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Oh, so that's what they mean by "Mystique and Aura"

Bill:
No current members of the Red Sox are on Mitchell's list.

 

Bill:
'Nuff said.

 

Doug:
Quod erat fucking demonstrandum. Yeah, that's what I'm fucking talking about.

 

Bill:
And only two from 2007 Championship team — one who played a very minor role and one who played absolutely, positively no role at all.

 

Doug:
Unless of course you count his role in preventing the team from reaching the 100 win plateau.

 

Bill:
Yeah, memo to Gagne: You need a new chemist shit for brains.

 

Doug:
Meanwhile, down in the Bronx, 22 current or formah Yankees are on the list. Go figure?

 

Bill:
And all 22 played a role in the "Dynasty" years from '96-'00.

 

Doug:
26*

 

Bill:
That image of Clemens bent ovah and getting injected into his naked redneck ass is forevah seahed into my memory.

 

Doug:
Yeah, instead of calling him "The Rocket" he'll forevah more be known as "The Buttock"

 

Bill:
Somewhere, Suzy Waldman weeps.

 

Author's Notes:

Giving credit where credit is due, the "26*" is swiped from a comment Kaz made yesterday, and the "Somewhere, Suzy Waldman weeps." line is taken from an email exchange but where I'm not sure if he wishes to be named as the originator in this space. (He's got a reputation to protect and writes books and stuff.)

Comments

sad, but beautiful nonetheless.

lc

Every Yankee fan can take all of he chest-pounding bullshit, roll it up into a nice, long tube, and cram it "clear" up their fucking dipshit asses.

Fuck you all!

Oh yeah...thanks for putting Tek on your "list" yesterday, Asshat Blunder.

No Tek, Manny, Papi, Youk, Paps, Lowell...none of 'em.

My favorite part of the whole report was this (paraphrased) bit:

Theo: I like Gagne, but the Dodgers think he's juiced. Is he?
Scout: Like an orange.

You don't suppose the Bambino was on the juice too,do you? Oh-wrong juice :)

Yesterday was an emotional roller coaster of emotion. Thankfully my free range Tekthighs fantasies are no longer cause for angst or self-loathing (BB's conspiracy theories as to Red Sox Mitchell payoffs are too ludicris to even be entertained (in both meanings of that word)). It's a beautiful day.

Kaz- 26*... brilliant.

Note: from here on out, I am going to start writing Fathead's name as Rohgh Clemen$. It makes me happy.

Holy shit, being up since 5am has clearly addled my brain. I do know that the word ludicrous is not usually or unironically spelled like the rapper. I am actually embarrassed. :)

And now the Yankee's whining and "explanations" begin.

Mystique and Aura?

They'll all be saying "Mistake and Begorra."

One question that occurs to me with regards to the Yankees is, "What did St. Joeseph know and when did he know it?" Or did Torre force himself to be willfully ignorant?

From my former office Marty, via text:

"Sen Mitchell is part of the red sucks conspiracy to bring down the greatest franchise in sports history...Clemens is a red sucks plant."

So, I am doing some work with the NYPost, yesterday an editor comes along and says Tek is on the list. This is around noon, and someone had leaked a copy earlier that included some bogus names.

'Bullshit' I told him. 'The 2003 Yankees lineup I can believe, but not Tek.'

Right now, we know who the Sox are. Fans, players and management are aligned in a way that has never existed with the Sox before. You know these guys are solid and not even a friggin' newspaper editor with all the sources in the world can challenge that.

Clemens was my hero when I was a kid but never, ever, EVER am I going to look back to those times and get that special feeling. I hope Lester and Bucoltz are paying attention, they are from Texas and should get it in their heads that there are limits to what you do to win. The Rocket was a fraud and his only glory days were with the Sox. Everything else was fake and the Duke was completely 100% right about that has been.

I am so angry about all the Yankees names. This Billy Martin logic they have used in the past is at the root of it all, you cannot win by cheating. I am going to go piss on Yankees stadium today in protest.

