Oh, so that's what they mean by "Mystique and Aura"

Bill:
No current members of the Red Sox are on Mitchell's list.

 

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Bill:
'Nuff said.

 

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Doug:
Quod erat fucking demonstrandum. Yeah, that's what I'm fucking talking about.

 

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Bill:
And only two from 2007 Championship team — one who played a very minor role and one who played absolutely, positively no role at all.

 

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Doug:
Unless of course you count his role in preventing the team from reaching the 100 win plateau.

 

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Bill:
Yeah, memo to Gagne: You need a new chemist shit for brains.

 

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Doug:
Meanwhile, down in the Bronx, 22 current or formah Yankees are on the list. Go figure?

 

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Bill:
And all 22 played a role in the "Dynasty" years from '96-'00.

 

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Doug:
26*

 

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Bill:
That image of Clemens bent ovah and getting injected into his naked redneck ass is forevah seahed into my memory.

 

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Doug:
Yeah, instead of calling him "The Rocket" he'll forevah more be known as "The Buttock"

 

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Bill:
Somewhere, Suzy Waldman weeps.

 

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Author's Notes:

Giving credit where credit is due, the "26*" is swiped from a comment Kaz made yesterday, and the "Somewhere, Suzy Waldman weeps." line is taken from an email exchange but where I'm not sure if he wishes to be named as the originator in this space. (He's got a reputation to protect and writes books and stuff.)

Comments

[Bob]

Heh. True. I think I'm gonna have to ensconce myself in waterproof velvet for the game though (apologies to Costanza, G.).

I don't worry so much about the snow or rain affecting the Pats' offense, but the mysterious "they" are predicting wind gusts up to 50 MPH.

[Paul]

Clemens is Boston's fault... If Sox hadn't made him carry his own bags, he never would have felt the need to bulk up.

[yazbread]

Well with 50 MPH winds, Moss literally might go airborne and come down with the overhead camera rather than the football.

[NewtonNephew]

It was sadly predictable that "26*" would appear in today's strip. I had hoped you were better than that. A report appears, created by a member of the Red Sox front office, based heavily on two New York-based sources, and the Yankees are disproportionately represented. And you take this to mean the Yankees dynasty was dirty, but the Red Sox of the same era were clean? That's pathetic. You'll notice the report mentioned neither Mark McGwire nor Sammy Sosa, which should tell you how far from complete it was. And I'd bet a lot that if we had the complete record of steroid/HGH users, Manny would be on it.

By the way, I am a lifelong Yankee-hater.

[pinstripe thunder]

Missed the formative years of the Stovall Brown Band by a year or two. I can certainly see why you're irate, LC. Sorry if I intruded on the `60's --should have known they were yours.

If you want to see irate, try gratuitously dragging Torre into the roid fiasco. He probably personally supervised Roger's injections, doncha think?

Hey, I have an even better idea than 26*. Let's just wipe out the 20th century altogether. Modern baseball as we know it began with the squeaky clean Red Sox dynasty of the 21st century and their surly but lovable fans. Heh.

Have a nice weekend anyway.

[Kaz]

NewtonNephew: It was sadly predictable that "26*" would appear in today's strip. I had hoped you were better than that.

Repeat after me: "h.b. is not the characters...they are manifestations of his imagination that represent typical Sox fan points of view."

A report appears, created by a member of the Red Sox front office, based heavily on two New York-based sources, and the Yankees are disproportionately represented. And you take this to mean the Yankees dynasty was dirty, but the Red Sox of the same era were clean? That's pathetic.

Who said the Sox of the era were clean? They didn't win any championships based off of their dirty players, we know that much. Hell, we all even know and have come to accept that Mo Vaughn is inthere as well as someone from 2007(!), our very own craptastic-bastard Eric Gagne, was in the report. If you want to put an asterisk after "Boston = 7 World Series", be my guest. We don't trumpet our WS count the way Yankees fans do as a sign of their dominance over other teams.

You'll notice the report mentioned neither Mark McGwire nor Sammy Sosa, which should tell you how far from complete it was. And I'd bet a lot that if we had the complete record of steroid/HGH users, Manny would be on it.

McGwire used andro before it was technically illegal and against the rules. That much is proven (and in the report). Did he do anything further? No evidence and I don't see where he would have needed to. He could have used andro right through his 2001 season and been legit with it because it wasn't banned until 2002. Who needs more than 1 steroid (and he was doing creatine at the same time too)? As for Sosa, maybe he never did steroids...ever consider that? He's never been fully implicated for 'roids and he's only ever been caught corking. He doesn't seem like the sharpest spoon in the drawer either, so if other guys are drawing checks on their joint account with their wife...I don't think Sammy was laundering his drug money six-ways from Sunday just to get an injection or two. Too many times they've tried to nail him from many different angles and yet he still comes up clean...he is probably clean.

