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Wakey, wakey...

Doug:
So I spent the entiah day yestahday working a reverse mojo scheme by trash talking the Red Sox and predicting we'd be 1 and 2 this morning, and, well …

 

Bill:
Yeah, don't quit your day job, kid. But, hey, at least your countah jinx kept the midges at bay.

 

Doug:
At this point, maybe midges might make more masterdom?

 

Bill:
Mmmmmmm …

 

Bill:
So if the knuckleball is easily effected by things like humidity and domed stadiums, what effect, I wondah, would a swarm of midges have on it?

 

Doug:
And what if one of the midges was named Ditka?

 

Bill:
Christ can you believe Colorado?

 

Doug:
You know, more than anything I want to win this ALCS just to get a chance to put an end to that streak.

 

Bill:
Seriously, once the Rockies have to face the real deal baseball of the A.L., that streak is gonna be worth about as much as a Lindsay Lohan pledge of sobriety.

 

Doug:
It's going to be like Pats v Cowboys all ovah again when the Sox get hold of the Rocks.

 

Comments

If they can win one, they can win two. If they can win two....well, you know the rest.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Yeah don't go shitting the bed just yet sistaahs.

I'm nervous, although I have a feeling that the bats will come alive tonight. 8-3, something like that.

I'd love to see Ellsbury in Nancy's spot tonight.

Rain likely in Cleveland tonight. Is it wrong to hope for a rain out? That would let the rotation roll back to Beckett while keeping everybody on normal rest.

H.B., the Reverse Gootch is a tricky thing. Too much mojo-spin in one direction can send it toppling out-of-control.

When used corerctly (i.e. "Indians coming home, I can see them winning this game") it can be effective. Too much trash-talking however, leads to what is known in the voodoo world as the "T.O. Effect."

BTW, perhaps for one day, you can delete the "Don't Be Like Timmy" ad staring me directly in the face to the left.

Truth be told, I didn't do any trash talking and/or reverse mojo attempts yesterday in my real life.

Oddly, I'm pretty much emotionless this time around. I'm guessing this is the result of being in the 4th full season of doing The Soxaholix.

I can emote like crazy when I'm in the head of one of the characters, but for me, personally, I'm a blank.

BTW I can remove the "Don't Be Like Timmy" ad for the duration of the ALCS if the price is right. (Yes, channeling my inner T.0. Getcha popcorn ready and your wallet out.)

Related, the site will be going through a full and overdue overhaul as soon as the Red Sox record their last out of 2007. New design, etc.

I see the bad moon arising. Wake has been spotty of late, the knuckler is not partial to damp weather, and the team does not exactly bless Timmy with run support. The team has reverted to mid-season form - average pitching, quiet bats. I am not looking forward to the tonight's game.

Papi getting nailed in the crotch with Manny's ball is the visual metaphor for last night.

Ellsbury is the right move.
Lead-off. Then DP. Drop Youk.

Not panic time. But a spark is needed.

H.B. is not his characters...H.B. is not his characters...

Why do I need a reminder every couple of months?

It's the dementia, I tell you.

Bob - your too young for dementia. It's most likely the absinthe.

Manny's hit off Papi gave new meaning to "base on balls."

Hmm, let's see, the Rockies put up a 9-6 against the "real deal" AL East this season, including taking 5 of 6 against BOS and NYY.

Worried today. Not about pitching matchups, or batting orders, or even midges. Worried about MAGIC. Sox had that magical aura surrouding them in the '04 playoffs. White Sox had it the following year. That hint-of-magic that says "we are casting off our demons." And I'm afraid to say it, but I think the Indians have it this year. Even more than the Rockies. Once in a while, the baseball gods look down and say "you fans have suffered enough, here's a bone." Believe it or not, I don't think the Rockies have suffered enough. But I could see how Cleveland's potential run - thru MFY, Sox and the supposedly-unbeatable Rockies - could be equated with Sox over MFY in '04.

I hope I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong. (tapping my red shoes together . . .)

The only highlight of last nights unholy display was Paplebon calling Ortiz "The Large Father" while reading the lineup.

agreed, Ellsbury leading off is just what we need- although Nancy DID score 50% of the runs last night. Hey, at least we won't drop down in BA tonight with Mirabelli catching

Yes, Jason, you are correct, and the Cardinals won the WS last year, as well.