M

Oh yeah, and Mo Vaughn - you big fat pig I am so glad we got Ortiz and Manny and sent you off. I hope you dine on your own filth you swine.

M

And John Valentin thank you for not being on there.

M

It is nice that no major players on the Sox were noted in the Mitchell report, but we need to take a couple of things into account before we start sucking each other’s dicks:

The supplier that gave the majority of Mitchell his information was based out of New York. Of course there will be a large portion of New York players on the list. Secondly, this is a very, very small sample size. There are far more suppliers of PEDs than was mentioned and interviewed for the Mitchell report. Plus, some Sox players have been around some shady individuals. Papi is still trained by Angel (Nao) Presinal who was the guy that was banned from MLB clubhouses after the bag of steroids scandal in Cleveland. “Nao” is the personal trainer for Bartolo Colon, Vladimir Guerrero, Miguel Tejada, Pedro Feliz, Guillermo Mota as well as Papi. You might notice a couple of those other names are in the Mitchell Report.

Look, I hope that all of the major contributors to the Sox’ success are clean, but to start acting Holier Than Thou is a wee bit premature and naïve.

Sorry to be a wet blanket and I was as happy as anyone that no current or World Series role-playing players were on the Mitchell list...But that list clearly does not contain the names of all the juicers since 1988...We would be woefully ignorant to think otherwise...I believe it was Kaz who rightfully pointed out to me last year that Trot's body/arms underwent quite a transition over the years....I would hope that none of our favourites did, but we might never actually know.

"the Duke was completely 100% right about that has been."

No kidding... He got kicked to the curb by Duquette, and cried all the way to his source. "I'll show them! I'll show them all!!!"

Nice job, Roger...

"No HOF for you!"

//but to start acting Holier Than Thou is a wee bit premature and naïve.//

Jeez, can't I have a few days of Holier Than Thou-ness?

I'm a f-ing Red Sox fan, for God's sake.

I might also add that after Pindick Blunder posted his fake list, I gave Tek the business.

Being an overwrought reactionary is what I do.

And I do it very, very well.

I'm basking in the holier than Thou-ness of it all.

Any good nightmare commuter stories from yesterday? I got off fairly easy, just over an hour to go what normally takes me 15 minutes.

Jeffrey, here's my nightmare commuter story:

I walked from work to Pete's, had some beers, then walked home to the North End.

Ha! I'm living the dream, people, living the dream.

Beer cart in about 5 and a half hours...

Me too, Bob. I'm nothing if not emotional and reactionary. I thought that's what made for a good sports fan. I'm not a writer, player, manager, or suit. I'm a fan and will bask in the poop upon the Yankees until I feel that I am done.

Bob, someday they are going to build statues in your honor.

No commuter horror story (I got lucky, left the office to work from home around 1:00 and my trip was only about 10 min longer than usual; those who left just a half hour later got screwed apparently) but I did have the funny experience of walking the dog at 10pm last night and seeing my exceedingly drunk neighbor faceplant into a snowdrift. And I mean that literally- face first, spread eagle, and comically unable to rise with copius assistance. At least she was a cheerful drunk. I aims to follow her example (minus the faceplant) this evening.

Ha! Guess she was making a Snow-Lindsey.

vermonter-- are you really basking in the poop? Or did I read you wrong? I mean who am I to judge-bask away!!

H.B., does Lisa have cartoon poops?

If so, I think I'd bask in it.

Bob,

I'm so jealous. I've always wanted to live in the North End.

Closest I got was passing out drunk in a door stoop after two bottles of chianti at Regina's and many shots of grappa at Cafe Vittorria.

vasoxfan,

Delighting-yes...bathing-no.

Although I'd be standing behind Bob in the Lisa line.

BTW-does the name Stovall Brown mean anything to anyone?

I would love to have a tee shirt with simply “26*” on the front. I would wear it the way MFY fans wore those shirts that just had “1918” on the front.

