Bill:
Hey, Marts, I was just calling to offah my assistance as, you know, a coping partner to help you work through the steps your therapist recommended …
Marty:
Yeah, whatever, Callaghan, like I'm worried about Matsu-sucka.
Bill:
Now, see, there you go with denial …but doggone it that's…okay.
Bill:
I know the quadruple-whammy of the Sox getting Matsuzaka, getting him at a bargain, getting him for six years, and humbling Bora$$ all at once has to sting.
Marty:
$52 mill for 6 to join a third place organization!?!? And I thought the Japanese were supposed to be smart.
Bill:
Again I'm here to tell you it's "OK" to feel that way, Mahty. You're good enough, you're smaht enough… Let me help. I feel your pain.
Marty:
It's you who needs the help, Billy Boy. The Yanks have team full of givens. They know what they're going to get because they got it last year from now well-established players. Of the two new starters, one is proven, the other will be out of the six they have to choose from. The only true unknown is how the unknown 1B will do.
Bill:
Thatta a boy, Mahty, release the anger. Let it go like a Bronx buttahfly.
Marty:
The Sox by contrast have two pitchers that have never started a MLB game and three new position players. One of whom is a light-hitting rook. The other two will make Edgar Rentaria and Trot Nixon look good — and that's saying something. And you still don't have a closer!!!!
Bill:
Oh, Mahty, puy-leeze, there's no need to shout is there?
Marty:
What about unproven and never thrown a pitch in the Major Leagues don't you Sawx fans get?
Bill:
Did you not see the WBC, Mahty? Matsuzaka looked rather daunting, if I do say so myself, pitching for Japan.
Marty:
The WBC? Oh, fercrissakes, that's just Spring Training b.s. Pitchers are always ahead of the hitters in March.
Bill:
Oh, right, of course, but wait a sec, Mahts, then how come the MLB pitching contingent didn't have the same success?
Marty:
Look, even if this guy is the next Pedro. Even Pedro in '99 couldn't make up 10 games in the standings.
Bill:
See, now there you go, Mahty. I wasn't going to bring up the past, being the forward looking soul that I am, but since you did … Let's just say that I'm surprised, given all that's happened [cough] '04 choke job[cough] that you continue to put so much faith in "games ahead." You know?
Marty:
You still don't have a closer!!!!
Bill:
Mahty, you sound really, really uptight. I think you could use a nice massage … perhaps an electric massage?
Bill:
Hehhehheh …
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