heart--or rather hides behind it. Guy made a point you disagree with, and you resort to that? No class. I actually disagree with the guy, but wouldn't bend down that low--but I guess that's you. Come from behind the curtain..."Hart"

I couldn't find a transcript of the press conference, but loved the "Can I drink water, is that ok? (drinks) see I can swallow" (paraphrased) He must have learned how to do that in the Yankees clubhouse.

Ah, jeebuz, john banks, it was a joke.

And for the 1000th fucking time: this is a comic strip that is meant to engage in hyperbole and satire.

Look it up. And go fuck yourself.

mikeya2k1,

Hasn't Clemens said he won't wear a Sox hat in the HOF? Or am I thinking of someone else?

Maybe you're comfortable talking about someone's mother that way based on your personal experience. Talking about someone's mother crosses the line. But when you hide behind you "hart" it's easy to be brave. Cowardice is something you and roger have in common.

Talking about someone's mother crosses the line?

Wow. Have you never been trashed talked on the hoops court? Or the ice rink?

Christ, I've been hearing worse than that since I was 5 years old.

Meanwhile, of course, BB is a troll. I don't give a fuck about his mother or his goldfish or his fucking love partner.

fucking love partner = his own hand

JB, your mother's so fat, the last time I mounted her, my ears popped.

Jeez, mom jokes are a time-honored sports tradition.

Not to change the tone of the conversation or anything, but Hall of Fame announcements at 2:00 today. Let's collectively channel our thoughts in a common direction.

It constantly amazes me how people forget this is a redsox fan site. I forget sometime and try think rationaly. But that is the opposite of fan. See websters.
Latin fanaticus inspired by a deity, frenzied, from fanum temple — more at feast
Date:
1550

: marked by excessive enthusiasm and often intense uncritical devotion

http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/fanatic

"I wouldn't touch [BB's] fucking whore of a mother with" Bea Arthur's dick" and estelle getty pushing.

please, try the veal !


Gosh boys, we're cranky today, ain't we?
At the risk of being the butt (since that's today's obsession) of soxaholix rants, would someone enlighten me as to why Sox fans hate Clemens so much? I'm new to this game.

I don't know about Sox fans in general, but on this site, we hate Clemens because on one fateful day about 15 years ago....

He used his steroid-adled dick to impregnate BB's fucking whore mother while John Banks watched, Estelle Getty was pushing, and Bea Arthur stroked her's in the corner waiting for sloppy seconds.

So, Clemens will always be known as the asshole who injected *us* with the troll that is BB around here. Damn him. Damn him to hell.

I love it when things come full circle.

Roger how do i hate the let me count the ways.
1) Because you are one of the biggest dicks in professional sports as exemplified by (among other things) the "after all I've done for the game".
2) Because he spent 12 some odd years as a Red Sox and didn't want to recognize that if he enters the HOF.
3) He played for the Yankees!!!!
4) Need I go on?

Great Job Kaz. Why the fuck was I even remotely serious?

I think Clemens began to alienate Sox fans when he groused about having to carry his luggage thru Logan Airport.

The Texas Con Man- need I say more ?

Bill Simmons sums it all up pretty well in this column:

"Is Clemens the Antichrist?"

thanks, h.b., just what I was looking for.

I just thought I would say to John Banks bb, Estelle Getty, Bea Arthur and Ruth Gordon:

Go fuck yourselves in your fucking fuckholes.

no disrespect

I lost all respect for the liar when, after a disasterous '86 series, Clemens broke his contract, effectively saying, "fuck you Boston, I don't care what I agreed to and the fact I didn't win any WS games and was 1-2 in the Angels series. Gimme more!" His word is shit.

H.B - Your comments to me today say all that needs to be said about you and your insane bias.
I've got a feeling you haven't spent much time "trash talking" on the hoops court, ice rink or any other field of athletic endeavor. If you did you'd know that jumping straight to "mother" jokes is a one way ticket to getting your ass kicked.
No, H.B , you come across as one of those "soft" literary types who spent his youth (and adulthood) with his nose in a book dreaming of what it would be like to actually play a sport.

No need to type in your well-worn reply which would be something like - "heh, if you only KNEW me, BB, you'd know just how WRONG you are". Whatever, (no)Hart, whatever...

John Banks - congratulations! You are the first person to EVER go against the Soxaholix grain and support this Yankee "troll" in any way. That takes guts and, sometimes, guts are all that matters. To you I say, thanks.

