Monday, Monday, can't trust that day

Marty in his NYC lair:
Tough Monday, eh Callaghan? First you've got your boy Belichick getting out coached once again by one his former underlings and then you've got Scott Boras pimp slapping the always in way over his head Theo Epstein.

 

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Bill:
Please, Mahty, didn't you learn anything from 2004? There's still a lot of game left in these Matsuzaka negotiations. Come Thursday he'll be wearing a B on his cap sure as shit.

 

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Marty:
You mean B for Boras. Seeing how The Agent so completely outmaneuvers Epstein would be sad if it wasn't so damn enjoyable. I mean look at some of the low-points: He gets Theo to overspend on Varitek, yanks Damon from the team and into Pinstripes, dupes Epstein into driving the Brinks truck over to Nancy Drew, and now is playing rope-a-dope on signing Matsuzaka.

 

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Marty:
But that isn't even the crazy part, the crazy part is you guys are still ready to wash Epstein's balls.

 

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Marty:
Meanwhile, Bill, how do you like this rotation: Moose, Pettitte, Johnson, Clemens, Wang, eh?

 

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Bill:
Ah, yes, the livah spot marauders. I'm shaking in my docksidahs ovah heah.

 

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Marty:
Yeah, right, this is coming from the guy who's starting rotation includes Tim Wakefield and Curt Schilling... I mean, c'mon, Schilling's so old he can trace his righwing nutjobbines all the way back to voting for Reagan in the 80s.

 

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Bill:
Well, Marts, the rotation also includes Papelbon, Beckett, Lestah and, soon, Daisuke Matsuzaka.

 

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Marty:
Yeah, and the Patriots are going to the Super Bowl, too, right? Bwahahaaa …

 

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Comments

[Dave S.]

Is BigBri taking notes? That's the way to be an asshole Yankee fan.

I'll say it again HB...it must be slightly tortuous to have that guy living inside of your head. And as per usual, Marty makes some excellent points.

[Harwich Rich]

Yeah Marty-how about them Jets? 31-13 against the Bills. J E T S -jets jets jets :)

[buckner was framed]

"The livah spot marauders"...classic. Wearing their pinstriped Depends

[mikeya2k1]

WILL SCOTT BORAS GET HIS PLAYER TO MUCH MONEY PER SEASON?
WILL THEO PROVE TOUGH AND STAY THE COURSE OR WILL HE LAY DOWN LIKE A DOG?
WILL THE SIEBU LIONS WELCOME THERE ACE PITCHER BACK WITH OPEN ARMS?
WILL RED SOX FANS EVER TIRE OF THIS NON SENSE?
for the answer to these and many other questions tune in thursday for another exciting installment of "MONEYBALL" ?????

[Dave S.]

Mike, you forgot to cue to swelling string music.

[louclinton]

"How do you like this rotation: Moose, Pettitte, Johnson, Clemens, Wang?"

Moose: Old
Pettitte: Spaghhetti Elbow
Johnson: Older
Clemens: Oldest (unless he pitches for the Sawx)
Wang: exactly.

Caution: consult your team trainer if your erection persists for more than 4 days.

Let's play two.

lc

[Da'beads]

Fuck...I hate it when Marty's on to something....

[Jason O.]

Come on lc, that's "pasta" elbow.

Get with the times...

Oh and that's pasta elbow with a nice rich sauce consisting of a main ingredient of a career 120 ERA+...recommended with a tempranillo or a sangiovese, as well as nasty cutter and a nice curve for LH batters...

The evil Marty looks exactly like Dean Martin.

[IkeG]

Pettitte was a good move for the Yankees that will work if Hughes and/or Sanchez are ready by midseason. If not, the oldster brigade or midseason trades will be their only hope in Sep-Oct.

I think Marty more resembles Randolph Mantooth.

[Rob in CT]

"Everybody loves somebody, sometime..."

Pasta...schmasta, Jason. If it looks like linguine and acts like linguine, then over 162 game season...

Still, from a fan's perspective, the New Yawkahs gotta be pretty happy this weekend. This should be a fun year for the rivalry.

Wish I coulda gots me some tix. I f-ing HATE the way you have to go about getting tix for the Fens.

[Bob]

I think Marty looks like a young Ted Wlliams. Which is just wrong.

[Scott]

The Pats ruined an otherwise great trip back east to visit my family and nephew. Thank goodness we only casually listened to the game on the radio and I didn't waste 3-hours of my life watching Brady & Company get bitch slapped on TV. I have been trying to be positive this season but I fear the Pats are going to be eliminaed early in the playoffs yet again.

Speaking of positive thinking, I expect to see that Red Sox uniform on DM by the end of the week.

[Natalie]

Bob, that's okay. Bill has the vagueish look of Mickey Mantle about him, so maybe we're even. :)

[Jack]

The true beauty of Marty's Boras comment is that no matter how things work out he can claim he was right.
Mats doesn't sign -> Sox couldn't pull the trigger.
Mats signs for huge $$ -> Sox majorly overspent.

The only scenario where he can't claim victory is if Mats signs for under $10M per year. And I don't think anyone seriously expects that to happen.

[Devine]

I say again, whenever it finally happens, next year or twenty years from now (bring the strip out of retirement if necessary), let Bill rip Marty a new one when the Sox take the division, please please please h.b.? I almost can't stand to read it sometimes.

[Aaron]

Strange that Marty would be yammering about football on a weekend when his Jets gakked up a golden opportunity to get back into the division race, and probably lost their shot at the wild card as well.

[h.b.]

FWIW Marty only follows the Jets to the extent that he can use it to attempt to unnerve Bill.

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

I don't know about you, but I always find it the apex of comedy when a yankee fan needles anybody else ever for underperformers.

As for Pettitte and his "career 120+ ERA", Jason I just hope you don't invest in mutual funds the same way you look at pitching.

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

dang html tags. That line should read:

I don't know about you, but I always find it the apex of comedy when a yankee fan needles anybody else ever when they overpay for underperformers.

[Dave S.]

HB...I almost suggested that Marty was more likely to be a Giants fan (if a fan of football at all) simply because the Jets fans tend to be Mets fans, and Giants fans tend to be Yankee fans. Sadly, if we're fans of basketball, we tend the lot of us to be Knicks fans. The Nets coming to Brooklyn may change that, but fandom isn't really a matter of choice.

Marty looks to me like Dean Martin after eating The Splendid Splintsicle.

[Jason O.]

Just a moment sonofdwight,

In the environment of what the Red Sox will end up overpaying DM (over 20m per year all-in) and the Meche/Lilly total fucking insanity, the AP deal was prudent, even frugal.

You say elbow, I say 3.38 ERA and 140 ERA+ over the last 3 seasons.

It'll be interesting to see where Pettitte's significant other ends up.

[Matt]

What does a 3.38 ERA and a bad elbow in the junior league equal in the AL? Trouble.
You'd better hope Clemens re-ups so Pettitte has a shoulder to cry on.

[Rob in CT]

After watching A-Rod and Jetes dry humping each other for the last couple seasons, I'm not sure I'm quite prepared for the circle jerk to come (you should pardon the pun) with AP and his boyfriend Rocket, er, onboard. Let's all hope Clemens chooses not to re-up, shoulder to cry on or no.

[a real yankee fan]

I don't care how tough a negotiator Boras is. When it's all over, Matsuzaka will tell Boras to take the offer on the table, if it's at all reasonable. He does not want to go back to Japan, and the Sox are not going to insult him with their offer unless they don't want to sign him. And I don't believe that's the case.

Like most Yankee fans, I will always be grateful to Pettitte for what he did for the Yanks, but that doesn't mean we think he's a good signing. Mahty's comment doesn't ring true here.

After watching A-Rod and Jetes dry humping each other for the last couple seasons,

You'd wait less time waiting for Lucchino and Theo to get it on. Some Sox fans say crazy things about the Yanks.

[Bob]

Heh. "yankee@massengale.com."

Good one, A Real Yankee Fan.

But I must say, that if you read Page 6 regularly, you'd know that A-Fraud's and Jeter's relationship has moved to a new level. They've agreed to be anorexic and flash their coochies together when in public. (Yes, A-Fraud's lips are blue down there, too.)

[Jason O.]

a real yankee fan...

"what time are you due back in boys' town?"

-Rodney Dangerfield

[a real yankee fan]

That's a good one, did you think of that yourself ... oh, no, it was a Yankee fan named Rodney Dangerfield who said that.

You'll do better next time.