I have a commuting horror story from yesterday. I left work a little early when I turned west the sun was just I a spot that really blinded me and it was too low for my visor to any good. I had to take one of my hands off the wheel and hold it up to block the sun. It was horrible!

Roger has denied the allegations. We can all rest easy.

Doug, you took the words right outta my mouth. ;) Many thanks to h.b. for that nod! I've been making sure to stay pretty well-grounded on this. I know the Mitchell report is not the be-all-end-all of steroid use, but the fact that so many on the 2000 (and other years') Yankee rosters are definite dopers now really irks me. Part of the rivalry was always knowing they were a good ballclub and that we could never quite finish out on top of them....and now it seems there was good reason, they cheated to win.

I hope this dogs every single player in that report until they leave baseball disgraced and humbled. I hope Roger Clemens never even gets a whiff of brass polish emanating out of the doors at Cooperstown. I hope every kid who put their devotion into him as a superstar feeds their shredded memorabilia with his name on it to a bunch of dirty swine who get processed whole into a gelatin which will be used for the space program so that the astronauts can eat some tasty jello and then evacuate their waste into space.

So, yeah, that's what I got out of the Mitchell Report.

It bothers me a little that Theo knew about Gag-me being juiced and was still willing to sign him. Mgmt plays a role in this. If mgmt didn't sign juicers then maybe they wouldn't do it. Imagine for a second if any of us failed a drug test @ work. I'm done being an absolutist.

And so it begins, as en masse
Yankee fans realize, aghast,
Their heroes are fakes.
No surprise, fer chrissakes,
Clemens et al took it right in the ass.


Kaz,

Don't fret about the rivalry btwn yanks and sawx. Plenty of sawx players are dopers as well. Their names weren't on the report for obvious reasons. Anyone who thinks the "report" represents a defeinitive list is a fool.

Not me vasoxfan,I'll always love Absolut

Who woke BigBaby up?

What's wrong with his reading comprehension (I was like the 3rd person of many here to admit the list is only a start)?

Will Robin escape from the Joker in time to save Batman from the Riddler?

I'm afraid that Sen. Mitchell's position as Director of the Red Sox irretrievably marks the lack of current Sox names in the report as "suspect", at best. Which saddens me, but there's nothing for it, I guess.

That said, I hope the closest Roger Clemens gets to Cooperstown is a traffic jam on the Thruway. (One of our local sportscasters here in CT actually said on-air last night that he thinks Clemens should still be considered for the Hall based on what he did prior to 1998 ... I couldn't disagree more. You cheat, you're out. Basta.)

>>Not me vasoxfan,I'll always love Absolut.
Absolutely!!
But seriously I was more partial to Finlandia in my day.

H.B., anytime you need to crash out stinking drunk in the North End, my place awaits your holiness. But you have to sleep on the couch. The girlfriend (for some unknown and unfathomable reason) objects to threesomes.

Anybody up for a few beers at Pete's (sorry, "Durty Nellie's") and a pizza from Regina's tonight?

My current fav is their classic cheese with salami. Good for The Gout, don't ya know.

WB, BB. You're far more literate than revisionist Soxaholix would have led me to believe.

No attempt at poning, LC. I thought yesterday's list was genuine. Clearly somebody in MLB was looking to embarrass Mitchell by circulating an early list that included names they thought should have been included. The early list, now discredited, was topheavy with current and former RS (Varitek, Tavaras, Trot, Nomar and, interestingly, Damon) and notably included Pujols, all of whom weren't included on the real black list.

Ghostoffoxx makes some good if obvious points, so don't get too self-righteous or self-congratulatory on us yet.

Having said all that, Clemens is lying, cheating scum. I'm embarrassed to have ever rooted for him, especially hearing the same whispers everybody else did. May he rot in anabolic hell.

Amused to see the sudden proliferation of 26's on this board. Don't get too enamored of the 26* unless you're prepared to get saddled with a 7* when Damon and Nixon go down in the next wave.

Glad you can eat with a clear conscience, Nat.

