Ohhh-Oh, The Guns of Boston

Doug:
Poor Mr. Hanky the Yankee. Even aftah embarassing himself ovah the A-Rod "ultimatum," he still doesn't understand the meaning of "deadline."

 

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Doug:
Now Hanky has to "sleep on it."

 

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Bill:
Yeah, but while he and Cashman were singing each othah sleepytime lullabys to each othah, the Twins and Red Sox were exchanging medical records. …

 

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Bill:
"In fact, an hour past midnight in New York and right around midnight at the Opryland Hotel, it was the Boston Red Sox who appeared closest to a deal with the Twins for Santana."

 

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Bill:
"A Red Sox official said he was 'cautiously optimistic' the club could complete the deal for Santana, putting the two-time Cy Young Award winner next to Josh Beckett, Curt Schilling, Daisuke Matsuzaka and, probably, Clay Buchholz in the Red Sox rotation."

 

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Doug:
And you've gotta love this: " 'If the Red Sox get Santana,' said an executive of one NL team that's grateful to be in the other league, 'they might be the best team in the history of the frigging universe.'"

 

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Bill:
The perfect bookend to the best football team in the history of the frigging universe.

 

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Doug:
Which goes so, so well with the best fans in the best sports city in the history of the friggin universe.

 

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Bill:
For years they crushed us and they bruised us, but now, now they'll answer to the Guns of Boston.

 

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Doug:
And we show no mercy, bitches.

 

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Comments

[Harwich Rich]

Great Clash reference hb :) Oh and a shout out to Dr. Kaz, happy one year anniversary :D

[Rooster]

I would LOVE to see Santana added to the rotation, and even better - to keep him out of pinstripes. Wonder how this will play out.

Meanwhile, watching the Pats last night was painful. I almost had to turn the volume off. First of all, they were all completely drooling over the Pats losing - no objectivity at all, and every two seconds talking about going undefeated like this was the last game of the season. Don't they realize there is still 1/4 of the season left???

That was disgusting! Glad the Pats stole the win to shut them up.

[louclinton]

We are in the clover. I cannot get enough Mr. Hankey call-backs. Please, one per day until Truck Day. [ps: If you don't , I will. I'm merciless]
With apologies to Ray Fitzgerald and Ernie Roberts, here are a few musings….The Pats are unlikable. When listening to the last drive last night, it didn’t really matter to me if they pulled it out….Memo to Don Shula: please leave the building. And if NutriSystem is paying you to shill their shit, give the money back. You’ve got a gut the size of my ego. And to the ’72 Dolphins? Die already….Don’t give up Ellsbury… oh and Hank Steinbrenner? Santana IS Sandy Koufax, you dummy. And finally, being a student of evocative powerful words, I am compelled to share with you this passage that I read in the NYT (17% owner of your BRS) this morning: This involves some dead hedge fund honk. “ Mr. Tobias’s four brothers and Mrs. Tobias are locked in a legal battle over the estate, which is worth at least $25 million. And, in a civil complaint, they have gone so far as to accuse her of murder. The brothers, Samuel, Spence, Scott and Joshua, claim Mrs. Tobias drugged her husband and lured him into the pool. Bill Ash, a former assistant to Mr. Tobias, said he had told the police that Mrs. Tobias confessed to him that she had cajoled her husband into the water while he was on a cocaine binge with a promise of sex with a male go-go dancer known as Tiger. “

Enjoy the day.

Your pal,

lc

[COD]

Even worse was bringing in Shula to open root for the Ravens from the announcers booth.

[Mrlongvowel]

Being a Red Sox fan is a disease.

[h.b.]

"Being a Red Sox fan is a disease."

Yes, the kind of disease that makes you smarter, makes you better looking, and gives you extra long and firm erections.

[Harwich Rich]

So thats what it is ;D

[Youk Rules]

LC,

What's more is that no one seems to know "Tiger's" real name.

And, no, it isn't Eldrick.

[Daubie]

LC is a genius. Truly.

[Mrlongvowel]

"Yes, the kind of disease that makes you smarter, makes you better looking, and gives you extra long and firm erections."

Thank you for proving my point. It's that pompus, delusional thinking that makes everyone from the Baaahstan era so unbearable. At least the a$$holes in New York know they are a$$holes.

[Mrlongvowel]

*area...sorry

[louclinton]

oh boy, not another one.

hb, his IP address, please.

Shockingly, like pt he is an Italian gentleman who lives in his mom's basement. Seems like a pattern is developing here.

xxooxxo..
lc

[Bob]

Youk, Tiger's first name is Tiger. He had it legally changed from Eldrick n his 21st b-day.

Oh, and Daubie, H.B., L.C., and Kaz are all geniuses. But only Kaz has the Mensa certificate to prove it. :))

[Bob]

Mrshortdick, I thing you had it right with "era."

[Natalie]

Today's strip made me giddy, and Mr Long Vowel has me laughing with delight. Bring on the hatahs, life is good in this town. I am going to miss it when I head across the pond.

