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Doug:
Even after getting his ass whooped by the Red Sox he insists his Rockies are the bettah team.
Al:
Yeah, and if they played a 10 game series, the purple-vested dudes would take 6.
Mike:
You know, typically this kind of crap would annoy me, but coming from Monfort, nah.
Mike:
I mean this is a guy who wakes up every morning fully expecting that today is the day Christ will descend from heaven in the second coming to begin the fiery apocalyptic "end times."
Al:
Yeah, no logic, reason, science, statistics, etc. are going to convince someone like that. If the Sox won 10 straight he'd insist the Rockies would win the next 20 and so and so forth ad infinitum.
Mike:
Absolutely. This idea that you need to hand ovah money in order to be a "real"fan is getting absurd.
Bill:
I've got to fly out of town on a business trip but I'm really worried about getting through the security at Logan …
Bill:
Well, you know, on account of how I've lost my identity now that the Red Sox have won anothah pennant and all.
Mike:
Hey, yeah, I've heard that even up in Cow Hampshire they're changing the the state motto from "Live Free or Die" to "Peace Out, Bro."
Bill:
So I'll meet you and the rest of the gang in the lobby for the victree parade?
Mike:
Absolutely. But just remembah, if you see a guy in one of those fake eyeglasses and nose disguises and with blue lips, look aftah your balls.
Mike:
Yeah, you know that dude is going to be totally stalking the rolling rally today, whispering crazy talk out loud about how "They have the Precious but the Precious is Mines. Yankees betrays us. Wicked, tricksey, false. Where is it? Where is it? They stole it from us. My Precious."
Susan:
Congratulations to soon to be named Rookie of the Year Dustin Pedroia, soon to be named AL Cy Young winnah Josh Becket, and soon-to-named 1st Gold Glovah Kevin Youkilis.
Tara:
And congratulations to us!
Let's face it, no productive work will take place today … …
Doug:
Holy shit when the Red Sox get into the World Series, they don't just win, they friggin' Blitzkrieg.
Al:
Yeah, there's sweeps and then there's outscoring an opponent 29-10 and only trailing the opponent by a grand total of 3 innings out of 36.
Doug:
I can just see it:
The Rockies:
"Jesus, why have your forsaken us?"
J.C.:
"Are you kidding me? I taught you fools how to fish, now I have to teach you how to pitch and hit too? And you call yourselves 'fundamentalists'? Maybe, my children, a little more work on OBP and little less prayer, know what I'm sayin'?"
Steve:
And don't forget Ryan's advice: "Go ahead. Call up the Yankee fan in your life. Be as obnoxious as you want to be."
Bill:
All in good time. For the moment, I think we can let them just stew in their own self-inflicted misery a bit.
Marty in his penthouse lair:
Noooooooooooooo!!!!
Father Tim:
And we reflect upon a this season and the many seasons that came before that were not without trial and tribulation, let us recall the words of Psalm 37:19.
Father Tim:
In times of disastah they will not withah;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.
Doug:
Well, I'm glad to see someone in the Rockies organization got the hint and banished the vests and limited the purple.
Doug:
And look what happened — they may have still got the loss, but at least it was a loss with dignity.
Al:
Speaking of dignity, I'm astonished at just how much my watching-the-game mentality has changed since 2004. My never ending angst and jittahs has been replaced by a cool certitude.
Doug:
Abso-friggin-lutely. Last night when the Rockies took that 1-run lead all I could think was "like your already hyper-distant win streak, enjoy it while you can, because it ain't gonna last."
Mike:
Wait, are you tellin' me you don't pine for the days when falling behind in a playoff game would have you crawling on the floor like Scarlett O'Hara, starving and rooting around for dirty potato while beseeching God to spare you from such misery? Jeez.
Doug:
Ah, Mike, glad to hear you're ovah the fan heebie-jeepbies, but you might want to speak with someone about identifying yourself with a chicks from old movies. I'm just sayin'.
Al:
OK. Do you love this Red Sox team or what? I mean one night they can go all 70s Red Sox on you with a thunderstruck offensive barrage. The next night they beat you by playing textbook "small ball."
Doug:
And through it all is some of the most fantastic, jaw dropping pitching in the entiah history of baseball.
Mike:
Schilling's only mistake last night was hitting a battah, or should I say, grazing a battah …
Doug:
And then it was time for The Papajima show — Fade to black, roll credits.
Al:
So 55 teams have taken a two-games-to-none lead in the World Series. 39 have gone on to pop the corks.
Mike:
Yeah, and of the teams that have taken Game 1 with 6 or more runs, all have gone on to win it all.
Bill:
Like I've been saying, hope they enjoyed that win streak during their 8 day vacation.
