Drink up

Bill:
Ah, Christ, it's that time of the year when things are so slow that the lead stories concern births and dating gossip.

 

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Bill:
So we breathlessly learn that OMG Theo Epstein and wife are now proud parents of a baby named Jack.

 

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Mike:
And Youk's fiance nee girlfriend. Enza Sambataro, is not only hot but also is, among her friends, always "the first one to do something over the top and crazy." Whew. Exciting stuff.

 

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Bill:
Yeah. Sox news in Decembah. Pathetic.

 

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Mike:
And yet we'll invariably discuss Miss Sambataro's views on Ben Affleck's back hair at some point today..

 

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Bill:
Yeah, well, remembah when Kitty Dukakis drank the rubbing alcohol?

 

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Bill:
When you need your daily fix, you work with what you have.

 

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Mike:
True. And the Sox playah wives and girlfriends gossip is still bettah than prophesying about the forthcoming Mitchell Report.

 

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Comments

[louclinton]

Thanks for teeing it up, hb.

This is, literally and figuratively, the calm b4 the storm.

In your free time, I suggest to all that you read the archived strips from , roughly 10/1-10/24.

Pure gold.

hugz n kizzez.

lc

[Ryan with a capital "R"]

Please let Jeter be named. Please let Jeter be named. Please let Jeter be named.

More than, of course, I hope for the absence of any Red Sox players.

Hilarious possibility: Johnny Damon.

[Harwich Rich]

What would Miggy do?

[Youk Rules]

Enza Sambataro?

Wasn't that the name of the unsuspecting baker who is made to act as a button man in The Godfather?

[Rick V]

And Clemens, of course. Just for old times' sake.

[Bob]

Heh. Good strip in lazy times, H.B.

I used to call rubbing alcohol a Kitty Du-cocktail.

Never imbibed it myself, although Booker's comes close.

[Bob]

News for bleacher creatures with season tix or 10th Man Plans:

//Dear 10th Man Plan Holder,

As you may be aware, one of the Year VII improvements to Fenway includes the replacement of all bleacher seats due to a resurfacing/waterproofing project which spans the entire bleacher area. We have made some row numbering changes in this area that affect your season ticket account.

As a season ticket holder in Bleacher section 39, you will notice that your row number has been changed to reflect the same row numbering sequence in the adjacent section 41 and not section 38 as has been past practice. YOUR ACTUAL SEAT LOCATION HAS NOT CHANGED. Again, we’ve simply renumbered the rows in this section to mirror those in section 41.

10th Man Plan invoices for the 2008 season will be mailed this week. We hope to see you back at Fenway next April!

Happy Holidays,

Boston Red Sox Season Ticket Services//

[louclinton]

I would stack soju (Korean grain alcohol) up against any beastly concoction.

lc

[Bob]

Sort of a Korean Everclear?

[louclinton]

Well, if everclear makes you think you can fly, then ok, ya.

[vermonter]

My kids have asked, "Dad, do you think Papi has ever taken steroids?".

"Hope not", I said.

[Bob]

My guess is that Papi's drug of choice is steak with a fried egg on top.

Guess we'll know at 2:00.

I've heard rumours that Petey might be named. But with that stick body, I'd be very surprised.

Clemens, maybe. After all, he could switch heads with Juice-ambi, and nobody could tell the difference.

[Tarrkid]

Globe's Extra Bases just reported (I mean just passed on from ESPN):

"A source close to a former Yankees strength trainer tells ESPN The Magazine's Shawn Assael that the trainer told Mitchell investigators he supplied Roger Clemens with steroids; information supplied by this trainer is in the Mitchell report. According to one industry official who spoke to [the] Bergen Record, 'several' prominent Yankees will be named in the Mitchell report."

[yazbread]

I hope the Mitchell report doesn't taint Pedroia's ROY award.

[Bob]

If Dusty's on 'roids, he's doing them wrong.

(And you said "taint." Heh.)

[Scott]

I want the Yankees WS win's with Clemens in 1999 & 2000 to have the asterisk placed behind them.

Friggin cheater!

Where is the outrage? Where are the fines and loss of draft picks!!

Yes I am bitter and gearing up for the RATS game on Sunday.

[jamesfrmmaine]

"Well, if everclear makes you think you can fly, then ok, ya."

lc is hilarious.

[pinstripe thunder]

Here's the black list -- includes Clemens, Pettitte (ouch), Damon (ouch again), Trot Nixon (sorry), your old friend Gagne (didn't help), Nomar (?)