To the rest of you - Go shit in your collective Red SAWX hats...

Bias on a Red Sox fan site? Insanity.

Here's when I began to hate Clemens:
http://tinyurl.com/299qba

Even a kinghell whiner like ARod has never broken his contract. Clemen's proven his word is shit.

The funniest thing is that the trolls like BB used to only come out when the Yankees were doing something well.

Now, of course, with the Yankees seemingly always stuck in the shit pot of mediocrity, these trolls have nothing to latch onto so they are stuck with defending Clemens who not only isn't a Yankee currently, but even when he was in the Pinstripes he never attracted much love from Yanks fans.

Guess you've got to take what you can get.

And yes, I am pretty soft, BB, except when I watch your dad on top of your sister. That kinda excites me, especially when sis is getting mouth raped.

*(For john banks' sake I've decided to leave your momma out of it. Don't want to scar his tender world view or anything.)

BB - How can you say JB is the 1st to defend your trollness? Does this mean you're admitting that you & JO are indeed one & the same?

Clemens blew it with me when my then 5 year old nephew had a one on one moment with him, which we waited for about a half hour for, & when he asked him to sign his tiny little glove, he refused & said "We lost kid, gimme a fucking break already". Now granted, it was a playoff game in Oakland, but still...

My nephew ran around saying 'Gimme a fucking break already' for 3 weeks straight. My sis is still pissy about that!

"except when I watch your dad on top of your sister. That kinda excites me, especially when sis is getting mouth raped."

h.b., you soft literary bastard - is that Cheever? It sounds so familial...

Rice did not get the votes.

The Aristocrats!

Aarg. Gossage got in. here's the info on Rice (guess my shirt will be relevant for at least another year):

//Jim Rice, the former star of 16 seasons, all with the Red Sox, barely missed by 14 votes as he fell 2.8 percent (72.2) below the necessary 75 percent to gain admission to the hallowed red-brick Hall on Main Street in Cooperstown. He'll undoubtedly go in next year, when Rickey Henderson will be an obvious first-time favorite. Rice then will be on the writers' ballot for his 15th and final year.//

Oh, BTW, I don't mean "Aaargh, Gossage got in" in a bad way. I actually think he deserves it. It was more of an "aargh, Jim didn't get in."

Kintees, how about a "72.2 and Rainy" shirt for next year?

The Baseball Hall of Fame is letting itself get written into irrelevancy by not adjusting its methods to meet the realities of today. By continuing to let the BBWAA have the reins for its entry pass as opposed to the general public or some independent board of directors. "Baseball Writers" can't even find their own ass with both hands sometimes when it comes to relevant topics, like whether a guy did steroids or not. Half of the time, they write only because they need to justify their existence. With the advent of the internet, I doubt these guys are necessarily as close to their subject as we used to have to believe they were (because we had no other way to get the insider news on our favorite players). But look at how many times in the past year someone said what they knew of Curt Schilling, just to get dragged out in the street by Curt, himself, in his own blog and told the truth.

They are increasingly irrelevant and today is just another example why.

Bugger! I've been wearing my kintee's 'Let Jim In' T pretty much constantly for a couple of weeks now (Mrs SDU made me wash it once). It doesn't seem to have the aphrodisiac quality of which Bob has at times spoken. Could be the axial tilt. People down here just look at me funny.

Oh, and John Banks, hb may be a motherfucker but he's OUR motherfucker.

perhaps im mistaken but doesnt the hall of fame decide which cap the player would wear? i thought since boggs decided he would sell to the highest bidder (more or less)the hall took the decision out of the players hands. speacking of the hall of fame. the fact that jim rice is not in is the biggest joke possible. when ney yourk sports talk is saying its a travisty that hes not in i think that says it all.

You're right mikeya according to Wiki:

'The Hall has also recently changed its stance regarding team membership. Although all the teams for which a player played are usually listed in the text of the plaque, most are depicted wearing the cap of one specific team. Until recently, it was the player's choice which cap they would wear, and the players did not always make the most popular choice.
...
In light of rumors that teams were offering number retirement, money or organizational jobs in exchange for the cap designation, the Hall decided to change the policy. Although the decision-making process would be a mutual responsibility, the Hall, not the players, would have the final say in such matters.'

wow checking out my spelling errors in my last post. cant tell i started on the bottle early

Damn, you guyz are cranky today... and that was before the Rice HOF vote. Still think it would be a nice grace note for the RS to create a Pudge-style exemption and retire Rice's jersey, Hall or no Hall.