Bill:
You know, I sensed the Rockies were going to have trouble once I saw that they are one of those "vest" uniform teams. Jeeezus.
Bill:
Seriously. You show up in a purple vest against a dude like Dustin Pedroia and it's like, yeah, he's not only going to take you deep in his first at bat, but he's also going to steal your lunch money and make out with your girlfriend while you watch, Francis.
Doug:
Even I'm still having trouble trying to comprehend the absolute severity of this old school beat down — 9 battahs in a row reached base with 2 outs!? 11 for 15 after two outs through the first five innings!?
Bill:
17 hits. 16 in the first five innings!
Doug:
A World Series record of 8 doubles. An all-time postseason record 7 walks.
Bill:
Fercrissakes even Julio Lead Bat Lugo had 3 hits.
Doug:
7.0 IP, 1 ER, 6H, 1BB, 1.29ERA
Doug:
And 30 of his first 32 pitches were 95-97mph fastballs.
Bill:
Facing Beckett in Octobah is a bit different than facing him in June, eh, Roxie?
Doug:
Read it and weep: "In 30 innings this October, Beckett has struck out 35 while walking just two in 30 innings, and his earned run average this October is 1.20 (four earned runs in 30 IP)."
Bill:
And it's not like it's going to get much easiah facing Curt "Braveheart" Schilling tonight along with same balls-to-the-walls Red Sox offense.
Doug:
Get your Bloody Sox on!
Al:
And possibly no Timmah evah again.
Mike:
The tone of Wake's voice during the pressah was wrenching.
Doug:
Sad as it is, I'm shamefully happy to know we won't evah have a chance to find out how Wake's knucklah does in the thin air of Coors.
Doug:
All the presumption that any of us fans or pundits truly understand fluid dynamics enough to make such wild ass predictions aside, something tells me that Dice-K could pitch in La Paz, Bolivia at 13000 ft or in Death Valley -282ft and the results would be the same.
Mike:
Yeah, 4-5 innings with flashes of brilliance but an overall mediocre performance.
Doug:
Heh. If they have no bread, then let them eat Cracker Jack.
Bill:
Here it is Tuesday and yet I'm still mouth agape in wonderment that, yeah, we are going to the World Series again.
Mike:
Oh me too. And I swear on the baby Jesus that I'm nevah going to treat a trip to the World Series as a birthright like some fans of anothah team that shall remain nameless.
Bill:
Speaking of our Spankee siblings, they're making themselves scahce these days, huh?
Mike:
Well, I have been getting quite a few congratulatory emails from Yankees fans.
Mike:
Yeah, all "Congratulations" and "good luck" and "Oh, BTW Go fuck yourself. I hate your Sux and hope that on the way to Denvah their plane crashes in the Rockies and is not found until the snow melts in the Spring and you discovah half your rostah has been eaten by the other half that is now traumatized and sociopathic."
Bill:
Heh. Seeing Yankees fans in torment is such a delicious added bonus to going to the World Series.
Mike:
Absolutely. It's not only the icing on the cake but also the jimmies on the ice cream.
Mike:
Unbelievable. Yet anothah down 1 games to 3 come from behind trip to the World Series. 1986, 2004, and now, 2007.
Doug:
What a friggin game last night. Ellsbury? Youkilis? Pedroia!?!!? Wow. Wow and wow.
Al:
A tip o' the cap to Cleveland, though. They put up a good fight.
Doug:
Did they? Really? I mean sure it's the gentlemanly thing to say, but seriously, how is getting outscored 30-5 in the 3 games you had a chance to clinch a World Series birth somehow a noble rah-rah good fight kinda thing?
Mike:
Someone should have known bettah about those white hankies. You knew no good would come of it.
Doug:
White hankies aside, you know what Cleveland's real problem is?
Doug:
Too many ridiculous beards, that's what.
Doug:
Oh, sure, some of the Sox have facial hair, but it's cool, like Youks Moses-meets-Paul-Bunyan thing and Beckett's mini-vag soul patch …
Doug:
But Cleveland's beards? Gimme a break. If you show up at Fenway looking like you took a wrong turn on the way to a Mt. Holyoke faculty council meeting, then, yeah, you're gonna face "The Collapse".
Al:
I hope the Rockies fans have enjoyed that streak, because it's gonna be a memory come Wednesday night.
Mike:
You know I hope the Sox sweep this thing in 4 for the simple reason that I do not think I can enduah anothah 7 games with Joe Buck and Tim McCahvah.
Doug:
Are you kidding me? I lost a good 10 points off my IQ from last night's game alone.
Rider on Green Line:
Let's play a 7th shall we?
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