Brady Anderson, Manny Alexander, Rick Ankiel, Jeff Bagwell, Bar ry Bonds, Aaron Boone, Rafaeil Bettancourt, Bret Boone, Milton B radley, David Bell, Dante Bichette, Albert Belle, Paul Byrd, Wil Cordero, Ken Caminiti, Mike Cameron, Ramon Castro, Jose and Ozz ie Canseco, Roger Clemens, Paxton Crawford, Wilson Delgado, Lenn y Dykstra, Johnny Damon, Carl Everett, Kyle Farnsoworth, Ryan Fr anklin, Troy Glaus, Rich Garces, Jason Grimsley, Troy Glaus, Jua n Gonzalez, Eric Gagne, Nomar Garciaparra, Jason Giambi, Jeremy Giambi, Jose Guillen, Jay Gibbons, Juan Gon zalez, Clay Hensley, Jerry Hairston, Felix Heredia, Jr., Darren Holmes, Wally Joyner, Darryl Kile, Matt Lawton, Raul Mondesi, Ma rk McGwire, Guillermo Mota, Robert Machado, Damian Moss, Abraham Nunez, Trot Nixon, Jose Offerman, Andy Pettitte, Mark Prior, Neifi Perez, Rafael Palmiero, Albert Pujols, Brian Robert Juan Rincon, John Rocker, Pudge Rodriguez, Sammy Sosa, Scott Schoenweiis, David Segui, Alex Sanchez, Gary Sheffield, Miguel Tejada, Julian Tavarez,Fernando Tatis, Maurice Vaughn, Ishmael ValdezJason Varitek, Ismael Valdez, Matt Williams and Kerry Wood

[lc]

ahahahahahaahahahaha
haahahahahahaahahahaha
haahahahahahaahahahahahaah
ahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahaahaha
hahahaahahahahahaahahahahaha.

Clemons and Pettite? Bunkmates? Needle-dee and Needle Dum?

hb you don't need any editorial help from anybody, but I SMELL A SECOND STRIP!!!

If this is true [Clemons, I mean], maybe Dan DuQuette has some measure of vindication, instead of spending the rest of his like masquerading as a star-nosed vole.

lc

[Natalie]

I would take a hit of that soju now. What a friggin' day! I really need to have moved to London yesterday. At least I am drinking tonight with little bro in town...

I would pay cash money to have Clemen$ turn up in the Mitchell report. That would be awesome... I simply cannot stand that fathead.

[louclinton]

Aaron Boone.

Fuckin' nice....

[pinstripe thunder]

And now that I look at what I cut, pasted and posted (complete with typos and misspellings), Tavarez and Varitek, too (sorry again).

[Natalie]

I would have expected Nomar. That SI cover and the weird wrist injury lead me to that conclusion a while ago. Alas.

[Natalie]

Aw man, Varitek? Please say it ain't so.

[louclinton]

Oh, poor Nat, The captain...

Tell me you're not suprised, though

[Daubie]

TROT VARITEK NOMAR EL GUAPO DAMON

this is horrible

[louclinton]

step back from the ledge Nat, PT's source is backpedalling:

NEW YORK -- Newschannel 4's Jonathan Dienst has obtained names of baseball players expected to be on George Mitchell's list of players linked to performance enhancing drugs in major league baseball. Baseball officials are refuting several names on the list.

A high-ranking MLB official said there are several errors in the list provided to WNBC by two sources. Therefore, we [WNBC]working to clarify the list at this time.

The list includes former MVP's Barry Bonds, Albert Pujols, Jason Giambi and Ivan Rodriguez. Former sluggers Juan Gonzalez, Albert Belle and Jeff Bagwell. The list contains two sets of brothers: Jose and Ozzie Canseco and Aaron and Bret Boone. The list includes several heralded pitcuers, including Cy Young award winner Roger Clemen.

[Sonoma Sox]

El Guapo?!?!
How's that possible...perhaps Dunkin Donuts is truly at the root of the 'roid problem. I have been suffering from rage issues lately...

PT - Any DD reference from your source?

[h.b]

No surprises at all.

[Daubie]

Trottie - you were my favorite, man!!

'Tek - how could you?

i was expecting more spankees. i was telling all the spankee fans in my office that everyone on the list should be banned for life, a la Keenesaw Mountain Landis...

[louclinton]

"No surprises at all."

Well said.

clap clap clap clap clapclapclaclc

[pinstripe thunder]

The list is what it is. Mitchell discusses in two hours. Agree with h.b. -- painful, but no surprises.

[yazbread]

Natalie - those biteable thighs apparently might leave a chemical aftertaste.

[Natalie]

lc and yb- Seriously, I am crushed. I have to admit- they were so glorious I did wonder, but thought he was a stand-up guy in all respects. How can I continue to admire and salivate over steroid-riddled thighs? I feel dirty...and not in a good way. :)

[Bob]

//Natalie - those biteable thighs apparently might leave a chemical aftertaste.//

Yazbread gets the quote of the day award.