The "real deal A.L." statement isn't, of course, accurate. Instead, it is an example of a little thing called "hyperbole" used as a literary device to reinforce the myopic nature of this collection of characters known as "The Soxaholix."

In future strips, I'll introduce you to personification, asteismus, and pleonasm, among others.


h.b., don't forget adoxography, enthymeme, and ipsedixitism.

Bob...you understand any of that? Or are you currently looking at a thesaurus...like I am?

knock it off with the ten cent words this morning, h.b. i'm tired and kinda cranky.

where were the red sox bats last night? what about some late game dramatics? i get to see the red sox in one freaking playoff game per decade and i get to see papi hit by a batted ball? where's the justice? i remember when this town wanted to string westbrook up from the terminal tower then he pulls this gem out of butt. wtf?

don't even get me started on the brilliance of the average tribe fan...my god, a more angry and less creative bunch of people couldn't exist anywhere (cept for pittsburgh, of course).

logan's other grandma, an indians fan, needs a slapping. the boy watches the game with ME tonight, nuf ced.

but aside from all that, i'm glad no one's bitching about one stupid little comment about bill belichek. i guess constantly dismantling opponents isn't enough to grow ya some thick skin.

Indeed, ParkerStPete...

This site is one giant ipsedixitism of the
"The Red Sox and their fans are the greatest fucking thing on the entire planet" sort.

Vermonter, I got three out of the six. Of course, I just write for a living, so I shouldn't be expected to know these things.

Kev/Joe - I prefer to Sub Ellsbury for Coco, bat him first and drop Pedroia to the 8 spot. He's had much more trouble getting on base than Youk or Drew has.

The worst part of pitching Wakefield tonight is having Mirabelli in the line up.

Curacao,

The silver lining is that Byrd strikes out very few -- Mirabelli might get some whacks in.

Agreed. Coco is the odd man out.
I didn't specify which piece of deadwood to jettison.
Drew has the potential for some power, too. Some.

//"The Red Sox and their fans are the greatest fucking thing on the entire planet" sort.//
You mean, we're not?

Bob-
Ipsedixitism is what happened between Eddie Murphy and that tranny hooker, right?

Only if the tranny wasn't wearing a support bra.

(Yeah, I know, that's a real stretch.)

Last night turned out like I feared it would. I am thinking positive thoughts about Wakefield and my boy Mirabelli. A 41 year old man with a bad back in a cold damp stadium. It's got to work out well...

Actually wasn't it warm yesterday?

DP is trying too hard in the lead-off spot he has to be more patient.

"Enough with the negative waves, man"

//"The Red Sox and their fans are the greatest fucking thing on the entire planet" sort.//

Well, we could argue all day, but I think Pats fans probably run neck and neck.

Most Pats fans don't have necks. And when they do, they're red.

:)

I cannot fathom putting Ellsbury in for Coco when we have Drew sitting there doing nothing. Well, getting on base via error is something, I guess ... not that it helped.

But then again, I thought Bellhorn should've been yanked against the Yanks, so what do I know?

Now Playing: Game 5 of the 2004 ALCS.

I've worked hard to get my redneck. And I do have one of those camo Pats caps...

Too funny, Scott.

(And, yes, I was totally baiting you with my previous comment.)

I, a Pats fan, would argue with your assessment, h.b., that all Pats fans being rednecks...but I'm leaving this weekend to see the Subway 500 at Martinsville and live in a cabin in Mountain City, TN for a couple nights...

Somehow, I suddenly don't feel so confident in my own assessments.

Well, Bob, I got one out of six.

Hey, maybe I can play right field!

How's that banjo playing coming along Kaz?

Gah...it's saved me as Dionasopolis...foul Firefox beast! Divorce me of this Grecian URL!

Buckner, "No matter what disasters may occur in other parts of the world, or what petty little problems arise..., no one can find us up here."

That's my take on disappearing to the south this weekend. I'll have to watch from afar when we clinch our WS berth...just in case this isn't our year.

Let's hear it for camo Sox hats!

Join the Mike Timlin fan club!

You know you want to!

I shoulda known there was going to be another Pats vs. 'Boys reference. I'm staying away from this site if they both reach the superbowl.