I'd also take your bet on Manny. Roger + steroids = thrown bat at Piazza. Manny (+ you assume steroids) = pees in a bottle in the Green Monster during a coaching trip to the mound, cuts off a throw from Damon in CF, has them play a song about getting high for his plate appearances...

It's "Manny Being Manny"...not "Manny Being HULK SMASH!". If you said he was smoking weed, I'd agree in a heartbeat. The Dude is/was not on 'roids/HGH.

[Devine]

Manny also (up till the last two years) played the most games of anyone on the Sox in the stretch from '03 to '05, I believe. Either Manny's juice is a new, super-pure kind that actually reduces the chance of injury or...Manny is not on the juice.

I've actually heard rumors from someone that's met him that the dude likes to puff, Kaz. It's not difficult to believe...at all.

[Bob]

I just ordered Mexican from Sol Azteca.

Then I'll fart in NewtonNephew's general direction (Newton, I assume).

Kaz does the brilliant doctoral research, I do the reactionary gas.

[soxdownunder]

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/sports/AP-BBO-Pettitte-HGH-Admission.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin "> Andy Petitte confesses a bit

''I have the utmost respect for baseball and have always tried to live my life in a way that would be honorable,'' he said. ''If I have let down people that care about me, I am sorry, but I hope that you will listen to me carefully and understand that two days of perhaps bad judgment should not ruin a lifetime of hard work and dedication.

''I have tried to do things the right way my entire life, and, again, ask that you put those two days in the proper context. People that know me will know that what I say is true,'' he said.

I am inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt if only because he has the best move to first I've ever seen.

[johnny]

Here's what Seth Mnookin wrote: "Does that mean that other teams–like, say, the Sox–are (or were) any cleaner? Hell no. It just means no-one else had a clubhouse attended that got popped."

[Genghis Ortiz]

This whole thing will pass, and I give Mitchell credit for (more or less) backing up with facts what amounts to a modest Public Shaming. The best, but saddest, result is that now the youngsters will face cold reality - these players are not superheroes. Apologies for the nostalgia, but the closest the Sox have gotten to 'superheroes' were guys like Ted, Yaz, maybe Papi, who played through the pain, gave their all, and called it quits when the time was up. The reason I say 'closest' is that they counted their money too, no doubt.

Putting myself in the shoes of some of the middle-level guys - a mediocre player taking in $500K a year, injured, with no prospects after baseball, and you have a chance to sneak another couple years in (assuming at the time, the stuff was not technically illegal)... would I try to prolong my career? Probably yes.

There's no excusing Clemens or Bonds - they are greedy phonies. They just got an abject lesson in what the rest of us schmucks already knows - the truth finds everyone eventually.

[Genghis Ortiz]

Uh...not Stan Papi...Big Papi...

[Genghis Ortiz]

I guess that Steve Phillips, the blowhard who gives such intelligent insights on ESPN about all the players, etc. is immune from criticism, even though he was central to this while the Mets GM.

Who cares, right? Phillips and others can be holier-than-thou, watching the players suck wind as he continues to collect paychecks. It's equally disgusting for ESPN and others in the media to spit nails at the players and coaches when they have such high-minded experts like Phillips on their own reporting staff.

[Jyabba]

In an article in 2006, a similar story was recounted by Paxton Crawford, a pitcher
who was on the roster of the Boston Red Sox in 2000 and 2001. Crawford admitted to using
steroids and human growth hormone while with the Red Sox. He described an incident in which
syringes he had wrapped in a towel were spilled onto the floor of the Red Sox clubhouse, which
he said caused laughter among his teammates.291 Crawford declined our request for an
interview, saying that he did not “do that stuff anymore,” that he was sorry he had used those
substances in the past and that he just wanted to be left alone. In the course of this investigation,
we interviewed 23 individuals who are, or had been, affiliated with the Red Sox organization
including 6 persons who were with the Red Sox at the time of the reported events. While some
said that they had suspicions about Crawford’s use of steroids when he was a player, no one
could recall the incident that Crawford recounted in the article.

[Chowd Hater]

You are all a bunch of twisted misfits. Have your lil piddley web pages where you type with your fag accents and bash the best franchise in the history of sports. Just make sure you stay in your little corner of the earth where you freaks belong.

[Chowd Hater]

You are all a bunch of twisted misfits. Have your lil piddley web pages where you type with your fag accents and bash the best franchise in the history of sports. Just make sure you stay in your little corner of the earth where you freaks belong.