As much as it pains me to ask, I wonder if Tek will wear an S instead of a C on his jersey next year.

Scarlet letter, indeed.

[Tarrkid]

"How can I continue to admire and salivate over steroid-riddled thighs?"

Easy - just think like a guy - we (generally) don't mind if the women we admire and salivate over are artificially enhanced...

[NolaSox]

I have the Mitchell report opened all 409 pages and did a search for Varitek and nothing came up. I really can't believe the man with those thighs would use steroids.

[NolaSox]

Searching Nixon and got Otis in a footnote. No search results on Garces, Nomar, or Batshit.

Gagne - HGH

PT cite your source.

[yazbread]

I searched on Tek as well. No mention. Natalie - those appear to be free range thighs.

[NolaSox]

No Damon or Arod, either.
Mo Vaughn - HGH

Natalie, I'll take the left thigh and you can have the right. With a side of Wakefield.

[Natalie]

It's a deal, Nola. That's a tasty dish!

[Harwich Rich]

Somewhere Will McDonough is smiling :)

[Bob]

I can't find Tek on the list either.

My apologies, Captain, My Captain.

Natalie, nibble away.

[Kaz]

I'm having fun cntrl-F'ing the report for things.

steroid = 960
HGH = 26

Bonds = 104
McGwire = 46
Clemens = 83!

Varitek, Schilling, Ramirez = 0
Ortiz...3!!! (Jorge Ortiz, fooled ya)

Yankees = 43
Red Sox = 37
Darn, we lost to them again.

[Devine]

Lovin' that I can hate on Gagne with impugnity.

Shame about his perfect-in-save-opportunities season having a little blemish on it...kinda like a cold sore.

[Designated Sitter]

Did Jim Rice get in?

[louclinton]

fu**in' pinstripe thunder poned us.

well done, sir.

Now, die.

My search for "Varitek" and "meaty thighs" returned no results.

Yours in Christ,

lc

[NolaSox]

Search for Red Sox and got: Mo Vaughn, Roger Clemens, Chris Donnels, Mike Lansing, Kent Mercker, Mike Stanton, Eric Gagne, Brendan Donnelly, Steve Woodard, Josias Manzanillo, and others who were caught or admitted use earlier.

[Designated Sitter]

Seems the Sox scouting report on Gagme (p 267)was spot on:

"Some digging on Gagne and steroids IS the issue. Has had a
checkered medical past throughout career including minor leagues.
Lacks the poise and commitment to stay healthy, maintain body
and re invent self. What made him a tenacious closer was the max
effort plus stuff . . . Mentality without the plus weapons and
without steroid help probably creates a large risk in bounce back
durability and ability to throw average while allowing the changeup
to play as it once did . . . Personally, durability (or lack of) will
follow Gagne..."

So why did Theo go ahead and sign him?

[louclinton]

From the report:

Later that summer, Clemens asked McNamee to inject him with Winstrol, which
Clemens supplied. McNamee knew the substance was Winstrol because the vials Clemens gave him were so labeled. McNamee injected Clemens approximately four times in the buttocks over a several-week period with needles that Clemens provided. Each incident took place in Clemens's apartment at the SkyDome. McNamee never asked Clemens where he obtained the
steroids. According to McNamee, during the middle of the 2000 season Clemens made it clear that he was ready to use steroids again. During the latter part of the regular season, McNamee injected Clemens in the buttocks four to six times with testosterone from a bottle labeled either Sustanon 250 or Deca-Durabolin that McNamee had obtained from Radomski. McNamee stated that during this same time period he also injected Clemens four to six times with human growth hormone he received from Radomski, after explaining to Clemens the potential benefits and risks of use. McNamee believed that it was probably his idea that Clemens try human growth hormone. Radomski instructed McNamee how to inject human
growth hormone. On each occasion, McNamee administered the injections at Clemens's apartment in New York City.McNamee said that he and Clemens did not have any conversations regarding performance enhancing substances from late 2000 until August 2001. McNamee did, however, train Clemens and Andy Pettitte during the off-season at their homes in Houston. Clemens often invited other major league players who lived in the Houston area to train with him. .. According to McNamee, Clemens advised him in August 2001 that he was again ready to use steroids. Shortly thereafter, McNamee injected Clemens with Sustanon or DecaDurabolin on four to five occasions at Clemens's apartment. According to McNamee, he again obtained these drugs from Kirk Radomski. McNamee concluded from Clemens's statements and conduct that Clemens did not like using human growth hormone (Clemens told him that he did not like the "bellybutton shot"). To McNamee's knowledge, Clemens did not use human growth hormone in 2001.

[not good]

In short, Barry Bonds is the big winner today.

lc