But I think RS management attitudes toward Rice (as opposed to fan darlings Freddie Lynn, Yaz, Spaceman and Fisk from those same `70's teams) are influenced by the same surliness that has hurt him with Hall voters. That, plus the fact that he only had 12 or 13 really productive seasons compared to most Hall members' 20+ (and finished below .300 thanks to a dismal final season).

Some people deserve benefit of the doubt and some don't. Rice does. Clemens doesn't. He's a lying, cheating bastard who betrayed my trust. On balance, your obsession with his nether parts is unwholesome and will lead to hair on your palms. I'd rather not think about Roger's buttocks, thankyouverymuch.

And a final shout out to The Goose.

128 people voted for Mark Mark McGwire over Jim Rice in this years Hall of Fame voting. That's just horrible.

I'm so mad I'm speechless.

http://boston.redsox.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20080108&content_id=2341409&vkey=news_bos&fext=.jsp&c_id=bos

And, speaking of hair growing in unwelcome places, I don't know why it pleases me that Hillary cried yesterday, but it does. It made my day.

I think Clemens began to alienate Sox fans when he groused about having to carry his luggage thru Logan Airport.
Clemens may be a loathsome twat, but anyone who's ever had to travel extensively for business knows exactly what he was talking about there. The context of that comment was that the day to day grind of MLB is not all glamor, and that being on the road so much, away from family, can wear a player down. Fellow loathsome twat CHB jumped on the "carry your own bags" remark out of context as a call for personal baggage handlers for ballplayers.

BB--I'm no Yankees fan, so don't tie me into that. Soxaholix can be brilliant at times, but my hart gets brachen when Heart plays the tough guy and throws out fighting words while hiding under a fake name. Soft, maybe, who knows? Chicken shit, no doubt. He gets courage by rallying his (few) online friends. Heart/Hart...what's your name, dude? C'mon, that lip will stop quivering when you get brave for a change. He'll tell you he needs to stay anonymous to keep his job. I bet his boss would love to know what he really spends his day doing!

I am the chicken shits of all chicken shits.

And right now I'm scared to death my mean old boss man is going to fire me.

Then I'll be scarred for life(TM).

OMFG what should I do?

Somebody hold me.

And I couldn't disagree more. I think the pseudonymous "Everyman" creator is part of what makes Soxaholix unique, and h.b. should never give up his anonymity. You didn't really want to learn that the walrus was Paul, did you?

However, h.b. may need to reconsider the underpinnings of his initials. Hart brachen isn't well suited to the current era of success... hubris boundless, peu-t'etre?

And BTW, John Banks... you're an idiot. And bb, I've been compared to you all year, but nobody warned me that you were EARNEST. Ain't that a kick in the ballz.

fuckin' A, these dumb bastards piss me off. Hey Skunt Banks, if you don't like it leave it the fuck alone. Tune the The Fan and play hide the meat puppet with your sister and bb's "slow" cousin, pt.

It's a goddammn pseudonym, a nom-de plume, pen name,AKA, alias, ananym, anonym, assumed name, handle,moniker nickname, pen name, professional name, stage name, or literary double,you horse's ass, so that people won't climb down his enfeebled, creepy, yet brilliantly profane gullet. Guess the fuck what? Lou Clinton is not my real name either. It's actually [here's some irony] Thurmon Munson. Get the fuck over it.

Jesus Christ on a Unicorn, nobody fucking cares what you think, ok?

all the best

lc

The irony, of course, is that my original "your mother" bit was written with the voice of SNL Sean Connery playing Jeopardy skit. ("That's the sound you mother made, Trebech.")

It was a joke.

But who cares at this point.

Meanwhile, I'm still really, really scared, and my lip is quivering and, oops, I just pissed myself.


Mother jokes FTW!

Wow, the word irony in two consecutive posts. Who saw that coming.

Of course, to these ass-clowns, irony is what Mom does with their khaki knickers when she is not getting deep-dicked by the neighbor boy.

Love always,

lc

This is kind of fun (for "Lost" fans):

http://www.find815.com/site/index.php#Scene_1

Oh, and John Banks? Your mother's so fat, I had to roll her in flour to find the right fold.