26*...in case anyone wants a so-so image file of it.

"the Duke was completely 100% right about that has been."

Thanks for making the same point I made 36 hours ago:

"If this is true [Clemons, I mean], maybe Dan DuQuette has some measure of vindication, instead of spending the rest of his like masquerading as a star-nosed vole."

If you see anything else you want to steal go right ahead.

lc

OMG, you know what I just realized??

Duquette is so vindicated for getting rid of that hack Clemens! Can you believe that?

.
.
.

Just bustin' yer balls, Lou, just bustin' yer balls. :)

Surly but lovable :)

One more hour...


as for pt, go shit in your hat. The list was discredited by the time you posted it. It was discredited by the time I read your post and discovered the source [WNBC]

as for the point that there are others involved, I agree. I read the report last night (at least the part that DID NOT give the history of substance abuse in baseball from the time the slamandar crawled up on the shore and sprouted legs).

For an investigation that took 20 months at $1mill a month, it was a piss poor bit of work. If 'd turned that in at what ever level of schooling that I achieved, the warden , uh, I mean, instructor would have told me to gobble some greenies and come back with better work in a month. It was just thin. Do I believe all that were listed did it? You bet. But the list is selective, since they names only came from 4 branches of the tree
1. Balco
2. Grimsley's House (DOJ)
3. Butt-poking Blutaski or whatever his name is and
4. loose change.

I mean who is dumb enough to pay for illegal drugs with a check drawn on the joint bank account with his wife.

Cash, intermediaries, deniability.

as for everyone else, peas on urf, goodwill toward Lisa.

lc

Kaz had better copyright that 26* because I see it as the perfect t-shirt to wear to Yankee Stadium next season... maybe I'll save it for the All-Star Game where Francona will be ably managing the AL stars toward securing the Sox home-field advantage in the World Series...

Vermonter -- Stovall Brown is a pretty good blues band with roots all the way back to the Newport Jazz Festival in the late `60's. Like their stuff. Why? Do you know Stovall Brown? Are YOU Stovall Brown?

Both Tim Kurkjian and Peter Gammons said on Sportscentre that they's still vote for Clemens in a first round HofF ballot. Their fairly good contention being that the evidence against him comes from a snitch who is facing a gaol sentence and who has an obvious motive to lie. Nevertheless, bend over Rogah.

As lc said yesterday Barry Bonds was the real winner.

keep trying, pt. keep trying. It's f'ing pathetic.

//Stovall Brown is a pretty good blues band with roots all the way back to the Newport Jazz Festival in the late `60's?//

Really? According to CSB (who may be vermonter, hb, Lisa, Theo or me) in his bio:

" The summer of 1970, while still in the 11th grade, found CSB at the 2nd Ann Arbor Blues Festival where he was further exposed to great influences like PAPA LIGHTFOOT, JUNIOR PARKER, SON HOUSE, HOUND DOG TAYLOR, BUDDY GUY and JUNIOR WELLS. In 1971 he had an opportunity to play with both BIG MAMA THORNTON as well as his harp idol, GEORGE HARMONICA SMITH. When they finished playing, GEORGE searched Chris out in the crowd and asked him if he wanted to come out to Los Angeles to be his protege. Regretfully, he declined the offer. Now leading bands under the name of Stovall Brown Blues Band, Chris did many gigs at colleges, coffee houses and clubs around the New England Area. Finally, in 1972 he hooked up with the Jasper Cooke Band in Boston, a blues-rock band that was managed by Robin Hemingway, who was T-Bone Walker's manager at the time. They did several gigs with T-Bone and even opened for him at The Jazz Workshop. He stayed with that band until March of 1973, at which point he returned to R.I. to reform STOVALL BROWN BAND. "

All the way back to the '60's huh? Leave that shit to somebody who had a pulse in the '60's, sonny.

And while we at it, what about Saint Joesph of Torre, who presided over a clubhouse of greedheads, dope fiends and sex addicts and criminals for 10 years, but yet get off scott free.