I sort of hope they are both day games this weekend. I'll be out on child transport duty Sat and Sun. I might be better of just hearing about it after the fact. The stress of watching is getting to me.

oh yeah: Eggs and bakey...

One of the few good references from Kill Bill...

Wakefield is gonna toss fluttah-balls the likes of which hasn't been seen in the Jake since those naked midges streaked the field.

Where is Natalie? Today's convo needs to be enlivened with a few curves (curve balls, that is).

Must be hard to get psyched for Games 4-6 when you know it all leads to Dice-K on the mound for Game 7. Not Lonborg. Not Spaceman. Not even Pedro. Dice-K, aptly described by h.b. earlier in the season as a "good middle of the rotation guy" in his first year in MLB.

Time to root for rain...

Who's planning on playing a Game 7?

The only pinstripe thunder I hear these days is the sound of Steinbrenner farting on a bedpan.

PT- I've been doing my rain dance, curves and all :)

Hey, where have the Yanks been this whole series?

I think they're pining for the fjords

Things have sunk low when [ ] is giving Nat the come hither look.

Quite the contrary. Natalie's appearance has been the highlight of my day, and should do the same for all of you as well. The vision of Nat's rain dance, curves and all, has soothed my fevered brow.

The Yanks have been AT HOME, Youk Rules. Better now?

Sorry -- the grammar and syntax of the preceding post were execrable. Natalie's rain dance (curves and all) has me stammering already.

yikes

ick.

That graphic about our last three starting pitchers not getting out of the fifth says it all. This is U-G-L-Y.

*sigh*

Nat

Were you wearing your teal satin these last few days? Man, something is jinxing this mess (on the boards and on the field).

No teal silk dress lately, Rob. Perhaps I should throw it on now to change the mojo. Couldn't hurt, eh?

This says it all:

I'm sorry. I was going to let this go, and ignore the fact that Geffner totally abandoned Joe C during the 7-run bottom of the 5th. I mean, isn't that just piling on?

BUT THEN

In the top of the 6th, Glenn, with the call, says that the 7 run bottom of the 5th was the worst inning in the playoffs for the Red Sox since (I think) 1995.

Didn't that guy see the game, I don't know, three days ago, in which, to the best of my knowledge, the Indians scored 7 runs in the 11th inning.

I quit. The guy has no clue.

yur pal

Back to back to back. Nice, but we're still four runs down. Woulda been nice to have some runners on the bag first...

What if the rest of the bats were named 'Ditka'?

Thanks for changing, Nat. Maybe we can climb back in this thing.

(Hey, it could happen...)

I am really really confused by the announcers right now. WHY would we wait to put Varitek in? Isn't he a far superior defensive AND offensive catcher to Mirabelli (who is only around to catch Wake, who has been out of the game for an inning now)? What am I missing?

I think if PT puts on the crotchless panties, were are good to go

Thanks, fashion police. I will now not sleep well tonight.

**shudder**

nor should you.

love,

fp

Being the fine upstanding father that I am, I told I son after the 5th that it was fine if he wanted to go play computer games. I could tell he didn't want to watch this disaster anymore but was worried about my reaction to his walking out on a playoff game.

Then I decided he had the right idea so I watched lat night's Heros on Tivo.

So I'll take full credit for the change in mojo that at least brought the back-to-back into play.

*Long time listener, first time caller*

It hurts. It HURTS. It's freakin' killing me to have to watch the at bats of everyone not named Youk, Ortiz, Ramirez, or Lowell. I can't even blame starting pitching for the mess we're in.

I mean, Christ... Ellsbury? Kielty? Bat Boy? Let's get any of them in and light a goddamn fire...

Much respect and admiration for the Sox
They are obviously a great team with great fans. But it would be nice to see you guys give credit to the Tribe for simply being the best team in the AL this playoffs this year. Winning 6 of 8 games against 2 powerhouse teams in October, and beating them both in all facets of the game is not a fluke. They closed out the Yanks at the Stadium, and demoralized the Sox at Fenway. When Mastney retired 3-4-5 in the 10th in Game 2, the Sox myth of invincibility was shattered.
BoSox 3-5 is no match for Tribe 1-9 in a long series. And to assume that CC and Carmona continue to pitch poorly the rest of the series is not at all a safe bet.

Oh man, that last comment is totally awesome now.

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