Bob,

Yes, and the blog associated with it, too!

http://find815.blogspot.com/

I've been on that site a lot. (Don't tell my boss! I'm scared enough already, as has been reported.)

Hey! Why did the guy in the stall next to me just piss all over the floor?!

h.b.??

I smell pee.


Have you half-wits been picking on the Assistant Regional Vice President For Strategic BiAnnual Financial Planning and Other Stuff?

"Jesus Christ on a Unicorn"

That's great; I had never heard that variation. Glad something good came out of this.

Kaz,

Did the guy have a wide stance? If so, yeah, that was me.

Typical day in H.B land

- Reader makes comment

- H.B disagrees and responds in a way that is utterly ridiculous, unoriginal and unfunny

- H.B's few online "friends" rally to his cause and make equally unfunny comments

- H.B gets called out for his behavior

- H.B laments "it was all a joke. nobody understands me, waaaaaaa, waaaaaa"

John Banks - No worries about me signing you up as a Yankee fan. Just a nod in your direction for doing the right thing - a rare commodity in these parts.

Pinstripe Thunder - You couldn't carry my jock when it comes to kicking asses around here... And I mean that EARNESTLY!!

Lou C - Yo mamma so fat, you had to roll over twice to get off her...

BB,

You left out the part where Yankee fan loser troll comes to Red Sox comic strip site, forgets that the characters are fictional, and accuses pseudonymous (and evidently chicken shit) author of having the identical thoughts as same fictional characters.

Worse, the Yankees fan loser troll seems to once again not understand the entire purpose of The Soxaholix so goes on to talk about bias and unfairness and oh my god, inaccuracy, hyperbole, etc etc. of the Red Sox devoted site.

Yes, it'd be better to ignore you BB, and sometimes I do, but sometimes I enjoy the fuck out of going through the motions.

I guess you must too because you keep coming back and coming back and coming back...

Why BB? Why?

At least I can get some sort of false courage from my few online friends here, but you don't even have that as a crutch.

Makes no sense.

But then again, makes no sense why anyone would ever root for the Yankees.

It is what it is.

A trollfight. How fun.

Hickory dickory dock
John Banks sucked BB's cock.
The clock struck three
Banks called out h.b.
John, go shit in a sock.

Oooooooh!

And you left out the part, H.B where you hide behind your characters in order to make one ignorant comment after another. Or is that how you see your beloved RSN? As a bunch of ignorant motherfuckers (just kiddin', you understand) who would take the word of a convicted fucking felon simply because George 'Red Sox Director' Mitchel (may he rot in eternal hell)chose to print it in his report?!?!

Why root for the Yankees? Cuz I was born in NY and grew up watching them. If I'd been born in Boston I'd be an asshole Sox fan just like you. At least I'm not like the countless members of RSN who "fell in love with the Sox while going to BU" and then moved to fucking Baltimore. If you haven't solidified your choice in baseball teams by the age of 18, please get the fuck out...

No no, BB, I moved FROM Baltimore. But I did fall in love with the Sox while going to BU. But get this, I still have feelings for the Orioles too! Even have an Eddie Murray bobblehead in my bedroom...right next to my WEEI "Thanks, Cal!" poster on the wall! Sometimes, your home team gives you the finger at the same time you're switching homes.

Come on now, though. Around here, we don't blame your dad for finally figuring out his true gender after the age of 18, so why pick an age when I'm allowed to become a fan?

Actually, I'm H.B.

(anyone else want to play "I'm Spartacus")

"The irony, of course, is that my original "your mother" bit was written with the voice of SNL Sean Connery playing Jeopardy skit. ("That's the sound you mother made, Trebech.")"

Shurely it should be "That's the shound your mother made..."

I think this thread proves, once and for all, that although he is a miserable Stankees fan, PT is on of us.

Oh, and I fucked BB's mom in the asshole and she immediately took the ATM action for the camera.

I've always like this site, but damn this is as infantile as it gets. Today, you just sound like a collection of losers.

My favorite mother joke:
Your mom is so fat that when she walks into Taco Bell, everybody runs for the border.

(Well, that's the only one I can remember.)

What a spirited troll war today!

Geezus, people, it's like some of you come in here expecting it all to be Shakespeare.

Well, it is, so there, even today.

Hell, even Shakespeare took turns for the worst:

"A Midsummer Night's Dream"
Flute:
O wall, full often hast thou heard my moans
For parting my fair Pyramus and me.
My cherry lips have often kissed thy stones
Thy stones with lime and hair knit up in thee

Etcetera, etcetera...