Yankeez suc

lc

Beer, glorious beer, cold, crisp and delicious...

Okay all, I'm about to start hitting the beer cart.

Hopefully we'll have something fun to yak about on Monday.

Which I have off.

So there.


Bob, we can talk about Belichick taking a page out of Clemens' book and giving it to Mangini right in the tookus.

Heh. True. I think I'm gonna have to ensconce myself in waterproof velvet for the game though (apologies to Costanza, G.).

I don't worry so much about the snow or rain affecting the Pats' offense, but the mysterious "they" are predicting wind gusts up to 50 MPH.


Clemens is Boston's fault... If Sox hadn't made him carry his own bags, he never would have felt the need to bulk up.

Well with 50 MPH winds, Moss literally might go airborne and come down with the overhead camera rather than the football.

It was sadly predictable that "26*" would appear in today's strip. I had hoped you were better than that. A report appears, created by a member of the Red Sox front office, based heavily on two New York-based sources, and the Yankees are disproportionately represented. And you take this to mean the Yankees dynasty was dirty, but the Red Sox of the same era were clean? That's pathetic. You'll notice the report mentioned neither Mark McGwire nor Sammy Sosa, which should tell you how far from complete it was. And I'd bet a lot that if we had the complete record of steroid/HGH users, Manny would be on it.

By the way, I am a lifelong Yankee-hater.

Missed the formative years of the Stovall Brown Band by a year or two. I can certainly see why you're irate, LC. Sorry if I intruded on the `60's --should have known they were yours.

If you want to see irate, try gratuitously dragging Torre into the roid fiasco. He probably personally supervised Roger's injections, doncha think?

Hey, I have an even better idea than 26*. Let's just wipe out the 20th century altogether. Modern baseball as we know it began with the squeaky clean Red Sox dynasty of the 21st century and their surly but lovable fans. Heh.

Have a nice weekend anyway.

NewtonNephew: It was sadly predictable that "26*" would appear in today's strip. I had hoped you were better than that.

Repeat after me: "h.b. is not the characters...they are manifestations of his imagination that represent typical Sox fan points of view."

A report appears, created by a member of the Red Sox front office, based heavily on two New York-based sources, and the Yankees are disproportionately represented. And you take this to mean the Yankees dynasty was dirty, but the Red Sox of the same era were clean? That's pathetic.

Who said the Sox of the era were clean? They didn't win any championships based off of their dirty players, we know that much. Hell, we all even know and have come to accept that Mo Vaughn is inthere as well as someone from 2007(!), our very own craptastic-bastard Eric Gagne, was in the report. If you want to put an asterisk after "Boston = 7 World Series", be my guest. We don't trumpet our WS count the way Yankees fans do as a sign of their dominance over other teams.

You'll notice the report mentioned neither Mark McGwire nor Sammy Sosa, which should tell you how far from complete it was. And I'd bet a lot that if we had the complete record of steroid/HGH users, Manny would be on it.

McGwire used andro before it was technically illegal and against the rules. That much is proven (and in the report). Did he do anything further? No evidence and I don't see where he would have needed to. He could have used andro right through his 2001 season and been legit with it because it wasn't banned until 2002. Who needs more than 1 steroid (and he was doing creatine at the same time too)? As for Sosa, maybe he never did steroids...ever consider that? He's never been fully implicated for 'roids and he's only ever been caught corking. He doesn't seem like the sharpest spoon in the drawer either, so if other guys are drawing checks on their joint account with their wife...I don't think Sammy was laundering his drug money six-ways from Sunday just to get an injection or two. Too many times they've tried to nail him from many different angles and yet he still comes up clean...he is probably clean.

I'd also take your bet on Manny. Roger + steroids = thrown bat at Piazza. Manny (+ you assume steroids) = pees in a bottle in the Green Monster during a coaching trip to the mound, cuts off a throw from Damon in CF, has them play a song about getting high for his plate appearances...

