Please take care of yourselves... and each other.

Susan:
And to think I was worried about Beckett being rusty aftah missing two stahts because of his blister, er, avulsion.

 

---

Mike:
Are you kidding me? I'm worried that I have no worries.

 

---

Susan:
Seriously, even the Curly Haired Boyfriend has gone pollyanna on us.

 

---

Mike:
Yeah, but the thing is, whenevah Shaughnessy pens one of his "feel good" pieces, it always feels like I'm being offered a plate of meaty hors d'oeuvres by Jeffrey Dahmer?

 

---

Mike:
"Jeez, Jeff, these look delicious, what are they?"

"Oh, those are just something I whipped up from some leftovahs in my freezah."

 

---

Susan:
And strangely, but strange in a very, very satisfying way, the diametric opposition of fortunes between the Yankees and the Red Sox becomes more acute with each passing day.

 

---

Mike:
Yeah, gotta love "Yankee hitters who can't hit sand if they fell off a camel."

 

---

Susan:
And having a guy steal home on you is the ultimate kick in the balls in baseball.

 

---

Mike:
I guess A-Rod was too busy day dreaming about his new 5-tool taht to give his boy Pettitte a heads up on that one.

 

---

Susan:
Yet anothah example of how A-Rod can't get anything right … If you're going to cheat on your wife and get your misdeed plastahed all ovah Page 6, at least do it with an A-List courtesan and not some white trash bimbo you plucked off the stage of the Jerry Springah show.

 

---

Mike:
Sigh. The ol' dropping the shouldah move just ain't what it used to be.

 

---

Holiday Celebrate

Bill:
That was the best Memorial Day weekend evah!

 

---

Mike:
Absolutely. We staht off sweeping Texas in Texas for the first time since 1973.

 

---

Bill:
And this through 50 games this is the best staht since, cue ominous music, 1986.

 

---

Mike:
An already fantastic weekend make all the sweetah by Youkilis not only extending his hitting streak to 20 games but also getting that inside the pahkah.

 

---

Bill:
That is my favorite moment of the 07 season so fah …

 

---

Mike:
Absolutely. Youks was rounding those bases like Moses chasing Pharoah's ass back to Egypt.

 

---

Bill:
All this and the Yankees continue to play like Lindsey Lohan driving home from a night of pahtying.

 

---

I has no timez!!

Lisa the Temp:
Have you noticed, peeps, how the 3-day weekends are stretching into 4-day weekends around here?

 

---

Lisa the Temp:
Luckily Lisa is on the case and picking up the slack.

 

---

Lisa the Temp:
Busy, busy, busy temp worker I am … I mean, c'mon, these cat pics don't caption themselves now do they?

 

---

Let them brush your rock and roll hair

Bill:
The Yankees return to their wicked winning ways.

 

---

Doug:
Is it just me, or has Schilling pretty much been "teh Suck" against the Yankees since the Ballad of the Bloody Sock?

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, well, the shutting up 55,000 Yankees fans consequence of the Bloody Sock pretty much gives the Schill a perpetual carte blance with me with regard to performance.

 

---

Bill:
Besides at 9½ up, it's hahd to get too flustahed.

 

---

Doug:
Seriously. You know things are going well when Yankees fans are pining for the good old days defined by "the all-id Yankees of George, Billy and Reggie"

 

---

Bill:
Ah, yes, the glory days for New York. Maybe, too, if they bring back disco, the Son of Sam, double-digit inflation, the Love Canal, and garbage strikes all will be well again in Skankeeland.

 

---

Doug:
Good times, good times.

 

---

Mousing Around

Susan:
Well, well, well, aftah 2 seaons of anticipation, we finally got to see A-Rod's infamous "dropping the shouldah move."

 

---

Mike:
Though despite Slappy's "weight" and his tremendous fucking "velocity," Pedroia seems to have survived that most menacing and marauding of moves.

 

---

Susan:
Thank God for the small miracles in life.

 

---

Mike:
You know it's gotten so bad for Yankees fans that it isn't enough just to manifest boorishness in The Toilet, now they're exporting that particular brand of "mystique" to Disney World.

 

---

Susan:
Yeah, well, I'm gonna cut those Guidos some slack.

 

---

Mike:
How's that?

 

---

Susan:
Think about it — Who knows what kinds of repressed A-Rod memories were triggered at Disney upon seeing a big-eared mouse wearing white gloves?

 

---

Mike:
Yeah, it's a small world, aftah all.

 

---

Sounds like "fuh"

At 9½ games up, at least some of The Soxaholix have reprioritized …

Mike:
Well, that's it then. The Yankees are back and unstoppable. Just like Amy Fisher.

 

---

Bill:
Absolutely. Our fate is sealed. The mystique and aura is unassailable. Time to put our heads between our legs and kiss our asses goodbye, et cetera, et cetera.

 

---

Mike:
So you want to do Thai for lunch?

 

---

Bill:
I dunno, sometimes Thai is just, you know, a tad too Thai to the tummy.

 

---

Mike:
Vietnamese then?

 

---

Bill:
Now you're talking. Love me some Phở.

 

---

Mike:
Seriously. I could eat pho every day of the week.

 

---

Bill:
Well, like the song says — Qu'est que c'est phở phở phở phở phở phở phở phở phở phở bettah.

 

---

Barbarella, come and save me from my misery

Doug:
Despite avoiding the sweep by the Mets, you've got to figure that right now Yankees fans are feeling like beachgoahs at Maho Beach in St. Maartens as the Red Sox seven-four-seven makes it approach.

 

---

Bill:
No kidding. As David Ortiz says: "We don't need to worry about nobody right now. Everybody needs to worry about us."

 

---

Doug:
But speaking of airports, I got stuck yestahday in the air traveller purgatory of the Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta Craport and had to enduah watching Kason Gabbard's superb debut via the technological backwater of TBS.

 

---

Bill:
Ah, yes, "the chatty, focused, yet effusive," Chip Caray.

 

---

Doug:
Dude, did you know TBS has the rights to this year's Division Series?

 

---

Bill:
I vaguely recall hearing that — But can't be any worse than ESPN or FOX, right?

 

---

Doug:
Well, you'd think, except that as my 5 hour, vodka-tonic drenched relationship with TBS made as clear as is possible in 480i — TBS does not broadcast in HD!!

 

---

Bill:
Ohfercrissakes. You mean in a year when the Red Sox have a 95% chance of making the playoffs and we are going to have to watch the games in the standard definition slums?

 

---

Doug:
Seriously. What the frig is wrong with people?

 

---

Bill:
I guess it's what you'd expect from Ted Turner. The guy was cutting edge at one time but is now stuck in the past.

 

---

Doug:
Seriously, just look at the Braves. Hey, Ted, 1990 called and they want their wife beatah manager back.

 

---

Smile like you mean it

Susan:
That smile on Eric Hinske's face is the perfect symbolization of the 2007 thus far.

 

---

Mike:
What a night for Hinske.

 

---

Susan:
And what a day/night for the guys in the shadows.

 

---

Mike:
Seriously, Bat Shit Tavarez may not know who Ernie Banks is but last night he showed he knows a thing or two about pitching.

 

---

Susan:
If Tavarez can pitch like that, I don't care if he doesn't know who his mothah is, let alone knowing who Ernie Banks is.

 

---

Mike:
Absolutely. I've nevah understood the fan and media preoccupation with playahs needing to know, cue musical flourish, "The History" of the game.

 

---

Susan:
Really. Look at Keith Foulke. The dude didn't even much like baseball, yet that doesn't detract from the fact that he played a pivotal role in one of the greatest moments in the entiah history of baseball.

 

---

Mike:
You're so right …

 

---

Mike:
Now to completely change the subject without the benefit of a smooth segue, can I just say that no mattah how much of douchebag you may think Dan Shaughnessy is the reality is multiply that douchebaggedness by a factor X where X is greater than 1.

 

---

Brave as a blizzard

Mike:
Bob Ryan says Red Sox fans shouldn't get cocky.

 

---

Doug:
Cocky? Are you kidding me? Aftah a loss and a rain out, nothing for a man to do but sit around and think.

 

---

Mike:
Thinking and thinking, 'till there ain't nothing you ain't thunk?

 

---

Doug:
Absolutely. I mean watching a 26 and 12 Red Sox team in May is kinda like watching a formah A-list celebrity diva … you know a complete breakdown and return to rehab is coming, you're just not sure when.

 

---

Mike:
C'mon, dude. That's the nature of the 162 game season. It's a long journey. Just follow the yellow brick road.

 

---

Doug:
Yeah, right. "Lions and blistahs and tears. Oh my!"

 

---

Out of Office Autoreply (2)

The Soxaholix are out of the office on business travel. …

Your omniscient author in absentia: Strips will return on Friday.

 

---