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Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Bill:
Attention Redneck Women of Arizona. Lock your trailah doors and gird your yee-haws. The Randy Johnson is back in town.

 

Doug:
So in in the spirit of New Years, I've resolved to be less inimicable to the Yankees in general and, in particulah, far less hostile toward that swellest of swell 5-tool players, Mr. Alex Rodriguez.

 

Doug:
Indeed, to show just how open wide is my haht, I want to present A-Rod with a real special gift.

 

Bill:
You're a heckuva guy.

 

Doug:
Hey, if hating the Yankees is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

 

Bill:
As that obnoxious yet often prescient whack job in Dallas, Mark Cuban, writes, it's the bragging, hating, and yelling that make for the greatest sports rivalries and the greatest entertainment.

 

Bill:
Of course, the fan hijinx can go a bit too fah.

 

Doug:
Though you've got to admire the WVU dude's ability to drop a load in public like that. I'm way too shy regarding my bodily evacuations to ever pull a similar stunt even if I was crazy enough to want to.

 

Bill:
I hear ya, guy. The old piss troughs at Fenway always gave me stage fright unless I was a bit drunk.

 

Doug:
Yeah, one time I went hiking up Mt Chocorua and I went so far off the trail to take care of number two in isolation that I got totally lost

 

Bill:
So you found yourself off the Pipah Trail and on the Wipah Trail.

 

Doug:
Dude, it so wasn't funny. I spent 3 anxious hours wandering around the woods like those poor fucks in Blair Witch Project. I haven't ventured north of Portsmouth since.

 

Comments

Aah Dougie,the old New Hampshire Shuffle.

Thanks for the man love from Doug in re: all things north of Portsmouth. We don't want your faggoty-ass pleated pants crowd up here anyway.

Hand me some Allen's Coffee Brandy, Lisa, before I roll you ovah again.

lc

Lou, I'm laughing my ass off on that one.

Lou 1, Doug 0.

Bless ya, H.B. for reminding me of my early hiking days in NH. The Piper Trail, wow, it's been awhile.

Dicks in a box, turds, and gristly old ARod. Glad to have you back HB, the holidays weren't the same without you.

M

At he risk of derailing an otherwise enlightening discussion of shit, dick, and Smackie McBlueLips, there is something on which I have been wanting to poll this erudite crowd.

Over the Holidays (if I remember right), Luscious threw Jerry Trupiano under the bus in favor the godawful ESPN soccer guy (Dave O'Brien) and the House Whore that he brought in from San Diego.

I am the first to say that Joe and Jerry were/are an acquired taste, much like pomegrante pudding, but it still made me a little sad to see JTrupiano get whacked. Sure, he was surly, but lovable, and his puns were tiresome, but he was consistently insightful in game strategy (especially pointing out how the NL clubs would do it). Joe is actually a hack broadcaster, IMHO and Trup brought a lot to the table in a baseball sense.


Count me in as someone who was rendered sad by his firing.

I would appreciate any comments on the above subject.


[If I could footnote the "hack" comment, I would say, see e.g. Ken Coleman, but that would be mean, I guess]

lc

im with you lou. as a fan that actually listens more to radio broadcasts rather than televised ones ill miss the italian tag team of joe and jerry

Yeah, I'll miss Trup.

I've come to associate his voice with the sound of summer and the Red Sox and it'll be difficult to adjust to the change.

sorry lou and mike I hafta disagree with you on this one. Listening to Trup was akin to chewing on tin foil to me. His puns were tiresome 5 years ago- now they're tiresome AND predictable. I think the FO is looking at a gradual transition in voices, anticipating the inevitable retirement of Joe C, much the same way that the Celtics tried to transition from Johnny Most back in the day to Glenn Ordway... 'course that didn't exactly turn out as planned, now, did it?

I was, and still am, much more troubled by the lack of games on free TV for those people who can't or won't pay for cable...

I didn't know that Trup was gone. Love 'em or hate 'em, as h.b. said, his voice, along with Joe, are the sound of summer. I probably listen to 95% of the games on the radio. I'm sorry to hear this news.

Oh my god, I missed that announcement about Trup as was out of the country for the holidays. Count me as one who is devastated. I LOVE Trup. I often turn the sound off the TV game and listen on the radio because I find Joe and Jerry so much more insightful. As hb said, Trup's voice for me IS the voice of the Sox.

Damn, I am really crushed...

Agreed that Trup and JoeC made for a great broadcasting duo. Considering that 75% of the games I've been tuned into in my time out west have been on the internets, they have indeed kept me company many a summer eve.

However, I will not miss the "Swing and a drive way back, waaaaaaay back!!!!" ...and the right fielder comes up with it 20' beyoned the infield. I don't know how many time he did that to me (yet I fell for it every time).

Trup and Joe were my balm for the itching, burning, MFY-leaning sensation of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Also, the one who ends every sentence like he's amazed at what he just uttered: Jon Miller. Hopefully the new crew will be better than those schmucks.