It's "Manny Being Manny"...not "Manny Being HULK SMASH!". If you said he was smoking weed, I'd agree in a heartbeat. The Dude is/was not on 'roids/HGH.

Manny also (up till the last two years) played the most games of anyone on the Sox in the stretch from '03 to '05, I believe. Either Manny's juice is a new, super-pure kind that actually reduces the chance of injury or...Manny is not on the juice.

I've actually heard rumors from someone that's met him that the dude likes to puff, Kaz. It's not difficult to believe...at all.

I just ordered Mexican from Sol Azteca.

Then I'll fart in NewtonNephew's general direction (Newton, I assume).

Kaz does the brilliant doctoral research, I do the reactionary gas.


http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/sports/AP-BBO-Pettitte-HGH-Admission.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin "> Andy Petitte confesses a bit

''I have the utmost respect for baseball and have always tried to live my life in a way that would be honorable,'' he said. ''If I have let down people that care about me, I am sorry, but I hope that you will listen to me carefully and understand that two days of perhaps bad judgment should not ruin a lifetime of hard work and dedication.

''I have tried to do things the right way my entire life, and, again, ask that you put those two days in the proper context. People that know me will know that what I say is true,'' he said.

I am inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt if only because he has the best move to first I've ever seen.

Here's what Seth Mnookin wrote: "Does that mean that other teams–like, say, the Sox–are (or were) any cleaner? Hell no. It just means no-one else had a clubhouse attended that got popped."

This whole thing will pass, and I give Mitchell credit for (more or less) backing up with facts what amounts to a modest Public Shaming. The best, but saddest, result is that now the youngsters will face cold reality - these players are not superheroes. Apologies for the nostalgia, but the closest the Sox have gotten to 'superheroes' were guys like Ted, Yaz, maybe Papi, who played through the pain, gave their all, and called it quits when the time was up. The reason I say 'closest' is that they counted their money too, no doubt.

Putting myself in the shoes of some of the middle-level guys - a mediocre player taking in $500K a year, injured, with no prospects after baseball, and you have a chance to sneak another couple years in (assuming at the time, the stuff was not technically illegal)... would I try to prolong my career? Probably yes.

There's no excusing Clemens or Bonds - they are greedy phonies. They just got an abject lesson in what the rest of us schmucks already knows - the truth finds everyone eventually.

Uh...not Stan Papi...Big Papi...

I guess that Steve Phillips, the blowhard who gives such intelligent insights on ESPN about all the players, etc. is immune from criticism, even though he was central to this while the Mets GM.

Who cares, right? Phillips and others can be holier-than-thou, watching the players suck wind as he continues to collect paychecks. It's equally disgusting for ESPN and others in the media to spit nails at the players and coaches when they have such high-minded experts like Phillips on their own reporting staff.

In an article in 2006, a similar story was recounted by Paxton Crawford, a pitcher
who was on the roster of the Boston Red Sox in 2000 and 2001. Crawford admitted to using
steroids and human growth hormone while with the Red Sox. He described an incident in which
syringes he had wrapped in a towel were spilled onto the floor of the Red Sox clubhouse, which
he said caused laughter among his teammates.291 Crawford declined our request for an
interview, saying that he did not “do that stuff anymore,” that he was sorry he had used those
substances in the past and that he just wanted to be left alone. In the course of this investigation,
we interviewed 23 individuals who are, or had been, affiliated with the Red Sox organization
including 6 persons who were with the Red Sox at the time of the reported events. While some
said that they had suspicions about Crawford’s use of steroids when he was a player, no one
could recall the incident that Crawford recounted in the article.

You are all a bunch of twisted misfits. Have your lil piddley web pages where you type with your fag accents and bash the best franchise in the history of sports. Just make sure you stay in your little corner of the earth where you freaks belong.

You are all a bunch of twisted misfits. Have your lil piddley web pages where you type with your fag accents and bash the best franchise in the history of sports. Just make sure you stay in your little corner of the earth where you freaks belong.

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