« December 2007 |
Main
| February 2008 »
Susan/Circle:
OMFG did that scrawny botoxed freak Jerry Jones payoff Victoria's Secret or what?
Tara:
Really. Romo is cute, but sexy he is not.
Susan/Circle:
Tony Romo is like the friend of your oldah brothah you make out with one day when your 16 years old just to establish a baseline for your bourgeoning sexual pussy powah.
Susan/Circle:
Fercrissakes Tom Brady's empty fur-collared jacket hanging in the closet is sexier than Tony Romo.
Tara:
And the irony is it's arguable whether Tom Brady is even the sexiest athlete in Boston.
Tara:
And what about Mike MVP Lowell?
Susan/Circle:
Oh, hell, yeah. One of my sweetest memories of the '07 Championship season is when I first saw me some shirtless Lowell man.
Tara:
And Papelbon, sigh.
Susan/Circle:
I confess that even the hillbilly Beckett awakens my innah magma.
Tara:
Oh, girl, are you kidding me? When Beckett walks off the mound after striking out the side and gives the opposing bench one of his death stares, my ovaries burn like brimstone.
Susan/Circle:
Yeah, bring those split fingahs ovah heah, Joshua, and I'll teach you a thing or two about blistahs.
Bill:
Well, it's finally friggin' ovah — Santana to the Mets and Jacoby Ellsbury stays in our mofo house!
Doug:
Christ, now I can breathe and let my Spring Training bonah of expectation stand tall.
Bill:
What a stupid deal though. Everyone waited months for that?
Doug:
Seriously, as Gleeman says, "The end result of a bad situation handled poorly is a mediocre package of players that has no one excited."
Bill:
And the to the fucking Mets? Poor Santana.
Doug:
I know. The Mets are like a floatah in your kamode that refuses to be flushed.
Doug:
You know, just hanging around the surface believing it's not really a turd at all and not realizing it's just some transient low density freak of nature that will in the end spiral down the maelstrom of oblivion in so many broken, waterlogged pieces.
Bill:
Ah, so that's why they call it Flushing Meadows. I always wondahed …
Doug:
Ah, one of those low cost, high potential moves. Evidently the kid has show flashes of brilliance.
Doug:
But this is my fave: "Cubs fans have taken to using Aardsma's name in reference to a vulgah and uncommon act."
Doug:
Me neithah. What do they mean by "uncommon"
Doug:
Wait a second, weren't the Blue Jays the so-called dahk horse last year, too?
Bill:
Yeah, and the year before that and the year before that …
Doug:
Hell, if they say it long enough, one of these years it may just end up being true.
Doug:
Ah, for fuck's sake. Trade him already. I'm sick of hearin' about it.
Bill:
Seriously. On days like this I wish I were a bear — then I'd just crawl into a cave sometime aftah the wintah meetings and not come out again until the guys are playing catch in Fort Meyers.
Doug:
Hey, now, comparing the Yankees harebrained spending to a drunken sailah is totally unfair to the drunken sailah …
Doug:
I mean when all is said in done, at least the drunken sailor wakes up the next day satiated and sticky and having gotten exactly what he set out for.
Doug:
One can't say the same for the Yankees who are all money but no money shot.
Bill:
Seriously. Could Theo Epstein have been any more prescient than when he said back in '03 that the Red Sox would nevah outspend the Yankees, but that they would do everything possible to outsmaht them?
Doug:
Absolutely. That outsmahting business is working out quite well, isn't it?
Bill:
I swear I'll nevah take it for granted how lucky we are to have the current editions of the Red Sox and Patriots, the two most brilliantly run organizations in the entiah world of sports.
Mike:
Gotta love it — "Even the worst lineup shows improvement over the 2007 runs per game."
Bill:
Yeah, all the more reason to just keep things as they are and shy away from any big trades, especially any involving Ellsbury.
Mike:
On the othah hand, you could look at those RPG numbahs and feel there is enough cushion to lose Ellsbury. You know the mantra, good pitching beats good hitting.
Bill:
But we already have good pitching, and the thought of seeing Jacoby getting regular playing time makes me tingle.
Mike:
Trust in Theo. Not trading will be the right thing to do. And trading will be the right thing to do. The pool or the pond.
Bill:
My rational side agrees, but my emotional side wants to see more of those Jacoby going from first to home like a running wolf highlight films.
Mike:
I won't argue that …
Mike:
Wait a second, I didn't even know they had the interwebs up there, let alone blog awards?
Bill:
Hey, now, just because Canada is culturally irrelevant doesn't mean it isn't modern. Jeez.
Mike:
You're right. And Canada did give the world Evangeline Lily. That counts for a lot.
Mike:
Yeah, Brady probably looked down and thought, "What the fuck is this? I'm Tom Brady fercrissakes. Tom Brady doesn't wear a sissy boot."
Doug:
Serioulsly. And then he looked at his ankle and gave it one of those Brady scowls and commanded, "Ankle, heal thyself!" And the ankle was healed.
Doug:
"
Yeah, absolutely. Don't you love it how even during supposed "fun" events like going clubbing with Gisele he still looks intensely pissed off?
Mike:
And look how Gisele is walking a couple paces behind him — Nobody gets inside the pocket on Brady, not even his supahmodel girlfriend.
Doug:
Tom Brady's very existence makes the world a bettah place.
Doug:
C'mon, Tom, if I told you once I told you a hundred times — no kinky S&M role playing with Gisele until aftah the Supah Bowl.
Bill:
Yeah, don't make us call in Wade "Fist of Velvet" Phillips to instill some QB discipline around here.
Doug:
Speaking of, you think Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson will be heading down to Mexico to watch the Pats coronation?
Bill:
Absolutely, and T.O. too. They've got nothing but time these days.
Doug:
So back to baseball, did you hear that the Santana deal is still "alive"?
Bill:
Yeah, I heard that The Deal was spotted in Argentina hanging out with Elvis and Jim Morrison.
Doug:
OK, so are you ready for two weeks of the Giants as king slayahs hype?
Mike:
You mean like how because the Giants the first team in league history to win 10 consecutive road games in the same season they are somehow anointed?
Al:
Yeah, and how they played the Pats so well in game 16 that they learned how to beat the Pats?
Mike:
And how Eli Manning has "matured" and is now "poised" and has "so many weapons"?
Doug:
All I know is it's going to feel especially warm and fuzzy for the 19th consecutive, perfect season, Lombardi hoisting win to come at the hands of a NY team.
Al:
Absolutely. I actually have a soft spot for Green Bay and Favre. Flicking them away like the detritus of the 18 that came before would have made me bittahsweet for, you know, all of 5 seconds.
Mike:
Poor New Yorkahs. First the Yankees dashed their hopes, and now the Giants.
Al:
It's funny to tell kids that there was a time, way back, when New York teams actually won championships.
Doug:
Yeah, and the look of disbelief on their little faces is so precious.
Your omniscient author in absentia:
Sorry, folks, once again (and certainly not for the last time) my pay-the-bills job is requiring all my time and energy. I'll be back as soon as I can. — Hart
Soxaholix Community
Content created by and for Soxaholix readers:
