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Smile like you mean it





Susan:
If Tavarez can pitch like that, I don't care if he doesn't know who his mothah is, let alone knowing who Ernie Banks is.

 

Mike:
Absolutely. I've nevah understood the fan and media preoccupation with playahs needing to know, cue musical flourish, "The History" of the game.

 

Susan:
Really. Look at Keith Foulke. The dude didn't even much like baseball, yet that doesn't detract from the fact that he played a pivotal role in one of the greatest moments in the entiah history of baseball.

 

Mike:
You're so right …

 

Mike:
Now to completely change the subject without the benefit of a smooth segue, can I just say that no mattah how much of douchebag you may think Dan Shaughnessy is the reality is multiply that douchebaggedness by a factor X where X is greater than 1.

 

Comments

Ok, I am just floored at the updated on CHB. Man, I've never liked the guy and I laugh at most of his articles, but this goes way out there. Is he for real? I think something has snapped and he needs help.

That NSFW Bob Barker clip just below the Shaugnessey story is among my favorite Family Guy clips.

It was funny to follow the game yesterday through a fan blog. Here's basically how it read:
"Nice circuitous route to the ball, Hinske. You suck! Get off the field"
...
"Forget what I said before --- great catch, Hinske! You rock!"

Tavarez, nice

Heh. A Barstool Sports link. Cool. I actually thnk a lot of their writers are pretty damn good. And El Presidente is - in a fun way - certifiably insane.

BTW, regading the Kintees ad; doesn't JV" stand for Junior Varsity? Just asking.

I like the design a lot though. And their "Let Jim In" shirt gets me a lot of girls.

I'm going to go cry in the bathroom now.

Thanks for the link to Hinske's catch, hb. I was in my own private hell being a good citizen and checking out the game via Blackberry.

More importantly, it is raining in NE and we will probably have another double dippah sometime this weekend.

This is fun.

lc

Hey Manny.

Go fuck yourself in the ass.

No disrespect.

lc

Ted, I already have a WS MVP baseball signed by Manny. That's enough for me.

You might want to try spamming Red and Denton over at Surviving Grady for a while. Or better yet, SOSH.

Aaahhhh, friday... Circle lets her hair down.

This slays me: check out the "Remy Rocks" video just under the Henske catch on mlb.com.

Love the Rem Dawg.

Is that when he fell off the table last night?

I just knew he'd already be pretty plastered by the second game.

Wow, CHB is certifiably insane, padded cell, needs-to-be-pumped-full-of-Thorazine, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest crazy. Does this mean I need to feel sorry for him now?

Paddy24, buddy, how ya doin' today? Where's the nasty black core of my fluffy white cloud this morning? Wouldn't want to have too good a day...

lc- did you survive 8 hours of GG yesterday? I am surprised you are not batshit crazy now...or are you?

Nat: Mr. Obie got the call at night.

Little man GG was sent for a time out.

I survived.

lc

Pardon me HB and others for the unrelated, but let me briefly congratulate the Vanderbilt Commodores: 2007 SEC baseball champions. Beat LSU 4-1 behind likely #1 draft pick David Price, who had 15 Ks.

Repeating my question from the prior column:

Does last night's performance certify Hinske as a RS Dirt Dog? Sure looked good when a third option outfielder makes a spectacular catch (#1 on SportsCenter's Top Ten) then tops it off with the winning HR.

Funny, RemDawg even said during the broadcast something to the effect of "Watch now, he'll follow that up with a home run" or words to that effect.

Interesting factoid:

All eight of the Tigers' hits off Schilling were for extra bases. According to research from baseball-reference.com, they became the first team in at least a half-century to have at least eight extra-base hits and score fewer than three runs.


I swear when they rolled Hinske over after that catch, it looked like he said "that was awesome." Indeed.

Rob - I think you absolutley have to say he's a dog now.

HB - your point a couple of weeks ago about how the "anything can happen" factor is so exhilerating is further magnified by this team. It's not only what can happen, but who will step up and totally surprise you - such a cool bonus.

Did anyone notice how they have cristened last Sunday's game "The Mother's Day Miracle"? It's kinda cheesy and clearly a marketing ploy. But God I love it.

I didn't get to see the game way out here on the left coast, so someone who did needs to tell me: How did Schilling throw manage to throw 118 pitches in six innings, give up eight extra base hits and four walks, and still allow only two runs? Fair boggles the mind, it does.

Given 38's struggle last night and Shankessy's increasing detachment from reality, I expect the "Curse of Dissing Rogah" column to come belching forth from his fetid brainpan sometime this weekend.

//Repeating my question from the prior column:

Does last night's performance certify Hinske as a RS Dirt Dog?//

If you mean "underachieving white guy who tries to look tough by acting gritty and cussing when he strikes out," I hope to God no.

If you mean "'gritty' white guy who earns praise on certain abortion of a Web site," I hope to God in heaven with all his saints no.

Call Hinske a valuable member of the Red Sox who does what he can to help his team when he gets the chance.

I never want to hear the term "dirt dog" again, EVER.

//How did Schilling throw manage to throw 118 pitches in six innings, give up eight extra base hits and four walks, and still allow only two runs? Fair boggles the mind, it does.//

Solid defense behind him, the Tigers' hacktastic approach and some help from the wind (Casey's long fly to right was knocked down). (Also, two of those "doubles" were bloops that fell between Hinske and Pedroia.)

But most importantly probably the fact that Schilling did what great pitchers do: Battle through an outing in which his stuff was practically non-existent. He hung in there and made the key pitches when he had to. Simple as that.

I agree w/Griffin

"DIRT DOG" died when Christopher Nixon was cut loose.

Also when the Globe bought the site, but that's another story.

lc

Hey, paddy, after your done with that foot in your mouth and the crow you've got waiting, eat a dick. Thanks.

Hinske has definitely earned a "Get out of heckling free" pass good for the rest of the season (revokable upon a Wily Mo-esque play later). Oddly, this is the second one I've mentally handed out this season (first went to Cora). Throughout the first game, Hinske had one or two good catches too and I yelled out "Thank you, Not Wily"...then they subbed in Wily...and I nearly had a heart attack watching him run down one near the foul line.

I just imagine Hinske sitting on the bench for most of the start of the season like a lion or guard dog just getting really hungry to play. Then we unleashed him yesterday and said "Kill" and he did the rest.

And it looks like Ted might have just been handily dealt with here today. Thanks, h.b., that guy has been spamming everything Red Sox lately.

No disrespect Aaron, but you now need to apologize to fetid brainpains.

Otherwise, they will be Scarred For Life®


lc

When will Schill call out CHB for this newest of crazy ass perversions?

When will Circle stop wearing black t-necks? Tht that was for Lisa?

When will Cora/Batshit/Hinske get a raise from their Christmas Tree Shop gift certificate salaries?

How bad will the Atlanta announcers be this weekend? Can't believe I'm excited to tune into TBS...

When will the damn rain stop?

No disrespect Aaron, but you now need to apologize to fetid brainpains.

I humbly apologize to any fetid brainpans who may be reading for the nasty slur in which I compared your people to Dan Shaughnessy. There was no call for such a vicious accusation. :)

I never want to hear the term "dirt dog" again, EVER.

"DIRT DOG" died when Christopher Nixon was cut loose.

As it has been written, so shall it be done. I'll never mention "Dirt D"..., oops, almost did, on this site again. Ever respectful of my colleagues on the board, I shall demur from all such allusions henceforth.

I do reiterate that I'm glad to see Hinske come around and contribute, particularly in such a glorious way yesterday. As with Kaz, I have looked at him as a poor man's Wily Mo, but he busted loose from that last night, big time.

God save the Queen.

When will Circle stop wearing black t-necks?

That's actually one of those sleeveless, high necked tops. Like many women, she finds the typical office temperature too cold for her liking.

But if she does get heated, she can just ditch the blazer.

The new blazer...she still hasn't gotten back to my place to pick up her other one the last time she got heated.

ditch...blazer...mmmm!

Circle reminds me of Jann on The Office..did anybody see her new tits last night! Wow.

Anybody see the Big Papi ad w/Urlacher playing badminton? Funny stuff..

TeeVeeeeeeeee....

"Big Papi ad w/Urlacher" is the funniest thing evah. There are actually two versions: a long and short one. I stop the Tivo any time either of them are on and relive the magic.

da kine and Monty, stop the Tivo no longer, you can relive the magic whenever you want online:

Urlacher and Ortiz play badminton (50 sec version).

Just catching this now... Is Nancy Marrapese-Burrell of the Globe familiar with Tavarez? Seriously?:

"Little or nothing rattles Red Sox pitcher Julian Tavarez."

Kaz - Thanks! I was telling a friend of mine about the ad, but to description can do it justice.

Speaking of friends, here's an excerpt from an email from a best buddy and leading member of RSN:

"Is this fun or what? If you really want a laugh, go to NYYfans.com, click on forums, then 'Yankees Inside The Lines.' Talk about delusional. Among the threads you will find fans predicting the Yankees will overtake the Sox by mid-July and winning 100+ games, meaning they'd have to go no worse than 82-41 the rest of the way when they aren't even playing .500 ball. And Clemens will go 16-4 in just 15 starts. He's good, but not that good."

Heh.

Rob -- but you guys never go there, right? As Bob or LC said, what's the point? I'm trying to be good, but I am ever vigilant... you know you shouldn't stick your fingers through the cage at any zoo.

And nobody in their right minds, even the most hardcore Yankee fans, believes that "Yankees Inside The Lines" drivel. It would be analogous to thinking that the Boston Dirt Dogs speak for Red Sox Nation.

PT

I just checked out NYYfans.com. Never been there before, never going again. No self-respecting Yankee would ever go there. It's a chirpy, feelgood little place (like, that's sooooo New York)... kind of like hearing "We Are The World" on endless rewind. Like Project 13, it's probably run by Manny the spammer.

See, now you've got me going again. I was sipping my tea, reading Soxaholix quietly (barely moving my lips), minding my own business and keeping my inner troll locked safely away. You have nobody to blame but yourself.

PT

Reasonable point, PT. I actually haven't gone to the NYYfans site, but chuckled out loud at my friend's comments, which led me to want to share them with my fellow Red Sox fans. If the site is the equivalent of BDD, then it is deserving of your (and our) derision.

I will admit readily though, that after Game 7 of the AL championship series in '04, I laid in bed in the dark basking in the glow of the historic feat listening to WFAN-NYC as Yankee fans cried out in their final angst before jumping from the 59th Street Bridge. Does that make me a bad person? Hmm. Guess I don't care, it still was mighty sweet.

No worse a person than me for contriving excuses, social and professional, to call everybody I knew in New England (and scattered other RS enclaves around the world) shortly after Aaron Boone's HR in `03. I drew sustenance from the mere sounds of their voices.

Part of the joy of our respective triumphs lies in each other's misery. It is normal, healthy and to be applauded.

PT

Actually, hb, the new T-shirt ad works, because the Yankees are about as competent as COBRA command right now.

PT,
How'd the rest of that '03 offseason turn out?
J

With all the fill-in kid pitchers the Sox will be forced to throw out this weekend against a very good Braves team, it would really behoove us if the Mets could do us a favor and take at least 2 of 3 from the Yankees. Preferably sweep them.

Dear Lord, this means I have to root for the Mets. I suddenly feel the need to take a shower. Won't...wash...off...

Oh well, "lesser of two evils" and all that, I suppose.

J -- rest of `03 was kind of anticlimactic, as I recall... sort of like your `04 World Series. Yes, I know... you WON yours. But I doubt if you remember it much better than I remember `03. Like the Miracle on Ice... who did we play in the gold medal game? Norway? Finland? I can never remember.

And with few things from which to take comfort so far this year, I'm delighted that you guys are reduced to rooting for the Mets this weekend. If you want to see something REALLY entertaining, check out all the "Who Owns New York?" articles and blogs.

The Mets have seized upon our putrid spring to try to lay claim to a city that barely acknowledges their existence, let alone their delusions of rivalry.

Since the Dodgers moved to California, we have always recognized you as our true and only rivals, regardless of either team's place in the standings from year to year.

PT

Kaz, mahalo for the link, but teh Army are blocking muh intartubes. I'll click the link when I get home.

To be fair, when I was in the 'Stan, the bandwidth was shit and that was without YouTube and MySpace choking the tubes, so I see why the brass is going with this.

Go Metropolitans!!!

Or, as one Mets blog famously put it yesterday, "Go Metroplitans," reflecting their aggregate intellectual candlepower. Such a pain spelling your own name right... This is the Mets' one shining moment... the only weekend all year when anybody gives a f*** how they do. I'm still delighted to see you guys rooting for them... sort of like my rooting for Tom Brady to wear more Yankee caps. Or for Shaughnessy to be given his own column in the Globe... oops, sorry.

PT

Or as Casey might have had it: Go Knickerbockers!

Yes... always been a Highlander man myself, as you know. Rooting for the Mets is a little like eating durian, but it's your feast... enjoy.

How is life Down Under?

PT

PT,
Life is pretty good after a disasterous Friday spending 15 hours reconstructing a document that some ants had eaten (see yesterday's blog). Just bought a magnificent aboriginal bark painting this morning by an old guy called Jimmy Galareya Namarnyilk - hence the delay in responding. And it is one of those perfect Sydney autumn days, blue sky, emerald harbour, 4 year old behaving like a human being. So yeah, pretty good. Go Knickerbockers. Highlanders suck. And so on. sdu

In re: trolls...

Don't feed.


lc

In Re: lc

Soxdownunder and I weren't talking to you, sir. Not all Yankee fans are trolls by definition, even when they choose to venture into the heart of RSN. You're smart enough to know that you're deliberately misusing the term. Even hb returns my slings and arrows with splendid good nature from time to time. And I'll bet I know more RED SOX baseball than you, including your namesake Lou Clinton. I'd lose you at the first Don Buddin or Eddie Bressoud.

Respectfully,

PT

I don't get it

Soxdownunder -- Sorry for my own delay in replying. I was out surveying fresh ruins within the Empire. I was about to gloat that Rasner pitched deep into the first inning, but actually he didn't. Something tells me that 10 pitches from our starters isn't going to take us to the promised land. But I remain optimistic, primarily because I don't see how things can get much worse. At least we've solved our Rivera blown saves problem.

I read about your ant crisis -- you have some mean mother ants down there, Leiningen. We have them Stateside, too, but we call them Mets.

Hope your computer is salvagable. Congratulations on your aboriginal bark art acquisition -- it sounds splendid -- and even more kudos that your four-year-old is behaving like a human being. Rumor has it they can do that sometimes.

We Yankee fans? Not so much...

Have a good weekend.

The predecessor to precipitation,

PT

Putting to one side the definition of a troll; the questionable habit of speaking of oneself in the second or third person; the manifest difference between a thunder and a reggie (or a bri); the inconsistent approach taken by the emporer and a number of vereran 'holix; I note that the New York (AL) team got beaten by the New York (NL) team again and that the former are now 11 GAMES BACK.

But who the fuck is Hansack! I know I could 'look it up' but I'm still fighting the with the ants that ate my word doc.

Don't fight with ants, SDU; they're beneath you. And don't bother to read up on Hansack in any event... he has the look of a career minor leaguer, and I doubt if you'll ever see him again. Welcome to my world. We have pitchers like him in our rotation every other day, it seems.

My arithmetical skills are surprisingly good, and I can count to 11 even when I use up all of my fingers. It's a big number. But we've come back from worse (once), although the Yankees looked much better that year. You're still within hailing distance, but it's a rainy Saturday night, the cab driver is blind and he's headed in the other direction. Not a propitious combo.

And I no longer speak of myself in the third person; the Thunder forbade it.

Have a good weekend.

PT

"All eight of the Tigers' hits off Schilling were for extra bases. According to research from baseball-reference.com, they became the first team in at least a half-century to have at least eight extra-base hits and score fewer than three runs."

Wow cool factoid, thanks!

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