[louclinton]

Don't put me in the same rank as hb and dr. kaz. truth be told... ah screw it.

as for mrshortdick, perhaps we should all just give him a call

717-xxx-yyyy ext. 5490

you really wanna play, little feller?

[h.b.]

I believe if you look through the archives, you'll see the characters not only know they are assholes, but they actually revel in it as well.

Indeed, in the words of Doug Roy:

"Our resplendence is real, is nevah silent and has no bitch."

Now I'll return to admiring my extra long and firm erection.

[buckner was framed]

while you were admiring your dick, did you forget to set up the link to Doug's comment in p6? not working for me (the link, not the dick)

[vermonter]

"Little Feller"

Beautiful, Lou. You are on fiah today.

[louclinton]

well, mr. 3postsin20minutes, it sure is quiet around here.

oh, I forgot, The View is on.

[Harwich Rich]

Is that long vowel the "I" in Tiger?

[h.b.]

yes, buckner, poor linkage is one of the unfortunate conditions resulting from my erection adulation.

Fortunately, being a Red Sox fan, my erections last hours, so I can take the time out to fix these problems.

[louclinton]

the commonly used term for being a RS fan is "priapism", but in these parts, it is sometimes referred to as "Papipism" or "Papspism".

[not a]dr. lc

[Jay]

If it lasts more than 24 hours you should contact a doctor.....Kaz?

[buckner was framed]

and, hb, let's not forget that as a RS fan you're smart enough to fix the missing link. thanks
lc, getting some good wood on those swings yourself today

[Mrlongvowel]

"well, mr. 3postsin20minutes, it sure is quiet around here."

Unike you I have a job, and I cannot sit on this site all day. Plus I said what I had to say and I am moving on, you should give it a try.

[therev]

it seems as though through all the discussion we have missed the genius of the strip. good job hb with the Clash reference to "guns of Brixton" even throwing in the line at the end. purely genius. giddy is the word I would use also Bob

[louclinton]

"Plus I said what I had to say and I am moving on, you should give it a try."

Ya, right.

you mofo's are stuck wif me.

I guess the View got done at 10:55

lc

[da kine]

Mrlongbowels, u r teh ghey!!1!! Hahaha! Yankees sukc!!!

But seriously, does anyone want to talk about the latest Martin Amis novel?

[h.b.]

"Unike you I have a job, and I cannot sit on this site all day."

Well, see, that's just it. If you had the "Red Sox disease" you'd be able to multitask.

We are all so smart and accomplished, we can excel at our jobs, read bloga, comment on blogs, and look at porn concurrently. And that's when we are still half-asleep.

[vasoxfan]

All,
What is it with people who think they can some to a red sox fan site post a stupid comment, get slammed and then walk away suprised? Its like me ( a short chubby white boy) walking through Dudley Street Projects @ 12 midnight , getting mugged and then acting suprised. (If I live to tell about it)

[louclinton]

what is this job thing you speak about?

[louclinton]

"what is this job thing you speak about?"

oh, you mean the people that provide me an internet connection from 8 am to 6pm.

dude didn't even put up a good fight. The phone number gag works every time.

[Bob]

This just in: Hanky traded Phillip Hughes, Melky Cabrera, and two top prospects for Santana.

Unfortunately for Skank fans, he got Carlos by mistake.

[Kaz]

Yeah, graphic work for an insurance company in Harrisburg is grueling labor, let me tell ya....give Mrsoftconsonant a break.

Harwich Rich, you are most kind. I went back in the archive this morning and read last year's posts (how could you remember the date better than I did? That's awesomely creepy, hehe). Man, "Sam Adams Origins"...haha, I musta been hella sloshed (especially since I had the bottle in front of me at the time and it said Utopias on it, not Origins). Good times, good times.

But even better times was last night. My buddy from undergrad just moved in to town (Belmont) last night and I got him a job at my company so we're working together. Pretty sweet setup we're gonna have and he's a Boston sports fan from birthright having grown up in the forests of NE CT. So we're watching that game last night and I told him he'd have to move back out of town if this is the kind of luck he was gonna bring with him...single-handedly ruining a perfect season.

Well, I had a lot of face to save too on that game, since I'm originally from Baltimore and have lingering Baltimore loyalties (I've always said that my best case scenario is the two don't meet in the regular season and go 16-0 each and prepare to meet in the final round of the playoffs. Then, a gigantic national tragedy cancels the remainder of the postseason before kickoff. And since my best case scenario involves a lot of innocent lives lost and likely another drawn-out quagmire conflict with unavoidable guerilla warfare and more civilians killed....well, it's always going to end messy for me so I'm never gonna pray for my best case scenario to happen.

In the meantime, my family taunts me mercilessly when these games arrive and this year I felt good enough to call them out on their taunts...and then the game happened. Holy cow, what a close one. If every team is gonna treat their Pats game as a "personal Super Bowl"...it's going to be a long long month. But in the end, I got to taunt my mom as if we'd dominated the whole game and won by 50...just to be a non-contrite bastard, for fun.