To be candid, I do like hiding behind the characters.

The biggest problem with that, though, is the characters, being only 2-D, leave that 3rd dimension a bit uncovered.

This is even more of a problem when I'm on the maryjane and I invariably end up inhabiting a 4th, 5th or even a 6th dimension (depending on the quality of the bud).

Do you play croquet?


Thanks, all. I don't think I've ever laughed all the way through 80+ postings.

Jim Ed denied again. F%#ktoast!

"By-the-by, what became of BB? I'd nearly forgotten to ask," the Cheshire Cat said.

"He turned into a pig." I said quietly.

"I thought he would," said the Cat and then he vanished again.

Kaz through the Looking Glass,

Bravo [standing]

You truly are one of my "few online 'friends' [who] rally to [my] cause."

For the trolls,
Sentence first -- verdict afterwards.

Wow!
This has been fun.
And I never knew you could understand quantum physics just by smoking good herb, always thought there was an education involved in there somewhere.
But now that I think about it, Carl Sagan really did look like a stoner, didn't he?
Now I'm not sure if hb is for high-brow or half-baked.
And McNamee's obviously got ahold of some of the good shit. I mean, seriously - "I just did what I thought was right...I knew it wasn't right, but I thought I didn't have any choice" - in one sentence, no less!
Huh?? Which is it? I had Rog pegged as lying thru his teeth, but after hearing that phone call, I'm just confused. Really confused. I'm suddenly not sure of my own identity! (cue "Lola", please)
Tune in tomorrow - same bat-time, same bat-channel.

Oh my God! Of all the days to be stuck at work 12 hours with no interwebs access! I don't know where to begin, but damn, you were all in playoff form today, esp Kaz!
Thanks for a LMAO end to a crappy day

Okay I have to jump in here and say four things:

1. Your mama jokes are ALWAYS funny.
2. To find that hb's first comment was meant in SNL Sean Connery's voice made me laugh out loud- much appreciated right now.
3. This entire thread is hilarious and reminds me why I love this site- even troll bickering is witty.
4. And to reiterate da kine, I have long thought PT got a bad rap. He is far from a Yankee troll; he's made MANY an interesting comment here (not the least of which was his recent hating on that bahstahd RoHgH Clemen$). I think he contributes mightily and that is only slightly influenced by the fact he was an immediate contributor to my cause via Kaz and hb's (and y'all's) benevolence. He may be a Skankee fan, but he's more than alright in my book. Love ya, PT. Come around anytime.

In re pt: he may be 'bb's "slow" cousin' but he's OUR bb's slow cousin. And he recommended a good riverrun walk along the dirty water of the Charles.

fuck pt

Cheshire Cat quotes followed by a chorus of 'Bravo'!! What a blog full of witty, enlightened New Englanders. As the great Frank Costello once said - "Enjoy your clams, cocksuckers..."

But you missed what spawned the Cheshire Cat quotes didn't you, BB?

Your kung fu is weak.

No H.B, didn't miss it. Just didn't think it was particularly funny or clever.

I have a feeling that you're riding for some kind of a terrible, terrible fall. But I don't honestly know what kind.... It may be the kind where, at the age of 30 (or 40), you sit in some bar hating everybody who comes in looking as if he might have played football in college. Then again, you may pick up just enough education to hate people who say, 'It's a secret between he and I.' Or you may end up in some business office, throwing paper clips at the nearest stenographer. I just don't know.

And just like that, he was gone...

Ah, yes, someday I'll lose this little corner of the blogosphere and all the millions I'm raking in and all the groupies and all the invites to the A-List parties.

It's telling that you're own image of me is so inflated.

I'm in your head, BB.

And your kung fu is even weaker than I thought.

Give it up, Bri. Never mind the cheshire cat. If the tiger jumps over the wall, you'll be fucked, won't you?

The comments to this entry are closed.

The Soxaholix eBook Spinoff

The captivating and long awaited Soxaholix eBook spinoff is finally available!

There's No Crying in Pocket Pool

cover

Purchase at Amazon.

T-shirt

Logo t-shirts now available, several colors, even pink.

'Soxaholix logo t-shirt

Ticket America

Ticketamerica.com has Boston Red Sox and Texas Rangers tickets. Buy Cubs and Cardinals baseball. View Patriots, Ravens and Giants schedules online for Boston.