Few announcers beat music. Or silence. To me, most of them sound like the Martians from "Mars Attacks!"

I like announcers for the same reason I attend so many Sox/Pats games in person. The MOMENT.

For a team, the moment may be Game 4 of the '04 ALDS (yes, I was there with a badly broken arm), or the Pats' Snow Bowl (there and badly drunk).

For an announcer, the moment may be "The Giants win the pennant, the Giants win the pennant," or "Two and two to Harvey Kuenne..." or "Stabbed by Foulke."

Sorry, The ALCS. One letter makes a World Series of difference.

Unless it's Vin Scully. Worth buying MLB in-demand all by himself.

"and the pitch from Lowe induces a spinning gyroscope...foul."

Now that Cashman has full control of the organiztion, able to unwind the bad positions of the past, you people are in trouble.

Also, hb, I once witnessed a game at Banc One Ballpark, and the representative sample of Arizona redneck women left me agog, and salivating, hence drooling.

Concourses were head turns every 20 seconds.

In 2005 the Sox finished one game behind the Yankees. Randy Johnson's record vs. the Sox that year? 5-0. As in five games in the standings. I see Loretta signed for a whopping 2.5 million. I guess he's not very highly regarded - except by Theo and company that is - who gave him about 675 plate appearances in front of Manny and Papi. Oh, and great signing, picking up Piniero. I'm sure he'll be fantastic. Any time you can pick up a guy with a 6+ E.R.A. and about 145 hits allowed in 120 innings while pitching in a pitcher's park, you've got to be thrilled - especially at four million dollars. You go, Theo! Manny does not want to be here. Coco is a nobody. Nancy Drew will miss minimum 35 games. Lowell will drop off from last year. Mark Lugo down for 25+ errors and low on-base percentage. He will probably stop stealing. Rookie at 2B. Youk will be fine. Varitek is one year older. Papi has health problems. Wakefield: 40+ years old, tremendous health problems. Schilling: 40+ years old. Timlin is washed up. New Japanese pitcher is totally unproven. Papelbon has arm problems. Beckett stinks. Hansen will never amount to anything. No closer. I don't see more than 85 wins here, probably more like 83 or 84. Not a bad season for a normal team, but with their payroll, it's not acceptable. Mark Theo down for a grade of D. - Paddy24

Jeez, Paddy. You in a wagon?

Paddy, I suggest rooting for the Yankees, since the Red Sox thing isn't really working out too well for you is it?

You seem so unhappy and belligerent. That's really no way to go through life.

Holy crap, paddy, that's depressing. I am now in the fetal position, whimpering. Somebody hold me.

Jason,

Re Arizona women, I have no doubt. At the risk of getting run down and castrated by a bunch of Irish chicks from Southie, the truth is the sun belt has the vast majority of head turners.

Bill's comment wasn't meant as a general dis of Arizona women, but was just meant to speak to the true red necks, of the sort, for the sake of the joke, we like to believe a mulleted hillbilly like RJ would be want to get busy with.

If he were traded to Seattle, Bill would have made the same statement but subbing in Washington for AZ.

Every region has rednecks. Some have more than others, but they are everywhere.

Meanwhile, of course, that standard disclaimer that some of good friends are in fact rednecks.

How to find a redneck in America:

1) Begin in the middle of a metropolitan area
2) Drive 50 miles in any direction that is a) on land and b) takes you not within 50 miles of another metropolitan area.

You will find rednecks. Aplenty.

Err...the typical Arizona head-turner is pumped full of peroxide, Botox and gel. Sure they work out 6 days a week and have tanned abs of steel, but them boobs'll leave a nasty bruise.

Paddy, you write exactly how a hangover feels.

Whew...glad we heard from paddy regarding 2007. Saved me from having to renew my tickets and sit through a god-awful bruiser of a season, the way it sounds! What's on the plate for the next hot stove season, everybody! I can't wait to see if we can improve from mid-80's wins for the next next season!

OR

...we could try playing the season and see how it all falls. Do us a favor and get run over by a truck, paddy...then next time you whip out your "Jump to Conclusions" floor mat, we can all remember the movie Office Space fondly and block out the noise easier.

BTW, h.b., shouldn't today's title be "Does the Pope shit in the woodwinds?".

Seems more appropo (both given the link and where any self-respecting Pope would crap if doing so in the band section).

All-Brass, all-the-time, baby.

Kaz,

That is so sublime! Wow. Fantastic title. Can't stop laughing.

Jesus H. Feces on a Kaiser Roll, paddy. Your argument doesn't even make internal sense; is it supposed to be sarcastic or stating fact?

Dude, that was a rhetorical question, you don't have to answer.

Shame on me for giving two shits, but I have free time since Lisa is lying face down in coffee brandy vomit.

lc

Just woke up for lc to tell me that the Jerry & Jo team on WEEI is to be broken up! 'What an awful thing! What a shitty country!' (with due r/deference to Gabriel Garcia Marquez) God knows how decisions like that get made - they sure didn't ask me. I listen to lots of radio calls frm both leagues through the MLB.com and, inevitable & very strong bias aside, they are the best callers on the wireless. I'm pretty upset about this.

On another subject, did any of you know that yesterday Australia beat England at test cricket for the fifth time this southern summer. That is 5 test matches won by Australia, none won by England and no draws (a draw is like a tie but much more boring). This has not happened for 86 years. In the same match the great leg spin bowler Shane Warne retired after taking 700 test wickets. This is a lot more than anyone else and is a bit like the Babe's home run record was for such a long time - untouchable. Maybe the greatest bowler of all time. Anyway, I thought someone might be interested in the dear old game from which baseball may well have sprung.

Happy NY to all.

Growing up in Connecticut, we referred to the backwoods people as "hicks." Farmers or people predominately from the Kent/Gaylordsville area were for sure hicks. The term "redneck" was never used much around me until I went to school in Virginia. I guess for that reason I always associated a redneck as a hick in the southeast region of the country. It's a special kind of hick. Rednecks chew tobacco and hold memberships in the Sons of Confederate Veterans. People who have long hair, prepubescent mustaches, and illegitimate children are stereotypical rednecks who probably have never left the state of Alabama. That's why I was always confused about Randy Johnson. How does a guy who looks like that come out of California and go to school at USC?

lc, I too will miss Trup. Loved his stories about players and coaches he knew. He told some of those tales over and over, but he could tell them well. And hearing them once a year would help me remember them. He also had a great way of putting together fantasy teams on the fly. Such as the all first name team or the all yard-work team (included a guy named Rake and a game named Lawn) and he could keep adding names for an innning or more. Then Joe would add a few. As h.b. said, hearing them was part of each summer. And, Joe and Jerry on radio were always much more insightful about strategy (as lc said), than Mr. Obvious Observation DonO on TV.

From Wikipedia:

"Redneck, in modern usage, predominantly refers to a particular stereotype of people who may be found in many regions of the United States or Canada. Originally limited to Appalachia and the American South, and later the Ozarks and Rocky Mountains, this stereotype is now widespread in other states and the Canadian provinces. The word can be used either as a pejorative or as a matter of pride, depending on context.

Usage of the term redneck generally differs from hick and hillbilly, because they reject or resist assimilation into the dominant culture, while hicks and hillbillies theoretically are isolated from the dominant culture."

For the New England version, I typically would apply the term to someone who 1) has a bear hunting license 2) has several snowmobiles, 3) likes to ice fish.

Oh good Lord, H.B...you just described Paps!

Where does white trash fit into the whole mix? Even more intriquing, what is the term for Asian people who act in a manner similar to white trash? 'Yellow trash' is patently offensive and racist, but is there another term?

Hmm, don't know, da kine. But that reminds me of Khan, the white trash Laotian on King of the Hill. he cracks me up:

"Damn Rednecks!"

(After Peggy hits Minh with a baseball) "Aah, you killed my Minh! Not really, but you really do suck, Peggy Hill."

(Chasing Bobby out of his house with a golf club) "Fat white lump!"

(seeing the hill's burn a pyramid of toilet paper) Hey, hillbilles! Those aren't logs you know. Yeah, they for wipee-wipee.

What do you want with that chicken-fried loser! (To Ted Wassonason, inrefrence to Hank)

Maybe I park garage in S.U.V! Ha-ha-ha...kiss my ass!

Minh come quick! Bobby Hill marrying hillbilly cousin. You owe me five dollars. In your face!

This is how I wrote last year when the Sox were in first place and all of you were giddy. I wasn't wrong then and unless a new GM is named, I'm not wrong now about a low 80s win total and a third place finish. In fact, 90% of what I predicted last year came true. Although I must admit, Ryan Howard didn't lead the Phillies to the play-offs - he only won the MVP while the Phils finished one game back after trading Abreu. I was right about how specific games would be home run derbies against Beckett, right about a total Red Sox collapse (Natalie mocked me with a "fetal position" comment as I recall), right about what would happen if Papi or Manny got hurt, right that a third catcher would get called up, right that Coco should be dropped in the order(he was), right that Trot's career was fucked because of steroids withdrawal (it is), right that Loretta isn't valuable (nobody wanted him except the Astros). I could go on and on. My analysis was and is right on the mark - Paddy24

I used to enjoy Sox games on the radio, but I've learned to love them on TV. Remy's good for a few insightful comments and Orsillo doesn't overreach.

The real key? Tivo. Record the game, turn off the radio and don't browse to boston.com. Start watching it 40 minutes later. You finish the game at the same time everyone else does - and you didn't have to see a single furniture ad.

Go Padster!

So, paddy, what were you saying in mid-2004 when they were a zillion games behind and sunshine was billowing through the clubhouse?

Man, all that stuff you mention could certainly go wrong, but you gotta hold out some hope. Otherwise I'd have to listen to ballgames with a bottle of pills and a fifth of vodka.

A quote from my South Carolinian friend from college: "If someone calls me a redneck, I'll say thank y' "

god i love this shit!!

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