Also, priaprism. It's part of the Boston sports fandom and I'm okay with that. It's ok, Mrlongvowel, I can understand your need to lash out from central PA. I don't even think Harrisburg has an indoor soccer team any more...which is fine, because the Cow Palace sucks to watch anything other than a prettiest pig contest in. Glad I only visited there once ever. I had to burn the clothes I was wearing. Oh, I guess you do have the AA minor league team for the DC Senators (is that like jumbo shrimp? military intelligence?)...so you've got that going for you.

[Bob]

Kaz, any invoice yet?

[da'beads]

Lou:

//what is this job thing you speak about?//

Hand-job, Lou. Hand-job.

Just like the left-handed hand-job Santana will be showing the Yankess when he systematically strikes out their bestest and their ... erm ... brightestest next season in a Red Sox uniform.

[Kaz]

Wow, ok, look at that ramble above...I apologize, I've had too much caffeine this morning and I didn't look at the warning label of the Boston Sports Fandom this morning where it said not to over-caffeinate while on a win streak. Man, this hard-on is not going anywhere for a while now...

h.b.: We are all so smart and accomplished, we can excel at our jobs, read blogs, comment on blogs, and look at porn concurrently. And that's when we are still half-asleep.

To top it off, all of the insiders here know the special key combination to get the Citgo sign to open up and show that porn in the same window, saving time and effort. It's how we roll.

[Kaz]

Jay: If it lasts more than 24 hours you should contact a doctor.....Kaz?

Seriously? If your priaprism lasts more than 24 hours...I don't want you anywhere close to contacting me with it.

Invoice, Bob? You lost me at hello.

[h.b.]

First bad news I've seen all day: Ellsbury signs on with Scott Boras

[Natalie]

Oh Christ, Ellsbury and Boras? That makes me more inclined to toss him into a deal.

Meanwhile, 300 miles south of here, my brother the die-hard Yanks and Eagles fan has gone off the rails. Is it wrong that his depressive email just made me laugh and laugh: "Things are going very well and I have no complaints other than all New England sports teams. If Red Sox get Santana, I am done with baseball. He should be forced to play in NL so it is far and Red Sox and Yanks are evenly matched. Whoever gets him wins the World Series."

[Kaz]

By the way, anyone else catch the fashion-ista news outta MLB today? Bob Watson, famous for wanting to disrobe Tito in the dugout (couldn't wait until you could get him into the shower, could you, you cheeky dog, you?), has created the "Francona Rule" (his name for it, not mine) to keep managers from wearing sweater/pullovers in the dugout.

Whew, at last our long national nightmare is now over! This ranks right up there with kicking Pesky off the bench because they had "too many managers". Tito is 8-0 in the World Series while dressing so disgracefully ...

Bob Watson, buy a ticket if you wanna root for the Yankees and hassle the Sox. You're just lucky Francona doesn't take steroids, because he'd snap you in half in a rage if you came near him again...oh, yeah, speaking of steroids, Rule-boy Watson, how's that working out for ya, ya douchebag?

[h.b.]

Well said, Kaz.

Watson is a total douche.

I think Francona should open the season in Japan wearing an old gray hoodie with the sleeves hacked off.

[Scott]

Trade Jacoby. Screw Boras.

[Jeffrey]

"He should be forced to play in NL so it is far and Red Sox and Yanks are evenly matched"

It's funny how the tables turn so completely.

[Kaz]

Latest Santana news - Hartford Courant

OMG, this makes me so giddy...I think I just grew another inch if that's even possible. With the Yankees out of play, I daresay we should pull one of the prospects off of the table and be like "take it or leave it"...hehe.

Also, I hate what Boras means to the game, but I also recognize that he's not going anywhere AND if you look at most of his guys with the Sox...he doesn't get to pull most of his crap with us as he does with other teams (see: keeping Varitek for reasonable price, tossing Damon out on his ear, almost embarrassing Matsuzaka at half the price Boras wanted). He got us to overpay for JD Drew for sure, but in general, we win more battles than lose with him and we'll see him alot given that our payroll is large and he only deals in players who are going to demand that sort of top dollar.

In fact, if Boras is going to want to agent for Ellsbury, it only bolsters the fact that we should keep him. Because Boras sees the same potential that we do in his abilities (Boras, just sees it as a financial bottom line whereas baseball fans see it as worth to the team winning)!

[Harwich Rich]

If nothing else it will probably make the Twinkies think twice about wanting him included in the deal,no?

[Jeffrey]

You can only hope.

that Courant article implies Ellsbury is off the table.

[BC]

I think the part that makes me happiest is that Theo's apparently managed to keep Ellsbury out of the deal. If this keeps up I'm going to lose an eye to my extra long and firm erection.

[Jeffrey]

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/148218/anchorman_massive_erection/